I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Distant

Riku fidgeted restlessly in his seat as the ship took off and they left another world behind, empty-handed. His fingers wound around the chain of her necklace. He kept it with him all the time, in his pocket during battle, in the palm of his hand during flight. The thought of fastening it around her neck once again was the only thing that inspired hope in him.

"Riku, Cid found another one not too far off," Sora informed him carefully. "We're going to check there next, okay?"

Another one. Riku couldn't say no to them; he knew they had to land.

"Sure," he replied in defeat. He couldn't manage a smile. He knew they wouldn't find her there.

It seemed once they had left Radiant Garden to search for Keiya, worlds had begun to fall to the darkness one by one. Heartless roamed the streets of dozens of places, forcing people into the basements of their homes until the heroes could clear the cities and set them free.

Cid had a machine, some detector that could sense nearby concentrations of darkness. It guided them well, but with so many worlds now suddenly blanketed by darkness and falling to armies of heartless, they found themselves stopping several times a day. So many people needed rescuing, and cities, rebuilding. Riku was becoming terribly impatient. He urged the group on as soon as they cleared the worlds of heartless. Screams and cries for help did nothing to ignite the hero in him: he was too focused on her screams, her cries that haunted him at every idle moment. His moves were more hurried in battle and his speech curt and sometimes frantic. He couldn't stop thinking about her—he was sure she was hurt. He could practically feel the danger.

He always kept an eye out for her, but he could sense whether or not a world had darkness running deep in its core the second they landed. At first he had been able to keep his spirits high. The others always encouraged him, told him to look for her while they fought, but he had grasped the unspoken mission: to eliminate the heartless from these worlds. His own mission, his search to find her, was on their back-burner.

Riku thought of going off on his own. He hadn't brought it up yet, but he was dangerously close to abandoning ship. Ten days had already passed—ten whole days. That was enough for anything to happen. He drove himself mad thinking of all the things that could have transpired, all the pain she could have suffered. She had told him several stories of being in isolation. He imagined her sitting numbly on a hard, cold floor, with bruises on every limb of her body and tears gliding down her cheeks. He knew she was insecure; he imagined her lonely, wondering if he still cared, if he was coming to find her. He wished there was some way he could tell her yes.

"We'll be landing any minute," Sora said from the front seat. "You all ready?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied distantly, picking up his supply bag from the floor.

Here we go. Just another few hours, then we can get back on the road.

He told himself the same thing every time they landed: just a few more hours until his search could begin. It didn't matter that he knew it wasn't true; he was trying hard to live in the present.

~…~

In what was serving as her room, Keiya had stored away her dirty nightgown, sweater, and shoes. She kept them hidden in a pile of loose, chipped tiles. Her real room, with the boarded window and dusty bookshelf, had been temporarily stripped from her possession as a more immediate part of her punishment. She didn't care, though; none of the rooms in this castle had ever felt like home.

She sat against the wall in a corner of the room, resting her head on her knees. She was waiting for Sai to escort her to the meeting. She wasn't allowed walk around the castle by herself anymore—another consequence of her prolonged absence. It would be her first time at one of these meetings. After days of relearning their strategy and brushing up on her magic, she was to join Sai at the fore-front and help to bring things under control. Maleficent wanted her to scare the men into submission, as they'd lost their obedience long ago. Sai had already established himself as lenient and easily provoked, so it was up to her to play the threatening presence and get their plans back underway. "Since all of this is your doing in the first place," she'd reminded her coolly. Keiya had no opinion either way.

For the most part, she had been keeping herself calm. She tried not to wail in distress or cry in misery; only in private did she allow herself tears. But it was hard to keep control. Let go already, was what she invariably told herself when she wandered in her thoughts too deeply. But thinking those words in solitude only made her cry harder, sometimes to a relief, sometimes to a terrible ache.

She thought of Riku every second of the day, though she knew she shouldn't. She thought of him disappointedly resuming life on the islands. It had been only nine, ten, maybe eleven days since she left him. She wasn't sure how long he would take to forget her—a couple weeks, a month, a year—but she guiltily hoped that at ten days he was still at least thinking of her. She couldn't bear to let go of that hope just yet.

Even years from now, she thought she might have to pretend. Selfish, she'd been chastising herself. Within her first few days back, she'd realized that while she did truly want him to be happy, presumably with someone else, she didn't want to know about it. She would stay stuck in time—it didn't bother her. Time didn't pass in the castle, anyway. She secretly estimated the days, and she marked her guess at a little over a week. Eventually she figured she would lose count. It was becoming harder and harder to remember what an hour felt like. Her room didn't have a clock. She'd lost that privilege too, evidently: anything that rendered her independent.

Sai knocked on her door twice and let himself in. Keiya looked up indifferently.

"Hey," he greeted from the doorway. She stood at the opposite wall, having risen at his entrance, and began patting the dust from her dress. His attempts to make conversation always ended awkwardly and unsuccessfully. He wasn't sure if it was anger, sadness, or a lack of interest, but it was starting to upset him. He had slowly, after days of avoidance and restless fuming, come to a resolve, had accepted her affair as fact, and had become able to overlook it. She was his now, he told himself, whether she liked it or not. And he was determined not to make her hate him.

She met him at the door, her hair hanging limply over her shoulders, her arms crossed out of habit.

"Um, how are you feeling?" he asked sheepishly, letting her march through the door first.

"Perfect."

He couldn't miss the doleful sarcasm in her voice. Taking his place alongside her, Sai grappled for her attention.

"Good news. Maleficent is thinking of letting you move back up to your room." He watched her face carefully, but she showed no enthusiasm. "It all depends on how you behave at the meeting now," he added.

Keiya bit her lip to restrain herself. She was sick of the word behave. Being talked to as a child made her blood boil furiously; not even her mask of complete serenity could displace her anger. Sai only realized this after the phrase had escaped his mouth, but he was speechless when it occurred to him to correct his bad wording.

"I don't really care where she puts me," Keiya replied crossly. It was the first full sentence she'd said to him since her arrival, and it turned his stomach inside-out. "You can tell her that. It makes no difference to me."

"A-alright, sorry," he said quickly, letting her get a step ahead. "I just thought that, since our rooms are so close together upstairs, you might like to—"

She repeated impatiently, "I don't care, Sai."

The first time she'd said his name since her first day back.

The sharpness in her voice reverberated through the hall, rattled his skull and tightened his nerves. Sai grumbled a curse under his breath. Dejectedly, he thought of all the phrases that could be caught between those words, everything those words could possibly mean coming from her.

"I don't care about you, Sai."

"I don't care what you think, Sai."

She was far ahead of him by the time he regained a steady pace. With a forced spurt of energy, he sprinted to catch up with her. He was supposed to be accompanying her, not falling behind.

"I don't care for you, Sai."

He clenched his fists in frustration and shook his head violently. Don't let it get to you, he told himself. She's always stubborn. Don't get mad.

Keiya reached the stone doors of the meeting room before him, but didn't make any move to let herself in. Something clouded her mind; she couldn't tell if it was intimidation, anger, or loneliness. Her emotions were a hurricane swirling around her heart, keeping her from making any progress toward contentment. She didn't want to enter this world of schemes and destruction—memories of Riku still controlled her every whim, thought, and heartstring. Anything else was hostilely rejected.

When Sai opened the doors, she stepped in alongside him. Without even looking up, she could tell that there were more than a few men scattered around the room, staring. Their words had stopped abruptly the second the stone had scraped the floor, but the echo of their voices vibrated off the walls. She kept her eyes averted firmly to the ground. The attention made her nervous, the expectant air, wearisome.

Sai spoke first, as was his role. He was the main voice. She thought of how Riku had always played that part in town when they'd encountered locals. He'd never hesitated to initiate conversation, either. She had always admired his friendliness.

"Thanks to your cooperation, phase one of our plan is in full effect. All of your worlds and those of your late companions have been infested with heartless. It is only a matter of days before you will be permitted to conquer the worlds yourselves."

When there were no comments or complaints, he paused to look around the room. Almost every set of eyes in the room was sending curious, apprehensive glances toward his comrade; a few of the bolder were staring hostilely. Keiya could undoubtedly feel their eyes on her, but she refused to look up from the floor.

Remembering his mistress's directions, he added neutrally, "Maleficent would like to thank you for your patience these last three months."

A few men scoffed, some whispered rude remarks. Keiya shot him a dirty look from beneath her eyelashes. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore it, but her unfiltered displeasure hit him hard.

"I hope Maleficent doesn't think she can disregard our deal," one man said. "She signed a contract with us. It doesn't matter that her apprentice is back—she needs to honor her word."

Others agreed and spouted angry accusations; one man held up the mentioned contract, shook it in the air and pointed to her ornamentally superfluous signature. Sai gestured and tried to yell over them to halt the debate, but once they all began to shout, their voices dominated the very room and smothered his own. Before he knew it, the whole meeting had turned into an uproar. And he was going to be the one to blame if he couldn't get it under control.

"She owes us money! Three months' worth of salary!"

"I talked to her myself only a couple weeks ago and we had an agreement—if she signed on it, she needs to abide by it!" yelled the man with the contract.

Sai tried, "This is not the time to bring up contract matters—we need to set the rest of our plans in motion and keep on schedule!"

"On schedule?" someone exclaimed incredulously, creating a momentary silence. "We've been off-schedule for three months because Maleficent can't keep a good handle on her pupils! She should pay us for our time!"

"I don't know how well-off you are, but I can't afford three months of work to go unpaid!"

Keiya fell several steps back, her muscles tense, her head on fire. The voices circled her and tied her mind in knots until she couldn't get a grip on her own thoughts—they flew uncontrollably, all the thoughts of despair that she had tried to bottle up.

I can't handle this! I miss him so much, Riku... I wish I could go home…

She turned on her heel, taking her head in her hands, swallowing back the urge to cry. It only became louder around her as Sai persisted in fighting the men, whose arguments were heated and included all twenty-something voices at a time. A familiar chill went down her spine. She nearly lost her balance on the rough floors as she stumbled away. The high ceiling sent shouts back to her ears, practically into her bones.

I want to go home…! I hate this!

Keiya whipped around, suddenly impassioned with anger. Nearly blind to her surroundings, she gathered insurmountable darkness in her hand and flung it toward the first man to come into her vision. She was surprised at the ease. The darkness flew from her body in the most natural manner, as if she were made of the stuff and need only turn too quickly to send it flying.

The targeted man was struck with devastating accuracy. His body shook and arched in pain as he was torn from the ground and lifted two feet into the air. He let out a terrible cry. Everyone jumped back, Sai included, and the arguments ceased as the man's tortured scream filled the room. It was ear-splitting. In a few seconds time he was dropped as dead weight and crippled to the floor, whimpering, crawling, trying to escape the thick cloud of darkness before it succeeded in smothering him. His face was blanched white and his veins jutted forth from his skin. The others were both horrified and disgusted, watching him grovel toward them like a grimy prisoner or a gypsy beggar. Not one moved to help him. Most stepped farther away.

Keiya stood rigidly in her spot, panting and recovering herself. The sea of faces before her, all of the same pale, petrified expression, stirred the feelings inside her. She remembered feeling that way in countless nightmares, waking up with that same dread and shock night after night. She remembered how long it had taken Riku to calm her after a moment like that, the way he would embrace her as soon as she was awake, before she could even discern what was real and what was not.

Pale faces... They're pale for themselves, she recognized bitterly. I can't stand it!

"Keiya!" Sai called urgently.

Her heart lurched and threw her back into reality. The man on the floor couldn't breathe; the darkness was feeding off his weakened body and preying on his heart. The men were looking on warily; Sai watched her fearfully and expectantly.

With a trembling hand, she dismissed the after-effects of the attack. Her victim collapsed like a child, sucked in air greedily and pressed his face into the filthy ground to hide his desperate sobs from his cohorts. The rest shifted their attention to her. Their gazes were deferential rather than haughty. No one dared to speak up; some even shifted backward to hide behind the front-line.

They've only ever been afraid for themselves.

She watched the man struggle to reach for his friend, grasping the hem of his coat. The friend brutally kicked his hand away and strode off to another spot, not looking back. She thought of how many times she had practically died watching her lover suffer in her dreams, dying because she wasn't able to do anything to help him. She imagined her face had looked like theirs.

They don't know what real fear is like.

Sai looked relieved as he stepped around the sobbing man—even a little proud. Her gaze showed nothing but distant remorse for memories she would spend the rest of her life reliving. Sai couldn't decipher it, so he took it as indifference. His eye contact with her lengthened the silence; the men shifted between their feet uncomfortably as they waited for someone to speak and the meeting to carry on.

Keiya hesitated, but knew she had to say something. Her head was still splitting, her eyes now stinging. But her work was done for the day. At least she had that much.

"If any more of you have complaints, you can take them up with me," she said dryly, quietly.

No one said anything.

Sai sent her a smirk which she didn't reciprocate, then continued the meeting as if nothing had happened. Everyone fell back into formation quickly, simply stepping over and around the man still kneeling on the floor. Keiya wandered back over to Sai and stood next to him for the rest of the time, drifting off into her pleasant thoughts, not looking up again.

~…~

The crew met in the center of town after vanquishing the heartless—the mayor wanted to thank them. Riku stayed off to the side near the ship, unconsciously trying to move the group forward. He couldn't help but check his watch whenever he was inactive. It had been given to him by Cid to calm his nerves, so he wouldn't lose track of time while he was searching and be able to manage the day more effectively, but he found that the date-time combination only caused him more anxiety. He could keep track of the days too easily.

Sora and the others, aware of his frustration, tried to hasten their goodbyes and you're-welcomes, and were on the ship within ten minutes time to continue their course around the universe. Riku practically marched to his seat, dropped his bag on the floor and clicked in his seatbelt while the others were still boarding the ship. Leon and Cid at the controls watched him warily, unable to think of anything to say to console him. He hadn't complained about the detours yet—they knew he didn't have the heart to—but tensions ran high each time they found another world in need. Riku's patience was visibly slipping, and they hated to tell him they were stopping again.

"Riku, where do you think we should look next?" Tifa offered from her seat. Riku bit back his initial thought: As if we're really looking.

"I don't know where she is," he reminded them firmly, having answered the question several times since their journey began.

"But is there any area you think we should check?" she tried again. "Any place that sticks out to you?"

"It doesn't matter where we look. She could be anywhere. Let's just keep moving, please," he stressed somewhat crossly. The others nodded, some looking quite determined, but he couldn't trust their endurance. They would stop at the next distress call; if he were on his own, he wouldn't.

When the ship began moving and they were out of the atmosphere, Riku slouched in his seat and pulled her necklace out from his pocket. He let is sparkle in the light; it reminded him of her eyes and the way they always sparkled when he made her smile. His heart beat fervently in his chest.

A memory had resurfaced a few days back, from when he had first given her that necklace. He had said it was for her to keep whether or not she stayed with him. He never thought once that she would return it—that crushed him. It was like she wanted to forget about him, to leave behind whatever would remind her of him. Bitter anger came and went with the worry and apprehension. His muscles tensed and his head began to hurt.

Why did you leave?

He sank in his seat and rested his head against the cool, dusty window. He clutched the necklace in a loose fist and closed his eyes.

So much for a promise…

His watch beep twice, signaling the arrival of a new hour. He sighed and pressed his forehead firmly into the glass. It was useless; he couldn't cool his nerves.

I need to find her soon… I don't know how long it will take, at this rate. It's already probably too late. She must be hurt.

As if on cue, Cid's radar began to act up with lights and alarms. Another world in danger was close by. Everyone on the ship suddenly fell into an uncomfortable silence, looking at one another with their hands clasped together. Not even Cid or Leon took the initiative to speak. Riku felt as though he was being watched from the corners of everyone's eyes. He sensed their expectant glimpses as the radar pierced the room with a low siren.

The message on the screen: Ignore?

His chest ached as guilt surmounted in the dense air. He almost felt like they were afraid of him.

Selfish and useless, he condemned himself with a wry smile. I'm glad at least she can't see me like this.

"What are you waiting for?" he said dully, quietly. "We need to land, don't we?"

"Right…" Sora replied distantly.

The room was gradually brought back to life. Some went to the monitor to silence the alarm, others prepared their weapons and still others checked the destination's climate. Riku exhaled slowly and brought his hand to his lap. His fingers like jelly, he released the charm from his agitated grip. He carefully rearranged the chain so that it rested in a nice coil beneath the violet heart.

Well, I guess it's time for another one, he felt like saying to it. He found himself caressing the chain, thinking of how it had touched her skin days earlier.

The ship landed quickly, greeted by chaos and screams for help. Riku was the last one off, lugging his pack on one shoulder, gripping his weapon with uneager hands.

Just a little longer, Keiya, he promised. I'm so sorry… I'm on my way.

~…~

"Maleficent is pleased with the way the meeting turned out," Sai informed her from the doorway, a grin on his face. "That guy you took care of was still sitting there on the floor for hours. Maleficent finally dispatched some heartless to take him to his room."

Keiya nodded. "Oh."

She was scratching drawings into the brick wall with her fingernails. It was a habit she had developed when she was little, and she had reverted to it without realizing.

Sai strode casually into the room, eyeing her sketches with a raised brow and a look of amusement. A palm tree, some jagged lines that resembled waves or seagulls, a star with a leaf lying next to the water.

"Is that supposed to be a beach?" he asked curiously. "Since when do you know what one looks like?"

"I-I don't, of course," she said smoothly, hiding her blush by turning toward the wall perpendicular. She continued absent-mindedly with her palm trees and small dots for sand. "There are pictures of them in the library, in the books…"

Sai shrugged it off and rested against a spot on the brick she hadn't yet worked on.

"You're allowed to move into your room now," he offered. "If you're this bored, you might want to clean it up. It's gotten pretty dusty."

Keiya pretended not to hear him; meanwhile, she desperately contemplated her choices.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he added, trying to hide the eagerness in his voice. "I can help you, if you want."

Ugh, think!

"…I don't want to go there yet," she said stubbornly, pretending to be absorbed in her work. She leaned into the corner, letting her head droop sideways.

Seeing her so engrossed in her sketching, he reluctantly nodded. He came up behind her and paused.

This might be a stupid idea, he thought self-consciously, one arms raised toward her.

He bravely placed a hand on her shoulder. She froze at his touch.

"A-are you alright, Keiya? I've never seen you like this before," he said, more softly than usual. He noticed that she wouldn't look at him; he wished he had the courage to tilt her face into his view.

"I don't feel good, so just leave me alone," she snapped, coming up with an excuse on the spot. "I'll move upstairs when I want to, okay?"

"O-okay, whatever you want," he said quickly, his eyes wide with hurt. He backed up and looked around the room, unsure of how to appease her. No matter what he did for her, how nice he was to her, he was still not good enough—not as good as whoever she had seen on the outside.

Seeing her watch him fumble, he decided the safest thing for him to do was to show himself out before she became more agitated.

"I'm going to, uh, train now, so if you need anything, you know where to find me," he offered, over his shoulder.

She nodded rigidly and watched him leave the room. His steps were light and his reflexes clumsy. He accidently slammed the door shut upon his departure.

As soon as he was gone, Keiya's face fell into relaxed sadness and she let her arms drop loosely to her sides.

He's gone…

"Thank God,"she murmured to herself, rushing over to another corner of the room.

She hastily dug her things out from the mound of crushed tiles. No matter how petty it seemed to keep an old nightgown and a pair of shoes hidden, she needed something to remind her that she hadn't just made it all up. With nimble fingers she tied the shoes inside the nightgown and sweater as a sort of makeshift sack, then kicked the tiles around on the floor and hurried to the exit.

She snuck past the training area, her heart pounding as she heard Sai wrestle with the equipment, and rushed up the flights of stairs to her room. Immediately, she locked her door and placed her belongings at the back of the empty armoire, where no one would think to look. It would be covered by the shadows. Everything that had happened would have to be covered by the shadows.

I've spent enough time mourning.

She closed the armoire doors and meekly sat herself down on an old wooden chair near her desk. Her head throbbed with memories crying for her attention.

I won't say his name, she decided dolefully.

A heartless carrying a sealed letter crept up behind her. Things were already falling into routine.

Not even to myself. I won't say it.

~…~

Author's Note: I'm sorry this is so short—I promise they'll get longer again! Please tell me what you think!

The next update will actually be a bonus chapter in celebration of the thirty chapter milestone. (Can I call that a milestone?) It's an excuse for me to write something happy for a change, with all this sad stuff going on in the story now. It takes place between chapters ten and eleven, just Keiya and Riku, and it's purely a happy story! It was actually very nice for me to get to go back in time, so I'm excited to finish it!

The more reviews this chapter gets, the sooner the bonus will be posted

Thank you for reading all the way up to chapter thirty!

Don't forget to review!