Disclaimer:Ido not own the Mortal Instruments series. The lovely Cassandra Clare does! I own nothing else that might be affiliated with other industries.

Avoiding

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking. Just thinking. Thinking if I did the right thing. Thinking if I should crawl in a hole. Thinking if I should have said no… well I didn't say no but I kind of did. Just an hour ago Jace had proposed to me. Jace, the beautiful stunning shadowhunter badass who could get any girl, had proposed to me, Clary Fray a normal redheaded girl who just happened to stumble upon this crazy world of demons and vampires.

My eyes tightened shut when I recalled the memory in my mind, Jace had proposed he promised to love me forever, Jace Lightwood had laid his heart on his sleeve for me and I had just stared at the gorgeous golden haired boy. My mouth hung open, like some kind of dead fish, and I could not respond.

After a few minutes of my staring, Jace's confidence left and he looked at me with such sadness that I could practically hear his heart breaking. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, and say yes. But I couldn't. Jace had stormed from the room, giving me one last glance, before he wrenched open the door and slammed it shut behind his fleeting body.

But, here as I thought about it, nothing in my mind said no. Nothing in my mind said that I didn't want marry Jace. I actually wanted to marry Jace. Still, I was almost trying to find a reason to say no. What would be the negatives of being Jace's wife? The negatives would have absolutely nothing on the positives. When I thought of the positives; coming home to Jace every day, waking up to him, going to sleep with him, and just being with Jace forever, well, there were no negatives at all. Nothing in my mind, said no. So why was I saying no? I found the answer instantly, my age. Sixteen.

My hand clutched around the box holding the ring… my engagement ring. From Jace. My ring I could not slip onto my finger. It is only a ring Clary just put it on and go tell Jace yes, I yelled at myself, but still I could not. It wasn't just a ring, it was the ring. The ring every woman waits for, the ring that shows you that you are not alone, that ring that shows someone loves you. And here I was holding one with someone who loves me not a hundred yards away, and still now I could not put it on. Why? My age again, sixteen.

Jace is only seventeen, only a year older than you,and he still wants to get married. The battle in my head raged on, but why did Jace want to get married at such a young age? It couldn't be because he thinks that we, as shadowhunters, will die young. No, it couldn't be that. Could it?

I found myself on my feet and walking, from my room and down the hall. The black box clutched in my small hand, my walk determined. I banged on the white door in front of me. Not even completely sure if I was at Jace's door or Isabelle's or Robert and Maryse's.

"What?" A woman's irritated breathless voice came from inside the room. Isabelle.

I said nothing; I had everything to say but nothing. I needed to talk but I couldn't. My hand found the door again and I knocked softly this time.

"What do you want?" Isabelle's voice screamed at me, her face was in my vision a moment later as the door swung open and hit the wall. Her chest was heaving, her black hair tugged out of a tight bun that it was in earlier this afternoon. I was confused at the scene, until I saw a blonde haired man on the bed his chest also heaving, red lipstick all over his face. "Clary?" She asked a little more softly.

My attention went back to her.

"What is it? Clary what happened?" Isabelle motioned me in, but I didn't move until she tugged on my arm, sitting me down on the bed in the middle of her and the blonde haired boy. "Isaac do you want to leave or can you make it through some girl talk?"

"I think I can manage," The boy replied in a country accent, "Two younger sisters." He shrugged.

"Clary?" Isabelle asked wrapping an arm around my shoulders hesitantly, "Tell me, what it is. What did Jace do? I swear, I will kill him."

I said nothing, just opened my hand around engagement ring box and flicked it open.

Isabelle gasped, "No he didn't. Did Jace… no he didn't."

I nodded, "He did." My voice didn't sound like mine, it was lifeless, emotionless… devastated.

"Did you say… what did you say?" Isabelle asked, sounded as if she already knew the answer.

I looked up at her, "I think I said no."

"You think?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Clary," Her tone shocked me and I looked up, "Look at what you've done to this player. To love is to destroy, was his motto before he met you. If you hadn't of followed us in Pandemonium, he would never of loved. Ever. Look at what you've done to him and now you didn't say anything? How can you live with yourself?"

I was shocked; her tone was full of malice and hatred.

Isabelle sighed, "What did Jace do?"

I never thought I would be this open with Isabelle Lightwood but here I was under her arm telling her a story about how my boyfriend-her brother- proposed to me, "He stormed out."

Isabelle's arms tightened around me, "Then are you… broken up?"

I said quickly, "No. No we aren't." No, we can't be.

Isabelle looked at me doubtfully but said nothing.

"If I may, Isabelle." The man named Isaac asked politely, "Hi, I'm Isaac." He said smiling warmly.

"Hello." I replied, my voice still lifeless.

"From what I have heard, your boyfriend, Jace, he just proposed to you, Clary, and you said nothing, right?" Isaac asked.

I nodded.

"Okay, tell me, Clary, do you want to be married to Jace?" He asked curiously.

This was the question I have been asking myself. I sighed, I knew Isaac was trying to help but I didn't really want to explain everything that was going through my mind with a stranger.

"You do, don't you? You love him with all your heart and soul, and he loves you. I can tell, the way your acting it tells me that you two share a deep love."

This didn't help me either. I knew that. I knew Jace loved me and I loved him. I stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry to be invading on such a touchy subject, but like I said I have two younger sisters and I have been through a ton of drama." He rolled his eyes, which I now saw to be blue.

"Are you a shadowhunter?" I asked, I didn't want to be rude but I really didn't want to talk to him anymore. Maybe later I would get Isabelle alone and cry my eyes out. Probably not though, given what state I caught them in. I sighed sadly again, wishing for once I had more girl friends.

"Yes," Isaac responded, "I am a shadowhunter at an Institute in Texas, pleasure to meet you ma'am." He ducked an invisible hat on any other occasion it would've made me smile but not now.

"Texas? Then what are you doing in New York?" I asked. Then I hit myself mental, shadowhunters always move about the country; never staying in one location for a long time, Jace had told me once.

Isaac smiled, "I decided to see the country one day, after all I'm eighteen, and I left home. Only thing I have is the clothes on my back, boots on my feet, and several weapons in my belt."

I nodded; something about this story seemed slightly suspicious but I pushed that thought away quickly, not wanting to think another thought tonight or ever. I stood and walked to Isabelle's door.

"Thank you for talking to me." I said turning back to the pair. "I'm sorry for interrupting your um… discussion."

Isabelle snorted at the word discussion, when it had clearly been a full on make out session. Isaac, however, looked worried about me.

"Are you sure you are alright?" He asked, cocking his head to one side.

"No, I'm not alright." I replied easily.

"Well then why don't you stay in here, we can all talk, or I can leave if you want me too." Isaac reasoned. He was a nice boy, a good southern gentleman.

"No that's alright; I'll let you get back… to it." I said, "I think I just need to go to my room and get whatever sleep I can. Thank you though, for listening to me."

"Of course." Isabelle nodded.

"You are welcome, Clary. Are you sure you don't want to stay in here?" Isaac asked, watching me carefully.

I nodded, "No, I want to sleep." I replied before walking from the room without another word. I walked down the eerily quiet while hallway, only my footsteps making noise and even then they were silent. When I walked past the door I knew was Jace's I stopped, right behind the door.

I wondered what Jace was doing, I wondered what he was thinking of, and I wanted to know if he thought we were broken up. I wanted to talk to him like normal, remove the last few hours from memory, and talk to him. Hold him, like I probably would be right now if he hadn't proposed. But we couldn't remove the hours from memory. He had done it, Jace had proposed to me.

Slowly, I started walking away from the door, back to my hallway and into my room. Where I shut the door and leant up against it, eyes closed, breathing steadily. When I opened my eyes, they darted to the bed to see a figure laying on it. I jumped, gasping violently. It was Jace.

At my gasp, Jace's head rose up and his golden eyes met with mine before he dropped them quickly. His eyes showed no emotion. I had no idea what to do; I was frozen against the back of my door, frozen while the man I loved was lying in my bed.

Suddenly, Jace sat up very quickly and then stood. He gazed at me and as much as I wanted to I found that I couldn't look away.

"I don't know why I am here," Jace whispered. "I shouldn't be here, I know I shouldn't. You probably don't want me here; you probably can't stand the sight of me."

Unfrozen, I walked away from the door, "I still love you."

"Clary," He made to take a step forward but then rethought it, "… I have to go." He started walking towards the door.

"No, Jace. Please." I pleaded, Jace turned back around one hand still on the doorknob.

"Clary," Jace whispered, "I just need to hear…. No, I can't. I have to go." He twisted the doorknob and was gone in a second. With his leaving, I broke down in tears on the bed where he just was lying. Why didn't you just say yes?

The next morning, The Lightwoods, Jennifer, Ryan, and I and Isaac tagging along, were driving to Magnus's house to wish them a good trip. Jace stayed far away from me, his golden head staring at the ground. When he first walked into the car, I got a chance to look at him; his golden eyes were bloodshot, he was pale as a ghost, and there were new dark marks under his eyes, from no sleep, I'm sure I looked like his twin.

Magnus let us in, Jace stayed in the corner while I stayed beside Isaac and Isabelle. I felt a hand on my shoulder, looking over I saw that it was Isaac. He smiled at me. I glared at the hand that was on my shoulder and he slowly removed it as Magnus came up to hug me.

"Clary, my darling. What's wrong? You like you got no sleep at all." Magnus asked after we hugged.

"I didn't." I replied. I actually liked talking to Magnus, perhaps I should've come here to open up, but that would not have gone well with Alec and Magnus leaving today.

Magnus glared at Jace in the corner, "What did he do?"

I'm sure Jace could hear us, "He did everything right." I whispered staring at my shoes. Which were boring.

"Then what did you do?" Magnus asked softly. I looked up, looking behind me at Jace staring at him while I responded.

"I said nothing." I stared at his golden head while he was still looking at the ground; I sighed and turned back to Magnus. "Have a great trip." I tried to smile.

"Honey, you look like a chicken with its head cut off, but thank you." Magnus hugged me tightly. "I hope everything works out, but remember my magnificent self is only a phone call away."

I did genuinely smile this time, "Thanks, but I'm going to call you on your vacation."

Magnus pulled back and looked at me incredulously, "Darling I was just stating a fact, did you think I meant call me about your issues? No don't call me."

I shook my head with a smile, "I wasn't going to but thanks for the clarification."

"Of course," Magnus winked at me before turning to Isaac, "Isaac, what are you doing with the Lightwoods?" I didn't listen to Isaac's gentlemanly version of how he ended up in bed with Isabelle. Instead, I hugged Alec when he came up to me and I wished him a good trip.

I felt Max rub against my jaw line and almost jumped, not realizing that the Metamorphosi jumped on my shoulder. I turned my head and smiled at him, rubbing his head lightly.

After a few minutes of awkward chat with Ryan being an asshat, we all walked outside to wave Magnus and Alec off as they loaded everything in their taxi and left. I was genuinely going to miss Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood, the crazy gay flamboyant warlock and the shy gothic shadowhunter. I smiled, who would've thought?

Later that day, Isabelle and I were in the Library. I was searching for books about Metamorphosi's and she was looking for magazines about make up. We joined each other again at one of the many tables.

I started reading, finding interesting things that Max could do. For example, he could find me even if we were a thousand miles apart, he could transform into any animal living or dead, and he had to see the animal in person to recreate it. Half the facts I already knew but they were still fun to learn.

"Clary. Clary?" Isabelle was asking. I hadn't noticed that I was so absorbed in my reading to respond.

"Yes?" I asked curiously. Isabelle said nothing, just pointed towards the door. I looked around and saw Jace standing in the doorway; he was sweating slightly, his golden eyes fixed on me, and still his eyes were emotionless. I broke the gaze first when I jumped out of my seat, slammed the book shut and returned it back on the shelf, "I need to go." I muttered running out the door.

I found my feet taking me to the kitchen, Max beside me in Jaguar form. Jennifer and Ryan were at the kitchen table, they seemed to be having a heated conversation and I was disappointed to distract them with my entrance. Ryan sat up straighter, puffing his muscles out again and Jennifer just rolled her eyes at him.

"Clary, just the woman I am always thinking of," Ryan said, "I am glad you came in when you did, despite the obvious reasons, because Jen and I were just having a disagreement about demons. Maybe you could help." Ryan wiggled his eye brows suggestively, and it took every ounce of my strength not to go over to him and break his nose.

Jennifer apologized for Ryan again, "We were having a disagreement about what an Eidolon Demon is. Can you tell us what that is?"

I sighed not wanting to talk, "An Eidolon Demon is a shape shifter. They are the ones we always find at Pandemonium, a night club, they like to attract their prey and then kill them."

"I told you, Ryan!" Jennifer announced, "What do you do to kill them?"

I almost smiled, "We do the same thing, attract and kill."

"Wow, they must be pretty stupid to fall for that." Ryan muttered. I glared at him.

"Ryan, you almost get off by Isabelle and I walking into a room think of us in club wear dancing." I replied, trying to get out of this conversation.

"I can only imagine." Ryan smiled dreamily. Max growled beside me and I pat him on the head.

"Good boy," I whispered to Max.

Ryan didn't hear my praise to Max, "Maybe I could see that one day so I wouldn't have to imagine." He raised his brown eye brows.

"How do you live with him?" I asked Jennifer in wonder.

Jennifer shrugged, "How do you live with Jace?" If only she knew, if only Jennifer knew what was happening between Jace and I right now.

I tried to ignore that as I looked at the clock, it was noon; I nodded to myself and started making myself a sandwich. Max followed me around the kitchen, begging for a piece of bread.

"So," Ryan started again, "What do Shadowhunters usually do in the daytime?"

"Sleep, train, study, eat, train." I replied shortly.

"That sounds like someone I know, Clary, would you like to know what Ryan does in the daytime?"

No, I thought, "Beats the heck out of me, I don't know what he does period." Jennifer laughed while Ryan pouted at my words.

"I agree with you, but I was thinking; fantasies about girls, eat, fantasies, eat, and then sleep." Jennifer replied.

I nodded, "That sounds accurate." I jumped up on the counter to eat my sandwich, not wanting to get close to Ryan.

"Hey, what do demons do in the daytime?" Ryan asked curiously.

I sighed annoyed, "I don't know. Why don't you go ask one?"

"Is that a hint?" Ryan asked his face lighting up, "Do we get to start our training?"

I laughed without humor, "Sure, Ryan, good luck finding someone here who actually wants to train you."

"That someone would be me." My heart quickened when I heard the voice of Jace behind me. I kept my head forward.

"Why would you want to train him?" I asked, staring at the ground.

"I think the real question is why I wouldn't?" I heard Jace's footsteps as he stepped closer to me, "This bastard has thrown horrible comments at you," He said louder, "and now I get a chance to repay him."

I looked up and over at Jace, who was now looking at Ryan, Jace was carefully avoiding my gaze.

"You are going to start training him today?" I asked, looking over at the beautiful man that I could be calling my fiancée. Jace didn't look at me to answer he just nodded curtly, I shivered, feeling hated.

"Do you have something better to do with him?" He asked sarcastically.

"I can only wish." Ryan murmured. Then he smiled brightly, "Let's get started!"

"Yes, let's." Jace nodded and just like that Jace was gone out of the door without a single glance at me. Maybe we were broken up. If so, I didn't know how I would live. Jace Lightwood was my life.

"Clary," My name pulled me out of the thick darkness I was in, "Are you alright?" It was Jennifer, staring at me with a worried expression.

I made a movement that was supposed to signal shaking my head and dashed out of the room, back to my room where I cried hopelessly again.

The next night, in my full shadowhunter gear prepared for what the night might hold, I walked out in to the Library, somewhere I thought Jace might not be, and found everyone in there but Jace. Instantly, I was worried.

"What's happening? Where is Jace?" I asked heatedly.

Robert jumped, looking around at me, "Clary, we didn't want to tell you."

"What is happening? Is Jace in trouble?" I asked again.

Robert sighed, not seeing an out, "Jace went out this afternoon. In all his gear. We told him not to fight anything by himself, but now it is already ten o'clock at night and he isn't back. So, Maryse tracked him and we saw him hunting a pack of Moloch Demons."

"Alone? By himself?" I yelled.

"Yes, we think he was looking-" Robert started but I didn't hear the rest.

"Where is he?" I yelled.

"In the woods, a mile out of New York City-"

I cut him off again by running out of the Institute, calling for Max, before I ran into my car and revved the engine, Max in the passenger seat. I sped out of the garage and down the streets, going to the familiar place in the woods. My only hope was that Jace was not hurt.

The car wasn't even stopped when I jumped out, yelling at Max to find Jace, and then followed him into the darkness. We ran for a mile before I saw Jace fighting in the middle of a pack of three Moloch Demons, his only had one seraph blade in his hand and I saw blood running down his hands, face, and all over his clothes. One Moloch Demon shot fire at Jace and he jumped to dodge but another hit him into a tree, almost uprooting it.

"Jace!" I screamed. Pulling out two knives, I threw them into one demons eye and the other into the other demons eye. I realized then that I didn't have any more knives, Max saw my hesitation and jumped on the last demon and tore it to shreds under his Jaguar paws.

I dashed forward and pulled the knives out of the demons, and then they started to fold in on each other and disappear under a minute. I gave a sigh of relief. I pat Max on the head before I remembered Jace and ran over to him.

Jace was on the ground, fighting consciousness.

"Jace!" I yelled, cupping his face in my hands, "Jace! Please, baby, stay awake!" Jace opened his eyes again, setting his golden eyes on me. "Keep them open, Jace! I am going to help you!" He gave one stiff nod.

I pulled my hands away from his face to observe him. His shoulder was burned and also cut badly. He had several cuts and bruises on his face. There were several spots under his black jeans and shirt that were damp with his blood.

"Jace! Just keep your eyes open!" I screamed at him while I pulled my stele out of my boot and started to heal him.

I felt his hand run up my arm and to the back of my neck and I turned to him in surprise. Jace pushed on the back on my neck and pulled me down to him, I gasped in surprise, when he crushed my lips to his in a searing kiss. Both my hands came up to his face, one on his jaw, one in his hair as we kissed for the first time in days.

"Clary," Jace groaned moving his head away from me, "Clary, my shoulder." He groaned in pain again. I darted off him.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I yelled, holding up my hands in surrender, and pulled my stele off the ground and started to heal his shoulder.

"It was worth it." Jace whispered when I was in the middle of drawing the rune. I smiled, blushing pink, before I felt brave and leaned down and kissed his shoulder where the rune was now taking effect to heal him. "Clary, if you are going to do that then…"

"Then what?" I asked pulling up only slightly to look down at him.

Jace just smirked and shook his head, "Nothing." He sat up a little and gasped in pain.

My anger flared, "Jace, what were you thinking going out alone?"

Jace glared at me, "What was I supposed to do, Clary? You said no to my proposal."

I instantly felt bad, looking down at the ground, "I didn't say no."

"You're right, you didn't say anything. That is much better."

I flinched at his tone, "Jace, I was shocked." I whispered lamely.

"Shocked? Do you think I wasn't shocked, do you think I wasn't scared?"

I looked up at him; his golden eyes were blazing with anger and love, "No, I bet you were."

"Clary," Jace whispered, putting his head back on the tree he was crouched against and closed his eyes, "Tell me what is going through your head. I need to know."

"Jace, nothing in my mind is saying no to you." I whispered, wanting to reach out and touch him, but again I was frozen.

Jace opened his eyes and looked back at me, "Then why are you saying no?"

"I'm sixteen."

"That's it?" Jace asked incredulously. "You won't give me an answer because of your age?"

"No, it's not that I am sixteen. It's that we are shadowhunters and sixteen."

"What do you mean?"

"Jace, I can't help but think you only want to get married this young because you don't think we are going to live past our twenties."

"No, Clary. No." Jace whispered sitting up and reaching out for me his hands on my face, "That didn't even cross my mind. I love you, Clarissa Fray. I love you."

"I thought you hated me."

Jace's face filled with hurt, "Hated you? Haven't we been over this?" He rubbed his thumbs over my cheekbones, "Clary, I could never hate you. I could never ever hate you. Even if I tried. Never, Clary."

"Jace Lightwood?"

"What?"

"Yes." I stated simply.

"Yes?" Jace asked, a smile, not a smirk; a real genuine smile appeared on his face.

I moved towards him, kissing him as passionately as I could muster. "Yes."

Jace didn't let me go farther than an inch, "I love you, Clary Fray. I love you. I will spend my whole life loving you. I love you." He brought my lips back to his, mumbling 'I love you' against them like he always does when we are kissing.

"Jace Lightwood," I whispered pulling back to kiss his forehead before looking into his eyes deeply, "You are arrogant, sarcastic, cocky, and rude. But I love you more than words can say."

Jace smiled, "Let's go home, love."

I pulled him to his feet, making sure nothing was hurt and we started walking back to the car. His arms were around my shoulder and grasping my hand tightly, my arms were around his waist and holding the hand that hung over my shoulder. We reached my car and Jace walked me over to the driver's side. He turned me towards him and kissed me softly.

"Wait," I said pulling back.

"What is it, love?" Jace looked at me with a dreamy expression.

"No babies yet, I am not going to be sixteen and pregnant."

"Anything you want." Jace kissed my forehead, I sat down in the driver's seat, and Jace shut my door before returning to his seat beside me. Max was in the backseat, his new black lab tail madly. I grabbed Jace's hand and joined our hands on the middle armrest. He smirked, "Can't keep me away from you I see." Still, he brought my knuckles up to his mouth and kissed them.

I smiled, "And you're back."

"You've missed me." Jace smirked.

"I did." I nodded smiling genuinely.

Jace leant across the armrest, his lips puckered ready to kiss me. I leant back away from him smiling. "What?" Jace asked a smirk growing.

My smile faded, "I am scared to tell you."

"Honey," Jace said his free hand coming up to stroke my hair, "What is it? Tell me."

"I don't want to get married for a few years." I blurted out very quickly.

Jace's eyebrows raised his face unreadable, "Why is that?"

"I am terrified of my mother." I said.

As expected, Jace laughed humorlessly, "Baby, I'll be there with you."

I could tell he wasn't going to let me out of a few years so I pulled out my puppy dog face, "Jace?" I whispered cocking my head to the side.

Jace was already falling from his strong composure, "Yes, Clary?"

"Jace," I said again, grabbing his hand that had fallen on my shoulder, pulling it to my lips and kissing his fingertips, knowing how it drove him crazy, "Can we please just wait a few years to get married?"

"Oh, Clary," Jace was desperately trying to stay strong, "What about a year?"

I thought that over while I kissed his thumb he sighed, "I can start with a year." I nodded, kissing around his palm and the back of his hand.

Jace moved his hand out of mine and moved it to my neck; he started to pull me towards him, "Deal." He whispered right before our lips met again.

"Deal." I murmured pulling away to get air. What Jace didn't know was that a wedding would take at least six months to create, so, I reasoned with myself, a year and six months. I would be seventeen by them, a few months shy of eighteen. Maybe that would work. My thoughts cut off, however, as Jace started to kiss my neck.

"I love you." Jace whispered into my neck.

I kissed along his shoulder, "I love you, too, Jace."

I think I could safely say we were not broken up anymore.

A/N: Thanks for reading!