The Mario Gang's Wacky Vacation Chapter 14: The Vacation Gets Freaky!
Luigi: That was crazy...
(Mario, Luigi, Peach, Wario and Bowser were walking back to the house. Luigi was carrying six wet, heavy boxes of pizza.)
Wario: I'll say it was.
Bowser: It was so funny when Luigi flipped off Mario. And when Peach used the frying pan. Way to hit him Peach.
Peach: Yeah? Well, never underestimate the power of a frying pan over the head.
Mario: Who'll be the next to swear up a storm?
Bowser: I don't know, but you're gonna be a hard one to top.
Mario: Next time I want pizza, I'll get a frozen one from the store.
(When they got to the top of the hill, the could see Yoshi, Toad, Waluigi and D.K. standing there with a hungry look in their eyes.)
Waluigi: Did it come yet?
Luigi: See for yourself...
(Luigi dropped the pizzas in front of Waluigi.)
Toad: Weak! The fucking pizza's wet!
Peach: Toad, do you have to swear so much?
D.K.: Speak for yourself, Peach. When you were playing Mario Party 2, you called Bowser a mother fucker and-
(Peach slapped her hand over D.K.'s mouth.)
Peach: Ee hee hee hee hee... You didn't hear that, did you, Bowser?
Bowser: I dunno. I better trying cooking these pizzas.
Toad: You? Ha! Knowing you, you'd overcook them!
Bowser: Sob! Why are you so mean?
(Bowser runs away, sobbing.)
Toad: Baby...
Waluigi: Well, I guess we have to play Strip Blackjack without pizza. That sucks. Anyway, follow me.
(Peach, Mario, Luigi and Wario follow Waluigi to the club house. Mario, Luigi and Waluigi go inside. Wario and Peach stand outside glaring at each other for a minute, then they giggle like little school girls and also go in. Inside, Waluigi put the table and a chair in the middle of the club house and took a deck of cards out of his pocket.)
Waluigi: Okay, people. You know how this works. I'm your dealer for tonight-
Luigi: Great! I'd like one beef jerky to go please.
Waluigi: Not that kind of dealer, you idiot! Anyway...
(Waluigi starts to shuffle the cards.)
Waluigi: Face cards are worth ten and aces are one or eleven.
(Waluigi sits down and put the deck on the table facedown.)
Waluigi: You go first, bro.
Wario: Sweeeeet...
(Waluigi drew himself a nine, then a ten.)
Waluigi: That's ninteen. Try to beat it.
(Waluigi drew Wario a seven.)
Wario: Hit me.
(Waluigi punched Wario in the arm.)
Wario: That...wasn't funny.
(Waluigi drew Wario a three.)
Wario: Hit me again.
(Waluigi punched Wario again.)
Wario: Quit it!
(Waluigi drew Wario an eight.)
Wario: Hit me!
Waluigi: Bro, you have eighteen.
Wario: Do it!
(Waluigi drew Wario a jack.)
Waluigi: Loooooser! Off with your shirt!
Wario: Okie dokie!
(Rrrrrip!)
Mario: Hey! He's like Hulk Hogan! He ripped his shirt off with out undoing his overalls!
Luigi: But he has another shirt on!
Wario: Heh heh heh...
Waluigi: Your turn, Luigi.
(Waluigi drew himself a four, then a five, then a nine.)
Waluigi: That's eighteen, bub.
(Waluigi drew Luigi a queen.)
Luigi: Hit me.
(Waluigi went to punch Luigi, but he grabbed Waluigi's fist before it hit.)
Luigi: Nice try.
Waluigi: Dang...
(Waluigi drew Luigi a ten.)
Luigi: Ha! Twenty!
Waluigi: Aw! I lost!
(Waluigi undoes his overalls and takes his shirt off. Everyone stares in amazement.)
Mario, Luigi & Peach: WALUIGI SHAVES HIS CHEST?!?!
Wario: That doesn't surprise me.
Waluigi: Shuddup. Step right up, Peach.
(Waluigi drew himself a king, then a six.)
Waluigi: I'm not feeling so lucky...
(Waluigi drew Peach a jack.)
Peach: Hit me.
(Waluigi goes to hit Peach. She tried to deflect like Luigi did, but fails. Smack!)
Peach: It's not nice to hit ladies, you know.
(Waluigi drew Peach a seven.)
Peach: Hit me again.
Waluigi: But Peach. You have seventeen and I have only-
Peach: Hit me! I mean it!
Waluigi: Yes ma'am.
(Waluigi drew Peach a queen.)
Waluigi: Loser!
Peach: Heeeeeere we go!
(Rrrrrrrrrip!)
Mario, Luigi, Wario & Waluigi: WHOA!
(Bowser was outside walking past the club house when Peach ripped her dress off.)
Bowser: (to himself) That sounded like Peach ripping her dress off. Dang! I missed it! I wonder what's going on in there? Should I peek in or...um...NO! I have to wait for the right time. Er...maybe just a quick-
Mario: Kiss your pants goodbye, Waluigi!
Bowser: Huh?
(There was some screaming followed by laughter.)
Luigi: Hey Waluigi! Nice briefs!
Bowser: (to himself) Aw man! That sounded great too! I think I'll take one quick peek...
(Back inside, it was Wario's turn again. Waluigi drew himself a four, then a five, then a nine.)
Waluigi: That's eighteen. Is it me or is it cold?
Peach: I don't know. I must be you.
(Waluigi drew Wario an ace.)
Wario: Hit me!
(Bam! Waluigi hit Wario again, then drew him another ace.)
Wario: Well, I'm over...
Waluigi: Hey! Wait!
(Rrrrrip! There goes Wario's other shirt.)
Luigi: Oh gross! Look at HIS chest!
Mario: Uh...I think I see some lice in that hair, Wario.
(At this time, Bowser carefully poked his head inside the club house and looked at Luigi. He winked and pointed to Wario. Bowser looked at Wario...and almost upchucked. Luigi saw this and chuckled.)
Mario: What's so funny, Weegie?
Luigi: Um...uh...just get a load of Peach.
Peach: Hit me two more times!
Waluigi: But...but...but...
Peach: Fine. I'll do it myself!
(Peach drew herself a seven and a two which, combined with her two fives and a king, equals 29.)
Peach: Well, it's my loss...
(Snap! Peach took her bra off!)
Mario, Luigi, Wario & Waluigi: Ooo-la-la!
(Wario starts to whistle. Waluigi gives Peach the "Hey baby. Ya wanna go out tonight" look. Luigi howls like a wolf. And Mario bashes himself in the head with a mallet. Bowser watches all this.)
Bowser: (to himself) Crazy sons of bitches...
(After a few minutes everyone calmed down.)
Wario: That...was...grrreat. Lemme try one. Waluigi, hit me six times.
Waluigi: SIX?!
(Waluigi drew Wario a jack, a nine, a two, another jack, a ten and an eight.)
Waluigi: Dude, that 49!
Wario: I don't care!
(Wario goes to undo his overalls. Waluigi covers his face.)
Waluigi: Oh dear God...
(Rrrrrrrrip!)
Mario, Luigi, & Peach: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
(In the boys' room, Yoshi, Toad and D.K. were playing Mario Kart 64 when they heard everyone screaming.)
Yoshi: Pause!
D.K.: What do you think that was?
Toad: I'd say Wario just lost and it turned out that he was the dirty bastard I thought he was.
Yoshi: Sounds good to me. Unpause!
(Back in the club house...)
Peach: Hit me seven times!
Waluigi: But...um...that's 64!
Wario: Hit me eight times!
Waluigi: That's at least 45!
Peach: Hit me nine times!
Waluigi: What the hell are you two-
(Suddenly, the door was kicked open and Bowser stormed in.)
Bowser: All right, Waluigi. I changed my mind. I want to pl- What the heck? Whoa! That's gross! I think I'm blind!...er...I didn't mean that. What I meant was...uh...who has the most clothes on?
Waluigi: Um...uh...Luigi is! That's right! He's the one you want!
(Waluigi pushed Luigi toward Bowser. Luigi and Bowser wink, but no one noticed it.)
Bowser: All right, Luigi. One round of Strip Blackjack. If you lose, you take ALL of your clothes off. If I lose...um...you'll see. You deal.
Luigi: Okie dokie.
(Luigi sat down in Waluigi's chair and drew himself a queen and an eight.)
Bowser: Ah...eighteen.
(Luigi drew Bowser a ten.)
Peach: Do you think Luigi will win this?
Waluigi: Beat's me...
Bowser: Hit me.
(Luigi drew Bowser a six.)
Bowser: Hit me.
(Luigi drew Bowser a seven.)
Bowser: I'm over. I'm over! I'M OVER!
(Bowser laughs like a maniac as he rips his shell off his back. Everyone's eyes bug out.)
Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi & Peach: HOLY TOLEDO!
(Bowser runs out of the club house.)
Yoshi, Toad & D.K.: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bowser: Oops! Sorry!
Waluigi: That...was...disturbing...
Luigi: That was crazy...
(Mario, Luigi, Peach, Wario and Bowser were walking back to the house. Luigi was carrying six wet, heavy boxes of pizza.)
Wario: I'll say it was.
Bowser: It was so funny when Luigi flipped off Mario. And when Peach used the frying pan. Way to hit him Peach.
Peach: Yeah? Well, never underestimate the power of a frying pan over the head.
Mario: Who'll be the next to swear up a storm?
Bowser: I don't know, but you're gonna be a hard one to top.
Mario: Next time I want pizza, I'll get a frozen one from the store.
(When they got to the top of the hill, the could see Yoshi, Toad, Waluigi and D.K. standing there with a hungry look in their eyes.)
Waluigi: Did it come yet?
Luigi: See for yourself...
(Luigi dropped the pizzas in front of Waluigi.)
Toad: Weak! The fucking pizza's wet!
Peach: Toad, do you have to swear so much?
D.K.: Speak for yourself, Peach. When you were playing Mario Party 2, you called Bowser a mother fucker and-
(Peach slapped her hand over D.K.'s mouth.)
Peach: Ee hee hee hee hee... You didn't hear that, did you, Bowser?
Bowser: I dunno. I better trying cooking these pizzas.
Toad: You? Ha! Knowing you, you'd overcook them!
Bowser: Sob! Why are you so mean?
(Bowser runs away, sobbing.)
Toad: Baby...
Waluigi: Well, I guess we have to play Strip Blackjack without pizza. That sucks. Anyway, follow me.
(Peach, Mario, Luigi and Wario follow Waluigi to the club house. Mario, Luigi and Waluigi go inside. Wario and Peach stand outside glaring at each other for a minute, then they giggle like little school girls and also go in. Inside, Waluigi put the table and a chair in the middle of the club house and took a deck of cards out of his pocket.)
Waluigi: Okay, people. You know how this works. I'm your dealer for tonight-
Luigi: Great! I'd like one beef jerky to go please.
Waluigi: Not that kind of dealer, you idiot! Anyway...
(Waluigi starts to shuffle the cards.)
Waluigi: Face cards are worth ten and aces are one or eleven.
(Waluigi sits down and put the deck on the table facedown.)
Waluigi: You go first, bro.
Wario: Sweeeeet...
(Waluigi drew himself a nine, then a ten.)
Waluigi: That's ninteen. Try to beat it.
(Waluigi drew Wario a seven.)
Wario: Hit me.
(Waluigi punched Wario in the arm.)
Wario: That...wasn't funny.
(Waluigi drew Wario a three.)
Wario: Hit me again.
(Waluigi punched Wario again.)
Wario: Quit it!
(Waluigi drew Wario an eight.)
Wario: Hit me!
Waluigi: Bro, you have eighteen.
Wario: Do it!
(Waluigi drew Wario a jack.)
Waluigi: Loooooser! Off with your shirt!
Wario: Okie dokie!
(Rrrrrip!)
Mario: Hey! He's like Hulk Hogan! He ripped his shirt off with out undoing his overalls!
Luigi: But he has another shirt on!
Wario: Heh heh heh...
Waluigi: Your turn, Luigi.
(Waluigi drew himself a four, then a five, then a nine.)
Waluigi: That's eighteen, bub.
(Waluigi drew Luigi a queen.)
Luigi: Hit me.
(Waluigi went to punch Luigi, but he grabbed Waluigi's fist before it hit.)
Luigi: Nice try.
Waluigi: Dang...
(Waluigi drew Luigi a ten.)
Luigi: Ha! Twenty!
Waluigi: Aw! I lost!
(Waluigi undoes his overalls and takes his shirt off. Everyone stares in amazement.)
Mario, Luigi & Peach: WALUIGI SHAVES HIS CHEST?!?!
Wario: That doesn't surprise me.
Waluigi: Shuddup. Step right up, Peach.
(Waluigi drew himself a king, then a six.)
Waluigi: I'm not feeling so lucky...
(Waluigi drew Peach a jack.)
Peach: Hit me.
(Waluigi goes to hit Peach. She tried to deflect like Luigi did, but fails. Smack!)
Peach: It's not nice to hit ladies, you know.
(Waluigi drew Peach a seven.)
Peach: Hit me again.
Waluigi: But Peach. You have seventeen and I have only-
Peach: Hit me! I mean it!
Waluigi: Yes ma'am.
(Waluigi drew Peach a queen.)
Waluigi: Loser!
Peach: Heeeeeere we go!
(Rrrrrrrrrip!)
Mario, Luigi, Wario & Waluigi: WHOA!
(Bowser was outside walking past the club house when Peach ripped her dress off.)
Bowser: (to himself) That sounded like Peach ripping her dress off. Dang! I missed it! I wonder what's going on in there? Should I peek in or...um...NO! I have to wait for the right time. Er...maybe just a quick-
Mario: Kiss your pants goodbye, Waluigi!
Bowser: Huh?
(There was some screaming followed by laughter.)
Luigi: Hey Waluigi! Nice briefs!
Bowser: (to himself) Aw man! That sounded great too! I think I'll take one quick peek...
(Back inside, it was Wario's turn again. Waluigi drew himself a four, then a five, then a nine.)
Waluigi: That's eighteen. Is it me or is it cold?
Peach: I don't know. I must be you.
(Waluigi drew Wario an ace.)
Wario: Hit me!
(Bam! Waluigi hit Wario again, then drew him another ace.)
Wario: Well, I'm over...
Waluigi: Hey! Wait!
(Rrrrrip! There goes Wario's other shirt.)
Luigi: Oh gross! Look at HIS chest!
Mario: Uh...I think I see some lice in that hair, Wario.
(At this time, Bowser carefully poked his head inside the club house and looked at Luigi. He winked and pointed to Wario. Bowser looked at Wario...and almost upchucked. Luigi saw this and chuckled.)
Mario: What's so funny, Weegie?
Luigi: Um...uh...just get a load of Peach.
Peach: Hit me two more times!
Waluigi: But...but...but...
Peach: Fine. I'll do it myself!
(Peach drew herself a seven and a two which, combined with her two fives and a king, equals 29.)
Peach: Well, it's my loss...
(Snap! Peach took her bra off!)
Mario, Luigi, Wario & Waluigi: Ooo-la-la!
(Wario starts to whistle. Waluigi gives Peach the "Hey baby. Ya wanna go out tonight" look. Luigi howls like a wolf. And Mario bashes himself in the head with a mallet. Bowser watches all this.)
Bowser: (to himself) Crazy sons of bitches...
(After a few minutes everyone calmed down.)
Wario: That...was...grrreat. Lemme try one. Waluigi, hit me six times.
Waluigi: SIX?!
(Waluigi drew Wario a jack, a nine, a two, another jack, a ten and an eight.)
Waluigi: Dude, that 49!
Wario: I don't care!
(Wario goes to undo his overalls. Waluigi covers his face.)
Waluigi: Oh dear God...
(Rrrrrrrrip!)
Mario, Luigi, & Peach: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
(In the boys' room, Yoshi, Toad and D.K. were playing Mario Kart 64 when they heard everyone screaming.)
Yoshi: Pause!
D.K.: What do you think that was?
Toad: I'd say Wario just lost and it turned out that he was the dirty bastard I thought he was.
Yoshi: Sounds good to me. Unpause!
(Back in the club house...)
Peach: Hit me seven times!
Waluigi: But...um...that's 64!
Wario: Hit me eight times!
Waluigi: That's at least 45!
Peach: Hit me nine times!
Waluigi: What the hell are you two-
(Suddenly, the door was kicked open and Bowser stormed in.)
Bowser: All right, Waluigi. I changed my mind. I want to pl- What the heck? Whoa! That's gross! I think I'm blind!...er...I didn't mean that. What I meant was...uh...who has the most clothes on?
Waluigi: Um...uh...Luigi is! That's right! He's the one you want!
(Waluigi pushed Luigi toward Bowser. Luigi and Bowser wink, but no one noticed it.)
Bowser: All right, Luigi. One round of Strip Blackjack. If you lose, you take ALL of your clothes off. If I lose...um...you'll see. You deal.
Luigi: Okie dokie.
(Luigi sat down in Waluigi's chair and drew himself a queen and an eight.)
Bowser: Ah...eighteen.
(Luigi drew Bowser a ten.)
Peach: Do you think Luigi will win this?
Waluigi: Beat's me...
Bowser: Hit me.
(Luigi drew Bowser a six.)
Bowser: Hit me.
(Luigi drew Bowser a seven.)
Bowser: I'm over. I'm over! I'M OVER!
(Bowser laughs like a maniac as he rips his shell off his back. Everyone's eyes bug out.)
Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi & Peach: HOLY TOLEDO!
(Bowser runs out of the club house.)
Yoshi, Toad & D.K.: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bowser: Oops! Sorry!
Waluigi: That...was...disturbing...