"You know you're going to have to face them at some point?"
Abel grabbed a pillow from the bed he was moping on and tossed it at the door, and pumped his fist in the air triumphantly when he heard the sound of the weapon making contact with his little brother.
"You are literally the most bipolar person I know."
"Good," Abel muttered giving him the finger.
"Why won't you just go talk to them?"
"Have you ever been kidnapped?" Abel asked sitting up to glare at his brother, "Because if you haven't been kidnapped then you don't get an opinion."
Thomas sighed as he leaned against the doorway his face more serious than Abel had ever seen it – not that Abel spent that much time with Thomas in the first place. Come to think of it, Abel had been staying with the Teller's for weeks now and he barely ever saw Thomas – not that he was around all that much either.
"What do you do all day?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows.
Thomas stared at him like he was insane and then shrugged, "I got to school, I hang out with my friends."
"Where do you sleep?"
"Here, a friend's house, Alena's house, whatever I'm feeling that day."
"Wait a second, I thought Alena Rincon doesn't know you exist?"
"Trust me," Thomas smirked, "Alena Rincon knows I exist."
Abel laughed and resisted the urge to give his brother a pat on the back, he had seen Alena Rincon, and while he loved his girlfriend, and there wasn't a single person he was attracted to more than her, he was going to give it to Thomas – Alena Rincon was sex on legs.
"And you haven't told Jax and Tara?"
"Let me tell you something about Tara Knowles-Teller, young grasshopper, there isn't a single person on this planet that is more protective than her. You do not tell Tara Knowles-Teller about the girl you're sleeping with. You don't even tell her about the girl you're dating. You tell her once you're engaged."
"So I'm guessing she's not relationship material?"
Thomas shook his head with a laugh as he sat down, "Now that I've educated you on our mother, I'll educate you on Alena. Alena Rincon dances on tables. Alena Rincon always drinks straight out of the bottle. Alena Rincon doesn't take anything seriously. Alena Rincon has too much damn life in her to settle down in a town like Charming."
"Haven't you ever thought about it?" Abel asked leaning forward resting his elbows against his knees, "Getting out of Charming, I mean?"
He was quiet for a moment as if trying to figure out the answer for himself.
"There are times when I see Alena, and she's dancing on a table barefoot – she hates shoes – and she's holding this bottle of tequila – drinking straight out of it – and she has her head thrown back, and she's laughing, and drinking, and she's living, even in a small ass town like this one she's living," Thomas said with a small smile on his face, "So yeah, sometimes when I look at Alena and I see her dancing on that table, I think about going somewhere where nobody knows who I am, going somewhere where I can dance on tables and drink straight out of a bottle."
Abel smiled, he understand the underlying meaning behind those words, and just like with every single conversation he had with the guy, he felt like they were brothers more and more, "She dances on tables."
Thomas nodded with a small laugh, "She's dances on tables, bro."
"Do you love her?"
"I don't know," He admitted, "But I know that my favorite thing in the world is to watch her dance on tables, I know that I don't have plans to sleep with anyone else, I know that my favorite mornings are the mornings she heats us up Hot Pockets and thinks she's the shit because of it."
"That sounds dangerously close to love."
"Maybe," Thomas nodded, "But she isn't ready for love."
"Cassie shot her father fifteen times," Abel offered like it was something you just threw out at the dinner table – Thomas seemed to have that effect on people, he was too easygoing, too laidback, for anyone to really feel anything different around him.
"What a badass."
"Here's to the little warrior that tried to save the world," Abel muttered. He wasn't sure what it was about that line – maybe it was the fact that it described Cassidy so perfectly, or maybe it was because right now it described their entire situation perfectly, but it had stuck with him, and it was probably never going to leave him alone.
"You know," Thomas said looking around, "This room used to be your damn shrine."
"My shrine?"
"I grew up knowing about you," Thomas nodded slowly to himself, "My big brother who was kidnapped and then given up, it was hard not to know about you. Even when she didn't know you, you were always Mom's favorite-"
"Thomas," Abel interrupted ready to tell him that wasn't true, and even if it was, there was no way he was her favorite now.
"You are," He said firmly, "And that's okay, honestly, it's never really bothered me. You're her favorite, you're her Abel, the survivor."
"I'm not a survivor. Thomas."
"Aren't you?" He raised his eyebrows, "You're birth mom was a junkie whore, you were born with your insides fucked up, a hole in your heart, and then you went and got yourself kidnapped, and somehow you still have what seems like the most incredible girlfriend, parents waiting for you at home, and colleges busting their asses trying to get you to go there, you are the epitome of a survivor, Abel. You're the story people tell other people when they need hope."
"I was a kid, a baby," Abel said uncomfortably, "None of that was me, I don't remember it. I didn't do anything all that exceptional."
"It doesn't matter," Thomas shrugged, "Abel, you gave Mom something to believe in, you were the one thing she did right, even after all the shit that happened, giving you up, getting you out of Charming, to her, you're her biggest accomplishment."
"Look how well that turned out," Abel muttered.
"That's not on her."
"I never said it was."
"But you do blame her."
Abel sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, "I don't blame her, I don't blame anybody."
"Nobody goes through the shit that you have and doesn't blame anybody."
"That's the thing isn't it? I don't know shit, Thomas. You know more about the truth of my life then I do. How do I blame anyone, if I don't feel like I went through anything, before this?"
"Why is it so hard for you to admit that you blame Mom and Dad for everything happening now?"
Abel tucked his lips into his mouth for a brief second as he tried to find an answer to that, "I blamed Jax – not Tara. I blamed Jax, and I was cruel, and I was harsh, and I blamed him at the beginning of all this, but now? Now I'm just tired, man, I don't have it in me to blame anybody, not while I'm missing her. I only have energy for one or the other, and honestly, I'd rather use my energy on her, than Jax."
"You love her." Thomas said pointing out the obvious.
"More than anything," He said easily.
"How did you know? That she was worth all this?" Thomas asked waving his hand in a general circle.
"First of all, I got her into all of this, however inadvertently, not the other way around," Abel pointed out, "And to answer that question, let me ask you one. Let's say Alena came here right now, and she asked you to get in a car, and drive her somewhere. Somewhere far away, away from Charming, away from all of this, just you and her, would you get in the car?"
"I don't know."
"Because you don't know if she'll be enough," Abel said, "And when you can finally tell yourself that she isn't enough, that's when you know."
"That makes absolutely no sense, you just said you need to know if she's enough, but you only love her when she isn't."
Abel tried to find the right words to explain his thought process, he wasn't sure when he became the kind of person to hand out advice, let alone to the little brother he had never known he had, but he was trying to do his best.
"Here's the thing, when somebody is enough, Thomas, that's great. They're enough to get you through a really bad night, and to be the mother of your kid, and to make you dinner at night, and share a bed with."
"That sound's good enough to me."
"Exactly," Abel said in an 'aha' moment, "It's good enough. But when you're really in love, when you found your girl, Thomas, she won't just be good enough anymore, she'll be everything. She'll be the only thing you can't live without, she's your sanity, she's your peace, and she's the one person who makes you want to shoot yourself. Suddenly, you're the one who wants kids because you can't think of anything more beautiful than that girl barefoot and pregnant, and you're the one who wants to settle down, because damn it, she's your girl, and what's the point of waiting after that. And she makes you talk about her to your little brother like a goddamn pussy."
Thomas laughed as Abel did, god this was getting way too fucking Hallmark for him.
"You said you wanted kids?"
"Sure," Abel nodded, "Eventually, not anytime soon though."
"So if you were Jax, and this was your kid, how would you feel if you told him that he was kidnapped, only to have him walk out of the room and proceed to ignore you and his mom for the rest of the day?" Thomas asked pointedly.
The little shit was sneaky.
Abel sighed as he glanced at the door that was already shut, "You better keep your goddamn mouth shut about this."
"Hey," Thomas said holding up his hands in surrender.
"I called Jax, Dad," Abel admitted.
"And that's why you walked out?" Thomas raised his eyebrows, "Because you called your dad, Dad?"
"He's not my Dad, Thomas," He sighed, Abel was getting seriously tired of trying to explain the difference between his parents ad Jax and Tara to people, especially when the difference was getting harder and harder for him to see, "He didn't raise me."
"From what I can tell, your dad or whatever, didn't do much raising either."
"Maybe not," Abel agreed, "Doesn't make him any less my father."
"Same as the fact that Jax giving you up doesn't make him any less your father."
"My father, yes, my dad, no."
"Alright I'm still failing to see how the fact that you called Jax, Dad, is more important than him telling you that you were being kidnapped."
"Maybe I'm just getting accustomed to kidnappings," Abel shrugged, "Maybe I don't feel kidnapped. Maybe I'm just confused. Half the time Jax is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, and the other half he's the only thing that's holding me together."
Thomas laughed, a loud laugh that carried through the house, as he threw his head back, his whole body shaking with laughter, as he wiped at his tears – because apparently the little shit thought whatever he had said was funny as fuck.
"You're such an asshole, Abel. What the fuck do you think a parent is? They're the worst thing that's ever happened to you, and they're the only thing that holds you together."
Abel threw another pillow at his brother.
"Next time I see you, we are going drinking. I'm not cut out for this deep conversation thing, especially not with a little shit like you."
"Done," Thomas said once he had calmed down, "After I say one last thing."
Abel waited.
"Up until last year, this room was a nursery, it was your nursery, Abel. I meant it when I said it was your shrine. Your name was on that wall in stupid cutouts, and the walls were blue with this ugly ass lining, and there was a sofa, and a rocking chair, and it was your goddamn shrine."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I meant it when I said you were Tara's biggest accomplishment, but you were also the worst thing that's ever happened to her. She chose to love you, she chose to be your mom, and then she chose to let you have a better life than what you could have had in Charming, she chose to give you the fucking world. So I get that the idea of you somehow having the ability to love Jax like a dad terrifies you, and I get that I will never be able to get what you are feeling. But what I do know is that I listened to my mom cry for you, for years, I watched my dad walk in this room and just sit in the middle of the floor like he had no idea what to do with himself – he'd just stare at your name. I know that if you had stayed here, you would have burned Abel, SAMCRO nearly killed us all, they burned trying to get the club legit, so you owe them this much. They got you out of here before you burned, Abel, so you owe them this much, you owe them the chance to explain themselves."
Abel closed his eyes as he took his brother's words in, and then finally stood up, and made his way towards the door, before he turned back to Thomas.
"You don't resent them do you? Or even me? I got out, they kept me from burning, but they kept you."
"No, Abel, I don't," Thomas shook his head, "They've been legit since I was six years old, I barely remember a time when they weren't. Besides a car accident when I was baby, I've never hurt Abel, not because of the club."
"In that case I won't feel bad about saying this to you," Abel said grabbing the doorknob, "I agree that I owe them this conversation if they really did save me from all the shit that I think you're implying here. But, they aren't my saviors, Thomas, if there is one thing I've learned from all of this, your past always catches up to you. Maybe I wasn't burning them, but I'm burning now, Thomas, and trust me, it's even worse than anything you can imagine."
"I believe that," He nodded as Abel moved to walk away, "But if you make my mom cry again, I swear Abel, I will kick your fucking ass."
Abel laughed softly, because closing the door behind him, and walking towards the kitchen where Jax and Tara somehow always seemed to be gathered.
They were seated at the kitchen table, a cup of what looked like coffee in front of them both, but they turned to look at him when he walked in.
"I want to hear what you have to say," He said quietly, "And I know it was an asshole move to just walk out like that but I had some shit I needed to think through."
"We get that," Tara said softly.
"Today I found out my girlfriend spent her childhood years being someone's punching bag and worse, I had the most meaningful and horrifying conversation I have ever had in my entire life with Thomas, and I called you Dad after crying into your arms and throwing up like a little bitch," Abel said looking at Jax, "I'm confused, and I'm tired, and I'm pissed off, and I seem to be freakishly in tune with my emotions. But like I said I want to hear what you have to say, at least I think I do, but I need you to answer one question for me first."
"Alright."
"If today hadn't happened, if I hadn't stormed in there like a little bitch, if I hadn't called you dad, if I hadn't told you how scared I was, if I hadn't told you about Cassie, would you have ever told me about my kidnapping?"
"No."
Abel closed his eyes, and nodded to himself before walking around the room and planting himself in the seat between Jax and Tara, "Have at it."
"Do you know what gun-running is?"
Abel gave Jax the 'are you kidding me' look.
"No, I mean do you really understand what it is?"
"It's when you sell guns."
"It's not just selling guns, Abel," Jax sighed running a hand through his hair, "Its messy and dangerous shit. You were eight months old when you got taken, and we were in so deep that sometimes I still wonder how we got out. We bought our guns from the IRA-"
"Wait a second you were in bed with the IRA?" Abel said backtracking, "I know that they have something against you, but I didn't think you had ties to them."
"I don't, not anymore, or at least I didn't."
"Didn't," Abel asked slowly before he realized the answer on his own, "The guns you sold to the Niners, you bought them from the IRA."
"More like they were delivered to us, but yes."
"But that was a onetime thing wasn't it?" Abel nearly cringed his voice sounded desperate even to himself.
Jax glanced at Tara for a second before shaking his head, "The deal was we keep running guns for them, and they make sure Cassidy's knee heals – or at least it's healed enough that someday she'll be able to walk again. Pain meds, anti-infection pills, crutches, the works."
"Why would you do that?" Abel said the tears burning hot in his eyes for the second time that day – though this time he didn't let them fall, "They're terrorists."
"And she's your old lady."
"I don't know what an old lady is." He muttered as he closed his eyes hoping the action would make his tears go away. God what the hell was he thinking? He knew when he had first gotten here that he was so angry that he couldn't see straight, so overwhelmed, but to force the club to make ties with a terrorist organization after they had worked so hard to get out of it all?
He was torn between wanting to throw up again, or beg Jax for forgiveness.
"It's a club's girl – I guess it just sounds like a less loose term for girlfriend." Tara tried to explain despite the fact that Abel decided he didn't care, that wasn't what was important right now.
"I'm sorry," He said awkwardly, "For putting you in this position."
"Son," Jax said firmly, "If we both started apologizing to each other for the positions we put one another in, we'd be here all night, so just don't worry about it."
"I wish you would've told me," Abel admitted, "You know after I stopped being an asshole."
"You're my kid Abel, I'm not going to tell you things that I know will worry you."
"Since we're going with full disclosure right now, I'm just going to go ahead and say that yeah I'm your kid, but at the same time I'm not, and I'm sorry but right now, when my girlfriend is probably reliving her childhood, that can't be your excuse for things, not anymore," Abel said firmly, "I get that you want to protect me, but you haven't been protecting me my entire life, you gave me a life where I didn't need protection, so from this moment on if it has anything to do with Cassie, even remotely, you at least have to let me know, before you do it."
"Look at you hotshot," Jax smirked but then nodded seriously, "Alright, you got it."
"So is this why the IRA took Cassie? Because they're still mad about you not selling their guns?"
"No," Jax shook his head, "We made a clean break with the IRA, no hard feelings, no love lost. I don't know why they're targeting us."
"Perfect," Abel said dryly.
"That about sums it up," Jax said the same tone, "Eventually the fact that we were buying guns from the Irish got caught up on this ATF bitch's radar, she was hunting for Jimmy O' Phelan."
"Should that name mean something to me?"
"I'm really glad it doesn't." Tara muttered.
"He was an IRA shot caller back then."
"Back in the good old days?"
"Shut up," Jax laughed as some of the tension lessened, "You have to get more than anything Stahl was a bitch, she didn't care who she hurt in the process, she got what she wanted. The bitch killed her own girlfriend to cover up her own tracks."
"Nothing says I love you like a bullet to the chest." Tara rolled her eyes.
"Would you like to find out, sweetheart?"
"I will shoot you with your own gun, Jackson Teller."
"It's good to know that you guys are so happy together."
"We are happy!" Tara snapped.
Abel didn't doubt it, their threats were empty and playful, Jax couldn't get rid of the look of adoration that he whenever he looked at Tara, and Tara didn't look away from Jax period – at least never for more than a few seconds – he had noticed that if Jax was in the room, Tara was watching him with a content smile playing at her lips.
He was almost positive a conversation about his kidnapping shouldn't be so casual – though he probably shouldn't have felt casual about it – except it was, and he did. It felt right, and after feeling so lost without Cassie, well who was he to refuse something that felt right.
"Speak for yourself."
"Really?" Tara smirked, "Because I remember you being particularly happy this morning when I-"
"Okay whoa," Abel said holding up hands, "I think I'd rather be kidnapped again then listen to you finish that sentence."
"Right," Jax said getting serious again, "We got our guns from the IRA, and the two members we dealt with were Cameron and Edmund Hayes. Chibs gave up Edmund's location to keep his wife and his daughter safe from Jimmy-"
"So he was a rat?"
Jax considered the question, "Technically yes, but when it comes to Stahl nobody was held to their actions – hell I made a deal with her."
"You did?" Abel asked almost hopefully, maybe if his deal had worked out with this Stahl bitch, then his deal with Holland could actually work, he needed those charges dropped.
The only problem was Abel knew if he was even within a mile of the guy he would shoot him fifteen more times.
"Eventually I told the club about it, but yes, I made a deal with her when I was looking for you."
"I guess kids do have a way of making the unforgivable, forgivable." Abel mused and then frowned at the odd look Jax was giving him, "What?"
"Nothing," He shook his head, "You ever think about kids?"
"Thomas asked me that," Abel said slowly finding the coincidence odd, "Sure, one day, a long time from now. When I'm ready, I'd want a rugrat or two."
Jax gave him another odd look before shaking it off, "When Chibs made the deal with Stahl, he told her where Edmund Hayes safe house was. I'm not sure what went down between the two but it ended up with Edmund dead."
"Shit."
"Yeah," He nodded, "Thing is Stahl basically killed him in cold blood, she wouldn't have had much of a defense."
"And that wasn't something that she was going down for." Abel figured.
"No, so a couple hours later Edmund's girlfriend Polly showed up and found Edmund dead."
"Where was Stahl?"
"Hiding. The thing was a woman named Gemma was following Polly. Polly thought Gemma killed Edmund – which is what I'm guessing gave Stahl the idea – but basically Gemma killed Polly, and then Stahl framed Gemma for both their murders."
"This is too many women with serious issues," Abel groaned, "Is there a shorter version of this, because the more people you throw in, the more confused I get."
"Long story short, Gemma is your crazy grandmother, Cameron thought she killed his kid, so he kidnapped you as retaliation."
"See," Abel said pointing at Tara, "That's how you tell a story."
"It's seriously fucking weird that you aren't messed up over this."
Abel sighed, "I guess it's just what I told Thomas. I don't feel kidnapped."
"What does being kidnapped feel like?"
"I don't know I was pretty shitty at it." Abel shrugged.
"It could have been a more pleasurable experience." Tara mused.
"You've been kidnapped?" Abel raised his eyebrows as Tara.
"I prefer the term taken or hostage – much more badass – but yes," She rolled her eyes, "I was pregnant with Thomas, too."
"Wait," Abel said realizing something as he got serious again, "You said a man named Cameron kidnapped me, so then how did I end up with my parents?"
Jax looked uncomfortable for a moment before sighing, "Cameron was Real IRA, so he took you back to Ireland, to a woman named Maureen Ashby – she was the woman your grandfather loved. She had strong ties to the IRA and the Sons. Her brother took you-"
"Father Kellan Ashby," He sighed running a hand through his hair, "Shit."
"He took you to a, shit," Jax muttered cutting himself off.
"He took you," Tara said in a controlled tone that somehow made it sound all the more pissed off, "To a god damn baby factory."
"They bought me," Abel said in a dull tone, "My parents bought me like I was a pair of shoes."
"They're good people, Abel." Jax said quietly.
"You think I don't know that?" He asked harshly.
"So I let you go."
"Just like that," He laughed without any humor, "You let me go like I was a pair of shoes, and my parents bought me like I was."
"That wasn't how it happened," Tara said quietly.
"Then tell me."
He wasn't even sure what could surprise him anymore, everything was a lie, his entire life was a lie. Everything he believed in, everything that made him who he was, it was all just a lie, he was the product of a lie that had started eighteen years ago, and was coming back to kill him now.
"I love you, Abel, and back then, before Thomas was born, you were the most important person in the world, you were the one thing I did right, Abel, back then, I was selfish and I screwed up everything I touched, but I had to do right by you," Jax explained, "You were something I did right. I did whatever it took to get you back, and then I saw you that day with your parents, and they were good people, Abel. They were the best kind of people there were-"
"And you got that from what?" Abel said sarcastically, "The way they paid for a baby like it was a goddamn brothel?"
"You know your parents are good people-"
"I don't know what I know anymore."
"Wait," Tara called as he stood up grabbing his car keys that were resting on the kitchen counter, "Abel, just listen to us."
He didn't reply, he was tired of listening, he was tired of everybody knowing more about him than he did, he was tired of ruining people's lives, he was tired of being someone that people fought so damn hard for just to turn out to be well him.
He was tired, and he was pissed off, and he didn't want to listen.
"Abel," She yelled loudly grabbing his arm.
"What?" He yelled back and then softened his expression, "I told Thomas I wouldn't make you cry."
"I just, Abel, your dad thought he was making the right decision, and it took me awhile to agree with him, but then so much shit went down, and I just, I was so glad that you were somewhere safe. I know you're angry with us-"
"I'm not angry with you," He interrupted her, god what was it with these people?
"You're not?" She asked confused.
"Tara, I'm not angry with you, or with Jax, I don't blame anybody or anything, I'm just pissed off in general. This is a lot to take in for one day."
"Then just come inside, Abel," Tara said hopefully, "We'll talk it through, figure it out together."
"We can't," He said giving her a sad smile, "I have to go."
"Where?" She asked as he gently pulled his hand out of her grip.
Abel hesitated, he knew how badly his next words would hurt Tara, he know how she would see it, she would see it as him choosing someone else over her, but he needed to go, it was something he had to do.
"I'm going home Tara, I'm going home to see my mom."