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The guilt was overwhelming. I let those goddamn Titans get to me. My anger was uncontrollable and I took it out on my best friend. I knew the consequences wouldn't be dire for me, but for Chihiru I'd affectively ended her hopes of joining the Scout corps with me and Eriri. It ate away at me. In my bed I was curled up in a foetal position crying silently like a child.
I heard a creek and the door shut. Turning my body around I looked up. Standing in the doorway was Eriri, "You know how many laps you'll have to do for running away from training like that," I couldn't tell whether or not that last statement was intended as a joke or not, but I shrugged it off,
"I don't give a crap Eriri, what about Chihiru?" tears poured from my face like a waterfall, "I don't deserve friends like her, friends don't hurt each other, friends don't take their problems out on one another. Not true friends," my body began to shake and I broke down again, retaining my position.
"It doesn't matter Akhito, it was a mistake, Chihiru already forgives you," He spoke reassuringly,
"But can't forgive myself, Eriri," the salty tears began to sting the cuts on my face from training,
"For God's sake Akhito, if you cry every time you inadvertantly hurt I friend how are you gonna fair when one of your fellow comrades gets killed?" Eriri had never spoken with such conviction and emotion all his life, "it's part of the job and Chihiru can always join next year,"
I stepped down from my bed and walked towards the exit looking Eriri in the eyes as I did, "let's go see the poor soul who's life I've ruined,"
"There we go, except for the last bit," Eiri said smiling awkwardly.
The emergency room was just like every other building in the area, crap. It was yet again another scarcely lit wooden cabin, I was pretty sure doctors required far more light than they had. I slowly made my way across the bed filled room, it appeared Chihiru hadn't been the only one who'd gained an injury during training. Chihiru lifted her head and smiled at me,
"Hi Akhito," she was surprisingly chirpy considering she'd snapped her arm two hours prior to this,
"I'm so sorry, please don't hate me," I erupted, it was completely my fault she was here and I was willing to admit to it,
"It's okay, it was my fault. I should have positioned my arm better," my head shook,
"don't defend me, I did it and you know it," My emotions were flooding through my head,
"I can join next year, I'm not ready to join yet anyway, I'm too weak right now but in a years time I will be strong enough," she lifted her arm to wipe a tear from my cheek,
"Don't worry, by the time you've joined I would've already killed fifty Titans," a smile emerged on my face,
"I bet you won't have even killed one," she said jokingly,
"How about I don't kill any Titans for a year and when you join we'll see who's better?" that was the best thing about Chihiru, she'd only said a few sentences and they'd already washed most of my guilt away. Above all she never blamed me for anything, she never got angry no matter what I'd done. I leaned in to give her a hug.
The next day was finally the day I'd been waiting for. We were finally going to be taught how to use 3D Maneuver Gear. We stood in queues waiting to use the equipment. There were about four metal beams holding it up and dangling from it were straps which you had to attach yourself to.
"Okay cadets, this is the part you've probably waiting for. If you can't keep your balance here, you won't be able you do so using a real one," Shadis yelled at us,
It felt like hours until it was finally my turn. I'd watched person after person succeed before me until it came to me. At last I was at the front of the line, the huge construction stood before me, nerves pumping through my veins. "Do it for Chihiru" I found myself saying over and over as my thin body was strapped in. I was lifted a few feet up in the air my legs dangling,
I felt myself falling forward, "Akhito, don't keep your legs together, put your left foot forward and your right foot behind," a voice screamed from the queue.
"Aaah," I screamed face planting the cold, hard ground,
"For God sake Akhito," Shadis yelled at me, "get off the equipment, you've failed,"
"No!" Shadis looked both shocked and annoyed,
"What did you just say, Cadet?!" he crouched onto his knee to get to my level,
"I can do this, I know I can," my spirit was large, but so far my ability was lacking, "give me another chance, I won't let you down, sir!" Shadis stepped back holding his hands out, pointing to the training equipment,
One hundred percent of my concentration was set on passing the test. Once again I was lifted up a few feet in the air. I could once again feel myself falling forward, but I wouldn't let myself, "I can do this" I thought to myself. I managed to retain my balance, I was doing it. I began to laugh with joy,
"I did it, I knew I could," I began to yell in triumph, "I won't fail you Uncle, I won't fail you Chihiru. I won't fail you human race!"