Callie

I follow Jude out of our room and down the hall. I call his name three times but he just heads down the stairs. Like I'm invisible.

This is exactly what I expected would happen. Brandon and I get a perfect night but now it's all blowing up before breakfast.

Brandon hears me calling Jude and comes out of his room. "What happened?" he says placing his hand on my lower back. I jump away from his touch and give him a sharp look. "Not here Brandon," I say through gritted teeth. And I can see instantly that I've hurt him. And it's not fair, I've spent the past several hours unable to get enough of him, practically begging him to devour me over and over and now I'm flinching at his touch, pulling back from him.

"I'm sorry," I say taking his hand and stroking it with my thumb as a peace offering. He doesn't deserve this, he deserves someone who could it be so much easier with. "Jude heard me telling Mariana. And now he won't look at me and he's going to tell Moms. I've hurt him again Brandon. Again."

"You told Mariana? I'm going to go downstairs and ask Mariana to pass the orange juice and she's going to be looking at me knowing we just had sex? Oh that's weird Callie. I mean it's fine but it's weird." And I almost want to laugh at how uncomfortable he looks especially because Mariana is absolutely the least of our problems.

"Well I didn't exactly give her a play by play. But I think she knows I haven't been in here night after night playing heated late night Monopoly tournaments . . .But seriously Brandon, what are we going to do if Jude is down there telling Moms?"

He looks at the floor. "Well, Mom knows. So Lena probably knows. And I told her a few weeks ago that if she made an issue out of it and stopped the adoption that I'd never forgive her."

I feel like the room is now starting to spin. "Why, why didn't you tell me that Stef knew? How could you not tell me?" I have so many questions and we have no time for any of them.

"I just wanted you to be adopted like you wanted. I didn't want to upset you. I want you happy Callie. That's always been the most important thing to me."

I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I did when I woke up in his arms this morning. But I do now. He told Stef to adopt me when he had an out, a way to ensure we wouldn't end up brother and sister, a way to get what he's wanted for so long. And somehow he pled my case so convincingly that he got Stef on board.

"You..." And the tears are starting to form. "You...overwhelm me, Brandon," I whisper, "in the best possible way." I want to reach up and kiss him. But there's no time. "But now I have to get to Jude. Okay, I have to make things right with him."

I turn to head down the stairs when he pulls me, gently but forcefully, back toward him.

"Last night happened Callie. Okay it happened. No regrets right? So promise me that whatever is next, we'll deal with it together?" I can almost hear his heart pounding through his chest.

But I'm not sure what I can promise him. I want to be part of this family. I want that so much. But more and more I've realized that I need Brandon, not just have him in my life, but I need to be with Brandon. And so if being with him means I can't be Stef and Lena's daughter, then maybe that's just something I have to accept. Except Jude is a part of this family. And so I need to stay part of this family too. He needs me, I need him. We promised we would never separate from each other. God knows he was cute and little and probably would have been adopted a long time ago if he wasn't stuck tethered to me. And so I owe him. I can't just leave or get myself thrown out when he's never left me.

So I give Brandon what I can without lying or making promises I might not keep, "No regrets because I have never ever felt safer or more loved than I did last night. It was amazing. Last night happened, B- it was real. And no matter what, I'm so happy it did."

He pulls me close so that our faces are inches apart. "Me too, ok? All of that is the same for me too. Tell me there will be more times. Where we're that happy together again. Even if it's not tomorrow or next week or the week after. I need you to tell me that's not all we get."

I close my eyes. "I really hope not." I give him little butterfly kisses as I breathe the words into his ear.

And even though part of me wants to take him and climb out the window and run as far as we can, I'm not that girl anymore. So I take a deep breath and head down the stairs, knowing that the next conversation will probably change the rest of all of our lives.

Brandon

I'm scared.

After last night, I thought she might fight for us. And I think if it were as simple as the Moms or me, she'd probably pick me.

But now Jude is involved. And if he tells her he's not okay with us, that he wants her to be adopted, that he wants us all to be brothers and sisters, any hope of a real future for us, one that is more than sneaking around in the dark, will be done. I know her so well and so I know this.

The Callie and Jude thing, I understand it to a point, but everyone, even me, even the Moms, will always be on the outside looking in when it comes to them. They're like two people who were in combat- no one who wasn't there will ever fully understand what they experienced together. What I see is a girl who sacrificed, who took care of her little brother, who did whatever she had to do for him. But I know she feels like she owes him for getting them stuck in bad situations. And maybe she does for some things although I even know Jude doesn't see it that way.

And I know that Jude loves her more than anything. That he wants her happy. It's what we have in common. But he's also young and I don't know how he'll react to something that he feels like could threaten her adoption, take her away from him- even if that's not how it would really happen.

And while I don't think she would, I don't even think I'd want her to pick me over Jude. A rift between them would ruin her. Absolutely kill her. And I couldn't live knowing I was the cause of any more pain for her, let alone that pain.

Mariana appears then and squeezes my shoulder. And I realize that her knowing about this thing with me and Callie isn't actually that weird. It's kind of nice to feel like someone is maybe in our corner. She smiles at me, "I'm glad about this. When she first came, I was worried she was becoming your new favorite sister. I thought I was being replaced. I much prefer knowing it was only because you wanted to sleep with her."

I laugh, relaxing for a second, and put my arm around her, "You are my favorite and more importantly my one and only sister. Forever...I guess we should go down there?"

"If the Moms get crazy, I can make a fake announcement that I am pregnant to deflect everyone's rage off you."

"I really hope it doesn't come to that..."

"Me either."