Ways To Tick Off the Wizarding World

by SoNotNymphadora

The title is self-explanatory. It takes place in varying time periods. Language is mild, but it is rated T for it's suggestiveness. Please R&R, as this is my first fic. Thanks!

8. The Dark Lord

Point out you can't spell his name without "emo"

Craft Nagini into a handbag and give it to Voldie as a Christmas present. When he screams about Horcruxes, ask innocently "what's a Horcrux?"

Offer Voldie a wig, an appointment for a nose job, tanning, a manicure, and a shrink, and a list of alternative hobbies. Recommend knitting, bingo, shuffleboard, marbles, embroidery, event planning, and macaroni art.

Tell him Harry recently died in an "unfortunate Quidditch mishap". When he yells about "NOO!", scream, "Foiled again!"

Say "Dude, get a life. You should be known as "The-Man-Who-Let-A-Boy-Live-7-Times." to Voldie at a meeting when he inevitably rants about how he should be the one to kill Harry Potter. Oops, there goes Charity Burbage...

Replace the Horcrux locket potion with pumpkin juice

Lace his food with Polyjuice Potion, containing Harry's hair

Tell him, "Your mom's so ugly, she married a Muggle."