The Mario Gang's Wacky Vacation Chapter 23: America's Embarrassing Home
Videos
Luigi: Hey Bowser. Wake up.
Bowser: Huh? Wha? I fell asleep?
Luigi: Yeah. You were the first one to fall asleep.
Bowser: What a boring movie.
Luigi: Listen. I'll show you something funny if you do me a favor.
Bowser: Sure. What?
Luigi: See Mario? Pick him up and put him in Phil's room.
Bowser: Okay.
(Bowser picked up Mario with one hand and carried him upstairs.)
Kirby: What are you planning, Luigi?
Luigi: You'll see...
(Bowser came back down.)
Bowser: I'm back.
Luigi: Great. Wake up everyone while I get something.
(Luigi went upstairs while Bowser woke up everyone.)
Waluigi: What's going on here?
Bowser: Luigi is going to show us a video.
(Luigi came back with his backpack.)
Luigi: Yeah. One that will embarrass the heck at of Mario.
Yoshi: Aw, man. Not Super Mario Bros. the movie! I got stabbed!
Toad: I was turned into a goomba!
Bowser: I was still called Koopa!
Wario: I wasn't even in it!
Luigi: It's not that movie! It's something I made myself. Look at this preview picture. Thanks for the pic, Wario.
(Luigi gave Bowser a picture. It had Mario taking a bath. He was naked except he still had his hat on and he was holding a brush in one hand. You could clearly see his shirt and overalls hung up nearby. He has some funky lookin' feet and what's up with that huge cheesey grin on his face.)
Bowser: Oh my God! Bwhahahahahaha!
(Bowser passes the picture around.)
Waluigi: AAAHHH!!! PORNO!
Toad: That is fucking sick!
Kirby: I was kinda hungry, but I think I've lost it...
Wario: I didn't take this pic.
Luigi: You didn't? Peach told me you did.
(Peach's face turns bright red.)
Peach: (whispering to herself) Please don't look at me... Please don't look at me... Please don't look at me...
(Everyone looks at her.)
Peach: Shit! I mean...oops!
Daisy: That explains the weird smile. Peach took that picture!
everyone: Ewww...
Luigi: Anyway, I found the video.
(Luigi took at South Park video out of the VCR and put in his tape, then he pushed the play button. Everyone looks at the TV.)
Wario: Dude, it's Mario when he was a little kid!
Yoshi: But what is he singing?
TV Mario: I love you, you love me...
D.K.: Oh God! He's singing Barney songs!
Bowser: Please! Turn it off! This is worse than 98 Disease!
(The scene changes. Now it shows Mario still as a little kid, but he is having a tea party with his Care Bears stuffed toys.)
TV Mario: Would you like more tea, Birthday Bear?
Peach: I didn't think he even liked Care Bears.
TV Mario: (for Birthday Bear) Yes please. You make the best tea in the world. Don't you think so, Love-a-lot Bear? (for Love-a-lot Bear) I think it's just lovely.
Kirby: This is too cute even for me.
Daisy: You think so too, huh?
TV Mario: How do you like it, Grumpy Bear. (for Grumpy Bear) I think it tastes salty!
(Everyone laughs at the stupid comment.)
Waluigi: This guy's got problems!
Toad: He needs some fucking help!
(The next scene showed little kid Mario sleeping on a couch.)
Bowser: Ooookay. You probably see this everyday, don't you, Luigi?
Luigi: You got that right.
(Another scene showed a eight year old Mario eating worms.)
TV Mario: Mmm...wiggly spagetti...
everyone: Ewww...
Waluigi: I think I'm gonna hurl!
(Waluigi ran into the kitchen and threw up in a trash can.)
Toad: Well, he had enough sense to do it in a trash can this time.
(The next few scenes showed Mario having more tea parties and naps.)
Yoshi: He such a little kid...
(Another scene showed Mario and Wario as teenagers.)
TV Wario: Hey Mario. You wanna get high?
TV Mario: Sure.
TV Wario: Okay. Smoke this joint.
D.K.: Mario getting high? This ought to be fun.
(On TV, Wario lit a joint and gave it to Mario, who smoked it.)
TV Wario:Feel anything?
TV Mario: No.
TV Wario: Funny. Smoke another one.
(Wario lit another joint and gave it to Mario.)
Bowser: Mario smokes? Ha ha ha. Cool!
TV Wario: Feel anything now?
TV Mario: No. Still nothing.
TV Wario: Still? have another one.
(Mario smokes another one.)
TV Mario: I need another one. I'm not getting anything.
(Three joints and two bongs later...)
TV Wario: Dang! How many does he need? Luigi, get me a beer.
TV Luigi: Hey. I'm not supposed to talk. I gotta hold the camera.
TV Wario: Fine then.
(Wario got a can of beer and gave it to Mario. He drank it and about a minute.)
Peach: If Mario can't get high, can he get drunk?
TV Mario: Heyyyyyyyyyy baaaaabyyyyyyyyyy. Yooooou wannaaaaaaaaaa gooooo out tooooooooooniiiiight?
(Mario hugs Wario.)
Toad: What the hell?
Peach: That answers my question.
(Mario kisses Wario.)
Waluigi: Holy shit!
(Everyone laughs so hard that it woke up Mario upstairs.)
Mario: What the? How did I get in here? And what is that noise?
(Downstairs on TV, a more modern Mario just saved Pauline from the evil clutches of Donkey Kong.)
Pauline: Thank you, Mario. You were so- Hey! Get your hands away from that!
(Slap!)
Daisy: So that's why Mario lost Pauline...
Kirby: Mario shouldn't have done that.
(Everyone laughs again and Mario heard it.)
Mario: Weird...it's laughing. I wonder what's so funny.
(Everyone continues to watch the video. Now it showed Mario with a raccoon tail watching TV. His tail was wagging like crazy.)
Waluigi: I hope he's not watching Barney again.
(Waluigi starts to drink a glass of Hi-C.)
Wario: Nope. It's Pee Wee's Playhouse.
(Suddenly, Waluigi spits juice all over the TV screen.)
Waluigi: Oh my God! Does he have a freakin' problem or what?
D.K.: Why did you have to spray the TV?
Toad: Hi-C probably tastes like shit after you've thrown up.
(Everyone, but Waluigi laughs loudy. Mario, who was trying to sleep, heard them again.)
Mario: That's it. Time to shut them up.
(Mario got up and started to walk to the door. Downstairs, the video showed every possible way to die in Super Mario 64.)
Yoshi: What's this?
( Boom! A Bob-omb explodes on Mario and kills him.)
Bowser: Ouchies!
(Splat! A Thwomp crushed Mario. Zap! Mario got electrocuted. Glub! Mario drowns. Everyone, but Kirby, laughs.)
Kirby: Um...maybe we should keep quiet.
(Mario was halfway down the stairs when...sizzle! Mario was burned by lava in the video and everyone laughs.)
Mario: What the heck is going on here?
(Wham! Mario jumped off Peach's three story castle and into the dry moat. Aaahhh! Mario was sucked into a sand pit. Gulp! Mario was swallowed by a giant fish. Everyone laughs as Mario got to the bottom of the stairs.)
Mario: And just what the hell is so fucking funny?!
Luigi: Huh? Uh oh! Um...er...nothing really...
(On TV, the scene went back to the real Mario. He was holding a Warp Whistle.)
TV Mario: Hey Luigi. Toad said if I toot on this whistle, I'll be transported to a far away land, right?
TV Luigi: Yeah.
TV Mario: That thing isn't on, is it?
TV Luigi: Um...no. I'm just praticing.
TV Mario: Okay. I'm gonna toot on the whistle.
(Mario pulled his pants down and stuck the whistle in his butt.)
TV Luigi: Huh? NO MARIO! THAT IS NOT WHAT TOAD MEANT!
(Mario farted and made the whistle fly out of his butt and into the camera. Everyone, but Mario and Kirby, laugh. Kirby looked ashamed and Mario looked just plain ticked.)
Kirby: Uh oh...
Mario: Weegie, you lied! You said that thing wasn't on! You dumbass!
Luigi: Eh...oops.
Mario: How could you, Weegie, how could you...
(The next scene showed Mario playing Mario Golf. Suddenly, his face turns bright red, the throws the controller at the TV, and he flips off the N64.)
TV Mario: Now what the heck was that?! I aimed toward the hill, adjusted for the wind and hit the ball perfectly, but it STILL lands in the bunker! Screw you, Boo Valley!
Mario: Why, Weegie, why?
Luigi: Uh...I dunno.
Mario: Well I've had it! I'm sick of you guys making fun of me! I am sooo out of here! See ya later, mother fuckers!
(Mario opened the sliding door and ran out.)
Luigi: Wait! Mario!
Kirby: I knew he would get mad about this.
Daisy: Sorry for ignoring you, Kirbster.
Toad: Luigi, just let him fucking go.
Yoshi: Yeah. I think he needs to cool off...
Luigi: Hey Bowser. Wake up.
Bowser: Huh? Wha? I fell asleep?
Luigi: Yeah. You were the first one to fall asleep.
Bowser: What a boring movie.
Luigi: Listen. I'll show you something funny if you do me a favor.
Bowser: Sure. What?
Luigi: See Mario? Pick him up and put him in Phil's room.
Bowser: Okay.
(Bowser picked up Mario with one hand and carried him upstairs.)
Kirby: What are you planning, Luigi?
Luigi: You'll see...
(Bowser came back down.)
Bowser: I'm back.
Luigi: Great. Wake up everyone while I get something.
(Luigi went upstairs while Bowser woke up everyone.)
Waluigi: What's going on here?
Bowser: Luigi is going to show us a video.
(Luigi came back with his backpack.)
Luigi: Yeah. One that will embarrass the heck at of Mario.
Yoshi: Aw, man. Not Super Mario Bros. the movie! I got stabbed!
Toad: I was turned into a goomba!
Bowser: I was still called Koopa!
Wario: I wasn't even in it!
Luigi: It's not that movie! It's something I made myself. Look at this preview picture. Thanks for the pic, Wario.
(Luigi gave Bowser a picture. It had Mario taking a bath. He was naked except he still had his hat on and he was holding a brush in one hand. You could clearly see his shirt and overalls hung up nearby. He has some funky lookin' feet and what's up with that huge cheesey grin on his face.)
Bowser: Oh my God! Bwhahahahahaha!
(Bowser passes the picture around.)
Waluigi: AAAHHH!!! PORNO!
Toad: That is fucking sick!
Kirby: I was kinda hungry, but I think I've lost it...
Wario: I didn't take this pic.
Luigi: You didn't? Peach told me you did.
(Peach's face turns bright red.)
Peach: (whispering to herself) Please don't look at me... Please don't look at me... Please don't look at me...
(Everyone looks at her.)
Peach: Shit! I mean...oops!
Daisy: That explains the weird smile. Peach took that picture!
everyone: Ewww...
Luigi: Anyway, I found the video.
(Luigi took at South Park video out of the VCR and put in his tape, then he pushed the play button. Everyone looks at the TV.)
Wario: Dude, it's Mario when he was a little kid!
Yoshi: But what is he singing?
TV Mario: I love you, you love me...
D.K.: Oh God! He's singing Barney songs!
Bowser: Please! Turn it off! This is worse than 98 Disease!
(The scene changes. Now it shows Mario still as a little kid, but he is having a tea party with his Care Bears stuffed toys.)
TV Mario: Would you like more tea, Birthday Bear?
Peach: I didn't think he even liked Care Bears.
TV Mario: (for Birthday Bear) Yes please. You make the best tea in the world. Don't you think so, Love-a-lot Bear? (for Love-a-lot Bear) I think it's just lovely.
Kirby: This is too cute even for me.
Daisy: You think so too, huh?
TV Mario: How do you like it, Grumpy Bear. (for Grumpy Bear) I think it tastes salty!
(Everyone laughs at the stupid comment.)
Waluigi: This guy's got problems!
Toad: He needs some fucking help!
(The next scene showed little kid Mario sleeping on a couch.)
Bowser: Ooookay. You probably see this everyday, don't you, Luigi?
Luigi: You got that right.
(Another scene showed a eight year old Mario eating worms.)
TV Mario: Mmm...wiggly spagetti...
everyone: Ewww...
Waluigi: I think I'm gonna hurl!
(Waluigi ran into the kitchen and threw up in a trash can.)
Toad: Well, he had enough sense to do it in a trash can this time.
(The next few scenes showed Mario having more tea parties and naps.)
Yoshi: He such a little kid...
(Another scene showed Mario and Wario as teenagers.)
TV Wario: Hey Mario. You wanna get high?
TV Mario: Sure.
TV Wario: Okay. Smoke this joint.
D.K.: Mario getting high? This ought to be fun.
(On TV, Wario lit a joint and gave it to Mario, who smoked it.)
TV Wario:Feel anything?
TV Mario: No.
TV Wario: Funny. Smoke another one.
(Wario lit another joint and gave it to Mario.)
Bowser: Mario smokes? Ha ha ha. Cool!
TV Wario: Feel anything now?
TV Mario: No. Still nothing.
TV Wario: Still? have another one.
(Mario smokes another one.)
TV Mario: I need another one. I'm not getting anything.
(Three joints and two bongs later...)
TV Wario: Dang! How many does he need? Luigi, get me a beer.
TV Luigi: Hey. I'm not supposed to talk. I gotta hold the camera.
TV Wario: Fine then.
(Wario got a can of beer and gave it to Mario. He drank it and about a minute.)
Peach: If Mario can't get high, can he get drunk?
TV Mario: Heyyyyyyyyyy baaaaabyyyyyyyyyy. Yooooou wannaaaaaaaaaa gooooo out tooooooooooniiiiight?
(Mario hugs Wario.)
Toad: What the hell?
Peach: That answers my question.
(Mario kisses Wario.)
Waluigi: Holy shit!
(Everyone laughs so hard that it woke up Mario upstairs.)
Mario: What the? How did I get in here? And what is that noise?
(Downstairs on TV, a more modern Mario just saved Pauline from the evil clutches of Donkey Kong.)
Pauline: Thank you, Mario. You were so- Hey! Get your hands away from that!
(Slap!)
Daisy: So that's why Mario lost Pauline...
Kirby: Mario shouldn't have done that.
(Everyone laughs again and Mario heard it.)
Mario: Weird...it's laughing. I wonder what's so funny.
(Everyone continues to watch the video. Now it showed Mario with a raccoon tail watching TV. His tail was wagging like crazy.)
Waluigi: I hope he's not watching Barney again.
(Waluigi starts to drink a glass of Hi-C.)
Wario: Nope. It's Pee Wee's Playhouse.
(Suddenly, Waluigi spits juice all over the TV screen.)
Waluigi: Oh my God! Does he have a freakin' problem or what?
D.K.: Why did you have to spray the TV?
Toad: Hi-C probably tastes like shit after you've thrown up.
(Everyone, but Waluigi laughs loudy. Mario, who was trying to sleep, heard them again.)
Mario: That's it. Time to shut them up.
(Mario got up and started to walk to the door. Downstairs, the video showed every possible way to die in Super Mario 64.)
Yoshi: What's this?
( Boom! A Bob-omb explodes on Mario and kills him.)
Bowser: Ouchies!
(Splat! A Thwomp crushed Mario. Zap! Mario got electrocuted. Glub! Mario drowns. Everyone, but Kirby, laughs.)
Kirby: Um...maybe we should keep quiet.
(Mario was halfway down the stairs when...sizzle! Mario was burned by lava in the video and everyone laughs.)
Mario: What the heck is going on here?
(Wham! Mario jumped off Peach's three story castle and into the dry moat. Aaahhh! Mario was sucked into a sand pit. Gulp! Mario was swallowed by a giant fish. Everyone laughs as Mario got to the bottom of the stairs.)
Mario: And just what the hell is so fucking funny?!
Luigi: Huh? Uh oh! Um...er...nothing really...
(On TV, the scene went back to the real Mario. He was holding a Warp Whistle.)
TV Mario: Hey Luigi. Toad said if I toot on this whistle, I'll be transported to a far away land, right?
TV Luigi: Yeah.
TV Mario: That thing isn't on, is it?
TV Luigi: Um...no. I'm just praticing.
TV Mario: Okay. I'm gonna toot on the whistle.
(Mario pulled his pants down and stuck the whistle in his butt.)
TV Luigi: Huh? NO MARIO! THAT IS NOT WHAT TOAD MEANT!
(Mario farted and made the whistle fly out of his butt and into the camera. Everyone, but Mario and Kirby, laugh. Kirby looked ashamed and Mario looked just plain ticked.)
Kirby: Uh oh...
Mario: Weegie, you lied! You said that thing wasn't on! You dumbass!
Luigi: Eh...oops.
Mario: How could you, Weegie, how could you...
(The next scene showed Mario playing Mario Golf. Suddenly, his face turns bright red, the throws the controller at the TV, and he flips off the N64.)
TV Mario: Now what the heck was that?! I aimed toward the hill, adjusted for the wind and hit the ball perfectly, but it STILL lands in the bunker! Screw you, Boo Valley!
Mario: Why, Weegie, why?
Luigi: Uh...I dunno.
Mario: Well I've had it! I'm sick of you guys making fun of me! I am sooo out of here! See ya later, mother fuckers!
(Mario opened the sliding door and ran out.)
Luigi: Wait! Mario!
Kirby: I knew he would get mad about this.
Daisy: Sorry for ignoring you, Kirbster.
Toad: Luigi, just let him fucking go.
Yoshi: Yeah. I think he needs to cool off...