Paradoxical Sleep

Chapter the Sixth: In Which There is Darkness

Penny yawned, the taste of mocha ice cream still lingering in her mouth. It was a lovely, lazy Saturday morning. She turned over, and nearly groaned when she caught sight of her suitcase, still only half-packed. Her emotions had been too crazy the day before, and she'd given up on folding clothes, instead choosing to lay on her couch with her headphones, listening to songs she hoped couldn't apply to her life. Honestly, though, she didn't even know how to describe her problems at that moment.

Maybe she should do what Sheldon did, and just put everything in an equation, she thought. Variable x: herself. Variable y: her loony neighbor, who drove her crazy. In more ways than one, as it turned out. (x+y) multiplied by equal parts UST and wanting out of this crazy situation equaled a kiss on a battlefield, followed by a boxing match, followed by yummy, yummy ice cream.

It wasn't like she liked him, really. Penny hadn't done crushes in years, but when she had, she was always happy, all the time. She'd giggle like a kid on Pixy Stix, even when absolutely nothing was funny. She'd get high off the guy, just knowing he existed. She definitely wasn't high off of Sheldon. She cared about him, though, so much that it would sometimes surprise her. There was definitely something there, but what it was exactly was beyond her.

Of course, she was basically dating him, anyway, no matter how she felt about him. They spent all of their waking (and sleeping) hours together, ate together, even took part in each other's interests.

"Huh," she said musingly. "Wonder if he'll ever notice that."

Her flight was at two in the afternoon—a weird time, but she'd picked it so that she could sleep in. She finished packing, danced along to the radio, and at exactly eleven o'clock, three sharp raps sounded at her door.

Penny broke out into a smile. Okay, so maybe she did get a little bit high off of Sheldon.

"Penny?" he said for the third time, and she opened the door. He was wearing his blue Superman shirt, which happened to be her second favorite on him, if just for the way it brought out his eyes. Her favorite shirt of his was definitely the shirt he wore when they first met, as ugly as it was with its icky color and kind of tacky "The Flash" logo plastered on the front. Good memories were good memories, and she'd never forget seeing him in that shirt for the first time.

"Sup, Moonpie?" As she said it, she anticipated his answer.

"Only...never mind, I suppose it isn't important," Sheldon replied, clenching his fists only slightly. She gaped at him, but quickly recovered. Somebody had to be normal around here.

Wordlessly, she gestured for him to come in, and he entered, looking around somewhat fussily at the disarray. She'd left her bedroom door open, and he frowned as he caught sight of the suitcase. "Penny, what is this?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, babe, I thought I told you. I'm heading to Nebraska—family thing. Not a big deal, I should be back in a couple of days." The word "babe" slipped right off her tongue, and she bit it as punishment. Just because she decided that she might kind of have a little bit of a thing for him did not mean that she should just go around calling him sexy little pet names. Sheldon didn't even seem to notice the "babe", though, too busy fixating on the second half of her speech.

"Nebraska?" he nearly screeched. "You most certainly did not inform me! I believe that is a break of social protocol, you know. As your neighbor and trusted friend, I should have been told."

"I know," she said helplessly, brushing a stray hair from her eyes. "I really thought I did tell you."

Sheldon took a moment to compose himself, glaring down at the floor, then turned those bright blue eyes on her once more. "At what time are you leaving?"

"My flight's at two. Why?"

"If I drove, I would offer to drive you. However, you are well aware that I do not. Therefore, I will offer you Leonard's assistance on his behalf, as I imagine that he would acquiesce were he here."

"Oh, sweetie, that's not necessary," Penny said gently. "But thank you! I can drive myself."

"I am aware," Sheldon replied, looking a little put off. "I am also aware of your flagrant disregard for speed limits, and thought Leonard might be an acceptable substitute, for your health and my peace of mind. Will you be back by Tuesday?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know. I haven't been to a family reunion in God only knows how long. I had enough sick days to get off work until Thursday. Sorry to disrupt your schedule."

He pursed his lips. "If you are referring to Cheeseburger Night, I can return to Big Boy. Although the burgers there are certainly less satisfactory, I prefer that to having my food handled by an inept waiter or waitress at the Cheesecake Factory. If you are referring to the inconvenient emotions that I will experience in your absence, that is a problem somewhat less easily fixed. However, I'm sure that I will be able to 'deal'."

Her heart melted. Okay, for anybody else that would have been a bit rude, but for Sheldon it was downright adorable. He admitted that he would find it difficult to cope without her, not just because of the change in his routine, but because of his emotions. She fought the urge to wrap her arms around him, or, worse, to kiss him again. After all, they'd just gotten over that last fiasco.

The last couple of hours before her flight was mostly spent in Sheldon's company. After he pleaded, she let him tidy up her apartment; afterward, they crossed over to 4A for lunch, and so that she could remind Leonard about her family reunion. Sheldon also gave her a new copy of the experimental information, including space and a questionnaire for her own evidence. Her drive to the airport was a little bit lonely, and she turned up the radio to drown out her thoughts about why, exactly, she would miss him so much.

Her father came to pick her up. The drive was kind of quiet, but that was okay. They didn't really need words to communicate. Penny stared out the passenger side window and caught sight of something new: a comic book store.

"Dad, how long has that comic book place been there?" she asked suddenly.

He looked at her, smiling. "A couple of months or so. Why, you want to stop by?"

Penny felt blood rise to her cheeks. "No, don't worry about that."

"I just wondered if those friends of yours had been rubbing off on you a little too much," he laughed, taking a turn. She smiled to herself. Oh, if only he knew.

She slept on the couch in Nebraska that night, but her dream proved where her heart had stayed. After she closed her eyes, the next thing she was aware of was dim lighting and the smell of plastic. Her heart leapt. Yes, she was definitely in the comic book store, but why she felt so happy about that was a mystery.

The place was deserted, of course. Penny wandered around, humming to herself, flipping through books that looked interesting, considering little bits of merchandise. She was actually a bit engrossed in a Wonder Woman comic—the cover had caught her eye, and she'd always been kind of a Wonder Woman girl (although that didn't mean she enjoyed cosplaying as Diana)—when she heard him.

"Penny?"

She closed the book and turned around, giving him a sunny smile. "Hey, Sheldon," she said, feeling like a stupid teenager with a crush. Not that she would have ever had a crush on Sheldon when she was a teenager.

"You—what are you wearing?" he managed, averting his eyes as he did so. She frowned and glanced down. A white T-shirt with the DC logo (which seemed to be a size or two too small on her), flats, and jeans that looked pretty tight. She looked over her shoulder at her butt. Okay, make that incredibly tight. It was a cute outfit, not really her style, and it definitely accentuated her positives, but why...?

Oh. The comic book store, the tight pants, the DC shirt. This was his Kryptonite. Penny tried not to grin. His clothes were a little different too: the typical T-shirt, but without a layer underneath, and he was actually wearing jeans, for once. If she was being honest with herself, he really didn't look bad at all.

Penny wasn't stupid, and she'd actually read the experiment papers on the flight. Sheldon reasoned that they were creating this universe together, meaning that one of them had wanted her to wear this outfit, and since it wasn't her, it pretty much had to be him. So much for the asexual wonder. She guessed that he'd figured this out already, but was probably hoping that she wouldn't bring it up.

"You like it?" she replied flirtatiously, doing a little twirl. "Maybe I should dress like this more often..."

His expression told her all she needed to know.

Sheldon Cooper's first love and greatest passion was physics, and sometimes he thought that comics could rate a close second. That night, as he was seated on the floor of the comic store with dozens of neat stacks around him, Penny's eyes bright and interested—he considered the possibility of a third.

He recognized that his heart rate accelerated in her proximity, and always had. While this was a normal response from a male's autonomic nervous system, he estimated that the difference between his heart rate in proximity to any attractive female and the same in proximity to Penny was seven beats per minute, an important difference. He had discovered this within a month of meeting her, but had chalked it up to biology. Though he was not well-acquainted with the subject, he knew the basic theory that attraction was stronger to possible mates with whom one could create more genetically diverse progeny, and had simply assumed that their genes were different but compatible.

As time passed, however, he had been forced to accept that there was more to it than such an elementary biological explanation. The closer their relationship became, the stronger her effect on him, proving that he was undeniably attracted to her in more than a strictly evolutionary sense. Just how deep this attraction ran, however, he refused to consider.

When morning broke, it was not without sadness that he bade her ado. Every other night, he'd had the assurance of her presence the following day; tonight, he knew that it would be days before they would meet again in physical reality.

"Kinda lonely without Penny across the hall, huh?" Leonard said to him over breakfast. Sheldon's heart rate picked up at the mere mention of her name—it was like his roommate could read his mind. He forced himself to calm down.

"I suppose, but she will be returning within a few days," he replied curtly.

Leonard poked his oatmeal with a spoon. "Yeah, I know. When is she coming back, again?"

Sheldon sighed and muted the television. It was pointless to try and watch Battlestar Galactica with his roommate yammering on (although he had previously memorized the dialogue of this episode). "She isn't sure," he said, as if explaining to a child. "However, she may stay until late Wednesday. She must return by Tuesday or she will be fired from the Cheesecake Factory."

"Okay, jeez, I was just asking."

"And I was just telling you." He switched the sound back on.

"Somebody's touchy this morning," Leonard said into his oatmeal. Sheldon shot him a death glare.

Ordinarily, Sheldon dedicated Sundays to various projects and experiments that were better suited to the home environment. He also called his mother in the evening, before her eight o'clock Bible study. Today, he found himself unable to focus on his regular pursuits. For some reason, he could not tear his brain away from the image of Penny, her smile, that shirt that was decidedly too small, the feel of her lips against his...

Research. Research was the answer. He generally preferred to research using physical copies of books, as they were generally more reputable than Internet articles, but he had no texts on the subject and did not want to arouse suspicion. Before long, he had half a dozen tabs open, all focused on females and their reproductive habits: "why females kiss", "dynamics of a kiss", "potential romantic partner", "roommate's ex-girlfriend", "physicist and waitress", "physicist and actress", "possible romantic/sexual feelings for me".

His first search term yielded articles on how to kiss a woman and why such contact was important. He discovered that, apparently, a kiss is a female's most important test of a male's reproductive capability, and he read about incorrect ways to engage in osculation. Sheldon stored this information for later, although it was hardly relevant to his current research. After a moment's consideration, he saved the webpage into a new folder. This experiment would need sources, like any other.

He saved a few more results on the subject of kissing, including an interesting tactic involving a handshake. Again, irrelevant at the current stage, but data was data, and he was over his head as far as pre-reproductive behaviors. "Potential romantic partner" results included some research papers of interest that he also placed in the folder. Finally, some proper evidence, as opposed to mere anecdotes. He found only a few subpar jokes for "physicist and waitress", and "physicist and actress" covered the mundane lives of so-called "celebrities".

The last search term, "possible romantic/sexual feelings for me", he had to rephrase several times before he hit pay dirt. "DOES SHE LIKE YOU (100% ACCURATE)?" screamed the quiz title. According to the helpful informational sidebar, the user was aErOcHic1995, a complex username that was, presumably, coded. Sheldon scanned the questions; while poorly spelled, they did seem to reflect a certain emotional depth, and the quiz was supposedly accurate.

He completed the quiz quickly, feeling a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach as he clicked "Submit". The results screen answered his query concisely, with an incorrectly capitalized affirmative and a picture of two intertwined hands. Sheldon hit the back button and answered each question again, garnering the same result. He frowned and hummed, finally typing the quiz title into the built-in site search engine. Hundreds of similar quizzes appeared.

Sheldon made his way down the list one quiz at a time. He opened a Word document and began pasting his results into it. He then reorganized this into a listed chart; the mathematician in him preferred numerical data to visualizations.

Total Quizzes Taken: 513

By Result:

Affirmative 498

Negative 12

Other 3

This was fairly conclusive data, even for a physicist. Slightly over 97% of his sources supported the conclusion that Penny had romantic and/or sexual feelings for him. Under 3% had contradicted this, and .0058% of the quizzes seemed to have been written by illiterate persons. He printed this, as well as his previous research, and was able to return to his ordinary activities.

That night, he found himself looking forward to gathering more data with Penny, data for both of his experiments. Of course, the more newly implemented plan had to be kept a secret from her, in case she overreacted like she had with the unnecessary display of affection. Nine o'clock was a welcoming mistress.

Instead of a pleasant atmosphere like the comic book store or even the ballroom, he found himself in darkness. At first, it was complete and thick; he was unable to even see his own body. Sheldon was barefoot, and could feel that the material beneath his feet seemed to be a cool, clean surface, so after a minute he sat down upon it and waited. He found it nearly impossible to count, for some reason, but in any case, eventually the sky became lighter. It was an image of the sky, and it had transformed from the dead of night into a storm.

"Penny?" he called. Lightning flashed in the sky, but no thunder sounded. He was seated still when a noise broke the silence, though whether it was an answer to his call he could not be certain. It sounded like a woman, sobbing.

"Penny?" Again, no answer, but the sobbing became louder. Sheldon stood up and tried to determine from which direction the sound came, but there was no rhyme or reason to it—it was everywhere.

"Penny?" To his right, now. He turned and began to run, stumbling in the darkness. The sound increased in volume.

Sheldon ran like this for what seemed like hours, long after his feet grew sore and his throat tired of yelling. Every time he considered stopping, the crying would become louder and more urgent. Something deep in his chest seemed to propel him forward; a buried instinct, perhaps. The sky passed through cycles as he ran, never becoming quite clear, but varying on a scale of darkness and cloudiness.

He tripped, suddenly, during a period of darkness. The sobbing ceased. Trying to gain his footing, he touched what was definitely human skin. Whoever it was sniffled. "Penny?"

"Go away, Sheldon."

Sheldon hesitated. "If I may...perhaps I could comfort you in your distress?"

"Go away, Sheldon," she repeated, more forcefully this time. The sky was lightening, and he looked up in horror. He could feel the instability—the dream was slipping away. Penny had discovered the same escape as he.

"No!" he shouted, as she swam before his eyes. He could see her clearly for an instant, her face obviously tear-streaked and her eyes indescribably sad. Sheldon had never been an empathetic person, but his heart was aching.

He sat up in the bed and took a second to consider his plan of action. After a moment he nodded and, thus strengthened in his resolve, flipped on the light, retrieved his suitcase from the top of his closet, and began to fill it with clothes and emergency supplies.

"Sheldon, the hell are you doing?" Leonard asked from the doorway, sounding obviously drowsy. "I had to go to the bathroom and then I saw that your light was on. You okay? Seriously, what are you—"

Sheldon didn't bother looking at him. "Packing."

"Packing?" he repeated. "Where are you going?"

Sheldon zipped the suitcase. "Nebraska."

End Notes: Penny was reading the first part of "Paradise Lost" in the comic book store. I hate writing Penny's dad, although I like his character on the show. I used real Google search results for Sheldon's research, although I tried to make the sources fairly vague. I also had to remove the search results that were related to the show—apparently, Google immediately associates "physicist and waitress" with Sheldon and Penny, too! The quiz was fabricated, however.

I have decided to accompany the last chapter with an epilogue. They shall be posted as near to simultaneously as I can manage, because I wouldn't like to make anybody wait for an epilogue.

Note to Anon13: If they noticed, they did not mention it in their reviews. I have no room to talk, either!