Author's Note: So I'm back earlier than expected to make up for the one Sunday when I didn't update as per usual. So welcome to Random Wednesday Update! This chapter is very NSFW. That's all I have to say about that.

Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter! I think I replied to every single one but I can't really remember right now because I'm pretty exhausted from writing this all day.

I recommend that you listen to "Your Song" covered by Ellie Goulding while reading this chapter because she has the voice of an angel and it's pretty and suits the mood of the chapter.

As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.

Chapter 12: Your Song

Saturday, July 13th, 2013

I woke up early the next morning just like I normally did to take Libby for her walk. Emily was still asleep, likely exhausted from her breakdown yesterday. I didn't bother to brush my hair or wash my face. I simply threw on a light jumper, grabbed Libby's leash and stuffed a tennis ball in my pocket.

"Come on, darling," I said as quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake Emily as I pushed Libby off our bed. She grumbled for a few moments but became much more excited when she saw the leash in my hand. I hooked the leash to her collar and we began our very short walk to the park across the street from our apartment building.

When we got to the park I didn't run around with Libby as I usually did. Instead, I threw the ball from my spot on a bench for her and let her run and bring it back to me. I wasn't in the mood to play and run around with Libby. I just wanted to sit and mope. I wasn't thinking of anything coherent or specific really. I was just thinking about Emily and how we were going to get over this next hurdle together. I felt angry and infinitely sad about what my wife has had to go through. I couldn't imagine what a day in Emily's shoes would be like. I knew her well, no doubt, but I could never really know what she went through on a day-to-day basis or how difficult particular days could be for her.

Libby and I usually spent about an hour at the park, but I decided to cut my time away from Emily short today. I wanted to be close to her and to be there to comfort her if she needed it.

We got back to the apartment, and Libby trotted off into the office to play with her toys. I shed my light jumper and tossed it on an armchair in the bedroom, and got back into bed. Emily turned around as soon as she felt my weight on the bed and snuggled into me so we were facing each other. I watched Emily as she slowly started to wake up and couldn't help but smile at how adorable she was.

"Morning, beautiful," I whispered, kissing her gently. Emily kissed me back and threaded her fingers through my hair. Emily pulled away from my lips but wrapped her arms around me so we still stayed close.

"I want to be completely honest with you, Naoms," Emily whispered, nuzzling her face into my chest. "I want to tell you everything I haven't told you already about the rape and the abortion."

"Okay," I replied, stroking Emily's hair and back softly.

"Since I didn't go to the hospital after John raped me, I didn't get any testing done or anything of the sort until about four weeks later. I went to the doctors for a full work-up, STD testing and everything and those all came up clean, but they told me I was two weeks pregnant. I agonized over what to do. Did I keep the baby? Did I go through with the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption? I didn't tell anyone what was going on, not Katie, none of my friends. I didn't want them to pity me and I didn't want anybody to know, so I figured that keeping the baby and going through with the pregnancy weren't real options. I agonized over what to do for six weeks before I finally decided that I had to have an abortion. I didn't really have any other choice. I wasn't about to give up the next nine months of my life to John after he'd already taken so much away from me. He took away my right to choose who I had sex with, he took away my right to choose what happened to my body in so many ways. So I booked the abortion and thought that would be the end of it. Hoped that would be the end of it. But of course, it wasn't. It's never really over. When I went back to the doctors for a follow up appointment a few weeks after the abortion, they said I would have to have a D&C because the abortion left retained "products of conception". Our doctor, the one that just told me that I have severe uterine scarring said it was from the D&C. It's called Asherman's syndrome. I have too many scars to conceive. They had detected some scars when I was donating my eggs for Katie and Effy, but they didn't really think anything of it. I mentioned it to our doctor at my last check up and she decided to send me for further tests."

Emily sighed into my chest and I kissed her forehead gently.

"It just never seems to stop," Emily whispered as a lone tear ran down her cheek and splashed against the skin of my chest. "I keep thinking that it's over, that I can finally move on from the rape and then something like this comes up and I can't. I'm right there again and I'm re-living it and he won't stop ruining my life. And now I won't be able to help you build our family. What if I wanted to carry a baby somewhere down the line? Or what if you don't want to carry the baby? Or if there's some kind of problem? Now I can't even do that. I don't have the option."

Emily cried into my chest while I held her and tried to get her to calm down. It hurt me so much to see my beautiful Emily as upset as she was right now. When she cried, I wanted to cry. But I knew that this problem was fixable for us.

"Hey," I whispered once Emily had calmed down a bit. "There are so many ways for us to build our family. And you're just as much a founding member of it as I am, even if you can't carry one of our children. You're the one who technically gets me pregnant, remember? I can't do that alone. And if it's really important to you that we have a baby that's yours, then I'll carry your baby for you. I'll do anything for you, Em. I'll do anything for our family. If there ends up being a problem with me, which I doubt there will be, we could always adopt or ask Katie or Effy or someone to be a surrogate. We're surrounded by people, Em, people who love us and want us to have a family just as much as we do. They would help us."

Emily nodded and kissed me gently once, then grew more forceful with each of her kisses. She pulled me so we were no longer lying on our sides facing each other. Now I was on top of her, supporting myself on my forearms so we barely had an inch of space between us. Emily threaded her fingers through my hair, pulling and twisting it gently. Her hand moved down to my back and slipped under my t-shirt, fingers dancing on the bare skin of my back. I pulled my lips apart from hers and started kissing her neck, slowly moving down towards her shoulder, then her collarbone, then her cleavage. Emily had only slept in a bra and panties last night since it was so humid. I slipped my hand behind Emily's back, making her arch a bit so I could unclip her bra. It'd been so long since we'd had sex, but I knew every single one of Emily's bras well and didn't fumble while taking it off.

Emily pulled at my shirt and took it off right away, knowing that I never slept with a bra on. My lips parted slightly against the skin of Emily's chest, leaving open mouthed kisses on her skin till I reached her nipples. I kissed each of her nipples, trying to fight down my lust and be as gentle as I could with Emily. Right now, I didn't want to fuck her, I didn't want it to be about lust. I wanted to make love to her, show her how much I loved every single part of her. To show her that I didn't care whether parts of her worked or were broken. To show her that I loved her no matter what.

I took one of her nipples in my mouth and sucked. Emily threaded her fingers through my hair tightly and moaned. When she couldn't take anymore, she pulled my head away and moved it towards her other nipple, where I sucked and kissed her again. I kissed down to her belly button and pulled off her knickers as quickly as I could manage.

Emily kicked the sheets away and threw her hand over her face, pushing her hair away. Her skin held a slight sheen of sweat. I took off my own pants and knickers and then pushed Emily's knees so they were bent and apart. I loved seeing her like this. Completely open and trusting, knowing that she trusted me wholly with her body and her heart.

Emily pushed herself up so she was balancing on her forearms. She knew what was coming and she loved watching. Her stomach was quivering and her breath was laboured.

I grabbed Emily's thigh, pushing it even farther open as I leaned forward and placed open mouthed kisses all along the inside of her leg. Her legs were shaking in anticipation as I got nearer and nearer to her centre. I finally moved straight to her centre, my tongue working in circles around her clit. I grabbed her legs and put them over my shoulders as I felt Emily fall down against the bed, apparently no longer able to hold herself up to watch. She threaded her fingers through my hair and pushed me even closer to her heat. I wrapped one hand around her leg and reached up to palm her breast while I moved my other hand down to her centre and slid two fingers inside her. I sucked on her clit and curled my fingers inside her. My hand was on her left breast, pinching and squeezing her and feeling every shaky breath and every rapid heartbeat.

"Naomi," Emily moaned as her fingers tangled in my hair. "Ohhhhh."

Her legs wrapped around my head, pulling myself immeasurably closer to her centre. All I could breathe in was Emily. I pumped my fingers into her faster, and sucked and licked at her harder, knowing she was only seconds away from her climax. I moved my hand away from her breast to her hip to hold her down as she started bucking against me. I curled my fingers into her and stilled my movements as I felt her walls clamp down around my fingers. I brought her down as carefully and gently as I could, stroking her gently down from her climax. She uncrossed her legs so they were no longer trapping me against her, and I moved up so I could lay next to her and kiss her.

"I missed you," Emily whispered a few minutes later, opening her eyes and giving me a lazily happy smile.

"I missed you, too," I replied, leaning over and kissing her. She moaned, likely because she tasting herself on my tongue. I pulled away from her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close against me. "I love you."

"I love you too," Emily replied back, kissing my shoulder. She tangled her legs between mine and the last thing I caught before I ended up being forced onto my back was a mischievous smile. "Your turn."

As we lay in bed together hours later wrapped up in each other, I felt Emily sigh against me.

"Can we still try?" She whispered, looking up at me with her big doe eyes.

"What?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows as I tried to figure out what she meant.

"Can we still try to get pregnant this month? I know we missed yesterday, but we still have today and tomorrow right?" Emily whispered. I shook my head, remembering that Cook was in Glasgow right now.

"Cook's in Glasgow to visit his brother," I replied. "Maybe we can try on Monday when he gets back, but that might be too late."

Emily nodded against me.

"Well, once is better than nothing, right?" She said, looking up at me with a hopeful smile. I shrugged and nodded.

"I'll phone him later."

"I'm sorry I had you so worried before," Emily said, her fingers tracing imaginary patterns on my arm. "I should have just told you. I never meant for you to think I didn't love you or want to start a family with you anymore."

I nodded. "We were both stupid, Ems. I'm sorry too."

She leaned up and pressed her lips against mine. "Just for the record, I do want to start a family with you. As soon as possible. I'd try to get you pregnant now if I could."

I laughed. "I think you just tried to get me pregnant three times, Em."

She laughed and kissed me. "Maybe this month will be our miracle month, even if we only manage to do one insemination."

I smiled and nodded at her. She grabbed my hand and kissed it, holding it tightly.

"I hope so, Em."

Author's Note: Check out my tumblr page, which should be linked somewhere on my profile...I think. Or just try to lurk the Naomily fandom and find me that way. Or just type in "keeping-schtum" and then put in a period and then type "tumblr" and then put in another period and then put "com".

Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought! I read and reply to every review :)