Sayid stopped as he neared Sawyer's tent and took a deep breath. He adjusted his pack as he stood there thinking. He'd realized what had been wrong with the first plan when Charlie had visited him last night. There was no way he could prove Sawyer could trust him with just words. Sawyer would always believe that when it came down to it, everyone would hurt him no matter what they said.
The only way prove Sawyer could trust him was to show him. Sayid hated what he was going to have to do, but there was no way around it. If he was going to reach Sawyer it had to be on familiar ground for Sawyer. He had to put in self in the same position as those who had hurt Sawyer and prove he wouldn't do the things they had. Sayid squared his shoulders and walked confidently into Sawyer's tent.
"You don't have to do this," Sawyer said softly.
"Yes, Sawyer, I do."
Sawyer was sitting with his legs up and his head on his knee's. His back was to Sayid and he hadn't bothered to look up when he spoke. Sayid's heart hurt for Sawyer. For what he'd been through, what he was still going through. At this moment Sayid hated himself for what he was about to do more than he had all day.
"Walk with me."
"Pfft. Like that worked out well last time?"
"Sawyer."
"Fine. Whatever."
*Sawyer POV*
They walked down the beach. Sawyer noted dimly it was the same way he'd walked last night when he needed time alone. Sawyer had actually packed and gotten ready to leave so he wouldn't be here when Sayid came. He just couldn't make himself do it. In the end he stayed mainly because he believe he deserved whatever Sayid was going to do to him.
Part of him still hoped Sayid really meant to talk. He couldn't bring himself to really believe that, though. Sayid was going to hurt him, he knew it. Hell, what's it matter? I deserve it anyways. Sawyer tried to push away the panic. Don't fight back, just don't fight back. It'll be over sooner if you don't fight it.
*Sayid POV*
Sayid watched Sawyer as they walked. He wished he had some clue as what Sawyer was thinking right now. Sawyer kept his head down and trudged forward slowly. Sayid let him set the pace. They had all night and he wasn't in a hurry to do this himself.
When they'd put a few miles between them and the camp he put a hand on Sawyer's arm. Sawyer jumped slightly but still didn't speak. Sayid gently guided him towards the forest. Sawyer kept his eyes on the ground and followed. Sayid was headed for a small clearing he'd found a few days ago.
When they reached the clearing he stopped. Sawyer took a few more steps and stopped walking and stood with his back to Sayid. Sayid was struck by how beautiful Sawyer looked right now, and took time to commit this image to memory before he began.
"Sawyer." Sayid worked to keep his tone just right.
"Yea?" Sawyer said quietly.
"Turn around."
Sawyer didn't move. "Please don't do this."
"Sawyer. Now." Sayid added emphasis in the last word without raising his voice.
Sawyer finally turned around. Sayid walked over and, grabbing Sawyer by the chin, he raised Sawyer's face to meet his. Sawyer jerked his head away. Sayid grabbed Sawyer's hair with one hand and jerked his head back. Sawyer started to struggle against it but stopped just as quickly.
"You will look at me." Sayid paused briefly before continuing. "You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yes." Sawyer's voice was barely more than a whisper.
Sayid leaned in and kissed Sawyer hard. He'd wanted to do this for so long he was angry that he couldn't enjoy it because of the circumstances. Angry at the people who made this the only way he could reach Sawyer. Angry at himself. Sayid grabbed at the anger and used it like a shield to help him through this.
When he finally broke off the kiss he shoved Sawyer to the ground and straddled him. Sayid pulled his pack off and set it to the side. He grabbed Sawyer's hands and pulled them above Sawyer's head before kissing him roughly again. Sawyer's heart was starting to race faster. When Sayid broke off the kiss this time he reached into the pack. Sayid pulled out some rope and felt Sawyer tense under him.
"No, don't, please. I won't fight. Please don't."
Sayid held Sawyer as he struggled and tied Sawyer's hands together. Sawyer continued to plead as he fought against Sayid. Sayid maintained a controlled grip on his anger to keep himself in the right head space. He wouldn't be able to do this otherwise. As soon as he had Sawyer's hands bound he held Sawyer's head in both hands and leaned close.
"You will do whatever I want you to do. You get no say in this."
"Please. You don't have to tie me up. I won't fight it, please."
"Open your eyes Sawyer."
"Please."
"Open them. You will look at me."
Sawyer slowly opened them and Sayid had hard time not cringing at the fear he saw in them. It was hard to remember he hadn't been the one that had caused all the fear he saw in those eyes. Sayid let go of Sawyer's head. He reached out with one hand and ran it down the side of Sawyer's face. Sawyer jerked away at the touch.
"Who do you belong to Sawyer?"
Sawyer shut his eyes tightly and and started shaking.
"Who, Sawyer? Tell me!"
"You," Sawyer said quietly.
"And what is my name?"
"Please."
"Say it Sawyer."
"Sayid," Sawyer whispered.
"Good. Maybe if you're really good I'll even untie you later."
Sawyer started shaking harder.
"Do you know what I want?"
Sawyer nodded.
"You will answer me when I ask you a question. Do you know what I want?"
"Yes."
"And what do I want?"
"Me."
"And there's nothing you can do to stop me from taking you is there?"
"No."
The defeat in Sawyer's voice threatened to break through the anger Sayid was shielding himself with. Sayid shook it off before that could happen. Sawyer had to learn he could trust Sayid. He raised Sawyer's shirt and ran his fingers down Sawyer's side. Sawyer started to struggle again.
"You will be still. You will lay there and take whatever I want you to. Do you understand me?"
Sawyer stopped struggling but was still shaking. Sitting on top of Sawyer he could feel how hard Sawyer had gotten. It didn't surprise Sayid. If the people Sawyer had been with had done things like this before they fucked him, then it was natural Sawyer would associate anger and violence with sex.
"You will keep your hands above your head. Do not move unless I move you. Do you understand me?"
"Yes."
"And who am I?"
"You know who you are."
Sayid shuddered slightly recalling the last time he'd heard Sawyer say those words.
"What is my name? Say it Sawyer."
"Sayid."
"Who do you belong to Sawyer?"
"You."
Sayid slid down and began unbuttoning Sawyer's pants. He had no intentions of taking Sawyer. He was prepared for it if it happened, he just didn't think it would. He planned to wait until this was over and Sawyer came to him. He wanted it to be Sawyer's decision. Still he had to put himself in the same category as the people who hurt Sawyer and show Sawyer that he wasn't going to. It was a fine line to walk.
Sayid slid Sawyer's pants down. He wasn't surprised Sawyer wasn't wearing underwear. It wasn't a piece of clothing you wanted to steal out of someone else's luggage. He found himself wondering if Sawyer wore it before the plane crash. Before you had to depend on what other people had packed.
"Please don't hurt me."
"If I decide to hurt you I will. It is my decision to make."
"Yes sir."
Sayid pondered that. Did the people that hurt Sawyer make him call them sir? He pulled the anger he felt for those people closer to himself.
Yes, he would make them suffer someday. Sayid moved himself back up Sawyer's body until he was sitting on Sawyer's hips again. He did his best to ignore how good Sawyer felt beneath him.
*Sawyer POV*
Please, Sawyer yelled in his own mind. You said you wouldn't hurt me. You said you wouldn't. His mind replayed every time Sayid had said he didn't want to hurt him when Sayid had him tied to the tree. You knew better, the logical part of his mind whispered. Shut it, he yelled back at it.
He felt the tears in his eyes but couldn't bring himself to care. He just wanted this to be over. He didn't have to tie me up. I wouldn't have fought. Why did he have to tie me up again? Because you told him you didn't like it, his mind answered. Shut it, he yelled back at his mind. Please just let this end. Please.
"Sawyer."
Sawyer opened his eyes. He tried to answer but his voice wouldn't work. He's going to hurt me if I don't answer, he thought. He's going to hurt me no matter what. He didn't want to believe Sayid would be like everyone else. It was hard to deny it at this point.
"What is my name Sawyer?"
Sawyer tried to say it, but his voice still didn't work. He started to panic, fearing what Sayid was going to do to him for not answering.
"Sawyer, what is my name?"
"Sayid," Sawyer managed.
Sawyer finally managed to say it. He was still terrified of being punished for Sayid having to ask twice. George hated having to tell him to do something twice. George wasn't a skilled torture. Sayid could hurt him much worse.
"And I can do anything I want to you can't I?"
"Yes."
Sawyer flinched when he felt Sayid's hands touch his stomach. Sayid's hands slid up to his chest. The touch was soft and almost comforting. It didn't match with what Sawyer knew. Sawyer felt the pressure on his hips lessen as Sayid moved. Sayid's hands gripped his arms and turned Sawyer over until he was laying on his stomach.
Don't fight, don't fight, don't fight, he chanted to himself. He couldn't help it. He promised himself this wouldn't happen again. Terrified, Sawyer rebelled and tried to fight back. Sayid was suddenly straddling Sawyer's back and holding his arms firmly down.
"No please. You promised!"
*Sayid POV*
The words cut deeper than a knife. Sayid almost lost his grip on Sawyer's arms.
"Sawyer." Sayid said softly.
Sawyer didn't respond.
"Sawyer."
"What does it matter? You're going to hurt me no matter what I do."
"Sawyer, what is my name?"
Sawyer didn't answer.
"Say it Sawyer."
"Why?"
"Because I need to know that you know who I am."
"You're going to hurt me no matter what."
"Say it Sawyer."
"Sayid."
"I am not going to hurt you."
"Yes you are."
"No Sawyer."
Sawyer didn't answer. He knew better. Why else would Sayid bring him out here and tie him up? Sayid was lying again.
"Sawyer."
"If you're not going to hurt me, let me go."
Sayid release his grip on Sawyer's arms but didn't move off of Sawyer's back.
"I will move if you promise to stay and hear what I have to say."
"You're lying. You just want me to think you won't hurt me."
"Then what do you have to lose? All I ask is for you to stay and listen."
Sawyer thought about it. What did he have to lose? Either Sayid was telling the truth or not. If Sayid was lying to him what difference did it make?
"Fine."
"Promise me Sawyer."
"Yes."
"You will stay and listen until I tell you everything?"
"Yes."