When she'd seen Sawyer a few days ago she had noticed the bruises. Kate had walked off a small distance down the beach and back into the trees a little. She wanted time time to think without others around. After a few hours Sawyer had walked into view. Kate froze and waited to see what he was doing here. Sawyer stopped walking and looked around before he sat.
For a while Kate's attention was so focused why Sawyer was here, what he was doing, that she didn't notice them. Sawyer wasn't wearing a shirt and she found herself thinking about how good looking he was. She knew they would never end up together but that didn't mean she couldn't check him out now and then. Not long after she started though, she saw the bruises on his back.
They stayed like that for a good while. When it started getting dark Sawyer stood and left. Kate stayed a little bit more while she thought about it. How had he gotten those bruises? What was going on between him and Sayid? Kate pushed it aside determined to find the answer later.
*Sawyer*
Sawyer looked up and saw Kate approaching him.
"Sawyer. Can I ask you something?"
"Depends freckles. Whatcha wanna ask me?"
"What's up with you and Sayid? I mean, it's pretty obvious you have feelings for him."
Sawyer grabbed Kate by the throat and pressed her against the tree.
"What do you mean by obvious?"
He glared at Kate as he pressed her against the tree. Kate struggled against his grasp. If he didn't let her go there would be no way she could answer him. He knew it but some part of him craved the violence. Some part of him wished it was him pressed to the tree. He dropped Kate and backed away. Sawyer was sick of violence, yet some part of him needed it. He had no clue how to reconcile the two. He felt sick.
Sawyer left the without the answer. Kate tried to stop him to ask him about something as he was leaving. Sawyer ignored her, he couldn't do this. Couldn't pretend that everything was peachy when he hurt this much. All he wanted was for someone to make the hurt stop. Sawyer checked the area and found it empty of anyone else.
"Please." He fell to his knees. "Please, make this stop."
*Meanwhile*
"I removed the firing pin," she says, adding that Robert did the same thing before she shot him.
"You loved him," Sayid says.
"He was sick," she replies. "It took them, one after the other."
"I'm not sick. Why kill me?"
"I can't let you go," she says. "Don't you understand? To have someone to talk to, to touch."
*dun dun dun! / Back to Sawyer*
Sawyer walked back to his tent. He stepped inside, laid down and curled into a ball. He couldn't face the present anymore. Couldn't deal with it. It would just be easier to give up. Sawyer, in a ball, in his tent, with nothing else to live for, cried. All he ever wanted was safety. Something that would keep the outside world at bay when he couldn't deal with it. Was that too much to ask? Was it?
*Sayid*
Sayid thought about Sawyer. He couldn't die here. He had to get back. Sawyer needed some one to take care of him. He had to get back. He prayed with everything he had that Danielle wasn't going to kill him.
"I can't let you go," she says. "Don't you understand? To have someone to talk to, to touch."
"You'll find me in the next life if not in this one."
Sayid arrives in the caves, stumbling on his hurt leg. He tells them that he found the French woman and they are not alone on the island.
"Don't you understand? We are not alone! There are others here."
"Sayid, let's not jump to conclusions because of some nut. If anyone else was here don't you think they'd try to find us? Try to at least learn something about us?" Jack stated.
"It doesn't matter." Sayid said
"After everything you've just said, what do you mean it doesn't matter?
"Where is Sawyer?"
"Sawyer?"
"Yes."
Sayid felt like a traitor worrying about Sawyer right now, but he couldn't help it. He had to know how Sawyer was doing.
*Sawyer*
Sawyer cried until there weren't anymore tears. Was it to much to ask for to want to be safe? He couldn't remember ever wanting anything else. Somewhere inside he knew Sayid could make him feel safe, but a part of him rebelled. 'I will never be anyone's whore ever again.' he thought to himself.
It was at that moment that Sayid materialized in Sawyer's doorway. Sawyer didn't have the time to worry about why. Sayid raced forward and cupped Sawyer's chin. There was some part of Sawyer that knew this was Sayid. Some part that knew that Sayid would never hurt him. Well, at least not more than he could stand. At this moment however, Sawyer couldn't take it.
The only thing Sawyer could see were the people that wanted to hurt him. To use him. To throw him away like he meant nothing and laugh at him. Sawyer, stuck in the past, rebelled. He punched the person holding him as hard as he could and tried to run.
*Sayid*
At first Sayid stood where he was in shock. He couldn't believe Sawyer had thrown the first punch. When Sawyer tried to run Sayid tackled him. Sayid didn't know what to think. All he knew was Sawyer was scared and ready to bolt. Sayid wanted to know why. He had to know.
As Sayid struggled with Sawyer it became increasingly apparent that there was more going on than met the eye. Sawyer begged him not to hurt him, but there was more to it than that. Sawyer also called him by another name. Sayid noted the name but filed it away elsewhere. The struggle was having unforseen consequences.
At some point during the struggle with Sawyer, Sayid found that he was harder than he'd ever been. He wanted Sawyer and knew nothing would stop him from taking what was his. After a brief struggle Sayid found himself laying across the backside of a very beautiful Sawyer. Sayid almost took him without thinking twice. Then a thought occurred to him.
If he took Sawyer against his will, would Sawyer ever want to be with him again? Sayid paused and let that thought sink in. Yes, by gods, he wanted Sawyer. But he also wanted Sawyer to want him back. If he took Sawyer when he wasn't ready, would Sawyer forgive him enough to want him later? Sayid rolled off Sawyer and covered his face.
*Sawyer*
Sawyer didn't understand how it happened. One second he was in his tent and safe, the next he was back in the room with George. Flee! Every instinct told him to run. Get away. He tried but he couldn't. The weight on top of him was too much. If he struggled against it he'd be hurt worse and he knew it. He just couldn't stop himself from fighting back.
Almost as suddenly as the weight had pinned him it was gone. Sawyer laid still, fearing what would come next. Never fight back, he told himself. You know better. Now you're just going to get hurt more. He almost broke down into tears except he didn't want to give George that satisfaction just yet.
*Sayid*
Sawyer whimpered. Sayid turned and looked at him. Sawyer was curled into a ball and backing away. Sawyer's eyes were shut tight and he was inching ever further away from where Sayid was. Sayid felt his hear melt. He wanted to comfort Sawyer. He wanted to let Sawyer know everything would be okay. Would it? Didn't I just attack him? Sayid shoved the thought away. He would deal with that later.
"Sawyer." Sayid said softly, still laying on his back.
Sawyer stopped backing away but his eyes remained tightly closed. He began to shake softly. Sayid reached out to comfort him, but as soon as his hand touched Sawyer, Sawyer recoiled. Something was going on here and Sayid wanted to know what it was. He had no clue what had happened in Sawyer's past but Sayid was determined to make sure no one hurt Sawyer again.