Juli POV
The next week was one filled with awkward tension between Juli and Bryce. After they had agreed to act like nothing happened between them, the night Chet had a stroke, things were different. Things had gotten a little hot and heavy that night, but they agreed to pretend it never happened. So where was the problem? Truthfully, what happened that night was too difficult for Juli to erase from her memory. That night had left her wanting more. She wanted to relive the way Bryce had kissed her neck and body so sweetly. But that would never happen again if she and Bryce were supposed to just push it aside and sweep it under the rug. Kissing him was different now. A single kiss from Bryce Loski would send a million little jolts of electricity through her body. How was she supposed to ignore that? Now that they were officially a couple, everything seemed so much more complicated. Had she made a mistake committing herself as a girlfriend to Bryce? Her mother had previously made a comment about how becoming serious about one boy might be too soon for Juli. According to her, this was the time to enjoy being young and the variety of options in life. Maybe her mom was right. But ever since she was a little girl, Bryce Loski was all she wanted. Now that she finally had that, she questioned it? She should be perfectly content. Juli's thoughts were filled with confusion as she put books away in her locker.
"Hey you," Bryce said casually.
"Oh, hi Bryce," Juli replied, broken from her thoughts.
"Sorry we haven't seen each other much this week. I've just had a lot of studying to do... and a big project."
Somehow Juli felt like he wasn't being completely honest. It was like he had been trying his best to avoid her this week. "That's ok. I understand."
Bryce seemed relieved. "Ok, thanks." A nervous pause. "Juli, I think we need to talk."
Her heart dropped. 'We need to talk', usually refers to one thing... Is Bryce Loski breaking up with me?
"How about tonight? I can make us dinner at my house," Bryce suggested.
"Sure," she replied nervously, not knowing what Bryce wanted to talk about.
"Great." He seemed kind of nervous too. "I'll stop by and pick you up around 7?"
Juli nodded. Why is he being so secretive?
Before leaving Bryce planted a kiss on her cheek. "I'll see you then."
What was going on? Brief conversation. A kiss on the cheek. Was Bryce acting unusually distant? Juli didn't understand. He could be so confusing. And worse, there was nothing she could do about it. All she could do was nervously wait for tonight.
Bryce POV
As Bryce walked away from Juli, he breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Things had been awkwardly tense all week between them. They hadn't been fighting or angry at one another. This was a different kind of tension. After the night he drunkenly let his passion for Juli occur, things had changed. Despite his efforts to forget about that night, he found himself unconsciously replaying everything in his mind... slowly sliding her robe off, taking in the sight of how beautiful she was, kissing her fiercely and wanting to know every bit of her body. But was that normal? Bryce may have been the most popular and handsome guy at school and dated many girls, but he had never thought like this about someone. Thinking about Juli made him crazy. Even kissing her was too hard to bear without wanting more. He had been planting small little pecks on her mouth or cheek all week, hoping to control how he felt. He had also been avoiding her as much as possible during the week. She was his girlfriend. Things couldn't remain like this; Bryce had to do something. Finally, he had resolved to be honest and tell her the truth. He loved that about Juli. He could be honest with her.
How could he adequately describe how he felt? This would be a challenge. This was not just any girl, this was Juli Baker. Juli was irridescent and dazzling, just as Chet had described Bryce's grandmother. Bryce knew she was the one, the one he wanted to be his first. He could not think of anyone else he would want to experience that with but Juli.
That night, he nervously tried on about six different shirts, finally settling on the first he had chosen. He wanted to look good for Juli. He even had set up a romantic dinner, complete with candlelight and the fancy dishes and glasses in the Loski household. He rang the doorbell to pick Juli up from her home. She walked out in a simple yet lovely dress. She was so beautiful.
"Have her home by 10," Mr. Baker instructed.
"Yes, sir."
Please let tonight go smoothly.Bryce was extremely nervous.
They walked to his home exchanging few words. Bryce pulled the door open, evidently surprising Juli with the candlelit dinner. She thanked him and Bryce said "you're welcome", but then it was silent once again. Dinner went by slowly. They ate, but neither seemed to be brave enough to speak. Occasionally there was a short comment about the food or something trivial, but no real conversation. Both made eye contact and seemed to be trying to figure out what the other was thinking. It was a maze. Again, that awkward tension that had been present all week long was clear in the room. Finally, Juli broke the silence.
"Bryce, why are we doing this? You invited me to talk. So can you please tell me what this is about?"
Bryce felt his stomach drop. He didn't exactly plan how the conversation would go tonight. He took a deep breath. "Juli, this week has been really... hard. I know I said we should forget about the other night, when we..." he nervously dropped eye contact.
Juli nodded, indicating she knew exactly what he was talking about. "I know."
"Well, honestly, I haven't been able to get that night out of my mind. Juli, I have to actively stop myself from wanting to kiss you and hold you and... well a whole lot more than that. This isn't coming out exactly like I hoped, but... what I'm trying to say is, I want you to be the one. I want you to be my first. I love you, Juli and I want it to be you."
Juli POV
Juli sat across from Bryce, silent. Part of her wanted everything Bryce had just said to become reality, while the other part wanted to run away. Now that she was here in the moment, the reality of the situation became a little intimidating.
Suddenly, Bryce got up from the table, crossing to Juli, standing behind her chair. Gently pushing her hair away from her ear, he whispered and pleaded for an answer. "Please Juli, tell me what you're thinking."
Juli hesitated to answer. Why am I suddenly so nervous and afraid? Earlier today I would have answered with certainty that I feel exactly the same.
She couldn't even turn to face Bryce, unsure of how to even answer. This was a big deal. "Bryce, I..." her voice trailed, still nervous and not sure where this was going. Why was answering him so difficult? Finally, she gathered her courage and turned to face him. Bryce's face was inches away, she could feel his warm breath dancing on her cheek; they were both breathing heavily. Then she looked into his eyes, those dazzling eyes, and couldn't resist. She pulled him in for a passionate kiss, Bryce eager to return it. He began planting soft kisses on her neck, sending shivers through her spine. She felt herself surrendering already, just like the other night. His touch and the sensation of his lips trailing down her neck was too much."Yes, Bryce. Yes. I want you to be my first too," Juli pleaded with anticipation.
Bryce was gentle and sweet with Juli. They were slowly building up to the sex, since it was the first time for both; however, as it progressed, a million questions began flooding Juli's mind. Will we both be happy in the end if we are each other's firsts? Will he tell anyone if we do it? Will I? What happens tomorrow after we do this? What if we both hate it and it ruins our relationship? Will I lose him as a boyfriend? Or worse, will I lose him as a friend? What if it is incredible? What if we love it? But what if we end up going separate ways for college? Do I want to give up that much of myself and lose it to someone I may not see very much in two months? Are we both going to want to be apart of each other's lives after graduation? Shouldn't we do this with some sort of protection? Why does this suddenly feel almost wrong?
By this point, both were undressed, getting closer to what suddenly was the scariest thing Juli could do. Bryce had taken over as Juli's thoughts raced. I cant do this.
She finally spoke up, pushing him off of her. "Wait, Bryce. I don't know if I can do this."
Bryce stared at Juli, stunned. "What?"
"I just don't think we should anymore, Bryce."
"Juli, what are you saying?" Bryce asked, confusion and hurt filling his eyes.
"It's just not right. I can't do it."
"Well, we love each other. Right? What could be wrong about that?"
Juli let this process. Love. It was a small word that meant so much. They were seventeen years old. Did they even know what love really was? How could she be fully certain love was what she felt? She looked at Bryce, now in a completely different light. She really didn't know exactly how she felt about him.
"Juli, you love me. Right?" Bryce seemed extremely hurt at this point.
She paused. "I don't know, Bryce. I don't know anymore."
Silence. Juli slipped her dress back on, now feeling extremely awkward without clothing. Bryce also dressed, the whole time an extreme pain and anger showing in his eyes.
"Bryce, please say something." Juli hated the silence.
He finally looked her, this time directly in the eye. "I think you should leave."
Never in the twelve years Juli had known Bryce had he said something so hurtful with such hatred infused in his voice.
"Bryce, can we talk about this?"
"I have nothing to say to you."
Juli tried once more. "Look, Bryce, I know you thought tonight would be different, but can we at least..."
"I SAID, LEAVE!" Bryce yelled angrily.
Juli would not stick around to be treated that way. "I'll show myself out. Thanks for the lovely dinner," she said sarcastically slamming the door behind her.
She walked back to her home, looking back at the Loski house. She was pretty sure things were over between her and Bryce Loski, forever. Her heart felt extremely heavy as she walked inside her house. Holding her tears in until she made it to her bedroom, she managed to collapse onto her bed, letting every tear she had been holding pour out. She wasn't ready to be anyone's first. Bryce should have understood and been considerate. Instead, he was hurtful and demanded she leave his home. She wanted nothing to do with him. She deserved better. All Juli wanted was to get away, get a fresh start, a change of scenery. Crying herself to sleep that night, she wished for an escape.
Bryce POV
The sound of Juli slamming the door made him lose it. Between crying and feeling sick to his stomach, Bryce began grabbing objects around his house and throwing them with such an amount of force that encompassed how much pain he was in. He was making a mess, but literally didn't know how to handle what just happened. Everything had been so perfect. He had opened his heart to Juli, asking her to be his first. She seemed to want it just as much as he did. Understanding why she had suddenly flipped and changed her mind was beyond him. The breaking point was hearing Juli say she was unsure she loved him. Had all of these years been so meaningless to her? Bryce knew without a doubt in his mind that Juli would always be someone he would love. Her not reciprocating his feelings killed him. But there was no point in making up ideas in his head. Juli didn't love him. That was that.
It's over.
The thought made Bryce extremely sad. Maybe if he wouldn't have acted the way he did towards Juli in the past, things would be different now. Maybe they would be closer, maybe Juli would love him. He would never know. It didn't matter. There was nothing to do. He had to accept it and move on. Getting Juli Baker out of his heart would be extremely difficult for Bryce, but he was determined to do it.
A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed my last chapter! Finally a new update. I am thinking of writing a new fanfic about Juli and Bryce after they have graduated from university [kind of like a sequel to this]. I had a lot of ideas for it the other day... what do you think? I will only write it if you promise to read it :P.