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As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.

Chapter 22: Just Us

Yes, of course

I remember, how could I forget

How you feel?

And though you were my first time

A new feel

It won't ever get old, not in my soul

Not in my spirit, keep it alive

We'll go down this road

'Til it turns from colour to black and white

Thinkin' 'Bout You – Frank Ocean, Channel Orange

Friday, November 1st, 2013

It was a quiet and extremely cold Friday afternoon. I'd sent in my weekly article early in the morning, eager to get it out of the way and free up the rest of the day. I took Libby out on her walk, made breakfast for both Emily and I and managed to clean the house this morning. I was finally starting to get some of my energy back and no longer needed to take frequent naps. I'd left Libby back at the new house, while I planned to make a quick trip back to the flat. Effy was meeting me there to help me clean the place a bit, since I definitely wouldn't be able to clean the whole flat by myself. I clutched my thick scarf and pulled it tighter to my neck, resisting the urge to shiver as I walked the short distance from the house back to the flat.

We were fully moved into the new house, meaning the flat was technically completely empty. Emily and I had yet to find a tenant to move into the flat, but I was starting to have doubts about renting the flat out. Emily and I still had quite a sizeable amount of money, so we weren't exactly desperate for a tenant. I was starting to come up with other ideas of what we could do with the flat. I knew that my newest idea of what to do with the flat would be quite a risky investment, but I was still excited about it.

I'd proposed to Emily last night that we started our own business. Effy was currently unemployed, but her work as a stylist was still quite well-known, widely appreciated and frequently published. Katie was doing freelance makeup work, which meant she was only employed every once in a while but earned a decent amount of money. And Emily and Stacey had hit a rut in their wedding business – apparently, people weren't too keen on coming to only one place to get everything for their wedding taken care of, though I wasn't sure why. All four of the girls had previous experience in hair, makeup, styling and even photography. It seemed such a waste, for their talent to be going to waste in jobs that didn't showcase just how talented they really were. With my previous job of working for an online newspaper, I understood a bit about websites and what the public wanted to see from that kind of medium. So I suggested we started our own online magazine/website where women of all ages could find fashion and beauty inspiration and information. We could also try to keep things local and have girls come in for classes on beauty and the fashion industry, or even styling classes. Emily had taken to the idea quite well and promised me she would bring it up to Stacey today. Hopefully, if Katie, Effy and Stacey all took to the idea, we could get the business up and running pretty soon and use the flat as it's headquarters.

I climbed into the elevator and pressed the button for the 8th floor. I almost missed the flat...almost. The flat was convenient, certainly, but I actually quite liked the new house now that we'd finally settled in. We hadn't quite set up the nursery yet, but we didn't have any of the furniture we needed and we'd only just confirmed the baby's sex yesterday evening at our ultrasound appointment.

And yes, Gina was right. We were having a baby girl. Emily and I went straight to the hardware store and bought paint for the nursery after we left the appointment. We bought a colour called "crushed berries", which looked exactly as it sounded – it was a deep, bright and fun pink that could grow with our daughter. And if she decided she didn't like pink when she got older, well that would be just fine, too.

"Hello?" I called out as I let myself into the apartment. I found Effy sitting in the middle of the living room, a shopping bag full of baby clothes next to her. "Been shopping for the baby?"

Effy smiled and nodded at me before lifting up an absolutely adorable pair of jeans, followed by a blue and white striped button down shirt and a pair of black baby converse. I squealed when I realized what Effy was trying to tell me.

"A baby boy! Congratulations, Eff!" I exclaimed as I joined her on the floor and hugged her. Effy smiled at me and folded the clothes up, placing them back in the shopping bag.

"What about you? Your appointment was last night, right?" Effy asked eagerly. I nodded at her.

"We're having a baby girl," I replied. Effy beamed at me and congratulated me.

I helped Effy off the floor and we got straight to cleaning. The flat had gotten surprisingly dusty since Emily and I moved out. I handed Effy a mop and I went straight to the office with my own mop.

"Have you heard from Cook at all?" Effy called to me.

"Nope. I haven't tried to contact him either," I replied. I heard Effy sigh in the other room.

"He's just getting more and more settled in Glasgow, Naoms. You'll never contact him at this rate."

"I'm not sure I want to contact him anymore, Eff. I'm pretty fucking mad at him, to be honest. He's such a selfish git, just up and leaving like this. My daughter deserves more than someone I've just forced to be in her life," I replied as I continued mopping, huffing both at the physical exertion and the anger I felt at Cook.

"Naoms, I think you and I both know you wouldn't be forcing Cook to come back," Effy said.

"Effy! I can't just call him and tell him I want him to come back. This is about more than just me and Cook now. What if I call him back and he's there for years with my daughter, maybe even donates again for Emily and I, and then he just up and leaves again. I can't decide what's worse – the possibility that he'll abandon my daughter if he does come back, or the possibility that he'll never come back. I can't put her through those things. What would you do if it was your donor?"

I heard Effy sigh heavily.

"Naoms, Katie and I used a sperm bank. This isn't exactly an issue for us. Our donor contract has a clause where our baby can contact him when they turn 18, but other than that, there will be absolutely no contact. I don't have to worry about whether our donor will abandon our kid or anything of the sort."

We were silent for a few moments, letting everything settle in. Had I made a huge mistake using Cook as our donor? Had I underestimated the attachment he might have to my daughter?

"Maybe...maybe you should just decide what type of relationship you want your daughter to have with Cook. Will you tell her that he's her biological father? There's a lot of decisions you and Emily have to make, and none of those decisions can be made with Cook's feelings in mind. This is your child, yours and Emily's, and it is your choice how you'll bring her up. Cook has no say in any of that."

I sighed and continued mopping, glad that Effy knew when to drop the subject. She was right – Emily and I certainly did have a lot of things to decide. I was being sort of unrealistic about the situation. I expected Cook to be completely supportive despite his feelings for me, and I expected Emily to complacently agree with whatever I decided I wanted the baby to know about her biological roots. I suppose, in the situation, I was the one who was really being selfish.

After Effy and I finished cleaning, she handed me a pamphlet advertising pregnancy yoga classes at the community centre. She asked me if I wanted to go with her and I immediately agreed. Normally, I didn't like working out or exercising in any form, but yoga seemed like a happy medium between exercising and flopping around pointlessly on the floor.

Effy and I went our separate ways after we left the flat. Effy headed home to start making dinner for Katie as well as Jenna and Rob, who were coming over for dinner to find out the sex of Effy and Katie's baby. I headed towards Cabot Circus, the nearby shopping centre. I went into an adorable baby shop and bought a teddy as well as a simple purple onesie for the baby. It was the first outfit anybody had bought for the baby, and I felt quite happy. I also bought Libby a few treats since she had been extremely well behaved lately and had become extremely protective of me. It was rather cute, actually.

As soon as I walked into the house, I immediately smelled dinner cooking. The unmistakeable smell of tomato sauce and chicken wafted through the house and I let out a huge and dramatic sigh as I realized just how hungry I was.

"Hello, darling," Emily said, popping her head through the doorway to the kitchen. "What did you buy?"

I smiled and showed her the teddy and the onesie and handed Libby a few of her favourite doggie treats. Emily aw'ed and abandoned the kitchen, walking over to me and grabbing the onesie. She placed it over my protruding belly.

"That looks so cute," Emily said with a huge smile on her face. She leant down and placed her hand against my baby bump before kissing it gently once. "Baby Elouise, your mummy bought you the most adorable outfit today. I think she's going to spoil you rotten."

I felt a tiny little flutter, but no kicks or punches at the moment. Emily sighed before kissing my baby bump again.

"I suppose now we finally have some things to actually go in the nursery," Emily mused before turning back towards the kitchen. I followed her in and set the table while Emily plated up dinner.

"Oh," Emily said after taking a bite of her chicken parmesan. "Before I forget...I told Stacey about our business idea and she said she's in. Now all we have to do is convince Katie and Effy, which shouldn't be too difficult."

"Sounds great, Em," I replied. "I've...err, been wondering if I should contact Cook."

Emily visibly stiffened in her seat. She looked up at me with a confused look in her eye, though she was trying to hide it through her smile.

"I'm not sure that's a great idea, Naoms. I mean we can raise our baby without Cook, you know. We're perfectly capable."

I nodded and moved my food around my plate. "I know, I know we're capable, Em. I just want him to be part of her life, you know? I never want her to grow up like I did, wondering where her daddy is or where she came from."

Emily sighed and took another bite of her chicken. "Naomi. I am our daughter's other parent. Not Cook. Me. Just because he donated some sperm doesn't make him her daddy. It makes him a donor. I'm not saying we should never tell Elouise what her biological roots are, but why can't we just wait until she gets older to tell her? Wait until she starts asking questions. We're not keeping anything from her."

I sighed and nodded. I really understood where Emily was coming from. She was probably a bit scared about what having Cook in Elouise's life would entail. And she was right – she was our daughter's second parent, not Cook. I didn't want her to feel as though I was belittling her position as a mother. I knew if the roles were reversed and Emily was the one carrying, I'd be feeling exactly the way she was right now. And I would do absolutely anything to help Emily feel even more a part of this pregnancy.

"You're right, I'm sorry," I conceded. Emily sighed, obviously relieved.

"I know he's your best friend, Naoms, and I'm sorry he just up and left like he did. But we need to just leave him alone. Imagine if we forced him to come back because of Elouise and then he just up and left when she was a few years old. How would we explain that to her?"

I nodded and sighed. Emily really was right. We would just wait to tell Elouise about her biological roots until she was old enough to understand them. Cook didn't have to be part of her life. And now with Effy and Katie having a baby boy, she would definitely grow up with enough male influence in her life. She would always have Rob and Kieran and even her Uncle James to fall back on.

And after all, even though I grew up without a father, I think I still turned out okay. Having a strong mother like Gina helped me through, and Elouise would have two strong mothers. I refused to even acknowledge the possibility that Emily and I could break up a few years down the line. I wouldn't let it happen. At the end of the day, my relationship with Emily and the family we were building together was the most important thing. Not whether Cook would come back and be part of our children's lives. Not whether John Foster will be released from prison and potentially terrorizing us again. At the end of the day, all that mattered was my family and I knew deep in my soul that I would never let it fall apart. The memory of the first time I saw Emily in Paris all those years ago flooded my mind and I smiled brightly at her, leaning over the table to kiss her.

"It'll always be us, Em," I whispered against her lips. "You, me, and our family. That's all we need."

"No Cook?" Emily questioned gently. I pulled away and kissed her cheek gently.

"No Cook. Nobody else. Just us. I promise."

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