Ianto/Jacque fic.
Part 6.
The drive back to the hub is silent, each trapped in their own thoughts. Owen and Gwen are confused, trying to figure out why Tosh has clammed up and how come Ianto is so tense his knuckles are white on the steering wheel. For your part, you're just wondering how in god's green earth you're alive.
The first time you talk again is when Owen is making sure you're alright. He'd gone through everyone, making sure nobody had any concussions or broken bones, but left you until last so that you could talk alone.
"So," he says, taking a bit longer to make sure, you know, your heart is still beating. "Tosh informs me you were dead. She says a good five to ten minutes. Care to explain that one, then?"
You just frown, saying, "Dunno. I haven't exactly died before, have I?"
He continues to do scans, making sure that you're getting enough air, that the gashes on your back are clean and don't need stitches or anything, etc. Eventually he declares you as fit as could be, besides the fractured rib, and bandages you up with a warning to not lift anything heavy for a while.
"Now," he finally says, "What are you going to do about Ianto?"
You just blink at him, frowning in thought, and say, "I don't even know what happened, yet. How can I talk to him about it?"
"Well, you're going to have to do something," he replies, "He was shattered when he came in here. The last time I saw him that broken was when he lost Lisa."
You just blink in confusion, "Wait... Who's Lisa?"
He just waves off the question, "He had a girlfriend back when canary wharf hit, she died. But the point is..." He comes over to where your sitting on the exam table, just not having gotten to moving, and sits next to you. "He's more attached to you than he thought, and it scares him. He almost lost the first person he's let himself get close to since he lost the one person he was closest to." He sighs and nudges your knee with one of his, summing it up with, "You're gonna have to talk to him."
A shower, change of clothes, and trip to the kitchen later, you find him hunched over the table, head in his hands. Figures he'd be here.
"Hey," you say softly, sitting across from him and sliding him a mug of chamomile tea. "I made you this. Not nearly as good as yours, and you probably need a lot more than that, but..."
He doesn't move, so you do. You put the tea down and wince as you start to drag the chair closer to him. That, however, gets him to jump up immediately. "Here," he says, face still a bit crumpled, "Let me help." He moves it for you, adding a soft, "You probably shouldn't be moving that. Rumor is you broke a rib."
You chuckle softly and say, "News sure travels fast around here."
All he needs to say is, "Owen told me," and you both nod, sitting close and falling silent as you sip your tea.
After sitting in silence a while, you say, "I'm sorry."
That triggers it, he shatters again and tears fall as he says angrily, "I could have lost you! You were dead, I /saw/ you were dead!" At this point it was clear he's more frightened and hurting than angry, still struggling with the grief of loss too much to get the relief of coming back. "I never- I /can't/ lose you, Jacque..." He puts his head int his hands, just shaking as he tries to sort through his emotions.
You nod, face setting as you remember that his being thrown was what started this, that you sacrificed yourself to save him, and place a hand on his shoulder with a simple, "I know."
You stay like that a while before moving to hug him. That gets an immediate response as he pulls you close and kisses you, a gesture you return completely.
Neither of you know how long you were like that, or when you transitioned to just being curled into him and on his lap, but eventually Tosh wanders in and says, "Oh. Sorry, if this room's taken, I'll make my tea somewhere else."
"No," you finally say, standing up and lacing fingers with Ianto, a queue for him to get to his feet. "I was just heading out." You nod to the door and tug on his hand and your boyfriend easily follows. It's a good thing he trusts you, because you lead him to the library he made for you. "Here," you say softly, "Just what you need, a place to relax and a story to escape to."
After a few moments of searching the shelves, you come across The Monster at the End of This Book and its sequel. You smile as you take them off the shelf, something that only grows as you see the bewildered look on his face that got rid of the crushing anguish that was just there. From there, it's a simple matter of leading him to the closest couch or loveseat, picking one by the fire, before motioning for him to sit so that you can move back to his lap.
"The Monster at the End of This Book," you start, pulling the stupidest grover voice you can muster to do the, "Helloooo Evereeebodyyyyyy~"
Ianto goes from looking at you like you've lost it to laughing outright at how ridiculous the whole thing is. Soon both of you are lapsing into fits of giggles and you're left gasping 'ow's between breaths, clutching the side that you hurt.
"Thank you," he says simply, catching his breath, "I think we both needed that."
"I know we did," you reply, grinning up at him before adding with a smirk, "I mean, it was that or OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALIVE sex, but I kinda can't exert myself at the moment." You nod to your side and he just laughs again.
"I'm sorry if I worried you. I was just so scared..." He starts to frown again and you kiss him to get him to focus.
"I know. But I'm here. We won." He just nods at your reassurance, pulling you close and holding you for the rest of the night anyway.