"Hey Claire. Got a minute?"
"Yea sure Charlie. That's all I have right now. It's not like there's much I can do."
"Well actually. Um, I kinda need your help for something."
"You're kidding right? What help could I be, Charlie? If you haven't noticed I'm pregnant. I'm not exactly able to do anything."
"Oh, I dunno, I think a pregnant woman would be just the thing I need right about now."
Claire looked up at him and Charlie couldn't help but smile at the surprise in her face. He reached out his hand and waited for her to take it. Yes, he thought to himself, this was definitely a good plan. As he walked down the beach with Claire he smiled.
The sun was slowly setting, the colors reflected against the ocean's surface. Sawyer thought about the day as he watched the sun disappear. He'd been right, it had been a good day. He hadn't gone to Charlie's baby shower, but he knew Claire wold appreciate it. Charlie had gone through a lot of trouble for this and Sawyer hoped it had gone well. Charlie had come up with paper somewhere and asked Kate to write out invitations. Sawyer thought about Kate.
In another life, maybe. For the most part his flirting with Kate was just to tweak the doctor. It was another way to keep Jack off balanced and hating him. Sawyer liked her well enough, but couldn't see himself falling in love with her or anyone else anytime soon. Nope, better to keep everyone at a distance. Speaking of Kate. Sawyer stood as Kate approached.
"So what's up Freckles? You leave early, or just couldn't stand being away from me any longer?"
"Ha ha Sawyer, very funny. Baby shower's aren't really might thing. Somehow, I don't think they'll miss me too much." Kate turned and smiled at him.
Sawyer thought about it for a while and smiled. He was pretty sure baby showers would normally have been low priority for most of the other survivors as well. He tried to picture the others there. Locke, Shannon, Boone, Sayid... Sawyer abruptly stopped smiling.
"Hey, what's up? You okay?"
"Yea, why wouldn't I be?"
"You just seem a little preoccupied. Like you're worried about something."
"Oh yea? Like what?"
"I don't know." Kate paused and studied him. "Maybe Sayid?"
"Now why in hell would I be worried about Sayid?" Sawyer's jaw clenched and he glared at Kate.
"Wow. What's gotten into you? I just meant maybe you might be worried about him being out there by himself."
"Out where?" Sawyer gritted out still glaring her.
"There." Kate swept a hand in the direction of the treeline. "In the jungle."
"Now why would he be out there in the jungle?"
"He said someone has to map the island. Check out what's out there."
Sawyer watched Kate for a little while. Did Sayid really take off into the mystery jungle by himself? Kate had to be telling the truth but there had to be more to it.
"You don't seem like you believe that."
Kate shrugged. "I think it was guilt."
"Guilt?"
"Yea." Kate nodded in his direction. "You know what I mean. I'm going to go now. See you later Sawyer."
"Yea. Later." replied Sawyer distractedly.
Sawyer watched Kate leave. Guilt? What if Kate was right? No way. He didn't owe Sayid anything. There was nothing to feel guilty for. He didn't owe anyone anything. Sayid had done what he had done on his own. It wasn't Sawyer's fault if Sayid felt guilty. Good. Let him feel guilty. Sayid could take care of himself. Sawyer considered that thought. Sayid didn't need him. No one needed him. He'd be better off if he had died in the crash with everyone else.
Sayid made things difficult. He cared for Sayid. He didn't want to. If there were people that could make you feel good then there were people that could hurt you. Sawyer walked to his tent as normally as he could. He wouldn't let anyone make him feel unworthy. Somewhere he knew everyone had a right to happiness. Somewhere he knew everyone had a right to feel accepted. He also knew this wasn't his time or place.
Sawyer checked both directions before he approached. He wasn't sure why he was doing this. You know exactly why you're doing this, his brain informed him. Shut up, he told it. He was tired of feeling guilty and he knew it. He wanted to feel something else. Almost anything but the deep gnawing pain that was slowly growing inside. It was his fault Sayid was gone and he knew it.
Sawyer told himself he hadn't felt bad about Sayid leaving. He does whatever he wants to. I don't control him. Still, would Sayid still be gone if he had admitted he didn't know where the inhalers were? There wasn't a way to make this right but maybe there was a way to make it hurt less. Sawyer walked into the open and waited.
"So what's so important you couldn't just tell me back there?"
Sawyer struggled with himself. There was a huge part of him that didn't want to be here. Knew this was wrong. And yet, he couldn't take it any more. He had to do something, anything was better than nothing. He sighed as he looked at the man in front of him. Sawyer shook his head and walked forward to do what he came here for.