Author's Blurbs

Gah! Why can't I sleep? I got a 24 hour bus ride tomorrow, and instead of resting, I am writing this! I hate you all!

In all seriousness, hopefully this is the last chapter I write before I leave. As a plot note, I feel it prudent to point out that I have it in this universe that Ichigo's family knows about Rukia living in Ichigo's closet and are cool with it. It's something I plan to explain later, but not right now. So just roll with it. I'm the author here, and my word is law!

As always. I don't own Bleach. I'm not really that original to come up with something like this. So it should be self evident. If I was, I wouldn't be writing this. I'd be writing for a living.

Constructive criticism is always welcome. As are reviews (ones that go beyond "GO DEW NEXT CHAPTAR!"). I'm writing this on no sleep, so be gentle. Just kidding. Make it hurt!

Oh speaking of which...I need proof readers for my own personal story. Feel free to IM me at Ve12y (AIM) or email me at if you are interested in fantasy. Though I am in the Army, I do plan to one day publish a book. Shameless plug for the win?

Enough blabbering before this section becomes longer than the actual story...

Chapter 4(I'm so original it hurts): Best Laid Plans of Cats and Men...

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

There a many universal things in nature, laws that in effect govern our lives. One such law is the encompassing habit for alarm clocks to have the most annoying sounds procurable by human engineering. Ichigo's particular alarm clock, a ten dollar trinket he had purchased at the local store, was no stranger to this rule.

As it was, the damnable thing was droning on in only the monotonous way such a creation can achieve, probing the inner depths of his sleep and forcing his reluctant eyes open with a zealotry that would make most monks blush.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

With a loud groan Ichigo rolled over, and his ensuing response was also a universal law in the fabric of time. He reached over, slapping the cheap blue plastic clock with enough force to knock it to the floor, where it remained. Silent. Blissful silence. That minor victory achieved, he slung one arm across his face, trying in vain to hang on furtively to whatever sleep remained.

Needless to say, it was a losing battle.

Eventually, he summoned the willpower to swing himself out of bed. Or at least he tried to. Instead of his intended motion, he hit something soft and giving, and in the flurry of arms and legs that followed, he somehow had managed to tumble out of bed, hitting his head soundly on the carpeted rug.

And now, following said laws, he reacted as his nature dictated. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" he fumed, jumping up to scan the messy pile his sheets had formed on the ground as he rubbed his head in consternation.

Something moved, wiggled really, beneath his pale blue sheets, and, going against normal logic and sound reasoning, Ichigo, his anger momentarily forgotten, curiously picked up one corner. Like a flash, a black blur zipped out, colliding with Ichigo's face. He couldn't do anything, other than fall back and flail about. "What th– aaahhhh.". He panicked, eventually running smack into the closet door with a loud bang, where he could go no further.

Whatever it was, it moved with a whirlwind of motion, and it was sharp, he could feel the ripping and tearing on his flesh. It hurt. A lot. Reaching for some type of handhold, he managed to grab whatever it was off his face, and with a grunt, he flung it at the wall with all the force he could muster. He was rewarded with two rather satisfying splats. One of the object hitting the wall, then a far softer (though still satisfying) sound of it landing in his laundry basket.

"Honestly, why the hell are you being so loud so early in the morning...?" A messy haired Rukia complained, warily opening the door to peak out.

Ichigo was too busy feeling his face to really pay attention. There was splotches of blood on his hand and his face burned painfully. "Something attacked me."

That got Rukia's attention. She still remembered Yoruichi's talk only a few hours ago. "Huh..what did Ichigo?" She swung herself down, warily scanning the room as if the unmentioned assailants could pop out at any moment.

"It's in the laundry basket." Ichigo spat, reaching over to pick up a baseball bat that Tatsuki had so conveniently left in his room last time she had been over. Holding it ever so carefully, he crept with such great care over to the basket that, had the situation not been possibly dangerous, Rukia would have burst with laughter.

Suddenly, as Ichigo was nearing the basket, a furry black head with flashing yellow eyes shot up from its depths. "I'm going to kill yo–" Yoruichi's threat stopped mid-sentence as the bat came swiftly down, hitting her with a solid thud. The cat slumped over, somehow managing to almost drool back into the confines of the basket. It is no easy feat to make a furry ball of flesh drool, either.

"Hah! Take that...wait..." Ichigo peered closer, rubbing the grit of sleep from his eyes as he did so, "Oh shit! Yoruichi! What the hell are you doing here?!"

Panicking, he picked the cat up. She was non-responsive. "Speak to me!" he shook her. When that did nothing, he started shaking her harder. "Talk to me, you damn cat!"

With a sigh, Rukia pushed past, rescuing the cat from further abuse by wresting it out of Ichigo's clutches. She laid the cat on Ichigo's bed, while a freaked out Ichigo hovered by. "Is she dead?" he whispered.

"Of course not, you dolt." Rukia said, smacking Ichigo for good effect. "Look, her chest rises and falls evenly. You probably just surprised her. As if a bat could do any lasting damage to someone like her."

The threat now over, Ichigo's mind was now allowed to wander to different prospects. "Oh is that so?" he picked up the bat again, having discarded it in his previous panic. 'Well then, can I get a few more good whacks in? She has to pay for this." Ichigo pointed to his face, the crisscross of scratches plainly visible to Rukia in the soft morning light.

"You idiot. No, you may not hit her more. Plus she probably did you a favor. It's an improvement in my opinion."

"What did you say?!" When Rukia ignored him, he hmphed and decided to cut his losses, spinning around on one heel to head to the bathroom and go through his morning before-school routine. As he walked out, he managed to trip his dad, who had popped out of a nearby closet to try and tackle his son. Muttering, he ignored the declarations of love from his father, closing the bathroom door.

A few moments passed by and he returned with a toothbrush in his mouth, much to Rukia's silent chagrin. "Sho, wut iz she doin' here?" he mumbled between brushes.

"No idea." Rukia lied, "I figure it must be important."

"She wuz schleeping in my bed. I dun't think dats why shhe came. Or..." and Ichigo paused mid-brush, his mind flickering back to how she acted when she first showed him her transformation. He immediately felt his face become as hot as liquid lava. "...or at lheast I hope not."

"Pervert. Of course not. Your stupidity aside, I'm going to clean up. Don't manage to cause any other wounds to her in my absence."

"Hey, Rhukia?" he mumbled, small flecks of Crest coming out with every word. Rukia had to resist smacking him just for that. "I jhust rhealized. How'd yhou knhow Yoruichi wuz a fhemale?"

"You moron. I'm a noble of House of Kuchiki. How would I not know the others of my ilk? You do realize that she is, in effect a princess, the head of one of the noble clans of Soul Society? I'd recognize that name anywhere. It was well known she had run off with Kisuke, anyway."

"Why dhidn't you lhet me know?" he asked, eyes widening in surprise at the seeming importance of the person he had just carelessly bludgeoned.

Rukia shrugged, "Why should I? It doesn't matter in the long run. Why? Do you find her hot? Do you wish to get to know her in a more...intimate manner? You know, I hear through the grapevine that her and Kisuke are no longer an item...interested?" she asked, a lecherous grin growing of her face as she raised a single eyebrow in suggestion.

Stammering, and with Crest now flying with wild abandon, a red faced Ichigo went through a whole list of denials. "I'd nhever. It jhust could have shaved me shum embarrassin' situations, iz all."

"Ichigo. If you do not finish brushing and spit that toothpaste out in the sink, you will be laying next to Yoruichi very soon..." Rukia threatened, now throughly tired of his nearly incoherent speech and the multitude of toothpaste not being spit into the sink.

Knowing that he had pushed his luck, Ichigo nodded, grumbling a bit as he went into the bathroom. A very loud spit later, he was back, wiping the remnants off his face with the back of his arm. Guys...Rukia rolled her eyes, pushing past him so she could use the bathroom.

"Keep an eye for when she awakens. We only have half an hour before we have to head out to school." Rukia said on the way out.

"Yeah..." Calmed down and now feeling awkwardly alone in his room, Ichigo sat down and stared down at the still unconscious Yoruichi. Hard to think this little fur ball is a princess...he mused. Stranger to believe that she was ordering me around and training me at a point in my life too.

Acting on impulse, he picked her up, setting her carefully down on his lap. One of the most ancient laws of the universe states that if left to his own devices, a human will always want to eventually pet any furry animal, and Ichigo obeyed his urge. He secretly liked cats, anyway. It just wasn't something he advertised, just didn't seem very manly. But he did admire the way they moved, the deadly grace they displayed with every silent ripple of muscle. Plus, the urge to pet Yoruichi was something that had only gotten stronger ever since he found out that she was able to talk. He couldn't exactly explain why he wanted to do so, only that was something that he wasn't going to pass on now. Not when such a golden opportunity presented itself.

Using the tips of his nails, he scratched under the chin and neck of the cat. He had long since learned that this was a favorite of the normal cats, so he figured it might work on this...well whatever Yoruichi was. With a gulp, he figured he would need every advantage when the princess woke up...

So he sat, enjoying the relaxing sensation of his fingers on the soft fur, the warm body on his lap, and the slow rise and fall of each breath.

He was so dead.

Might as well enjoy what little bit of time he had left before she woke up and chopped off his head.

As the old saying went, "Hell hath no fury like a woman hit over the head with a blunt weapon.".