"Nikolina, really?"
"Yes," Cassidy laughed as they walked down the emptying sidewalk, "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"
"Because you're Cassie, you're little Cassidy Somers."
"I'm all of six months younger than you, Abel Petrie, I'm not little."
"You're seven months younger than me, kid, and I didn't mean little in that way."
"I know," She smiled.
"Seriously though, Nikolina?"
"Oh my god, Abel," Cassidy laughed throwing her head back slightly, "Why is that such a hard thing for you to understand?"
"I don't know, you've just always been Cassidy Somers, you know?"
"No I don't," She shook her head, "I don't get why people say my name like it's a definition."
"Well obviously they don't because you're name isn't even Cassidy." Abel shook his head laughing like she had cheated him out of something, "I can't believe you never told me that."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was such a big deal," She said before stopping in her tracks pretending to be worried, "Wait is this a deal breaker?"
"Oh yeah," Abel nodded seriously turning around to look at her, "I don't know if this whole relationship thing is going to work out Nikolina, I'm not quite sure you're my type after all."
Cassidy scoffed crossing her arms over her chest, "Oh yeah, and what's your type?"
"Smart, funny, shy, blonde," Abel moved forward grabbing her hips and folding her into him, "Green eyes, killer body, Cassie."
"So that means my name being Nikolina is a deal breaker," Cassidy said quietly as Abel looked at her through hooded eyes, as she crossed her wrists behind his neck, arching her back slightly.
Abel leaned down and kissed her lips slowly, making her eyelids close slowly as she allowed herself to fall under the spell that was Abel Petrie.
"Total deal-breaker," He whispered pulling away just to kiss her again, "But I think you can change my mind."
"Yeah?" Cassidy raised her eyebrows as he tightened his arms around her waist, "Right here on this sidewalk?"
"Shit," Abel muttered pulling away as they both remembered they weren't exactly in the most private of places, "Come on."
"Where are we going?" Cassidy asked as he took her hand and they set off down the sidewalk again.
"There's something I want to do."
'Something I want to do' had turned out to be breaking into the soccer fields – though she wasn't too sure if it really was a break in considering Abel's family owned the place.
"Come on," He said pulling her towards the locker rooms.
She grasped his hand between both of her hands as she looked around wide-eyed. She had been on these fields a thousand times, one of her favorite places in the world was the metal stands that made you numb after sitting on them too long.
There was something really perfect about watching Abel on the soccer field. He loved it, maybe more than anything else in the world, and though she knew her opinion was biased, she had no doubt that once day he was going to go pro.
She loved the look on his face, the look of upmost concentration filled with raw passion, as he did the one thing that truly made him happy. Abel had a lot of things, and he was blessed in a lot of ways, but Cassidy knew just how restless he was.
Maybe that's why he was so drawn to soccer, despite his laidback personality. It was something that made sense, it was something for him to do, something that didn't feel like there was something missing.
Except then the accident had happened, and everything Abel had worked for had gone up into flames. They hadn't so much as talked about what he was going to do in the future, let alone step on the soccer fields.
And now he was leading her into the locker rooms, into the player's area, with the laidback confidence that defined Abel, as if this wasn't something out of the ordinary, as if this was something they did every day, and maybe it was once, but it hadn't been, not for a year.
"So this is where you come after you get all dirty and sweaty," Cassidy teased trying not to let her tension bleed out, as she sat down on the metal bench not unlike the stands at the fields.
Abel grinned as he pulled off the leather jacket he was wearing and then the black shirt he had been wearing under it, and tossed it on Cassidy's head.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
If she wasn't so distracted by the perfectly sculpted muscles that were currently flexing in front of her face as Abel pulled on his soccer jersey that he hadn't worn in a year, she might have gone ahead and admitted, that yes, she really, really would like to know.
Cassidy blinked in surprise as Abel suddenly leaned down to envelope her lips into his own, but then relaxed into the kiss.
"Come on," Abel said grabbing her hand once more, and a soccer ball and leading the way down the hallway.
"What are we doing?"
"Do you remember that I promise I made you when we first met?"
Cassidy grasped at straws for a second before understanding enveloped her, "You're going to teach me how to play soccer?"
"Come on," He repeated leading her to the middle of the field and dropping the soccer ball before backing up about twelve feet away from her, "Alright now kick it, with the side of your foot, lightly."
Cassidy glanced up at Abel with a hesitant expression, he was acting like nothing strange was happening, like this was totally normal, and she wasn't too sure if she should say something or go along with his behavior.
She shot him a small smile when he nodded encouragingly at her, before leaning down and pulling her heels off – something she should have done a while ago – and tossing them to the side. She hiked up her dress – because she had been brilliant enough to wear a tight one – and kicked it with her left foot, and watched as it rolled a good distance to Abel's left.
"That was good," He laughed as he ran towards the ball, "Maybe next time a little less toe, and a little more straight."
"Oh like you could have done it any better."
Abel raised his eyebrows at her, and then in almost a lazy motion, he pulled back his right foot, and neatly sailed the ball right over to her feet.
"You're supposed to put your foot on the top of it, love. That's called trapping." He teased as she dropped to her knees and stopped the ball with her hands.
"Well I'm a goalie," She defended herself poorly.
"Come on goalie, try again."
It took a while but soon the pair were kicking the ball back and forth smoothly. There were a few times when the ball moved of course thanks to Cassidy, but for the most part they had fallen into a perfect little rhythm.
Kick. Trap. Pass. Kick. Trap. Pass.
"So why do you hate your name?"
"I don't hate my name," Cassidy said slowly.
"Yeah you do," He laughed, "I could see it on your face every single time I said Nikolina."
"I just don't like you saying it," She replied kicking the ball emphasizing on the word 'you,' "I never said I didn't like my first name."
"And why's that?"
"Because I'm your Cassie, and that's it." Cassidy said louder than she had intended to.
Abel trapped the ball as a goofy grin crossed his features, "My Cassie, huh?"
"Yes," She said in a grumpy tone, "Yours. Now kick me the ball."
"Where did Cassidy come from anyway?"
"It's my middle name," She explained.
"Hmm," Abel smiled thoughtfully finally kicking her the ball, "Nikolina Cassidy Somers."
Cassidy didn't correct him out loud as she neatly trapped the ball, maybe she would be goalie, but in her head her real name was dancing through her mind, as she desperately tried to shake it off by kicking the ball harder than she had meant to.
Nikolina Cassidy Holland.
Kick. Trap. Pass. Kick. Trap. Pass.
Nikolina Cassidy Holland.
Kick. Trap. Pass. Kick. Trap. Pass.
Nikolina Cassidy Holland.
"I don't get it."
"Get what?"
"Why do parents name their kid one thing, just to go and call them by something else? Like I get making Nikolina into something like Nikki, that's one thing but why would you name your kid William, and then call him Bob?"
Cassidy considered the question for a second as she kicked the ball over to Abel, honestly she wasn't too sure, because her answer probably wasn't the same as the other kids, she hadn't changed her name by choice. Though looking back now, she couldn't imagine herself going by anything other than Cassidy.
She couldn't imagine being anyone but Cassidy Somers. There was this thing about names that Cassidy had learned to appreciate a long time ago, while people spoke her name like it was a definition, the thing was, it was a definition.
To her, everybody's name was a definition, they defined who they are, they identified the person they were, at their core, the person that they were, couldn't be defined with any logical word, there were no words in the dictionary that could ever encompass the complexity of the human soul, so she believed that the only true words to define people, were by their names.
"Once," Cassidy said quietly as she trapped the ball, not looking at Abel, "A long time ago, I was Nikki, but I'm not that girl anymore. I'm not Nikki, Nikki was scared and she was alone, and for her the world was a terrible place. And now I'm Cassidy and I'm still scared, and a lot of the time I'm still alone, but I'm happy, and the world seems to open up for me, and it's nice to be somebody different then who I was."
She didn't expect Abel to understand what she was saying, but maybe he did, because when she kicked the ball back to him, he spoke just as silently as she had.
"I keep waiting for something to happen you know? Something that makes me feel, I don't know, alive. I have things I want to do Cassie, after seventeen years, I have plans, places I want to see, fields I want to play on, and I don't know if I can do that if I'm being CEO of Drew Enterprises, and attending stockholder briefings and board meetings."
Cassidy sighed as she sat down on the grass, and Abel moved to sit in front of her.
"I guess we have some decisions to make, don't we?"
Abel nodded slowly, "I think there's a lot of things we need to think about."
"But it's a 'we', right?" Cassidy asked cautiously.
Abel leaned forward to kiss her briefly, "Yes, stupid. It's a 'we', it's been 'we' for two years now."
"I know that," Cassidy nodded picking at a blade of grass, "But this is different Abel, we're going to start our senior year, you already have scholarships lined up, and I don't even know what I want to do. I don't have dreams Abel, I know that sounds insane but I don't. I don't like thinking about the future, I live in the now. I never really thought about graduating, because the idea that it was going to happen was so foreign to me."
"So why are you thinking about it now?"
This time it was Cassidy giving Abel the 'you're stupid' look.
"Because of me," He said answering his own question.
"I love you, Abel, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you," She said quietly as she ripped at the blade of glass, "But past that I have no idea what I want. For me, everything starts and ends with you."
"And that scares you." He didn't ask her, he simply stated it, because he already knew, he had probably known before she did.
"I don't think I know how to live without you anymore," Cassidy admitted, "And I'm seventeen, and we can make all the plans and decisions as 'we' all we want, but at the end of the day, we have more of a chance of making it with someone else years from now than we ever will with each other."
"Oh Cassie, always the optimist," He mused quietly tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear causing her to lean into his touch, "Do you honestly think I know how to live without you?"
"I think you definitely have a better shot at it than me."
"Close your eyes, Cass."
"What?"
"Just do it."
Cassidy sighed but closed her eyes, and waited for him to say whatever it was that he wanted to.
"Think about dying-"
"What?"
"Would you shut your eyes and shut up?"
Cassidy sighed again but once more shut her eyes.
"Think about dying, just for a second, Cassie, think about everything you could have possible done with your life, think about everything that you could possibly leave behind. Is there not a single thing you want to leave behind, not a single thing you want to be remembered by? You want to know what your future is, whatever you're thinking about is your future, and that's what you do with your life Cassie, you make that future happen."
And just for a brief second Cassidy let the images flash through her mind. Flashes of a family, of a house, of Abel, of happiness. That was all she wanted, there was nothing she wanted more than to marry this boy, and make a home with him, to make a family with him, to raise his kids, to have his kids.
And the image was so incredibly perfect that it terrified her. They were seventeen, she was seventeen, and all she wanted was a family. That wasn't normal, that couldn't be normal.
So instead of telling Abel about her terrifying fairytale, she forced her eyes open, and she kissed him so fiercely that he forgot what they had been talking about in the first place.
Cassidy closed her eyes as her body fell to the ground from the impact of the punch sent to her jaw, sometimes Cassidy forgot the survival rules, but it was impossible to forget basic human instinct, and she was sure that her hands darting forward to catch her was the only thing that kept her from hitting her head against the granite counter.
"Stop it!" Abel's voice filled the air as the faceless man landed a blow to Cassidy's back with his foot. Seconds sooner and he would have gotten her stomach, but she hadn't been thinking about a thing other than that baby since she had taken that positive pregnancy test, and she had the foresight to turn over.
"Take your own advice Abel," Father Ashby said as the man landed yet another blow to Cassidy's back making her cry out in pain, "Stop it, stop her pain, all you have to do is make the deal."
"Why do you want me to make the deal with the FBI agent?" He cried over the phone as the man hauled Cassidy's body in the air as her eyes widened.
What FBI agent?
"Isn't it obvious son? You need to keep that agent away from all of this, if any government official finds out about this, I put another bullet in her. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."
"So you want me to feed Agent Holland false intel?"
Agent who?
"Obviously."
"And what exactly do you want me to tell the Sons?"
"You don't tell them anything, your Da doesn't know about this, nor does your Ma. This is your task, for your knowledge only. And for your old lady's sake, I'd heed that."
"Nikolina," Cassidy screamed loudly as she realized that Father Ashby was about to hang up, "Nikolina Holland!"
"What? Cassie, I don't know who that is? Why are-"
Abel's voice was cut off as Father Ashby turned off the phone quickly and turned to glare at her with a deadly expression.
"What have you done?"
"Abel, will never make a deal with Agent Holland," Cassidy said in just of a deadly tone, "Not once he knows the truth. Not once he knows what he's done to me."
"What on earth do you have to do with Agent Holland?"
Cassidy blinked confused before she realized something, whatever that woman had going on with her father, Father Ashby didn't know, which meant that the IRA really thought that the FBI was looking into this case – and not looking into her and Abel.
Which had the potential to be both a terrible and a beautiful mistake.
"Nothing," She shook her head, "Absolutely nothing."
"Take her downstairs."
"Father Ashby," Scrugs stepped forward from where he had been standing at the doorway, his eyes averted to the floor – Cassidy had a growing suspicion, that she was starting to grow on the guy for some unexplainable reason, "We were told to take care of her, to keep her safe and happy."
"That was while she was cooperating, Ms. Somers doesn't seem to be so happy on doing that anymore, so take her downstairs, Eric. I won't ask again."
Cassidy ignored Scrug's apologetic look as he tossed her over his shoulder, and let herself hang there like deadweight.
She couldn't think of anything they could do to her that was any worse than Abel finding out the truth about what she had done all those years ago.
She couldn't think of anything they could do to her that was any worse than Abel finding out the truth about her father.
I'm sorry that this chapter is such a filler chapter, and not much happens, but I had to write it, to set up the next chapter, which I promise is the chapter that you are all waiting for (yes I'm talking about Jax, and Abel, and a certain conversation about a certain adoption)! It's when shit really starts to hit the fan, or at least the way I have it written in my head now is. Please review, they motivate me, and help me write the chapters faster, and put them out for you. (: