Author's Note: I am so sorry I missed my usual Sunday update this past week! Things were very hectic. So, to make up for it, I'm giving you a Friday update as well as a Sunday update this weekend.

The chapter title comes from Taylor Swift's Back to December. Give it a listen while reading if you like :)

As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins

Chapter 19: Back to December

Saturday, August 31st, 2013

Natalie had got in to Bristol late Saturday night so she ended up being completely exhausted by the time she actually made it to the flat. That was perfectly fine with me, considering I hadn't even managed to stay up to welcome her to our flat. Thankfully, Emily took care of that for me and apparently, Natalie didn't mind. It was the first night that I managed to sleep through the whole night without waking up with nausea. We all even managed to sleep in just a little bit, which just made the whole night seem that much better.

Emily was in the kitchen making breakfast when I came back from Libby's walk. Natalie was sat at our table, busy chatting with Emily. As soon as I walked in and she looked at me she sprung up from the table and ran to hug me.

"I missed you! I'm so sorry I couldn't come to your party earlier this week, but work has been an absolute disaster lately. I'm lucky I managed to sneak away this weekend!" Natalie said as she squeezed me tightly. I hugged her back just as enthusiastically and hoped she didn't notice the slight baby bump I had or the wondrous size of my chest.

"I missed you too, Nat," I replied. Our hug was shortly interrupted by the phone ringing, which Emily answered while she was cooking. Natalie and I sat down at the table while Emily chatted on the phone.

"Katie," Emily mouthed to me as she rolled her eyes and 'mhmm'd at all the right spots to make Katie think she was listening. She plated up the breakfast, her eyes brightening up as she listened to Katie talk. She promptly ended the call a few moments later, telling Katie that she was about to eat and would call her back in a minute.

"Well, Naoms, I have some news for you," Emily said with an excited smile on her face. "The house next door to Katie and Effy has just gone up for sale. Katie was talking my ear off about how she's terrified that horrible people will move in next door, or somebody who won't take care of their house and bring down the market value of their place."

Emily looked up at me almost timidly, but I could already tell where her mind was going.

"Maybe...maybe we should take a look at it. I mean, it's not like we would qualify as bad neighbours, would we?"

Inevitably, Emily and Natalie got so worked up over the house that I found myself being somewhat reluctantly dragged to a private viewing of the newly available house a mere hour and a half later. Natalie had switched into real estate agent mode, and gave us the grand tour of the house.

"Since the home is an end-lot, it's going to be bigger than Katie and Effy's," Natalie said as she opened the door and let us in.

Indeed, the house was bigger than Katie and Effy's. The living room had a rather large fireplace in the centre of the room and was definitely larger than Katie and Effy's living room. Even the newly remodelled kitchen was larger, with more cupboard space and a centre island with enough room for a breakfast table. There was also a separate formal dining room, which Katie and Effy didn't have.

There was a decent-sized conservatory just past the kitchen at the end of the house which I would probably use as an office. There was also a separate laundry room and bathroom on the ground floor. Emily and Natalie absolutely gushed over the house, and I had to admit, it was quite lovely. I could easily see Emily and myself moving in, adding our own unique touches, and eventually raising our family here. The garden was definitely large enough for Libby to run around and explore. There would probably be enough room for a children's play set and some type of outdoor seating area as well.

Natalie showed us back into the house and led us upstairs. There were four bedrooms upstairs, three of which were big enough for children's rooms. The master bedroom with two walk in closets and an en-suite bathroom was definitely big enough to accommodate Emily and I. There was also another larger family bathroom on the upper level to service the other three bedrooms. The house was decorated very tastefully. It was definitely a move-in ready home and I already knew Emily had fallen in love with the place.

"Nat, do I dare even ask the price of the house?" I asked as Natalie locked the front door of the house behind us. Emily was staring at me with her puppy dog eyes, just begging me to buy her this house.

"Actually, it's quite reasonable, considering the central location and the fact that it's an end lot. They're asking £390 000."

Emily smiled at me, and I knew I was done for.

"Shall we make an offer?" I found myself asking my wife, who nodded enthusiastically.

And that is how I found myself hammering out the details of the offer we were going to make on the house. We were willing to offer £375 000 on absolutely no conditions – the sellers could choose their own move out date and we were confident the house was in good shape so we decided to forgo an official inspection since they were pretty much useless anyways. Since Emily and I didn't need a mortgage to purchase the house, we didn't need to include that as a condition in our offer either.

"Well, this seems like quite a reasonable and desirable offer indeed," Natalie mumbled to herself as she showed Emily and I where to sign the offer before she presented it to the sellers' real estate agent.

Emily and I had decided that we would keep our flat and possibly rent out the space to bring in some extra income during the month. It made it a bit easier on me, knowing that we weren't going to have to sell the flat which would have just been unnecessarily stressful. Renting the flat out was definitely a much more appealing option than putting it on the market and possibly waiting months or years for it to sell in this horrible economy.

Natalie left Emily and I in our living room to present the offer. Em turned to me and grabbed my hand in what seemed like both terror and excitement.

"Oh my god, we just made an offer on a house," She whispered, smiling but still seeming worried. "Do you think we made a mistake?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Em, do you really think I would have agreed to make an offer if I thought buying the house would be a mistake?"

Emily smiled and buried her face into my shoulder. "I'm just so nervous!" She mumbled into my top.

"I'm more nervous about telling Natalie that I'm pregnant, to be honest. The house is lovely and we can afford it. It's something we need for the future of our family," I said reassuringly. I felt Emily nod her head against my shoulder.

"Well, regardless of what happens with the house, I'll make a nice dinner for the three of us and we can tell Natalie about the baby tonight. She'll be so excited to find out that she's going to be an Auntie!"

I nodded, though I still felt unsure about how Natalie would react. I was quite sure that she would be happy for me, but a small part of me was worried she would also be a tiny bit jealous. I knew I certainly envied her extremely successful career; it would only make sense for her to envy my family life. Of course, at the end of the day, we were sisters who loved each other but who were also endlessly competitive.

I turned the TV on and Emily flipped through a magazine while we waited for Natalie to come back from presenting the offer. Emily discreetly folded down pages in the magazine that were about design or decor, probably taking notes on what she wanted to do in the new house. She probably thought I didn't notice but I did. I didn't say anything, choosing to just smile to myself and continue watching TV.

Natalie came back to the apartment after about half an hour with an excited look on her face.

"I'm just going to put you two out of your misery – they accepted your offer! You bought a house!"

Emily shrieked in my ear and I nearly had a heart attack from the shock of it all, but I was happy, I suppose. Surprised at how quickly things progressed, certainly, but happy nonetheless. Emily squeezed me tightly and Natalie joined in on our hug. I was glad my sister had been a part of this – it was a huge move for Emily and I, buying our first house together.

We signed all the necessary papers and it was all official. We took possession of the house in a month and a half.

Natalie and Emily went out to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner that night. Emily had asked Natalie to come with her since she didn't know what types of food Nat really liked, and I think Em could tell I needed a few moments on my own. A lot of things were changing pretty quickly, and I needed just a moment to process things. I brew myself a secret cup of tea and was just about to take my first sip when I heard a knock at the door. Libby rushed over to the door and sat next to it, patiently waiting for me to open the door and reveal who our guest was.

I opened the door and saw Cook. I smiled and hugged him before letting him in and offering him a cup of tea. He shrugged at me and smiled when he took note of my growing bump. He bent down slightly and placed his hand against my belly and sighed.

"I'm alright. I just needed to tell ya somethin'," Cook said as he sat opposite me at the kitchen table. He reached over and grabbed my hand. I smiled at him encouragingly and finally took the first sip of my tea. "I...I think I need to leave."

I sat there, completely flabbergasted and unable to speak. Obviously Cook noticed and continued speaking to save me from having to figure out what I wanted to say first. I was completely outraged that he was planning on leaving and hadn't previously mentioned anything of the sort. I had expected him to be part of my child's life. He had even asked if he would be able to be part of the baby's life and I'd agreed. I had counted on Cook to be there for the baby, for me, and now he was planning on ditching us.

"I thought I'd be able to handle this, but I really can't," Cook said vaguely, staring down at his hands which were clasped tightly around mine. "I wish I could go back to the beginning of last December, I wish I can go back in time and change it, but I can't. I would fight so hard for you, Naoms, I'd fight for your love. I wouldn't have let you just leave me like you did and start up with Emily."

I couldn't comprehend what he was saying and my throat felt tight and I realized at that moment that I was about to cry. And not a pretty, delicate cry. I was about to start full-out sobbing.

"I'm still in love with you, Naoms. Proper mad in love with you. I thought I could handle this, helping you have the baby and watching you be happy with Emily but I can't. It's killing me, Naoms, knowing that you're pregnant with my baby but that I won't ever be this baby's daddy. It's killing me to watch you with her, all loved up and happily married, expecting your first kid. It's like I barely factor into anything. I thought...I thought maybe if I was your donor, if we spent more time together, it would make you realize what you gave up on last December when you met Emily. If I had another chance with you, Naoms, I swear I'd love you right. But I'm not asking for another chance. I really want to ask, but I can't do that to you. I can't put you in that place because it'd hurt you and I wouldn't forgive myself for it. So I have to leave. I can't watch you be happy with her anymore, it hurts too much."

I tried my best to fight back the tears as I nodded. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steel myself for the rest of the conversation.

"When did you realize that you can't do it anymore?" I whispered. I needed to know what I did to push him over the edge.

"The announcement party. I kept imagining it was me and you announcing the pregnancy to our family, not Emily's family and your family," Cook said. He removed his hand from on top of mine.

"Where are you going?" I managed to ask through a tight and tearful voice.

"Glasgow, probably. I want to be close to Paddy, you know."

I nodded and heard Cook's chair shift away from the table. He stood next to my chair and grabbed my hand, helping me up.

"I...If you ever need me, call me. I mean it. Anything. I'll always be there for you and this baby, Naoms. I just can't watch you with her anymore," He said, staring at me deeply. His clear blue eyes were also filled with tears, which just hurt me more. "I'll always love you, Naomikins."

He pulled me into a tight hug that I found extremely hard to end. I didn't want Cook to leave. It all felt completely surreal to me – Cook couldn't be leaving for Glasgow. Cook loved me too much to leave me. He leant down and kissed my belly, whispering his apologies and goodbyes to the baby as well.

And then Cook turned abruptly and let himself out.

Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter!

I doubt I'll be able to reply to reviews from now on since school is starting and I have very little spare time, but I will still try my best :)