I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Plunge

Keiya cradled herself against the wall, as far away from the puddle of blood in which she woke as she could crawl. Head buried in her arms, she bit the chapped skin of her lips to refrain from making any noise. Her fingers tugged at her hair, her eyes were raw with silent tears.

It wasn't until she had felt the cool, wet substance, slimy over her legs, that she'd remembered: Maleficent's sickly green magic blasting toward her womb, Sai's calloused hands binding her wrists, then hard on her neck…

Light bruises still adorned her body, and the nausea was now ever present. Every thought induced her to clutch the fabric of her dress, wrap her arms around her stomach, and swallow back the urge to vomit in disgust. Her insides were in knots now messier than before; it revolted her to think of the damage in her body, the source of the cramps and queasiness.

But what turned her sadness to unfiltered hatred was the loss, the innocent victim of her mistress's and cohort's rage. She'd scraped through the thick puddle as if she could find it—her young embryo. Blood and dirt were wedged under her finger nails. Shaking hands groped in fervor to find the miniscule fetus amidst the fluids that coated the floor. Her heart pounded tirelessly with hope and dread at the unrealized prospect.

It's not fair… she thought bitterly, rubbing fresh tears off onto her arm.

The sickening smell of iron lingered around the room, overpowering every other sense and feeding the guilt that was growing inside her mercilessly. The sticky crimson was still between her fingers, caked into her hair, stained into her clothes…

What would Riku think?

But she couldn't go back in time.

He would be so upset…

She couldn't forget.

…and angry…

She couldn't undo what had been done.

…at me.

And she could never escape—there was no use escaping.

Her shackles were in her mind, and so they were stronger than ever.

When she closed her eyes, she saw possibilities. A little girl with his eyes and his spirit, ribbons and stuffed dolls; a boy who looked just like him, who played with toy swords and sat high on his father's shoulders… all spiraling down, down, down…

Nothing to remember him by…

I have nothing…

~…~

"Riku…!"

He heard her voice strain with tears, fade farther away each time she called his name. His feet clapped on the ground as he sprinted in circles, around and around hallways with no doors and no light.

"Where are you?" he cried, coming to a fork in the road.

Her scream made his heart lurch. So many thoughts were twisting in his head: drowning, burning, bleeding… Her sharp gasps and meek hiccups echoed in his ears, distorted his sense of direction. He ran forever, and he still couldn't find her.

"Keiya, I'm here! Where—"

Her voice was a whisper this time.

"Ri…ku…"

"Riku! Hey, are you alright?"

The older boy jumped out of his seat, short of breath, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. The muskiness of the endless corridors still filled his nose, and the sounds of her suffering were clogging his ears. He still felt lost. His mind had been torn out of his nightmare, but his heart still wandered there hopelessly.

When he blinked his eyes against the light, a sea of curious, apprehensive faces stared back at him. He vaguely wondered if everyone had been watching him, and felt heat gather at his cheeks.

"I-I'm okay…" he finally answered, swallowing back the hoarseness in his voice.

"…Are you sure? You were talking in your sleep..." Sora remarked cautiously.

Riku reluctantly sat back down and averted his gaze to the window. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Sora waited a moment, an arm still outstretched in concern, then sighed and turned to face the anxious crowd. Everyone sat solemnly, working on the monitors or digging through their packs without a word. When Riku was around, no one spoke during flights. His presence added a tension that made the others uncomfortable. They pitied him, and when he sat by himself in one of the small storage rooms at the back of the ship, it was all they whispered about.

In the corner of the cockpit, Leon stood with his arms crossed, silently fuming. He was holding something in, his mouth was creased into a tight frown. Aerith seemed to be coaxing him to calm down, but he had his eyes stubbornly locked on the sorrowful figure by the window.

Finally, he broke the silence. "Cid, any new readings from the detector?"

"No… Haven't been any for a couple days now."

Riku's voice came resolutely, "There will be more. We just need to keep looking."

Behind him, Leon let out a sigh and Aerith began pleading with him in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, of course," Sora agreed optimistically. He nudged his friend playfully, trying to get a smile from him. "We'll find her! We just need to keep trying!"

At this, Leon stepped forward and shook his head. "It's been nearly a month now," he stated firmly. "It's about time for everyone to get back home."

Riku looked over in alarm. There was a hint of a tremor in his voice, and a pause before he spoke.

"What are you saying?"

"Your friends must be exhausted running around like this, and there's work to be done in Radiant Garden," he stressed, walking towards Riku, hands thrust in his pockets. "We don't have time to look for someone who ran away by her own will."

Riku's face hardened and his lips curled into a defensive frown.

"It wasn't by her own will," he asserted. "She left because they forced her—I'm sure of it!"

"Even so, she chose to leave. This shouldn't be our concern," Leon pressed, intent on stressing the practicality of the situation. He felt as though he were the only one aboard the ship able to see, to sense that danger was staring them in the face while they ignored the signs.

Riku shook his head. "She was scared; she didn't know what to do. I know she's hurt—"

"No, you don't know. What if this is all a trap?"

"Leon!" Aerith scolded.

"She could have been sent by Maleficent to get close to you from the very beginning," Leon continued brashly.

"W-what? Of course not! She wasn't even working for Maleficent when I found her—"

"You can't believe everything she said," he affirmed pointedly.

He glanced back at a frowning Aerith, whose hands were on her hips in disapproval. Riku was glowering before him with his jaw shut tight. The others were all watching the scene nervously. Some had been thinking it, some were surprised, but all were afraid to give input.

Addressing everyone but looking straight at Riku, Leon explained, "We never should have taken her in. I always thought there was something suspicious about her, she was sent to get information. She's just Maleficent's tool—"

Suddenly, Riku's fist sliced swiftly through the air, landing a brutal hit near Leon's eye, sending the man backward into the wall.

"Shut up!" he yelled through clenched teeth, closing in on him. His eyes were narrowed, and his fists, tight at his sides. "Don't call her a tool—you don't know what you're talking about! I know her better than anyone, and none of that is true!"

Aerith placed her hands on Leon's shoulders, restraining him while trying to help him up. "Leon, relax," she said, watching him worriedly for a sudden burst of movement.

The older man wiped the fresh blood off his cheek silently, his eyes clenched shut and his forehead creased in frustration. Without warning, he thrust himself away from Aerith's light hold and stood to full height to look down on the boy before him. Riku was seething now, ready to strike if he so much as dared to say her name.

"You too, Riku! Calm down," Aerith reprimanded, eying the teenager's glare frightfully.

Sora and Kairi carefully made their way to his side, the former placing a firm hand on his shoulder and pulling him back a few steps.

Leon spoke first, his words filled with ice. "All I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't be wasting time looking all over the galaxy for someone who doesn't really care for you! They're trying to lure you in, can't you see? She's a liar!"

"She wasn't lying! I know her—she told me everything!"

"She told you lies."

Riku clenched the back of a seat, squeezing the leather so hard it began to puncture. His chest rose and fell heavily, his muscles were tense. Sora now had a hand wrapped fully around his arm, but he could hardly feel it in his rage.

"Why would I believe you? You never even gave her a chance—you labeled her the second she got here!"

"Her mistress destroyed my world. I think I have every right to be wary of the apprentice," he said coolly.

Riku shook his head, struggling to describe what only he had witnessed. "But she's not like that! I-I saw her… She was in so much pain, you have no idea..."

He swallowed and grappled for words against the new lump in his throat. Thinking of those restless nights again brought out the guilt he was trying to suppress, and he felt pathetic to stand there and reveal his weakness in front of the whole crowd.

"She woke up from nightmares every night… Sometimes it took hours to get her to stop crying," he recalled distantly. His was the only voice in the room. Every strain, every crack could be heard clear as crystal. When he recovered his bearings, he looked up at Leon. "All she talked about was being afraid to stay, because she thought everyone here would be hu—"

"Don't be so blind!" Leon interrupted. "It was an act to make you come chasing after her. You think Maleficent doesn't know what she's doing? She sent her pretty apprentice to win the heart of someone in the house and to lure the whole party into a trap. It's perfect for her—she gets to knock everyone off at once. I'm not about to risk the lives of everyone on board! Cid, turn the ship around. We're going home!"

Everyone was still for a minute, caught off guard. Eyes darted around the room, mouths were at a loss for words.

"Cid, bring us home," he repeated urgently.

After a moment of hesitation, Cid looked at Riku apologetically and began punching new coordinates into the dashboard. The boy stiffened and turned back toward Leon, holding a glare.

"Then I'll look for her alone—I didn't ask for help in the first place," Riku declared icily, picking up his bags. He marched to the back of the ship, to the small room where he sometimes sat alone during flights.

"She's trouble, Riku—"

"She's not. She's in danger, and I'm going to save her by myself."

Before Leon could say any more, Riku shut himself inside the storage room and locked the door.

Alright…

He took a deep breath.

Let's do this.

He emptied his bag of his watch, radio, and batteries, and instead filled it with extra first aid supplies.

This is good, in a way, he thought solemnly, zipping up the pack and throwing it over his shoulder. Now I can look for her uninterrupted.

Eyelids shut, muscles relaxed. Nothing stood in his way.

With a firm resolve, Riku submitted to the other power inside him, the one more dangerous to control, the one with willpower of its own. Gradually, he let it flow through his body. He let it feed off his desperation. And it granted him its power.

As it steeped and grew, the faintest of greys threatened to outline the irises of his eyes. But Riku clenched his fists and thrust it back into his heart. He wouldn't let it get out of hand, he promised. Keeping control had to be simple; this wasn't about his struggle. He couldn't afford more setbacks.

When he finally opened his eyes, the grey dissipated behind a one-track determination. It was time to act on his perseverance. Without wasting another moment, the keyblade warrior stretched his arm out in front of him and opened a dark portal.

Just before he could step through, though, the door behind him was wretched open.

"Riku!"

Sora stood in the entryway, exasperated, keyblade in hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" he shouted condescendingly.

Riku replied coolly, "Going to find her."

"Riku, this isn't good for you! Every time one of us is in trouble, you always take matters into your own hands and rely on the darkness's power! Instead, let us help—you're always trying to do everything on your own!"

"That won't work, Sora. Not this time." A tinge of anger found its way into his voice. "Leon's right about that, at least—there's too much else you need to focus on. And I want to save her on my own. She's my…my…"

He broke off shyly, at a loss for the word. Sora was watching him warily, and he was sure the others could hear them arguing not far off.

"…Just let me do this by myself."

The younger boy shook his head sorrowfully. "I thought you were going to do this without the darkness's help… Riku, where's your self-pride?"

When Riku tried to keep walking, Sora stepped in front of him and held his keyblade out to block his friend's path. The older boy just gritted his teeth impatiently.

"That doesn't matter right now!" he stressed. "If this is the fastest way to get to her, then so be it. She's already hurt, don't you understand? I've wasted too much time! And right now… I could care less about pride…"

"Sora!" called a muffled voice from the cockpit.

The boy momentarily lost his focus, and Riku seized his chance. He pushed past his younger friend without turning back and plunged into the swirling depths of the corridor, to a destination unknown.

~…~

"Hey."

Keiya jerked her head around, all swollen cheeks and dried up tears, to glare up viciously at her visitor. Sai seemed strangely peaceful. Any remaining jealousy, rage, or disgust was wiped clean from his features. He approached her cautiously but determinedly, not a trace of fear or discomfort in his steps.

Anger blazed furiously in her body, racked her with concealed shivers and tensed muscles. As he neared her, she folded her legs to the side and turned away to face the wall. How did he have the nerve to come see her, she wondered. How could he greet her as if he hadn't hurt her? He had taken away her child. Her thoughts turned murderous at the flashbacks: that threatening voice, those possessive words... Her own child—the only thing that truly would have belonged to her, the living proof to remind her that it was all real!—he had stolen it all.

"I brought you a blanket," he offered, holding the faded cloth out to her.

She refused to look at him.

"And clean clothes."

Silence.

When she didn't budge, Sai placed her clothes on the floor by her feet, then took the blanket and hesitantly draped it over her shoulders. He saw her flinch as his fingertips brushed her skin, and her hands, tighten into white fists.

Sai felt his heart rattle in his chest as he groped for words and courage. As always, he was trying his best. The steam had cooled from his head, and his jealousy, become sufficiently dormant. So long as he kept his thoughts under control, he thought to himself, he wouldn't disappoint her. So he tried to forget, to pretend that there had been no boyfriend or baby or other life of hers. And he wanted her to forget, too. He wanted to start over.

"These are yours, too," he continued. He then handed her a box, the dusty cardboard box he had found tucked away in her room so many weeks ago. She recoiled when he pushed it toward her and refused to oblige him and see its contents. Emotions were spiraling out of control; she could think of nothing else but how hard he had gripped her to keep her still, how coldly he had told her she couldn't keep her baby, as if the decision were his to make alone.

Slowly, her hands traveled to the edges of the blanket around her body. He watched apprehensively as she started to tremble and clenched the material tightly between her fingers.

Keeping some distance in an attempt to give her privacy, Sai began, "Maleficent said you might feel sick for a few hours. I'm supposed to help you."

He attentively fixed the blanket that had begun slipping from her shoulders, taking solace in her composure.

"…Help?" she repeated, too quietly for him to hear.

"So if there's anything you need, just tell me, alright?"

With a piercing shriek, Keiya ripped the blanket off her shoulders, sending the alarmed boy backward. Her voice was strained with tears held in and emotions strung high. Regret, agony, loathing... It unnerved him; every pitch, full of remorse, echoed in his ears until he forgot his pride. When she finally lifted her head to face him, all he saw was hate. Ragged, severe hate.

"I don't want your help!" she cried. "I don't even want to look at you!"

She knocked the box of belongings over in a fit of rage, letting the contents spill carelessly onto the floor.

"What you did was unforgivable—you took away everything! That baby… that was my baby! Who are you to tell me whether or not I can have it?"

He started in defense, "I was only following orders! Maleficent was the one who told me to—"

"You're always just following orders, aren't you?" she fumed, shakily pulling herself off the floor. "You never try to think for yourself, do you?"

"That's not true!"

"You could have tried to stop her, to help me! Instead you egged her on!"

Sai took small steps to the side as she edged toward him. Her body was weak, and her power, limited; but the raw passion he saw burning in her eyes coaxed him out of her range. He wasn't fool enough to underestimate her—he'd made that mistake too many times over the years—and seeing her so wild in fury only reaffirmed his precautions.

"For your information," he started coldly, "I thought what you did was wrong. I stand by my actions."

Keiya stumbled in her walk, the queasiness in her stomach crippling her against the wall. She glared up at him through messy bangs. Standing in clothes soaked in blood and fluids, she had never before felt so pathetic, so hopeless, and so cheated.

"You mean running away?" She struggled to keep her voice under control. "What I did had nothing to do with you."

"Yes, it did, Keiya! And I'm talking about everything. That guy that you…" He took a deep breath. "When I found out about… that guy…"

That guy that you met, that you slept with…

His lips couldn't form the words, his jaw clenched shut—his thoughts seemed inexpressible. Seven years' worth of emotions was trapped in his mind. Like baby birds inside a cage, they were dying to get out, and terrified, too.

When I met you, I didn't think we would end up like this.

Keiya felt the swell of anger only grow as he silently turned his back toward her. Lately, always with his back toward her…

"You, don't talk about him," she ordered in a hoarse voice, clutching her abdomen against bursts of pain. "I don't want to hear you talk about him…"

She heard the material of Sai's gloves rustle as his hands tightened into fists.

You helped me so much that first year when I was new here…

"Why?" he pressed miserably through clenched teeth. "You can say it, go ahead."

Quavering voice, stinging eyes and tense muscles, he waited for his answer. Torrents of thoughts gathered uncontrollably, ready to break free from his throat the second she admitted it—what he'd been denying all along.

Urged on by his attitude and obstinacy, Keiya let her anger overtake her, and shouted tauntingly, "Because he's better than you!"

Sai spun around automatically, fists on each side, a grimace on his face and red in his cheeks.

"Can't you see that I like you, too?"

Because you kept running away, I was sure that you hated me. So I tried harder.

Keiya stared at him, unable to find words through her shock and fury.

"I've liked you longer than he has—I've always liked you…!" he continued brashly, hopelessly. "I've liked you since the first day I met you! How could you not see that?"

"…Well you were never very good at showing it!" she declared resentfully.

I tried to get you to play games with me, but you weren't interested. Then I tried reading the same books as you, but I couldn't keep up.

Sai inhaled desperately, the air around him suddenly too thin. Where he should have felt relieved, he felt miserable, and where there should have been fruition, there was rejection.

"I was always nice to you!" he yelled in agony, struggling to remind her of the trials and errors, the efforts they both used to make, those years ago. "I've always tried to help you, but you never let me! Even now, if I could do anything for you—"

"The only thing you can do for me is to drop dead!"

When I hurt you, I thought you could forgive me. I didn't think things would change forever.

Blank face, wide eyes. It rang in his ears. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as a cold shiver ran down his spine. He couldn't think, he couldn't speak.

Years have passed, you still haven't forgiven me, and now I've just hurt you more.

"I ought to kill you for what you did…" Keiya murmured in a broken voice, her arms hugging her torso.

She felt wretched, empty. All the cold air in the room couldn't make her shudder. Lover, gone; child, a dream too soon to last. The world had shrunk in size. There was no reason to stay, but nowhere else to go.

A hand hastily reached up to wipe her eyes dry, and a defeated sob broke past her lips.

"I'll kill you…" she whispered hoarsely, from somewhere deep inside her. A rich violet glow began to form around her hands.

We're not on the same page anymore…

Sai watched with unregistered apprehension as she neared him. Her words had tripped his mind, rendered him unable to feel or move or see.

Subtly, her hair floated freely above her shoulders and her unsteady gait corrected itself as a new energy engulfed her body. Darkness—a different darkness—swept from her head to her toes, and she welcomed it greedily. It bent to her will so easily, and felt smooth and icy in her hands. She raised her arm toward Sai, her eyes locking onto his form, sending invisible spears at him without mercy.

With a power that broke past her mistress's boundaries, Keiya unleashed a massive force: a sinister, swirling wave of darkness that came right out of her own body. A deep, malign purple coated her irises as the power and temptation grew out of control. The more she thought of his heartless deed, the greater her darkness grew.

"I'll kill you!" she cried ruthlessly.

She commanded it forward with a swing of her arm, and it rushed at him with the speed of a predator.

I wish we could have met… some other way.

Sai saw the sour, remorseful look on her face for only a second before he was enveloped in a searing darkness and pinned roughly against the wall in midair. When he tried to breathe, it filled and scorched his lungs relentlessly. His eyes stung at its putrid density, and his limbs couldn't move against the thick monstrosity's grip. Every pore in his body was under attack, and every inch of him burned under the spell of her enmity.

Keiya squeezed her fist tighter. The small, vicious part of her enjoyed the twisting of his face, the drowning of his voice as she condensed the leeching magic around him. Sharp gasps and thumps filled the room as he physically tried to fight away the darkness, flailing his arms and clawing at the wall. But the suffocation was slow and imminent. As seconds rolled by, his arms grew heavy, and his eyes unclenched into a simple, weak stare.

She was nearly in a trance, watching his face pale to contrast against the black parasite around him. This is what he deserves, she thought vaguely. He took away everything… Memories of his thirst for power, his lack of sympathy, and his unreasonable jealousy replayed in her mind, gave her a reason. She squeezed her fist so tight it trembled. It was as white as his sorry, terrified face.

Sai was wheezing for breath, on his last legs, when a portal finally opened behind them. Maleficent's steps were brisk and deliberate, and she immediately conjured a cloud of energy to infiltrate her apprentice's attack and set the boy free. However, the witch's green magic was sucked into the beastly darkness without so much as a spark or noise.

Taken aback and now very impatient, Maleficent moved cautiously towards the girl.

"Keiya, stop this instant!" she bellowed.

But she could not be stirred from her rapture for vengeance. Her mistress's words flew over her head; all she would listen to was the dying down of his pleas, the shortening of his breaths.

Wary of her apprentice's power, Maleficent aimed a sharp burst of magic at the girl herself.

"That is an order, Keiya—put him down."

Like a whip, the force of the blow snapped her out of her twisted reverie and onto the floor. Her attack dissipated in an instant, and Sai collapsed to the ground limply, sucking in air.

Maleficent first strode to the suffering boy. His whimpers, racked with distress and shame, filled the room with their anguish. Keiya began to feel it in her bones as she took in the scene around her: the cracks in the wall, her comrade's pitiful condition, the awful adrenaline rush in her blood... She felt the darkness still restless inside her fighting for action, felt spiteful, felt the emptiness of her body and the stabbing ache in her neck. But she did not feel sorry.

Sai's eyes were half-closed, and his body, trembling with each heavy breath. Maleficent cast a long shadow over him as she approached. Eyebrows pinched in a furrow, she nudged him with her staff until he stirred. His senses were deadened, his balance was off. Cold sweat rolled down the side of his face to mix with the blood that was drying up on the ground. The fear of his mistress's presence took moments to register; it wasn't until he dazedly glanced up at her, meeting her cold, hard glare, that he made desperate efforts to move.

"Get up, Sai. Pathetic weakling…" she derided coolly.

The boy's legs wobbled as he stood up. Still gasping for breath, he clung to the wall and tried to get a handle on his balance to appease the witch waiting expectantly above him. But as soon as his eyes fell upon his murderous attacker, heartache shot through him and he nearly staggered. Her head was bowed, her eyes were cast emotionlessly on the ground. Not a trace of panic or sorrow flickered across her face.

With a barely-satisfied sneer, Maleficent turned on her heel and headed toward her first apprentice, the one kneeling still as stone on the floor. She wretched the girl up by the roots of her hair and peered down into her face. At the pain, she was visibly seething. Darkness swam around her irises and her eyes were sharp and narrowed. Maleficent glowered at this lack of respect, and tightened her fingers closer to her scalp to force her to flinch in acknowledgement.

"Now… don't you feel disgusting?" she taunted callously, allowing every word to sink in. "Your own hate spawned this darkness. You did this without any help."

She threw Keiya back to the floor and placed the tip of her staff to the mark on her overturned wrist. It was pitch black now—it looked almost fake—and it had begun to turn the surrounding skin of her forearm a pale gray.

"This power can be useful to us, but you must control yourself. If you keep doing reckless things, you'll certainly lose your heart. Don't think you are immune to the heartless. Now you are their prey."

Without warning, she wedged the sharp edge of her staff into the girl's wrist. Keiya's body went rigid and she let out a piercing shriek. Blood gushed out of the lingering black mark—blood that was laced with vicious darkness. A searing pain rushed through her nerves and brought grudging tears out of her eyes. Through shaky breaths and clenched teeth, all else she could manage was a whimper.

"And if you ever try to turn on either of us again," she began menacingly. "I'll make sure you are brutally disposed of. Do you understand?"

She nodded vigorously with a small cry.

Maleficent withdrew the blade slowly, torturously, and started away void of pity as black and crimson spilled out of her apprentice's body. She motioned a wide-eyed Sai to follow her, and he did so hesitantly, after a wistful glance back at her.

When she was alone, Keiya hastily clutched her arm to her torso, trying to stop the flow of blood with her already filthy clothes. The wound throbbed tirelessly and sent spears of ice into her body. She couldn't feel anything else—not the jagged rubble on the ground or the aches at her scalp. Everything hurt; everything was on fire.

When she mustered up the strength to stand, she carefully made her way back to her original corner and dropped to her knees there with a shaky sigh. Her eyes squeezed shut at a hot burst of pain. The darkness wasn't aiding her; rather, it seemed to be hurting her more. Grudgingly, she grasped the blanket Sai had brought her and pressed it against the wound.

Maleficent's words played and replayed in her mind—she did feel disgusting. She felt wretched, hideous, and hopeless. Not sorry, just wretched.

She sat there in silence for what felt like hours, and somewhere down the line, she reached for the box Sai had given her. Crawling with one hand, she gathered up the contents that she had tossed aside in aggravation.

A faded, worn out hair-tie; glistening earrings made of violet crystal; a red velvet pouch.

The scrunchie still had some of her hairs entangled around it, and the elastic had been stretched out from extended use. She used to wear it on missions when she was younger, she recalled. That was when life was more peaceful, when she could trust her only friend.

She reached for the earrings next. They sparkled even in the dark room, seemed to reflect nonexistent light. Keiya traced each diamond shaped crystal longingly. They didn't seem foreign. She struggled to stimulate her oldest memories, from a life she must have had before meeting Maleficent. But it was futile; except for a few images of busy streets from a little girl's height, no details could resurface. She had tried too hard in the past to remember where she was from, what her parents had looked like, what had happened to them—and every time was more painful than the last. She set the jewelry down before her frustration could emerge, and moved on to the last object.

Five pebbles of varying size and color tumbled into her hand when she opened the pouch. Almost immediately, tears welled up in her eyes and something in her memory shifted. Her gaze was locked on an invisible point in front of her, her muscles somehow found a way to relax. The more she ran her fingers over the smooth, round stones, the more she felt the knots untying. Something was right in front of her, a picture she knew was vivid.

But she couldn't grasp it. It disappeared as quickly as it came.

With a devastated, mournful cry, she threw the stones into the darkness and let them clatter on the ground.

So stupid… I can't remember!

With her brief sense of hope gone, her wound started to act up again. The metallic smell of blood began to make her queasy, and the loss of it, lightheaded. Where darkness should have been filling that void, it seemed to be feeding off it.

Her thoughts drifted, her consciousness dwindled.

At least Riku… can't see me like this…

It was the last thing she thought of before she blacked out.

~…~

Back in his room, Sai sat at his desk clutching his head in his heads. The effects of his near-death experience had worn off, but his mind was anything but clear.

She's never been… that angry at me, he thought dismally.

He recalled the malice she had emitted, the venom in every word she spoke. Something about it bothered him, seemed eerily familiar to him, and after hours of fervid remembering he had finally unraveled it.

It was the tears that she was holding in, the pain that had burst in her body because there was no way to let it out.

He had seen it before, from top of the staircase, peering through the bars of the railing.

"You went to the soothsayer? Damn it, Shioka, you were supposed to go to the doctor! It will be another month before I have the money to send you there again!"

"She says it's a baby girl," his mother said with a weak, pleading smile. "You know I've always wanted a baby girl."

His father paced the kitchen with a hand beneath his chin while his mother watched and waited from her seat at the table. She wrung her hands together nervously, a wistful gleam in her eyes.

"We could use another hand in the field," she pointed out hopefully.

"But we don't have the money to raise another child. There's barely enough to support the three of us… And we were talking about sending Sai to school this year. How would we pay for that?"

Sai's eyes darted back and forth between his parents. Both of them spoke in hushed voices, conscious that he might hear, but neither caught sight of him out of bed spying. It was the strain in their voices that had brought him to get up. Through the thin walls and ceiling he could hear their distress.

"Our profits would increase with more help with the rice field. It would only be a few years of sacrifice…" Her voice was mixed with tremors and restrained tears. "We'll pull through in the end, you'll see…"

"It's selfish to think that way," he chastised gently. "Aren't we already forcing our son to sacrifice enough?"

His mother was quiet at that.

"The loaners are already at the doorstep every month. I give them all we can afford—if they see we have another child, they'll say we're not giving enough. You know how they think."

"But," she began again, "if we all work harder to give them more money, they'll have nothing to complain about."

His father's face remained blank for a moment, as if he were torn in two directions. Sai found his hopes rising; 'I might get a baby sister!' he thought to himself excitedly. But then his father gave his wife an apologetic look and shook his head.

"It's too risky. I need to make sure you and Sai stay safe. We can't have another baby. This is the right thing to do."

His mother's eyes widened and tears slowly but surely began to spill over. She stared at her husband in denial, waiting for him to change his mind, but when he sighed and turned away from her, she bowed her head and let her tears fall into her lap. All Sai heard was a quivering gasp before a hand flew to cover her mouth. He watched her shoulders tremble, saw the wet spot on her lap grow as more droplets flowed down her cheeks, and wished he had the courage to go downstairs and hug her.

Sai had never seen a grown-up cry. He thought it would be collected and quiet. But the way his mother cried was not collected; it was infectious and heart-wrenching. He felt his own chest heave and hurt with each progressive shudder and stifled gasp. Her hand soon covered her whole face—red eyes, quivering lips.

Finally, as if something inside her had snapped, she threw herself onto the table and cried like a selfish child: heavy breaths filled with tremors and hiccups, mournful wails, needless sniveling, head buried in her arms. She sobbed into the table for her imminent loss, her crushed dreams.

"We'll save up again, and next month you can go to the doctor. I'll send Sai to go with you," his father said kindly. "Sorry, Shioka… I can't let you do this."

"I can't let you do this"—those words made him grimace. It was the only time he could say that he had hated his father. It haunted him that he hadn't gone downstairs to interfere. Going back to bed that night, he had felt like garbage.

He pulled at his own hair, trying to create pain. Now the only person left to hate was himself. Those same words had come twisted off his lips when he'd done the same thing to her.

"Are you sure, ma'am?" the nurse asked. She handed her some paperwork and indicated to her where to sign. "You have a few more weeks before the abortion becomes dangerous. You still have time to decide."

Sai looked up at his mother anxiously as she took the papers and pen. He tugged at her shirt, whined for her attention. The curve of her womb was apparent now, but so was the drain of color from her face.

"That's alright, I'm sure," his mother said dolefully, still with a smile. She signed the papers and promptly handed them back to the nurse.

"Mom…"

"Shush, you stay here in the waiting room. Don't get into trouble," she told him.

She walked him to the dusty couch against his protests and pried his hands off the hem of her shirt.

"But you want to have the baby!" he fussed. "Don't let them kill it!"

His mother smiled sadly, unconsciously cradling her stomach. "No, your father's right. It's… better this way."

"Just like him…" Sai murmured in disgust, banging his fist on the jagged wood of the desk until he had splinters and cuts on his hand. He continued pulling at his hair until there was an ache deep inside his head, all the while allowing himself no noises of discomfort.

"Just as bad as him…"

~…~

Author's Note: I'm sorry this took so long ^_^'

This chapter's kind of cluttered with all important things, so I know it's a lot to absorb, but what do you guys think? Hope the controversy from the last chapter was made clear, and that the flashback was enjoyable. I feel bad that I'm not putting too much of Riku in the past few chapters, but there hasn't been a whole lot for him to do until now. (So he'll be in it more next chapter.)

I'm so grateful to all the readers who reviewed last chapter—thanks so much! Please continue to support this story and review!