Chapter Twenty: The World

"Well, for a first Gathering, it wasn't half bad," Brightpaw was saying.

It was a few weeks after the Gathering; he, Lionpaw, Cricketpaw, and Rowanpaw were all laying in the apprentice's den. They had all just woken up, while everyone else had left awhile ago. Gold sunlight streamed into the den, and it stroked Lionpaw's fur. But it didn't pry away the unsettled chill scorching over him. He knew it had to do with Flamepaw's last words the other night.

"I heard it was crazy," Rowanpaw said shortly. "That the leaders got in a fight."

"They did, didn't they Lionpaw?" Brightpaw meowed, turning to nudge his friend.

Lionpaw just shrugged, nonchalant. Cricketpaw's eyes narrowed thoughtfully; she clearly knew something was wrong. He just hoped she wouldn't ask.

"Oh, you wouldn't know anyways. You missed half of it," he said playfully, flicking Lionpaw with his striped tail.

"What?" Cricketpaw mewed.

"He was talking with this DarkClan apprentice," Brightpaw explained.

Rowanpaw scoffed. "Why the heck would you do that?"

Lionpaw narrowed his eyes at Rowanpaw, silently telling him to go drown himself in the river. But the apprentice didn't catch his drift, and mistook his expression for pain. "Are you going to get sick? Go outside if you feel like-"

"Shut up, Rowanpaw," Lionpaw snapped. "I don't have time for you." He stood up and stormed from the den. He knew Cricketpaw and Brightpaw would be surprised, and probably wondering what was wrong with him. But he had too many conflicted feelings bubbling in his heart to bother with lizards like Rowanpaw.

The mystery of Firerunner's death, and the very possibility that his killer was walking around him right now was taking its toll on him. He could hardly sleep, and whenever he did, it was full of nightmares chasing him into the safety of morning. Then there was the problem with Pebbleheart and Frostpaw. Frostpaw had very obviously avoided him ever since the Gathering, and they hadn't talk all night. It hurt in a way Lionpaw didn't understand, like he had been wounded in a spot he couldn't find.

And Pebbleheart. He felt the low longing to go talk to her, confide his stresses in her, but Frostpaw's cruel words came ringing back every time he saw the young medicine-lion. Everyone sees how you look at her.

And on top of that was the regular life of a warrior. Long hunts, brutal training, and tense border patrols piled on his schedule, yet he unhappily felt his old, happy life slipping away from him. He wished more than anything he had no problems; that they could be clipped from his life like a tick is yanked from one's fur. Then he'd have more time with Snowstar. And Brightpaw wouldn't be battling angry leaders and scorning classmates. He'd be friends again with Frostpaw. And he wouldn't have to worry about Pebbleheart of Firerunner.

This is crazy!

Feeling overwhelmed, Lionpaw sighed as he trudged towards the center of the camp. Maybe hunting would take his mind off things.

"Goodmorning," came a voice. Lionpaw looked up to see Buzzardpaw padding towards him, his head high.

"Hey."

"Guess what," Buzzardpaw meowed, voice tense with excitement. Lionpaw's eyes passed over his friend's face, and he knew what it was before even having to ask. He tried to summon some pleasure for the older apprentice, but could find none. There was just too much happening too fast.

"What?"

Pride blazing in his eyes, Buzzardpaw leaned forward and whispered in Lionpaw's ear. "I'm going to be made a warrior at sunset tonight. Snowstar felt I proved myself during the ambush."

I knew it.

Lionpaw smiled weakly, tail lashing ruefully. He knew nobody who deserved the title of warrior more than Buzzardpaw; he truly admired his older friend, and longed to be as pure and strong and problem-free as he. "That's amazing. Great job."

"Thanks. I'm a little nervous," he admitted, raking his claws over the dirt under them.

"You'll do fine," Lionpaw promised him.

"Maybe," Buzzardpaw meowed dubiously, then shook his head quickly and narrowed his eyes. "What's up? You about to go hunt?"

"I dunno. Are you up to hunting some lizards with me?" he asked, trying a stab at humor to lighten his mood. To his surprise, Buzzardpaw shuddered, his whiskers wobbling.

"I once saw Curlclaw kill and eat one, and it was disgusting because the rest of the body kept moving, and it jumped at me. I've always been a little scared of them since seeing that," he admitted, looking sheepish.

Lionpaw actually laughed. "That's alright, they are pretty gross," he agreed. That was pretty nasty. He imagined himself in Buzzardpaw's place; seeing a scaly, green lizard ripped up and then it suddenly having a go at him.
He reckoned he'd be scared of them too if that had happened to him.

"So, about that hunt," Buzzardpaw said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. Lionpaw chuckled to himself, knowing the apprentice didn't like his weaknesses being splayed out like that.

"Right, let's go collect some other warriors," Lionpaw meowed, nodding.

They began padding away, Lionpaw thinking about Buzzardpaw's story. That would be a little scary, he decided. Watching something supposedly dead come at you. I'd be scared of them after that.

He stopped suddenly.

"Um... Lionpaw?" Buzzardpaw frowned at him.

Lionpaw's eyes were wide as his mind began turning, working furiously.

"I have to go," he said suddenly, whipping around.

"What? Where are you going?" the older apprentice called after him.

Lionpaw was at Pebbleheart's den in heartbeats, and he didn't bother saying hello as he slipped into the darkness, his heart racing. "Pebbleheart? Where are you?"

He saw the pretty lioness and his sister sitting at in the damp shadows at the back of the den, sorting herbs. She looked up, alarmed to see such urgency in his eyes. "Lionpaw? What's wrong?"

Lionpaw took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts. He shivered, and said in a low voice, "I've got to talk to you."

Amberpaw cocked her head at her brother, puzzled. She turned to her mentor. "Pebbleheart?"

"How important is it, Lionpaw?" Pebbleheart asked softly, sounding slightly exasperated. "I'm busy."

"Please," he breathed.

Pebbleheart met his eyes for a moment, then sighed and turned to Amberpaw. "You better go. I'll find you later," she whispered. Amberpaw nodded briefly, and stood up. Lionpaw watched as his sister padded by him, her slender face questioning as she passed. He couldn't answer. Not yet.

When she was gone, he took a step closer to Pebbleheart, his heart racing. "Pebbleheart, there's something I have to talk to you about."

"Lionpaw, stop," she breathed.

Lionpaw blinked. "What?"

Sudden sadness and unease raked her eyes painfully, and she replied, "I know what this is about."

He stared at her. "You... do?"

Pebbleheart nodded slowly. "Yes. I... I think you're very unique, Lionpaw. You're strong and clever and charming. But I know our relationship has become... wrong." She struggled to finish the sentence.

Horror crept into Lionpaw's heart. No, she was talking about something very, very different than him. "Pebbleheart, don't-"

"I'm sorry. I know it's confusing. I- I heard Frostpaw the other night," she breathed, voice clipped.

Distracted now, Lionpaw shivered, feeling the old anger and confusion at Frostpaw's words that night. How somehow his problems with Pebbleheart involved her. "It didn't mean anything," he mumbled.

Pebbleheart sighed. A silence stretched between them, and neither could quite look at each other. "Lionpaw..."

"Look. I didn't come here to talk about that. I- I have to know something else," he managed, staring at his paws. Furious, conflicted emotions he couldn't name were bursting in his heart, and he hated it. He had to put them away forever.

Pebbleheart was silent. He took her silence as a nod, and he went on, taking a deep breath before plunging in. "Pebbleheart... I know you're afraid of Longfang. We all see it. But... I've never known why. Why you'd be afraid.
Until I realized..." He hesitated. Should he go on? It was impossible to go back after this. Taking a shaky breath, he murmured, "Until I realized that you must be scared of him because of something you saw. Of something you saw... him do." He looked up sharply, and their eyes locked. Terror and anger and grief crashed in Pebbleheart's eyes now, and the lioness shuddered.

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" she snarled. He flinched, shocked to hear the anger vibrating in her voice.

"Yes, I do!" he whispered, heart pounding. He knew he was close. So tantalizingly close to the truth, to the reality he'd fought after for moons now. "Please... Pebbleheart, you have to tell me. I have to know."

"There's nothing to know!" she hissed, looking angry as she stepped away, ears flattened. "You're a fool for prying into stories you don't understand. You're too young."

"I am not!" Lionpaw snapped. "I've been training as an apprentice with LightningClan's leader as my mentor for moons now. You said yourself I'm strong and clever; I am strong enough to handle the truth."

"Get out," she hissed. "Get out now."

Lionpaw stood, paws locked, as he glared Pebbleheart in the eye. After several long, terrible moments, he realized she was serious, and he felt loss and anger crash in his heart. With the most bitter reluctance he'd ever felt, he slowly took a step back.

"If you're hiding something, you're the fool," he found himself hissing. "Lives are at stake. The truth will help us all."

"The truth will create nothing but chaos, but pain and war!" Pebbleheart whispered, clawing at the earth, eyes wide and glassy.

Lionpaw gazed at her, hesitating. He had been so close to her only moments ago. This visit had destroyed everything.

"Pebbleheart... I'm... I'm sorry," he said slowly, flattening his ears. As the rush of the moment faded, he began to realize how much pain she must really be in, and he regretted snarling at her. He truly did care for her... and he knew he didn't care what the Warrior Code said. He knew that now.

Pebbleheart was motionless, and slowly, she sighed, shaking her head. She didn't meet his gaze. "Please go," he thought she said, but it was so soft, he couldn't be sure. Gently, he took a step back, and crawled from the den.

Out in the blinding light, it was hot and unbearable. After that, he knew there was only one thing to do.

He went, curled up in his nest, and hid from the world.