A/N: okay! This was the funniest thing I had seen all day and worst part is, Kevin and Ben would find this absolutely hilarious!!! They would fall over laughing sooooo hard!!!! This is based on true events of my day. My nightmare of a freaking day that ended with the most laughing I had ever done in awhile!!
I love Language Arts/English/Reading teachers. They always find a way to be my absolute favorites. Worst part is, this is my real life and my real teacher saying real things. I figured Ben would crack up at this and decide to tell Kevin at some point. So in this book there's to two guys in the middle of World War II… SHIZZZ!!! THIS IS EVEN RELATED TO THE SHOW!!!! Weird… And they're best friends, one can get out of anything and one is totally cynical. Lol. Sound familiar in a way?
Okay, credit to the author is due. 'A Separate Peace' is written by John Knowles. It's hilarious at some points, but utterly boring at others but this one part… Jeez, I was dying in the middle of class I was laughing so hard and I read too fast compared 2 every1 else so they were staring at me for awhile until they red it and yah…. This is freaking creepy now that I think about it again…
And it's not an argument, but it's too awesome to leave out! And I got plenty of arguments for later!
Not a reference to Bevin in anyway. Because that just creeps me out. It's only something funny that Ben found and not to be taken in a different way than that.
"Dude!" Ben laughed as he practically fell into the backseat with his backpack slung sloppily over his shoulder. It fell onto some alien tech on the floor, nearly crushing it. "You will never believe how much I laughed when I read this in class today!"
"You? Read?" Kevin countered with a disgusted snort as he pulled the car away from the other teen's school once the door was closed. "Shocker there."
"This is one of the funniest things I have seen in a very, very long time."
That got Kevin's attention. He looked back. "Show me."
"It's in a book so I can't show you because you can't read, Delinquent Boy." Ben rummaged in his backpack yet again. He eyed Kevin's truly hurt face before quietly adding, "Sorry. It was just a joke."
The driver shook it off although it still stung a little. He pulled the car around a corner, still a good distance from Gwen's school. They were heading to pick her up.
How many times had a book gotten them all into trouble? A lot. Especially when Ben was the one starting it. Why do I even ask? Kevin thought, rolling his eyes. He'd already dug his own freaking grave for crying out loud.
"Found it!" a voice from the backseat called. "Okay, so we were reading and suddenly the whole class started laughing at, like, the exact same time. Obviously, I'm not that fast and I skimmed ahead and found this." Ben flipped a bunch of pages to around the middle of the book. "Chapter Seven! Yes!"
"Oh god, please tell me there's no instructions or therapy involved in this one!" Kevin moaned, wanting to pull over and kick Ben out of the car right then and there before he heard something he would regret. Or before he got another hug from the brunette… That would definitely be weird…
Ben smiled. "No hugs, no instructions and no therapy," he replied. "So just chill and listen."
"No thank you," Kevin breathed, pulling onto another hidden, alley-like street. "I think I've learned my lesson from the last few times we've played with books in my car. We should leave books in bags and keep the bags shut so no one can bring anymore books in my car and so I don't need anymore therapy." He flipped his raven colored hair out of his face, trying to focus on the road and completely drown out Ben's endless talking. As if the boy wouldn't shut up normally, put a book in his hands and he's a crazed talking maniac.
"All you have to do is sit there quietly and listen. Then it'll all be over. You'll drop me off at Mr. Smoothie with Jules and go hang out with Gwen or do whatever you guys do when I'm not there." His face contorted into a grimace when he realized his word choice. "Ew. Scratch that."
Kevin only wore a smirk on his face. "That's what you get for babbling, Tennyson." He pulled down another side street. "This is why when I tell you to shut up, you're supposed to shut up."
"Whatever." Ben skimmed the first page of the chapter before jumping to the next. "Okay, this is it."
The driver rolled his eyes and slowed the car down from fifty miles per hour down to thirty-five, ready to half-listen to Ben. He didn't have the patience to drive his car into a wall at that moment and fix it fast enough so he could still make it to pick up Gwen on time.
"Ready?" Ben asked.
Kevin snapped, "Didn't I just say that?"
"Actually, you didn't."
A growl ripped from the dark teen's throat and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel to refrain from turning around to shred his teammate's punky little face off.
"So here it is: 'Brinker looked the standard preparatory school article in his gray gabardine suit with square, hand-sewn-looking jacket pockets, a conservative necktie, and dark brown cordovan shoes'."
So far, Kevin was definitely not impressed. His nostrils flared at the point of his time being wasted.
" 'His face was all straight lines-eyebrows, mouth, nose, everything-and he carried his six feet of height straight as well. He looked but happened not to be athletic, being too busy with politics, arrangements, and offices.'"
Definitely not impressed.
" 'There was nothing idiosyncratic'-"
Kevin cut Ben off. "What does that mean?" he asked. Big words could amaze Kevin. He decided to learn some stuff to show Gwen a thing or two eventually. That day had yet to come.
"Peculiar," Ben replied.
"And what does that mean?"
The brunette had forgotten that Kevin wasn't quite as smart as other people. "Weird or strange."
"Ah." Kevin made a mental note to remember those things. "Carry on."
" 'There was nothing idiosyncratic about Brinker unless you saw him from behind;'"
The driver paused him again. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Keep listening. This book is written from another guy's point of view because it's an all guys' school." Ben cleared his throat a bit and carried on. " '…I did as he turned to close the door after him.'"
"I'm lost."
Ben hushed Kevin again before reading on again. " 'The flaps of his gabardine jacket parted slightly over his healthy rump, and-"
"HE WAS LOOKING AT ANOTHER GUY'S BUTT?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS BOOK?!"
The car had slammed to a sudden screeching stop as Kevin floored the brakes.
Ben was already cracking up. He had to take a few seconds to breathe and calm down. "I know, but be quiet! '-and it is that, without any sense of derision at all, that I recall as Brinker's salient characteristic, those healthy, determined, not over-exaggerated but definite and substantial buttocks.'"
"I swear you have the weirdest school, Tennyson!" Kevin laughed hysterically. He had finally gotten the point. Or at least sort of.
"Did you understand it?" Ben asked, trying to stifle his own laughter.
Neither could talk for a few minutes while they were trying to breath, laugh, and figure out what it meant at the same time. Not enough space for words in all of that.
Finally, Kevin regained his voice and wiped a tear from his eye. "Jeez, what is that guy's problem?!"
"Well my teacher was talking and she said it's not 'ooh, baby your butt is so hot' it's more like he just has a fat butt."
Kevin burst out again, slamming his head against the steering wheel on accident. A few tears hit his eyes, but he brushed them away before Ben could see.
The rider went on. "And then my teacher went on to make the Mc Hammer joke with that one song… Um… Oh yeah! That 'I Like Big Butts' song."
The driver let out another howl of laughter.
"My teacher said that another kid told the other class that he was staring at a woman with this massive butt, and he went on to describe in perfect detail how it jiggled and wiggled and flattened like a giant marshmallow when she sat down."
Kevin was practically dying with the hilarity. He was crying it was so funny.
"And then this kid in my class said, 'So once I saw this lady in a restaurant who turned and her butt squished this guy against a wall.' The whole class started cracking up-" At that point Kevin was too. "-because we'd all said we don't stare at people with big butts. So he said he wasn't staring at her, he was staring at the guy. Everyone laughed harder. Then Raj goes, 'Tommy, you are definitely not coming to my sleepover anymore.'"
Suddenly, it got to be too much. "Please stop, Benji! This is killing me!" Kevin was bent over at his stomach, beginning to struggle with getting air into his lungs. He had his forehead pressed deeply into the steering wheel's hard leather, giving him a massive headache. With his face twisted into a huge grin the whole time, it started to hurt.
"'Kay." Ben chuckled. He leaned back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest. "I told you it was funny."
Someone knocked on the window.
Kevin rolled it down to see Gwen's green glare. She was definitely pissed. Pissed beyond normal Gwen pissed. "Where were you guys? You were supposed to pick me up ten minutes ago!"
That started another round of their instant snickering.
A/N: Sadly, this actually happened in my class. Quotes aren't exact from my fellow classmates so I'd like to thank Tom and Raj (even though I really, really don't like them). And Robert who was just the instigator of it all. And my ALA teacher for being hilarious. The whole class is like a perfect family with the idiots and the loons and the geniuses. Thank you to my entire ALA class for giving me the inspiration for this! R&R cuz u kno u loved it! Thank you!
~Sky