Callie
Lena decides the best thing is for me, Mariana, Jesus and Jude is to go to school the day of Brandon's surgery since there's nothing we can do while a team of doctors spends hours reconstructing Brandon's hand. I want to protest but I'm afraid I'll burst into tears or something that will totally give away how I really feel so I remain quiet and get in the car.
During a free period, I hole up in the music room. If I can't be close to Brandon, at least I can go somewhere that I feel close to him. I strum on one of the guitars and imagine that he's sitting at the piano and we're playing together, his hand back at 100%. I can hear the music he would make so vividly in my mind.
I'm lost in these thoughts when Wyatt comes into the room and puts his arms around me. I let him hold me and, just for a minute, pretend that it's Brandon's arms around me. But we don't fit together the same way and I find myself totally annoyed that he's interrupting my time with Brandon who isn't even here. And it occurs to me how completely ridiculous that is. He's my boyfriend, I should be happy to see him; I should be taking advantage of this opportunity to sneak in some making out time during school. But the only person I want to sneak kisses with is currently lying on a surgeon's table. And if that's the case, and that is definitely the case, I shouldn't be stringing Wyatt, who has been nothing but good to me, along just because it's impossible for me and Brandon to be together.
He offers to drive me to the hospital after school, saying he knows I'll want to be a good sister and check on Brandon. Lately, Wyatt has been using the brother and sister labels more and more when referring to Brandon and me. It's like he's testing my reaction. I tell him no, that it should just be family, that I'll go with Lena later.
He turns to leave and because I know I'll lose the nerve if I don't do it now, I say, "Wyatt, we can't do this anymore. I do love you; you were my first, well my second, real friend at Anchor Beach. But I'm just not in love with you, I'm sorry. I wanted to be. I tried." And it's true, I did try. "And it's not fair to you, you deserve more than I can give you."
He looks sad, but in no way surprised, and says, "So you're still in love with him?"
Not able to deny it today, I say, "Brandon and I can't be together. Stef and Lena are adopting me. I'm not dumping you to be with him." And all of that is true. It's killing me but it's not a lie.
Maybe because he's hurt, maybe because he's angry, maybe because he thinks it's the truth, he looks at me and says, "This family you want so much, Callie. You're going to screw it all up. You're in love with their son, as much as you try to deny it, and one day this thing with you and him is going to completely blow up because the two of you can't just be smart and let it die. And when it does, it's going to be bad. For you. For him. For Stef & Lena. For Jude." He leaves then and I feel the tears coming and lean against the piano, Brandon's piano, to steady myself.
Somehow I push his words out of my head for the rest of the day. I eat lunch with Mariana; I get through my last 2 classes. I go about seven to eight seconds at a time without worrying about Brandon.
Finally, I find myself in Lena's office at the end of the day and she tells me that Brandon came through the surgery well, that he's sleeping in recovery now. Every cell in my body relaxes hearing that news. We head to the hospital just the two of us as Mariana, Jesus and Jude all have afterschool things and will visit later.
When we get to Brandon's room, I'm surprised to see him sitting up and awake. "It's Callie!," he says way too excitedly. "He's feeling really good with the pain meds and the anesthesia," Mike laughs. I am all of the sudden filled with terror. He's basically high right now and I have no idea what he's going to say or do. "Please God, if you exist, don't let him make any declarations of love with them here," I pray silently.
I go stand by him and attempt to take control of the conversation asking, "How are you feeling?" "Perfect, now," he responds and beams up at me, his smile a combination of pain medication and pure adoration. And I can't help but smile back, he's adorable and it's kind of hilarious, my serious boy all loopy from pain meds. I start to relax for a second.
And then I feel his hand, his good hand, grab my ass.
Stef, Lena and Mike are talking intently about the surgery and don't see it thankfully. I jump about five feet and everyone stares at me. "A bug," I say weakly. Brandon cracks up laughing and I try to glare at him in a way that I hope is non-obvious but will convey that he needs to not do that again.
Mike leaves to get a late lunch for him and Stef. And then a hospital administrator comes in and asks Stef to fill out some paperwork. Lena volunteers to go with her and for just a second, it seems like Stef hesitates as if she's nervous to leave us alone. That must be in my head though; they've left us alone in the house plenty of times lately. I'm just nervous with Brandon acting like a crazy loose cannon.
They leave and I stare at him both amused and still a little horrified. He beams at me with that insane smile again and says, "You're mad. I'm sorry, I just couldn't keep my hands off you. I think you're gotten more beautiful since yesterday. So it's really all your fault, Callie." I shake my head and tell him, "I'm not mad. You just drive me crazy." And that is entirely true.
"If you're not mad, then why are you not in this bed with me?"
"Because they could come back at any second…And we really have to stop…"
"We have at least ten minutes. I think I deserve this after having my hand cut apart and put back together this morning." He attempts to reach for me, bandages and all, "Come here, baby."
And because I can't deny him anything when I look at his hand all bandaged up and swollen and his eyes looking up at me with this combination of puppy dog pleading, glaziness from the drugs and sheer love, I climb in carefully and wrap my arms around him. As soon as I do, I realize holding him is all I've wanted to do all day.
"Kiss me," he says while gazing into my eyes.
"When did you become so demanding?" I whisper as I lean in for a kiss that lasts longer than I plan.
When we break apart, he rests his head on my shoulder. "You're the best sister ever."
"Not funny."
"Come on, it's little funny."
He kisses my nose and then says, "I think you should serenade me."
"You're the singer, B. And the song writer."
"Please. It will make my hand feel better."
"I'm pretty sure the pain meds are doing that right now. What should I sing? Outlaws?"
"No that's my song to you, so only I sing that to you." he says, obviously some sort of drug induced logic.
I think for a second and remember an old Billy Joel song that my mom used to like. And I start to sing.
When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When I feel my withered roots begin to grow
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home
When you touch my weary head
And you tell me everything will be all right
You say, "Use my body for your bed
And my love will keep you warm throughout the night"
Well I'll never be a stranger and I'll never be alone
Whenever we're together, that's my home
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own
That's all right, my love, 'cause you're my home
I look at him shyly when I finish the song. He grins sleepily and kisses my hand, "Billy Joel, nice choice."
"Well, you are my piano man. Was it okay?"
Yawning, he responds, "It was perfect. Although I bet the hair model would not approve of you serenading me with one of the piano man's best love songs." He nuzzles my neck, making me shiver.
And even though I probably shouldn't go there right now, because his touch is impairing my ability to think clearly and because I know it will make him happy, I tell him, "I broke up with Wyatt today."
"It's totally because you love me too much. You know you do." He beams yet again but this time drifts right off to sleep.
I kiss his forehead and whisper, "You're right, I do."
Reviews continue to be appreciated and adored. I hope you guys liked post surgery Brandon- with all the angst of the past few chapters, I wanted to let Brallie be a little silly and get to just enjoy each other.
Callie's song was "You're My Home" by Billy Joel