Inner Demons
Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own the show Teen Titans, nor the various DC comics on which this fanfiction is based.
"Ya' know, I hate that name a lot less when you say it," Jinx muses. "Still, I prefer Jinx."
"And moment ruined," Raven deadpans. "Shall we get the fun underway?"
At her girlfriend's nod, the psychic's hand slides through a portal, quickly returning with her mirror.
"If you could work a little bit of your magic so luck's in my favor, it certainly wouldn't hurt."
She quickly presses another kiss to Jinx's lips before sitting in a lotus position on the floor.
And then her hand is on the mirror.
A flash of black light flares up from the glass, and Raven's body goes limp, her eyes glowing pure white…
*****************
Raven takes form in a large, rocky clearing.
Around the table, centered in the clearing, sits seven copies of herself, leaving just enough room in the circle for herself.
"Merging is a necessity," Wisdom states as she takes a seat. "We're all in agreement over that. You've been incomplete for too long, and we've undoubtedly become discordant as time has dragged on. It's the specifics that must be discussed."
Raven's eyebrow raises in question, staring at her yellow clone.
"You believe it would be easy. Perhaps like when we simply joined with you when facing Rage down when she was still under Father's influence."
"Which would not have happened had she not kept me so strongly repressed as to essentially be nonexistent when his power entered me," her red self growls.
"Regardless, you are not correct in your assumption," Wisdom continues without missing a beat. "A permanent merge is not simply letting our powers join, it is facing and accepting every piece of your shattered soul."
Raven shrugs, hoping Jinx took her advice when she went into her trance.
"There isn't exactly a choice here. Shall we get this under way?"
With a nod, the clones disappear in smoke, their presences felt in all parts of her mind.
"You can choose the order, or have us choose for you. This is not an action you can go partially through," Wisdom states before she, too, disappears.
Raven sits silently at the abandoned table, mind turning her options over repeatedly.
Finally, she decides on dealing with her less potent emotions first as the best option.
As soon as she rises to head to her destination, two of her mirror selves appear.
They are garbed in pink and purple, and both wear a large and similar smile. The differences in their smiles, though, is clear, the purple Raven not unintentionally reminding her of Jinx.
Raven feels a blush creep across her as the women both move to her side, leaning heavily on her and grinning goofily at her.
"I'm not surprised. Not like it'd be hard to deal with what you already know," the purple Raven, Love, states with a sultry whisper.
"Good to see you aren't denying us, finally," the pink clone, Happiness, chirps.
The loud voice causes a spike of pain in Raven's mind, a heatless glare focusing on the loud woman.
"So, let's talk about Jinx. What do you think of her?" Love asks with a smile.
"The best thing that's happened to me," Raven shrugs, surprising them both with her honesty. "What? We're in my head. You are why I think that way."
"Yeah, but you're always putting on that gloomy mask, even with us in here," Happiness states, as if afraid to hear the statement taken back.
"I told her she's what brought my light out," Raven deadpans. "I was being serious. She's able to make me… happy… even while being serious enough to converse with me on an even level and not come out of it poorly."
"And…?" Love prompts, her eyes glowing slightly purple as her smile grows.
"And she made no judgments. She was rightfully scared when I… we… told her everything just now, and she's currently outside my body, keeping watch over me while I am utterly vulnerable… Outside of what will hopefully happen once this whole thing is over, I'm more of myself with her than with anyone, even if I trust my life to Koriand'r and Victor."
"And Garfield," Happiness interrupts with a giggle.
"In theory," Raven responds with a blush.
"Alright, I'm good. How 'bout you?" Happiness asks pointedly at Love.
The purple incarnation simply nods, both women stepping back.
"You'd better try your hardest to keep Jinx in your life. As it's the same for you, she's also the best thing that's happened for us," Happiness says with a grin, throwing her arm over Love's shoulder.
Raven nods in agreement, and the two vanish in a burst of colored light.
A strange, throbbing sensation floods the psychic's brain, and she watches in fascination as her robe cycles through colors, pink and purple quickly making the fabric a light mauve color.
"I really need to talk, seriously, with her about this," she muses internally as the emotions take hold.
What was subconsciously driven becomes fully accepted, and she realizes that she will not be able to keep what the realization causes in her bottled.
Needing something to temper the giddy feelings bubbling in her, she materializes in an ancient library.
"Best to take me on to better deal with the more negative aspects of your soul. As expected," Wisdom states without looking up from her book.
"You did not say I would lose my clarity once started," Raven accuses with a glare, the giddy emotions overpowering her mind.
"You did not ask. I did not know. Regardless, I'll keep this short. What are your intentions with the rest of the objects?"
"I'll continue as I have been" Raven responds. "The museums still get their pretty pieces of history to gawk at, and the risk of the exact things I fear happening from their capture will no longer be present."
"Very well. And your containment plan? Without Rage, your demonic aspect will not be influenced by their power corrupting Nevermore, but they will still be in your mind. The evils that they have been formed from and continue to be used for since will continue poisoning you."
"Jinx and I will work something out. I'm sure between the two of us, and Gizmo's technology, we can come up with something almost as effective."
Wisdom's eyes close in thought, a frown curling her lips.
"Alright. This makes sense."
Her eyes open to reveal a flare of yellow, and when Raven's sight returns, she feels her logic returning to compliment the happiness flowing through her brain. Her robe once again transforms, becoming a light shade of brown now.
Before she can ponder the next course of action, a green shadow sweeps past her vision.
Bravery takes a seat on top of a large bookshelf, glaring down at her.
"What're you gonna' do about Richard and Zatanna?" she demands.
Surprisingly, another clone takes form, a grey-cloaked Raven crouching low underneath Bravery against the bookshelf.
"S-S-Sorry… I f-figured y-you'd want to g-get me over with n-next, and I ag-agree with Bravery," Timidity stutters, her eyes locked on the ground.
"You're an odd and unexpected pair," Raven remarks. "As for how I will deal…"
Raven's eyes close in thought, contemplating on more than just her immediate plan of action regarding the vile pair.
"I don't know what it means for my future," she finally sighs. "I will destroy his plans, but he is intelligent. If I do not go about it right, he can find another way to enact his heinous idea, especially with that two-faced witch whispering in his ear."
Her anger surprises even her, quickly calming when Timidity seems to shrink inside her cloak.
"I cannot continue as a Titan, not after discovering that. Even were I to decide to remain on as an individual member, like Argent or Jericho, he would hound me. Someone capable of such plans is not a leader I will ever follow. Apparently, my forgiveness of Zatanna was misplaced, as well, since she is in no way different than I had originally assumed."
"All great. What are you going to do?" Bravery presses.
"Jinx made an offer long ago. Perhaps a new occupation, not bound to petty issues when there are real evils in the world, is in order."
She doesn't miss Bravery's clear enjoyment of the statement, nor the rambling of Rage's, either.
"Proactive, effective, and violent, without always walking on eggshells around people who're secretly terrified of what you can do. I like it," Bravery declares as she hops to the ground.
Unexpectedly, she pulls Raven into a hug, and her body quickly glows with green energy.
When the glow vanishes, her cloak is darker yet.
She notices with a smile that her muscles are visibly enlarged from her inner warrior's merge. Matching the change, she feels her self-confidence swell.
The idea of fighting Nightwing no longer seems daunting.
"If he pushes, I will retaliate," she muses.
"Wh-What're you g-going to do ab-about the relics' col-collection?" Timidity asks, quickly bringing her down under her influence.
Raven slowly moves to kneel in front of her fear, her expression soft.
"I treated you almost as horribly as I did Rage in my self-restraint," she muses. "What would you suggest I do?"
Timidity's eyes widen in shock, her body coming out from its pseudo-shell.
"I ca-can't answer that. The result is ob-obvious. With-Without the Titans' support… even Jinx's v-very benef-ficial existence w-won't be able to s-save the whole pl-planet," she stutters, nearly in tears.
"The Titans are not the issue," Raven reasons. "Richard will not be a factor. Victor, Kori, and Garfield would help, as undoubtedly would other Titans. Were I to give them proof of my suspicions, I'm sure that Dr. Fate could even convince the Justice League to help. And I am not as weak as I was when first Trigon used me for his goals. Something lesser will be of little consequence."
"Y-You shou-shouldn't pretend to b-be so s-sure. N-Not with m-me," she scolds.
"I will not ignore what the instincts coming from your side of my soul tell me. But I cannot be too afraid to act, either," Raven responds.
Her eyes widen in absolute shock when the grey avatar repeats Bravery's actions, pulling her into another hug, if much less enthusiastic and much more cautious.
"T-Try to ma-make more friends. J-Jinx's be-been good for-for me too," she whispers.
Slowly, her body dissolves in grey smoke, the fumes slithering in Raven's nose and mouth.
As her cloak turns almost a black color, she rises from her kneeling position.
Two presences remaining in her mind, Raven decides to put the undoubtedly worst for last.
She appears in what appears to be a clone of her room in the Tower.
A copy of herself with a light blue cloak sits on the duplicate of her bed. A self-assured smirk colors her features, and she simply stares at Raven as she approaches.
"Been a while, Raven."
"Pride," she deadpans.
"It's about time you grew up from thinking you're the big bad monster Dick seems to believe you to be."
"Indeed. And what question does my ego have for me?"
"If I join you, will you stop being so damn piteous?" Pride growls. "You possess a lot of power. You should damn well start using it, and unlike Bravery's confidence, I am everything that truly makes up what makes you not wither in fear of what you can do. If I join you, do you believe you'll be able to accept everything your ego means once fully within you?"
"I will keep my head up in the face of those who would mock or damn me, if that's what you're looking for, Pride. Frankly, as I'm sure you're aware, your exhaustion with this mentality the monks buried into my mind, that my very blood makes me paradoxically inferior and a threat both, is my own."
"Jinx alone has proven your clutching to the mentality is misplaced," Pride adds.
"She has. I have no intention of basing my opinions of self on the thoughts of others. It's time I grew up," Raven remarks.
Pride rises to her feet, a determined expression changing how her smirk appears.
"You're damn right. It's about time you get some actual happiness, and you're going to have to make it for yourself. I like Jinx. But don't become dependent on her, like you have been with both breakdowns now, and with dealing with Richard. She's earned to be treated as an equal, not a crutch for you to lean on."
"That is… surprising," Raven admits, eyes wide at her ego's words.
"She's fought right with us for months now, and what power you held back from her was even less than what you held back with your friends and Richard. Like I said, my, and in extension your respect is damn-well earned."
With an acknowledging nod, Pride's body explodes into a cluster of large, blue ravens.
As soon as they fly into the psychic, her feet leave the ground, silver exploding from her eyes and mouth with her cloak following suit.
When her eyes open once more, she stands in Rage's domain, the volcanoes raging around them.
As she begins searching for her last piece, a hand wraps around her throat.
She gasps as she's lifted from the ground, coming face-to-face with her inner demon, in every sense of the term.
Visions of her nightmare flare up in Raven's mind, and with a growl she dispels it, kicking the red-skinned woman in the chin.
As she tumbles backward, the psychic floats back to the ground, brushing at imaginary dust.
"Deserved, but not appreciated. Don't try it again," Raven warns.
"Well, you might actually be ready for me," Rage laughs, quickly rising to her feet. "You evaded Bravery's question. What will you do to Richard Grayson and Zatanna Zatarra for their betrayals? Or to those who would mock your lineage or power, as Doctor Simon or Sebastian Blood?"
"I can't go around killing everyone who pisses me off, Rage-"
"Which is something you should have learned long ago would be something I acknowledge," Rage snarls, the ground rumbling beneath her. "You treat me still as something to be suppressed and avoided-"
"I don't," Raven interrupts. "I… did. For the longest time, you were the best chance Trigon had at getting access to my mind and using me. I did not treat you fairly, and I understand that, but if I had really thought that, I would not have called on your help more than once, much less having let you have free roam as the others have of your own and their domains once you were free of the influence. But still, I-"
"Engrained, I know. You certainly said it to Jinx enough. But the thing that you still, right now, are refusing to accept is that your actions are your own. The monks, the Justice League, and the Titans' actions guided you, but you make yet the decision to treat me as a threat."
Tears form in Raven's eyes, meeting the pure rage in her demon's four eyes and knowing that she is its cause, and that its cause is justified.
Something in the thought causes a palpable shift in her mind, something coming free as if it had been trapped for a long time.
A sharp pain forms in her head, spots forming in her vision.
Shaking it off, she approaches Rage, showing no fear.
"I will make him pay for his betrayal," she intones. "At present, I will have Gizmo hack into their system and destroy his damned plans. Perhaps use it against his leadership as leverage. The League tolerates Batman's actions because he is skilled enough to more than make up for them. They will not tolerate Richard's. And if he, or Zatanna, or both for that matter, try to enact their treachery regardless, I will crush them."
The statement seems to make the volcanoes quiet, something stirring in Rage's gaze.
"Their system. Not our system. I like that."
A smile spreads across Rage's lips, the expression not sending the expected terror through Raven.
"And what of your demonic blood, and the power it grants you? Will you continue denying it, even as you accept every single solitary other facet of yourself, including the Pride which fueled it almost as much as I?" Rage demands.
"I won't. Integration has changed my outlook, somewhat," Raven states, thinking aloud. "The demon is also me. Just as you were all also me. I cannot be whole while denying that part of me that comes with you joining."
"But…?" Rage prompts, glaring at her.
"But I'm scared. No, that's like saying the ocean has water. I am terrified. Terrified of indulging too much of my nature, of becoming another Trigon. The powers are doubtless incredible, but… Trigon was emotionless. Really, truly emotionless. What if that's just part of demon nature?"
"You assume much for a learned woman. He was the embodiment of emotions from Azarath. Negative emotions, assuredly, but emotions nonetheless. He was not a demon. He was a manifestation. And your other half is human, the side you clearly align yourself with."
"I know. It's a stupid fear. But Rage, I couldn't deal with it if what Psimon ripped out of my head came to pass. My friends, the innocents, Jinx, all of them, wiped out with a thought… that is an idea that is soul-shatteringly terrifying."
"I'd have thought Pride would give you better assurance in yourself," Rage sneers.
"She did. All of them did. You will, too. But the fear is not unfounded. However, in my recent clarity, as I said, I'm looking at things from a new perspective. It is a part of my nature. If I can control it, rather than fighting against it, the results should not be so traumatic. If I fully accept everything that Father's blood means, then I will be more prepared. Better-suited for protecting what and who I love."
"Then the hesitation?" Rage snarls, making a vague 'get on with it' hand gesture.
"I'm uncertain what risks the integration could cause. Will I still look like me? Talk like me? Think like me? I'm not backing down, but it's enough uncertainty to worry me. But I can't deny what it will grant me. My fear in part comes from what happened when I suppressed it, and you, to the point of snapping. If I become truly whole, I can't imagine that the issue will be present anymore."
Rage stares silently at her for a small eternity, seeming to weigh her entire existence in her gaze.
"You had better find a way to show everyone what is yours, and that what is yours is off-limits to any who wish to remain living," she finally growls.
In an explosion of red, fiery light, a mountainous raven with four eyes and made completely of the red light takes form.
With a screech that sends the ground atremble, it launches through the air between them.
It meets the gem in her chakra, and then Raven is standing once more in the clearing with the round table.
The sky above Nevermore shifts, looking like the long-gone Azarathian skies.
Her cloak is a pure, pristine white, and as she stands it seems to cast beams of light from her.
A serene smile flickers across her expression, the change already making itself known as her completeness settles in.
"For the first time since my birth, I am me," she muses, a giddy laugh sounding even as tears fall.
The full weight of her new emotions quickly floods her mind, new understanding and perspectives on all her actions and thoughts asserting themselves and becoming one unified whole.
Her eyes open to the outside world, the smile showing no signs of leaving her.
As she feels her new senses taking the world in, Jinx's emotions reach her.
It is a bizarre cocktail, fear, awe, concern, amusement, and another, softer emotion that she can only now guess at, all working together in a strange harmony.
It is that softer emotion that brings her own to be calmed, a cautious optimism of what came next taking root...
*****************
Author's Notes:
While in the cartoon, and in the comics, Raven also has Emoticlones (I didn't think this was actually a name, but I'm trusting the Titans Wiki on this for reference) of Sloth (Brown) and Rudeness (Orange), I admit I couldn't think of a benefit of them joining, nor could I think of what those sides of her would wish for, so I decided for the sake of convenience to the story that those things (which I argue are not emotions to begin with) didn't exist. Instead, I substituted Rude (the snarky emotion) for Pride, which is similar, considered an actual emotion, and is also the Deadly Sin that Raven represents of her brothers as Trigon's children. I also switched Knowledge for Wisdom, because I feel Wisdom is deeper than just knowledge, which matches the personality I gave her.
Rage's manner of speech actually comes from recently re-reading the Hollows book series by Kim Harrison. I like the idea of demons getting very personal about those they deal with.
Hope you've been thoroughly enjoying yourselves reading as I have writing thus far. Let me know, either way. See you next time!