The Mario Gang's Wacky Vacation Chapter 13: Pizza Problems
Waluigi: Hey dudes. Need help with dinner?
(Mario and Luigi were in the kitchen looking around when Waluigi joined them.)
Mario: In fact, we could.
Luigi: Yeah. What did we have for dinner yesterday?
Waluigi: We didn't have dinner last dinner on account of we were hypnotized.
Mario: What about the day before?
Waluigi: Um...lemme think...
(Waluigi scratches his HUGE chin.)
Waluigi: We were so busy fixing the house, Tuesday, that we didn't have dinner.
Luigi: That's true.
Waluigi: And both times we had breakfast, it was pancakes. Uh...altough I must say, the pancakes you guys made were better than Peach's.
Mario: Thanks.
Luigi: We try.
Waluigi: I don't think Peach is a very good cook. I mean, her Tuna Mac was all right, but I think she stuck some eyeshadow in the pancakes.
(Mario and Luigi stand there for a silent mintue, then their faces turn as green as Luigi's clothes.)
Mario: Oh...sick!
Luigi: Waluigi, did you have to say that?!
Waluigi: Um...probably not. But anyways, I'd rather have you guys cook rather than Peach...er...but you do look sick though.
(Their faces return to normal.)
Mario: That...that was special effects.
Luigi: Uh...yeah. So want do you want for dinner?
Waluigi: Ah, I dunno.
Luigi: Well, I don't feel like cooking.
Mario: Me either. I think I'll order a pizza.
Waluigi: Sounds good to me.
Mario: All right then. Could I use your cell phone, Weegie.
Luigi: Sure thing.
(Luigi whips out his cell phone and gave it to Mario.)
Mario: I'll just get the usual.
(Mario dialed a number on the cell phone.)
Waluigi: And what's the usual?
Luigi: A large pepperoni pizza.
Waluigi: Oh.
Mario: Hey! It's ringing!
(Someone on the other end picked up.)
Pizza Dude: Hello! This is Pizza Dude's Pizza! How can I help you?
Mario: Well, I'd like to order two large pepperoni pizzas and-
Pizza Dude: Two pepperoni pizzas. Got it! And where are you?
Mario: Phillip Island.
Pizza Dude: Ummmm...Phillip Island?
Mario: Yes.
Pizza Dude: Uh..sir, we don't deliver to islands.
Waluigi: Regular pepperoni pizzas? Why doesn't Mario put and little zing into it?
Luigi: Actually, there is something that Mario likes to put on his slice.
Mario: Listen, shrimp! Do you know who I am? I am Mario Mario! And if you don't deliver the fucking pizza over here, I'll-
Pizza Dude: Whoa! I'm terribly sorry! I didn't know you were Mario! Did you want the bag of peppermints with that?
Mario: Yes please. And breadsticks.
Waluigi: Hey Luigi. What's the peppermints for?
(Waluigi starts to drink a glass of Hi-C.)
Luigi: You know how I told you that there's something Mario likes to put on his pizza?
(Waluigi, still drinking, responds with a nod.)
Luigi: Well, that's it.
(Waluigi tries to laugh, but chokes on his beverage instead.)
Waluigi: Cough...cough...jeez, did you have to...cough...cough...do that...
(Waluigi coughs several more times before passing out. Mario hangs up the phone and noticed Waluigi.)
Mario: What happened here?
Luigi: Waluigi learned a valuable lesson: don't laugh and drink at the same time.
Mario: I see...
(Bowser and D.K. walked in.)
D.K.: I can't believe those two.
Luigi: What two?
Bowser: Toad and Yoshi. They're playing with Power Rangers again. By the way, what's for dinner? And why is Waluigi sleeping on the floor?
Mario: I order pizza.
Bowser: Ahhh...pizza. The food of kings...King of the Koopas anyway.
Mario: Ha! Good one, Bowser.
D.K.: Oh look. Waluigi's waking up. You okay, dude?
Waluigi: Yeah...just fine...
Mario: It could be awhile before the pizza gets here. So any ideas on what to do in the meantime?
Waluigi: Well, we're playing Strip Blackjack in the club house.
Luigi: ..........You're crazy.
Mario: Really crazy.
Waluigi: Tell that to Peach. She wants to play.
Mario, Luigi & Bowser: Really?
Waluigi: Yeah. Wario too.
Mario: Okay. I'll play.
Luigi: Me too.
Bowser: Well guys, I'm gonna stay outta this one.
(Bowser starts to walk away.)
Bowser: Of course, I might change my mind...
(Later Mario, Luigi and Bowser were sitting on the dock, waiting for the pizza boy.)
Mario: Augh! We've been sitting here for half an hour. What's keeping that boy?
Bowser: I'm sooooooo hungry.
Luigi: Me too. It's starting to get dark.
Bowser: Major bummer , man.
(Waluigi runs up to the dock, out of breath.)
Waluigi: Huff...huff...hey guys..huff...huff...
Mario: Hey Waluigi. What's up?
Waluigi: Huf...huff...did the pizza come yet...huff...huff...
Luigi: No. Take a breather, dude.
Waluigi: Huff...huff...okay..huff...but there's something I gotta tell you...huff...huff...
Mario: Oh yeah? What?
Waluigi: Well...huff...Peach and Wario are arguing over who'll...huff...be the life of the party...
Mario: So?
Waluigi: Huff...I'm afraid you're the reason...huff...Mario. Now I'll be going back...
(Waluigi walks away. A lightbulb appears above Bowser's head.)
Bowser: Hey Luigi.
Luigi: What?
(Bowser whispers something to Luigi.)
Luigi: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! That's DISGUSTING!!!
Mario: Quiet! I see something.
(There was a boat in the distance, then it gets closer and pulls up to the dock.)
Mario: You took your sweet time...
Pizza Boy: Sorry, dudes, but we usually don't do island deliveries. All right then. May I see your discount card?
(Mario was about to pull out his card when Luigi peeked in the boat.)
Luigi: Hey! The pizza's wet!
Mario: What?!
(Mario looks in the boat. The two pizza boxes were, indeed, wet. The boat had a foot of water in it.)
Mario: Now hear this, Pizza Dork! You expect me to eat that fucking soggy pizza?! What the hell were you thinking, asshole?! Just got out of here and bring back a fresh pizza, you bastard!
Pizza Boy: Uh...right away, sir!
(Pizza Boy picked up the pizza boxes and dropped them on the dock. They landed with a spongey thud. Then Pizza Boy drives away.)
Mario: And they better be dry, dammit!
(Half an hour later, Wario and Peach joined Mario, Luigi and Bowser on the dock. Peach was trying to read and argue at the same time.)
Peach: I'll be the life of the party!
Wario: No! Me!
Peach: It'll be me!
Wario: Uh...how's Luigi's Adventure at the Sea?
Peach: Oh? Well, it's funny that you turned into a good guy.
Luigi: Yeah. I know. The entire story is crazy.
Mario: Here comes Pizza Boy again...
(Pizza Boy drove up to the dock.)
Mario: Is it dry this time?
Pizza Boy: Uh...I dunno.
(Luigi peeked in the boat.)
Luigi: It's still wet!
(Luigi took the pizza and showed them to Mario.)
Mario: Oh, God dammit! Now listen! Why the hell do you get here a fucking half hour late and get the damn pizza wet?!
Peach: He's worse than I am...
Mario: I'll give you one more chance, bastard! Now get out of my sight!
(Pizza Boy drives away. Luigi is still holding the second batch of pizzas.)
Mario: Put the damn pizza down, Weegie!
Luigi: Hey! Don't yell at me, Mars!
Mario: Then put them down, Stringbean!
Luigi: Fine, Fatty!
(Luigi dropped the pizzas on Mario's foot on perpose.)
Mario: Not on my foot, you idiot!
Luigi: Back off, Bitch!
(Luigi gives Mario the finger.)
Peach, Bowser & Wario: Daaaaaaang...
(Not too long later, Pizza Boy came back.)
Pizza Boy: Um...sir? Your pizza's here.
(Pizza Boy gave Mario two more soggy pizzas.)
Mario: What...the...hell?
(Mario's face turns bright red.)
Mario: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
(Mario punches Pizza Boy and what happened next...I really can't tell you, altough I know it involves Peach smacking Pizza Boy with her frying pan and a lot of swearing afterwords. Reading stuff like this can't be healthy for you so stop reading.....I said stop reading.....Are you still reading this? Stop it now. Okay. I'm going to end the chapter now...)
Waluigi: Hey dudes. Need help with dinner?
(Mario and Luigi were in the kitchen looking around when Waluigi joined them.)
Mario: In fact, we could.
Luigi: Yeah. What did we have for dinner yesterday?
Waluigi: We didn't have dinner last dinner on account of we were hypnotized.
Mario: What about the day before?
Waluigi: Um...lemme think...
(Waluigi scratches his HUGE chin.)
Waluigi: We were so busy fixing the house, Tuesday, that we didn't have dinner.
Luigi: That's true.
Waluigi: And both times we had breakfast, it was pancakes. Uh...altough I must say, the pancakes you guys made were better than Peach's.
Mario: Thanks.
Luigi: We try.
Waluigi: I don't think Peach is a very good cook. I mean, her Tuna Mac was all right, but I think she stuck some eyeshadow in the pancakes.
(Mario and Luigi stand there for a silent mintue, then their faces turn as green as Luigi's clothes.)
Mario: Oh...sick!
Luigi: Waluigi, did you have to say that?!
Waluigi: Um...probably not. But anyways, I'd rather have you guys cook rather than Peach...er...but you do look sick though.
(Their faces return to normal.)
Mario: That...that was special effects.
Luigi: Uh...yeah. So want do you want for dinner?
Waluigi: Ah, I dunno.
Luigi: Well, I don't feel like cooking.
Mario: Me either. I think I'll order a pizza.
Waluigi: Sounds good to me.
Mario: All right then. Could I use your cell phone, Weegie.
Luigi: Sure thing.
(Luigi whips out his cell phone and gave it to Mario.)
Mario: I'll just get the usual.
(Mario dialed a number on the cell phone.)
Waluigi: And what's the usual?
Luigi: A large pepperoni pizza.
Waluigi: Oh.
Mario: Hey! It's ringing!
(Someone on the other end picked up.)
Pizza Dude: Hello! This is Pizza Dude's Pizza! How can I help you?
Mario: Well, I'd like to order two large pepperoni pizzas and-
Pizza Dude: Two pepperoni pizzas. Got it! And where are you?
Mario: Phillip Island.
Pizza Dude: Ummmm...Phillip Island?
Mario: Yes.
Pizza Dude: Uh..sir, we don't deliver to islands.
Waluigi: Regular pepperoni pizzas? Why doesn't Mario put and little zing into it?
Luigi: Actually, there is something that Mario likes to put on his slice.
Mario: Listen, shrimp! Do you know who I am? I am Mario Mario! And if you don't deliver the fucking pizza over here, I'll-
Pizza Dude: Whoa! I'm terribly sorry! I didn't know you were Mario! Did you want the bag of peppermints with that?
Mario: Yes please. And breadsticks.
Waluigi: Hey Luigi. What's the peppermints for?
(Waluigi starts to drink a glass of Hi-C.)
Luigi: You know how I told you that there's something Mario likes to put on his pizza?
(Waluigi, still drinking, responds with a nod.)
Luigi: Well, that's it.
(Waluigi tries to laugh, but chokes on his beverage instead.)
Waluigi: Cough...cough...jeez, did you have to...cough...cough...do that...
(Waluigi coughs several more times before passing out. Mario hangs up the phone and noticed Waluigi.)
Mario: What happened here?
Luigi: Waluigi learned a valuable lesson: don't laugh and drink at the same time.
Mario: I see...
(Bowser and D.K. walked in.)
D.K.: I can't believe those two.
Luigi: What two?
Bowser: Toad and Yoshi. They're playing with Power Rangers again. By the way, what's for dinner? And why is Waluigi sleeping on the floor?
Mario: I order pizza.
Bowser: Ahhh...pizza. The food of kings...King of the Koopas anyway.
Mario: Ha! Good one, Bowser.
D.K.: Oh look. Waluigi's waking up. You okay, dude?
Waluigi: Yeah...just fine...
Mario: It could be awhile before the pizza gets here. So any ideas on what to do in the meantime?
Waluigi: Well, we're playing Strip Blackjack in the club house.
Luigi: ..........You're crazy.
Mario: Really crazy.
Waluigi: Tell that to Peach. She wants to play.
Mario, Luigi & Bowser: Really?
Waluigi: Yeah. Wario too.
Mario: Okay. I'll play.
Luigi: Me too.
Bowser: Well guys, I'm gonna stay outta this one.
(Bowser starts to walk away.)
Bowser: Of course, I might change my mind...
(Later Mario, Luigi and Bowser were sitting on the dock, waiting for the pizza boy.)
Mario: Augh! We've been sitting here for half an hour. What's keeping that boy?
Bowser: I'm sooooooo hungry.
Luigi: Me too. It's starting to get dark.
Bowser: Major bummer , man.
(Waluigi runs up to the dock, out of breath.)
Waluigi: Huff...huff...hey guys..huff...huff...
Mario: Hey Waluigi. What's up?
Waluigi: Huf...huff...did the pizza come yet...huff...huff...
Luigi: No. Take a breather, dude.
Waluigi: Huff...huff...okay..huff...but there's something I gotta tell you...huff...huff...
Mario: Oh yeah? What?
Waluigi: Well...huff...Peach and Wario are arguing over who'll...huff...be the life of the party...
Mario: So?
Waluigi: Huff...I'm afraid you're the reason...huff...Mario. Now I'll be going back...
(Waluigi walks away. A lightbulb appears above Bowser's head.)
Bowser: Hey Luigi.
Luigi: What?
(Bowser whispers something to Luigi.)
Luigi: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! That's DISGUSTING!!!
Mario: Quiet! I see something.
(There was a boat in the distance, then it gets closer and pulls up to the dock.)
Mario: You took your sweet time...
Pizza Boy: Sorry, dudes, but we usually don't do island deliveries. All right then. May I see your discount card?
(Mario was about to pull out his card when Luigi peeked in the boat.)
Luigi: Hey! The pizza's wet!
Mario: What?!
(Mario looks in the boat. The two pizza boxes were, indeed, wet. The boat had a foot of water in it.)
Mario: Now hear this, Pizza Dork! You expect me to eat that fucking soggy pizza?! What the hell were you thinking, asshole?! Just got out of here and bring back a fresh pizza, you bastard!
Pizza Boy: Uh...right away, sir!
(Pizza Boy picked up the pizza boxes and dropped them on the dock. They landed with a spongey thud. Then Pizza Boy drives away.)
Mario: And they better be dry, dammit!
(Half an hour later, Wario and Peach joined Mario, Luigi and Bowser on the dock. Peach was trying to read and argue at the same time.)
Peach: I'll be the life of the party!
Wario: No! Me!
Peach: It'll be me!
Wario: Uh...how's Luigi's Adventure at the Sea?
Peach: Oh? Well, it's funny that you turned into a good guy.
Luigi: Yeah. I know. The entire story is crazy.
Mario: Here comes Pizza Boy again...
(Pizza Boy drove up to the dock.)
Mario: Is it dry this time?
Pizza Boy: Uh...I dunno.
(Luigi peeked in the boat.)
Luigi: It's still wet!
(Luigi took the pizza and showed them to Mario.)
Mario: Oh, God dammit! Now listen! Why the hell do you get here a fucking half hour late and get the damn pizza wet?!
Peach: He's worse than I am...
Mario: I'll give you one more chance, bastard! Now get out of my sight!
(Pizza Boy drives away. Luigi is still holding the second batch of pizzas.)
Mario: Put the damn pizza down, Weegie!
Luigi: Hey! Don't yell at me, Mars!
Mario: Then put them down, Stringbean!
Luigi: Fine, Fatty!
(Luigi dropped the pizzas on Mario's foot on perpose.)
Mario: Not on my foot, you idiot!
Luigi: Back off, Bitch!
(Luigi gives Mario the finger.)
Peach, Bowser & Wario: Daaaaaaang...
(Not too long later, Pizza Boy came back.)
Pizza Boy: Um...sir? Your pizza's here.
(Pizza Boy gave Mario two more soggy pizzas.)
Mario: What...the...hell?
(Mario's face turns bright red.)
Mario: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
(Mario punches Pizza Boy and what happened next...I really can't tell you, altough I know it involves Peach smacking Pizza Boy with her frying pan and a lot of swearing afterwords. Reading stuff like this can't be healthy for you so stop reading.....I said stop reading.....Are you still reading this? Stop it now. Okay. I'm going to end the chapter now...)