Paradoxical Sleep
Chapter the Eight: In Which a Bond is Formed
"Oh my God, Sheldon," Penny breathed as the door to their compartment swung open. When he'd said "overnight dinner train", she hadn't been exactly sure what to expect. She'd never really been on a train for a significant amount of time, but this was crazy. This was better than flying first-class (based on what she'd seen on movies, anyway).
Sheldon wandered over to the bedside stand and lifted up a laminated sheet. "Oh, the menu. Good."
Her fingers lingered on the compartment door as she shut it. Being here seemed weird. She mentally rephrased that: being here with Sheldon, alone, seemed weird. Strangely intimate.
"So this place is Sheldon-approved, right?" she said absently.
She was aware of him turning to look at her. It was hard not to be aware of his every movement in these cozy quarters. "Penny. It's a train."
"Sorry, stupid question," she muttered, kicking her shoes off, throwing open the curtains, and sitting down on one of the beds. It was a little past four, and the sunlight felt downright magical on her skin. Penny missed California—it was times like these that made her realize how much it had become her home.
She'd slept until eleven, and it'd been heavenly. Leaving Nebraska with Sheldon was, she discovered, a helluva lot better than arriving without him. It felt right, somehow, even with her mom shooting daggers (talk about your mixed metaphors) and Dave seeming like seventeen kinds of awkward.
Sheldon unpacked a few things carefully. She watched him as he did so, settling herself down on the bed. He was always so careful, so methodical. She wondered if he'd been like that even as a little boy, and tried not to giggle. She could only imagine what Mary had gone through trying to raise Sheldon. Any unusually bright little kid could be a handful, but Sheldon was something else entirely.
Still, she knew that "love conquered all". Mary certainly loved her son, and that had definitely helped her. Heck, Penny couldn't have put up with the whack-a-doodle this long if she didn't love him. She'd known that for awhile—it was only recently that she discovered that she happened to be, you know, in love with him, too.
"You're not going to sleep again, are you?" Sheldon asked, not looking up. "Goodness gracious, you slept for over twelve hours last night."
"I'm not going back to sleep," she said, laughing a little. "I just don't have anything to do, and this bed is comfy."
"Well, if you lack occupation, I did have a chance to revise my records of the experiment while on the flight." He held up a neat stack of papers, held together by staples and a binder clip.
Penny considered this. "You know what, yeah." She reached out and met him halfway. Their fingers brushed, and she suddenly doubted his past lectures on the impossibility of human flesh conducting electricity.
An hour and a half later, Sheldon looked up from his book. At some point, he had decided that the chair in the corner was the optimal seat in the compartment. "I'm hungry."
"I am too," she said. Lunch seemed like a long, long time ago.
"Shall we order in, or visit the dining hall?" he asked, reaching for the menu once more.
Penny groaned. "I look like crap, I don't want anybody else to see me. Order in." It was true. She'd showered, of course, and put on a decently cute outfit, but she just wasn't feeling it when she looked in the mirror. Maybe it was the bags still under her eyes that no amount of concealer seemed to solve; maybe it was the fact that her hair was used to the humidity of California and Nebraska threw it off.
"I fail to see this resemblance to feces, but I agree that we should order in," Sheldon said, passing her the menu. She scanned it quickly.
"They have steak," she murmured reverently, feeling his eyes shift to her.
Was that a smile playing at his lips? "Ah yes. You love steak," he replied, imitating her. She giggled.
"Well, what are you going to have?"
"Today is Tuesday. Tuesday night is Cheeseburger Night. Therefore, I will be having a cheeseburger."
"Awh, I bet this waitress won't be as cute as the usual one," she teased.
Sheldon looked down slightly. "Yes, I expect she won't be."
Something like that really shouldn't have made her heart melt. Somebody forgot to tell that to her heart.
They carried the boxes to the table in the compartment, Penny with her steak and Sheldon with his cheeseburger. They sat, and ate, and talked. Penny couldn't help but remember the few times in the past when it had been just the two of them.
"This is really nice, Sheldon," she said finally. She wasn't too awesome with gratitude, especially with Sheldon. Normally, she'd give the person a hug or a friendly kiss, but that obviously wouldn't happen with this one. Falling for a weirdo was the worst.
He smiled between careful bites. "Yes, the accommodations are lovely, aren't they? The train itself is fascinating. It—"
Penny cut him off. "I was thanking you, honey."
"Oh. Well, in that case, you're welcome," he said quietly.
She looked at the room. "And I gotta say, I'm glad they gave us two beds. I mean...you know."
Sheldon nodded. "Yes, that does make matters less complicated. Are you aware of the 18th-century courtship practice of bundling? The intended couple would share a bed, usually separated by a 'bundling board' or 'centerboard'. It conserved space, retained heat, and encouraged non-coital intimacy."
Penny thought about this. "That's kind of cool, actually."
"I thought you would appreciate it."
They finished their dinner in silence and cleaned up. Something had changed between them, just then. The change in atmosphere made Penny a bit uncomfortable, but she forced herself to stay calm. She was probably just overreacting. Sure, she had begun to accept her feelings for Sheldon, but she knew that it was unlikely that he would ever really return them (or do anything about it, anyway).
She found herself staring out the window. The landscape was somehow captivating. She barely felt as if they were moving, and yet, there it went. Trees and fields and rivers and plains...
"Penny?"
Her breath caught, and it took a conscious effort for her to start again. Sheldon's tone sounded somewhat tentative, nervous, even, and she wouldn't let herself think about what she wanted the reason to be.
She turned to look at him, standing as she did so.
Sheldon was a man of action, at least in his own estimation. It was his duty to do what needed to be done, and this chemical change that had taken place within his body urged him onward. It was imperative, before they returned to California and were faced with the unwelcome presence of his friends.
"Penny," he said again, feeling slightly calmer now that he had assured himself of the plan's rationality. She blinked up at him, and he cursed her for managing to look so attractive and so clueless simultaneously.
"Yes, Sheldon?"
He did not understand her tone. It did not echo of hostility nor of her usual "playful banter". It was almost akin to her sad voice, although he could not imagine why she would be upset.
Sheldon forged onward. "As you are probably aware, I am not adept at expressing emotions. However, that does not mean that I do not possess them, no matter how much inconvenience they may cause me."
Penny nodded, her eyes focusing on something far away. She was biting her lip—oh, Lord, she was biting her lip, and if he hadn't already intended to kiss her, his intentions would have changed.
He was so close to her physically by this point. There were many things that Sheldon Cooper had a healthy fear of: large crowds and falling, for two. Yet nothing compared to the sheer, fear-based adrenaline high he experienced at that moment. He placed his hands on her shoulders to steady himself, turned his head approximately 35 degrees, and touched his lips to hers.
Nearly instantaneously, he felt a rush shock through his system. Penny drew him nearer, wrapping her arms around his neck. He had intended to make the contact brief, both to prevent unnecessary bacterial exchange and so that they could then discuss the matter, yet he had lost count of how many seconds the kiss had lasted. Somewhere in his mind, Sheldon considered that he should break the kiss, but that action seemed so entirely contrary to his desires that he discarded the notion entirely.
This kiss was entirely different from any of the kisses he had received, possibly because he reciprocated. Yet it was also different from the kiss in the dream. That was reasonable, as well. At that time, he was not yet aware of the extent of his feelings for Penny.
Their lips finally parted ways, and he found himself short of breath. Her eyes were startlingly dilated and entrancing. He could not find it in himself to even speak.
After a moment, she spoke. "That...how do you feel about me, Sheldon?"
He blinked. "I thought my actions would make that clear."
Penny gave him an indecipherable look. He sighed. "My gathered evidence suggests that I am in love with you. I cannot bear to think of you being unhappy, I enjoy your company more than that of any other person of my acquaintance, and I find myself irresistibly attracted to you. I was led to believe that you returned these feelings, although if I am incorrect, I apologize for my advances." Was he blushing? Oh, what this woman put him through.
"I return your feelings," she interjected breathlessly.
"Well...good," he said awkwardly.
"Yeah."
Sheldon looked down at his hands.
"Do you want to kiss again?" Penny asked.
"Could we?" he responded, irritated with his own phrasing. Of course they could—
—and that thought was lost as her lips recaptured his.
After a few more kisses, they headed to the dining car again. Evidently, Penny no longer cared about how she perceived her looks. They ordered drinks (his was non-alcoholic), and sat down. For awhile, they only stared at each other, drinking each other in. Sheldon would normally be uncomfortable with this, but that day was different.
She was different.
Eventually, they began to talk. A cocktail loosened Penny's lips to the point where she could tell him about her mother, and for the first time, Sheldon was thankful for the existence of alcohol. At first, he worried that she would cry again, and although he felt considerably more in touch with his emotional side at that moment, he knew that was beyond his abilities.
"So basically, she thinks I'm not good enough, that I'm wasting my time trying to get a job as an actress, and that I'm just a dumb slut," Penny finished, and he thanked God (even though he insisted in his disbelief of any deity) that she hadn't shed a tear.
"That is absurd," he replied immediately. "You excel in many areas, and I could certainly not tolerate your presence if you were dumb."
She laughed and told him that he was sweet. He assumed that this had to be the alcohol talking, because he had merely stated the truth.
They talked for a few more hours, until the dining car closed. At one point, she held his hand. It was not an unpleasant experience, although he feared that his own hand became too sweaty for comfort.
The only other noteworthy incident that night occurred after all the night-time preparations were made and they were ready to retire, although it was past Sheldon's routine bed-time and before Penny's. She turned off the light and asked, "Sheldon, am I dreaming?"
He considered her statement. "As I have sensed no distortion in reality, I doubt it. Why do you ask?"
"Because...this. You kissing me, us being...something different."
"Even if you were dreaming, it would hardly change the circumstances," he reasoned.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." He heard her sliding under the covers.
"Of course I am."
There was silence for a moment, and Sheldon wondered if she had succumbed to sleep.
"Sheldon?"
Obviously not. "Yes, Penny?"
"Good night."
"Good night."
He slipped into a beautiful sleep, a smile planted on his face.
End Notes: This is the last chapter, not counting the epilogue. I'm beginning to think that I'm addicted to the pilot episode, there are so many callbacks to it in this fic.