Author's Note: I'm so sorry I wasn't able to update last Sunday as usual. I was very sick and stuck in bed, and only started to feel better yesterday. I haven't been able to reply to reviews yet, so I apologize to those of you who reviewed and didn't get a reply. I'm going to try to reply to as many as I can!

This chapter's song is Paradise by Coldplay. I recommend listening to it while reading, especially towards the end of the chapter. The title of the chapter isn't song-related this week, but instead reflects the circle of life and death.

As usual, I don't own Skins.

Chapter 14: Circle

Sunday, August 4th, 2013

After our freak out in the bathroom, Emily and I mostly spent the day laughing and crying and reading pregnancy books. Well, Emily read pregnancy books. I did other things, like chasing Libby around the apartment or trying to write my next article or coming up with ways we could tell Jenna Fitch that I, her demon daughter-in-law, was carrying her future grandchild. The only person we had told was Cook and we didn't plan on telling anybody else until we passed our three month mark. Cook congratulated us and sounded pleased when we phoned him to tell him we would no longer require his services. I'm sure he was relieved he didn't have to remain celibate anymore.

I was so relieved I had gotten pregnant quickly. I wasn't sure if Emily and I would have been able to handle another round of inseminations and all the emotional bullshit we went through during the first month we weren't pregnant. Emily had tentatively asked me if she could borrow the pregnancy books I was reading when I was finished with them. I agreed immediately of course, and gave her the ones I had already finished reading. I was so happy that Emily wanted to understand what my body was going through. Emily finished reading the first book I recommended by Saturday evening and had moved on to the second one. She would occasionally spew out pregnancy facts at me while she was reading and we'd talk about how I felt already and how I should be feeling in the weeks to come.

I woke up that calm and quiet Sunday morning to a sniffing sound. Libby was lying right in between Emily and I, sniffing me all over and pawing at my blankets. I moved the blanket, curious to see what she was sniffing for. Libby sniffed all over my chest and stomach, finally settling on my lower stomach. She sniffed and sniffed and then just laid her head against me, as though she could hear our baby's heart beat. I wouldn't be surprised if she could. Libby lifted her head off my stomach and started gently pawing at it before looking at me and barking, as though she was saying 'what the actual fuck is going on here?'

I smiled at her and stroked her and nudged Emily. Libby went back to her work of sniffing and pawing at me.

"Look," I whispered to Emily as she rolled over and sat up. She rubbed at her eyes and sleepily watched Libby. She smiled softly and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

"She can probably hear the baby's heart beat or smell the pregnancy hormones or something," Emily murmured as she stroked Libby gently. Emily stretched and Libby abandoned my stomach, giving one last bark before running into the office.

"You know," Emily murmured as she laid her head against my stomach. "I read in the baby book that our baby is the size of a sesame seed this week."

I nodded and my eyes filled up with tears. "I know," I murmured, the tears thick in my voice. Emily looked up at me, eyes full of worry.

"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Emily asked as she sat up and kissed me gently. "Don't cry."

"I'm sorry," I sobbed as I wiped my tears away. "It's just...the baby's so tiny! How's he gonna be safe in there? I'm so big and he's so little!"

Emily cuddled me and whispered that it was gonna be okay. I stopped crying and pouted. Where the fuck did that come from?

"And my boobs hurt," I mumbled into Emily's cleavage. She laughed and rubbed my back.

"I know, babe. The book said your boobs would hurt this week," Emily smiled and bit her lip. "The book also said that your boobs are going to get anywhere from one to three cup sizes bigger."

Emily sneakily glanced up at me and smiled mischievously. "That should be fun," she whispered.

"Oh my god," I mumbled, burying my face into my pillow. My boobs were already a decent size, and Emily had never before mentioned any interest in big breasts, so this was all rather surprising to me. "I suppose you'll have fun with them."

Emily laughed and grabbed my shoulder, pushing me so I was laying flat on my back. She blatantly checked out my boobs, and ran her finger underneath the strap of my tank top. She ran her finger underneath the material all the way down to my left breast and slowly pushed away the cotton. She bit her lip and closed her eyes.

"Mmm, I imagine I will have fun with them, Naoms," She whispered, leaning down to kiss my neck as her fingers played with the delicate skin of my nipple. "Not that I'm complaining about their normal size...but this is like a free, natural boob job."

I murmured and nodded in agreement, hoping that Emily would take things farther, but she gave me one last kiss and pinched my nipple one last time before hopping out of bed and running into the shower.

"Sneaky bitch," I mumbled.

Monday, August 5th, 2012

The next morning, Emily and I were woken up by my mobile phone ringing and vibrating my nightstand. I groaned and buried it under my pillow, only serving to make the ringing sound even louder.

"Naoms," Emily practically growled. "Answer the phone. I have to be up in an hour."

I groaned again and answered the phone.

"Naomi, it's Natalie."

I immediately got worried. Natalie sounded stressed. Whatever she was phoning me for at half-past four in the morning, it was urgent.

"Nat, what's wrong?" I said, sitting up straight away. Sleep was long gone now. I threw my covers off and started to get dressed. I had a feeling that this phone call would end with me heading to London.

"It's dad. He's...he's dying, Naoms. I...he keeps asking for you. He wants to meet you. And Emily. Will you come?" Natalie sounded desperate and horribly alone. I couldn't say no. I had to go.

"Yes, we'll be on the next train," I said. I heard Natalie sigh in relief.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "But Naoms...make it quick. The nurses say he hasn't got long."

I took down the hospital and room information and got dressed as quickly as possible.

"Em, we have to go to London," I said, yanking the covers off Emily.

"What? I can't, I have to go to work at 6, I have a wedding-"

"My dad's dying, Em, we have to go. He keeps asking for me and he wants to meet you. My sister...she's there all alone. I have to be with her, she can't be there all alone."

Emily stared at me, completely in shock. "Your dad? Your sister?"

I nodded, pulling up my jeans and grabbing a grey v-neck t-shirt. Emily just sighed and pulled herself out of bed and began to get ready as quickly as I was. I started to pack up some of our clothes into a duffel bag, and Emily organized all our toiletries and things I'd forgotten and tossed them in as well.

We grabbed a half-asleep Libby and dropped her off at Katie and Effy's, saying that we didn't have time to explain but we needed a dog-sitter. I wasn't sure if Natalie was right about this being a short trip. Even if my father did die today, I couldn't very well leave Natalie alone to deal with were arrangements that had to be made and if this was the one time I could prove myself to be a worthy sister to Nat, I'd do it a million times over.

I hailed a taxi and we managed to get tickets for the next train to London, despite their ridiculous cost and morning rush hour.

We sat down and Emily grabbed my hand tightly. "I'm not mad, Naoms," she whispered. "But I have to know...why didn't you tell me about your dad? Or your sister?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, Em. It just never seemed like the right time. Natalie knows about us, about you. But dad... I've never been ready to meet him. He has Alzheimer's and Nat and I weren't sure if he'd remember me when I did meet him. But then he started asking about me on a pretty regular basis. That's when I started to chicken out – what if he didn't like me? What if he couldn't remember that I had a wife? Why did he want to meet me now, all of a sudden?"

Emily nodded but frowned at the same time. "You didn't really answer my question though, Naoms. Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged and looked down at our hands. "I just didn't want to ruin things, Em. You've got your own stuff going on, with John and the IVF and transfer process you went through for Katie and Effy. I didn't want to add anything extra on your plate. I knew I'd have to tell you eventually. I just figured I had more time."

Emily squeezed my hand and brought her free hand up to my face. She pulled my face towards hers and kissed me gently.

"Naomi, I am your wife. You can tell me anything. We're starting a family together now, you can't just keep secrets like this from me anymore. If we're going to be a family, we have to start acting like one," Emily kissed me gently again and smiled up at me. "No secrets from now on, okay?"

I nodded at her and cuddled into her shoulder. "Just hold me, okay, Em? I'm scared."

Emily nodded and held me tightly.

"I've never seen someone die before," I whispered about an hour into our journey. Emily kissed the top of my head and sighed heavily.

"I haven't either, Naoms. We'll face it together, love."

Emily and I held hands all the way from the train station to my father's hospital room. I saw Natalie sitting outside his room in a chair, her head buried in her hands. She was in workout clothes and looked completely exhausted.

"Nat," I said gently, placing my hand on her shoulder so I didn't startle her too much. She looked up at me and saw Emily and smiled. It was a big, genuine smile that showed that Nat didn't care that she was meeting Emily under these circumstances, she was just happy to meet her sister-in-law. Emily smiled just as broadly at Natalie, though she seemed a bit surprised when Nat sprung up and hugged her tightly.

"It's so nice to meet you," Natalie said, taking in Emily's appearance. Long gone were the days of Emily's bright red hair, which was now replaced by a more muted reddish brown.

Emily nodded at Natalie and squeezed her arm in an attempt to reassure her.

"I'm sorry about your father," Emily said. Natalie nodded and thanked Emily. She turned to me and smiled before enveloping me in a hug.

"He's been asking for you non-stop. I had to leave the room, he was driving me mental," Natalie said, running her fingers through her hair. I nodded and braced myself. I didn't let go of Emily's hand. "Oh, don't call him Dad or anything. Call him Neil. Sometimes he forgets that he has children and regresses to his teenage years or early twenties."

We walked in together behind Natalie. Emily was squeezing my hand so tightly it felt like it was going to fall off. It seemed as though she was more nervous than I was.

"Neil," Natalie said, grabbing my father's attention. He had tubes connected into him and looked so frail and old. I'd never really seen anybody like that. It was eerie, staring into his blue eyes that were so much like my own. Emily gasped when she saw him and shied into me. I suppose it's scary seeing an old person that looks a bit like you. "This is Naomi, Gina Campbell's daughter."

"Oh, finally!" Neil said, sounding both relieved and exasperated. "You!" He pointed at me, authoritative even from his deathbed. "Come sit in this chair."

I did as he asked and sat in the chair next to his bed. Emily followed since we didn't stop holding hands, and sat on the arm of the chair. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"Now you tell your mother to stop calling me at home and demanding child support! I ain't got nothing to do with that bastard child and I won't have nothing to do with that Gina fucking Campbell either!" Neil yelled, his heart monitors beeping like mad as he lunged towards me and grabbed my wrist tightly.

I tried to pry my hand away from him, confused and shocked at how quickly he'd regressed. Natalie pried him off me and tried to bring him back to the present but he pushed her away as well. His breathing was rough and he kept clutching at his chest. Natalie frantically pushed the alarm button next to my father's bed as his heart monitors continued to beep.

"Are you okay?" Emily whispered frantically into my ear as she pulled me off the chair and examined my wrist. It was obvious she was trying to get me to ignore the fact that my father was having a heart attack because of me, and that she was trying to get me away from him as quickly as possible.

Nurses flooded into the room and stood around. I frowned.

"What are you doing? Get a crash cart or something!" I ordered as the nurses began to congregate around my father's bed. A few of them looked anxiously at me, and a few of them shrugged and talked amongst themselves. He flatlined, and they were still doing nothing.

Natalie grabbed my free hand and I saw tears welling up in her eyes. "He signed a DNR months ago. They can't do anything for him," she said, her voice watery. "I'm so sorry, Naoms, I'm so sorry I called you here and you had to see him like this. He was completely lucid before you got here, I don't know what happened..."

Natalie continued to ramble on but I was paying attention to the nurses. One of them went into the hallway and came back in with a doctor. He unplugged the heart monitors and pressed his fingers to my father's neck. He looked back at Natalie and Emily and I and sent us a quick sorrowful glance.

"Time of death, 11:58 a.m."

I pulled back the foreign bedcovers and climbed in next to Emily. I snuggled up against her in bed, burying my face against her chest. She held my hand and tangled our fingers together, our wedding rings banging against each other. Emily was so soothing, everything about her. Her smell, the way she breathed, the way her hair tickled the skin of my cheek. She was exactly what I needed after today. Nat had let us stay at her place, in her spare room. At the moment, we were staying indefinitely, mostly to try to support Nat and help her with whatever she needed. Emily had phoned and taken familial emergency leave from work, and I had done the same. We were going to start planning the funeral tomorrow and we would have to be present for the reading of my father's will, whenever that would take place. I'd phoned my mother and explained where I was. She was surprised when I told her about my father's death, and even more surprised that I knew who my father was. But the nice thing about my mother is that she doesn't question things. She just accepts it for what it is. She gave me her condolences and said she'll be sending me all her strength over the next few days.

"Are you okay?" Emily whispered as she gently and soothingly ran her fingers through my hair.

I shrugged against her.

"I don't know. I met my father today and then I watched him die," I whispered, frowning at mine and Emily's joined hands. "When I was a little girl, I would play pretend. I'd pretend that I was a princess and that my daddy was the grandest, fairest king of all time. He loved me and gave me everything I wanted. And then I started to grow up. And I realized that my father wasn't a king, he was a bastard that denied my existence. He didn't pay child support and my mum had to work four jobs while I was growing up. I hardly ever saw her. We moved from city to city, skipping town just before rent was due. Mum didn't have any family that would take her in, and whatever family she did have was only interested in trying to take me away from her to give me a 'safe environment' to grow up in. If my dad was such a king, why wouldn't he let us live in his castle?

"And then I really grew up and I forgot all about him until I met Natalie. I had no interest in meeting him. He never wanted to meet me when I was growing up, so why should I want to meet him now that he was sick? And now, fast forward to today...I met him. He told me everything I already knew. That I wasn't good enough for him, that my mother wasn't good enough for him, and I was never really his daughter."

Emily continued to play with my hair to show me that she was listening.

"I'm not really upset, Em. I just feel silly for expecting something different."

Emily pulled me tighter into her and kissed me firmly.

"Hey," she whispered, brushing away a few stray tears. "I love you. I know just how amazing you are. Your dad missed out on the life of an absolutely amazing and wonderful daughter. It's his loss, darling, not yours."

I nodded against her and held her hand tightly. "Just promise me that our children will grow up with two parents that love them," I whispered. Emily smiled and kissed me.

"Look at all the people around us that love our baby already. My mum and dad, your mum and Kieran, Katie and Effy. Cook loved the idea of our baby so much that he agreed to be our donor! Our baby will never have a shortage of love, and our baby will always know that she was wanted," Emily whispered before kissing me again. "I love you."

Emily leant down and kissed my stomach. "And I still love you, little sesame seed."

Author's note: Please don't forget to leave a review! I love hearing from you guys and hearing your thoughts on each chapter.