A/N- Sorry to go so long without any updates. I really didn't expect to go over a year and a half without writing more. But I got a job, and life got crazy. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed before, all your great comments meant so much to me. This story has some pretty personal connections for me, so I was really worried about the reaction to it. Well, finally, Chapter 8, and I suddenly have lots of new ideas to keep writing this story again. The next chapter is already 1/2 done.

Jasper found himself lying awake in the middle of the night, listening to Edwards slow breathing. He slowly shifted, pulling Edward closer to him and twisting to rest his head on his chest. "I'm so sorry" he whispered, staring across the room at the glowing green light from a light switch. He found him self remembering that night and the events that had led up to it, almost 4 years ago, when he thought he had lost his best friend.

"Theres just something about Lizzy I can't figure out" Jasper thought, suddenly finding himself back in his college dorm room. "I know I like guys, and its not like I've never experimented with girls before. I know I dont like them the same ways as guys. So why do I keep thinking of her as more than just a friend?"

Lizzy was always super quiet, working on her computer with headphones on, or hiding out in the art studio building working on paintings or crazy sculpures till the early hours of the morning. Jasper had his freshman mandatory English class with her, and had found himself strangely attracted from the first time he saw her. It had taken most of the sememster, but eventually he got her to talk, and then she saved his grade by editing his final paper and rewriting large chunks of it.

First they bonded over Movies, taking over the common room lounge in his dorm to hold Quentin Tarrentino marathons. And then road trips around town, taking random turns and nearly getting lost as they smoked blunts and chain-smoked cigarettes till they were ready to go pass out in bed. It bothered him how secretive she always was, how he had to pry for even the most boring details about her life before college. Jasper quickly realized that he was Lizzy's only friend, and soon took it upon himself to save her, and pull her into his social scene.

Rosalie, his sister, was the only person she ever seemed interested in hanging out with besides Jasper, so he was surprised when Lizzie agreed to go to the beach party. He had begged pretty hard to get her to agree, and he knew that the shit he was getting from his friends about his 'mystery girlfriend' had something to do with his insistence.

"Hey Jasper!" Alec had called to him one day. Jasper looked over to find him and Jane standing in the middle of the courtyard, and jogged over to talk with them.

"What's up?" He asked once he got closer.

"Friday night, Party at the beach. Jane here convinced some seniors to get us a Keg. And bring that weird mystery girl with you."

"Sounds good Man, but why do you want Lizzy to come? You've never talked to her. All I hear from you is how weird you think she is." Jasper asked, starting to worry about Alecs intentions.

"Don't worry about it man, yeah, maybe i've said some shit, and called her ManDyke a few times, but that was wrong. I realize that now. She's your friend, your my friend, why can't we all be friends?" Alec answered, grinning sweetly.

"Come on Alec, stop with the grinning. You know how that gets to me. " Jasper replied, turning on the charm and watching Alec squirm uncomfortably. "Ok, fine, I'll ask her."

"Awesome!" Alec replied, the grin on his face growing, "Remember though, I'm not gay! Don't get any ideas, even if I do grin at you like that!"

The next day, Jasper went by Lizzy's dorm room after his last class, finding her at the computer with headphones on as usual. Slowly, he walked up behind her, and jerked the earbuds from her ears, jumping back as she spun around surprised.

"Jazz! What the fuck man!" she shouted at him, still shaking slightly.

Jasper just laughed, enjoying the reaction he had been hoping for.

"Sorry hun, couldn't resist" he said, dodging just in time to avoid a slap to the face. "Friday night. Come to a party at the beach with me?"

Lizzy just groaned slightly, staring up at him for second. "You know I don't like parties."

"Right, but it will be fun, I promise. Keg, bonfire, marshmallows, music... and on the beach, lots of space. We don't have to stay long if you don't want to, swear. And besides, you promised you would go to at least one party with me before the end of the semester." jasper pleaded. "Please?"

"Alright, fine, I'll go, but we leave when I want to." Lizzy agreed with a sigh.

"Promise. Great. This will be fun."

They met up on the edge of campus the next night, and drove out to the beach in a line of cars, Jasper, Lizzy and Rosalie last in line behind Alec, Jane, and a couple football players Jasper didn't really know. About 15 minutes down the road, Alec suddenly put on his 4-ways and pulled over. Jasper decided to pull over also, knowing something about car repair and thinking he could help if there was a problem.

"Stay here, I'm going to go see what's going on." Jasper told Rosalie and Lizzy as he jumped out of the car and ran ahead to Alec.

Turned out something had gone wrong with Alec's car, and he had explained to Jasper that the temperature gage had shot up and he was hearing weird noises suddenly. Jasper told him to pop the trunk, and was peering around under the hood with a flashlight when he heard Lizzy yell. He had noticed the football guys getting out the the car, but didn't think much of it, figuring they just wanted to get some air while they were waiting. It wasn't until he heard a scream that he looked out from around the hood.

"Let go of me!" Lizzy was screaming, as she struggled to free her hands from one of the big guys grips, randomly trying to kick at his knees, but unable to make contact. Suddenly there was a loud thud as Jane shoved Rosalie against the side of the car, holding her back from trying to help free Liz. Jasper knew that Rosalie would be fine, and that her kickboxing classes would pay off against the tiny blond.

He ran for Liz, wrench in had ready to take out Alecs goon, when suddenly he felt cold metal to the back of his head, and collapsed. The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital, and being told by a nurse that Lizzy was refusing visitors.

Jasper was suddenly pulled out of his memories when Edward began shifting underneath him. He felt a warm hand on his cheek, gently stroking down his neck, and then rubbing his shoulder slowly.

"Edward?" he whispered "You awake?"

Edward just moaned in reply, "Mmm hmm, you were shaking." he mumbled sleepily. "Why are you crying?"

Jasper pulled away, noticing the tears that had been streaming down his cheeks for the first time, and slowly sat up to wipe them away.

"Nothing, I'm fine." he said quickly "Bad dream, go back to sleep"

"Except its not" Jasper thought "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have trusted Alec. All my fault..."