Chapter 29: Freaky Dreams!
(In the kitchen, Wario, Waluigi, Peach and Daisy were eating grilled cheese sandwiches.)
Peach: How nice of Bowser to make dinner for us.
Wario: Yeah. Since you suck at cooking...
Peach: Pardon?
Wario: I said Waluigi sucks at cooking. Did Bowser tell you about the soup Waluigi made for Mario?
(Waluigi folds his arms and turns his back to everyone.)
Peach: Yeah. That sounds just as bad as the drink Luigi made for Yoshi in Truth or Dare.
Daisy: Speaking of Luigi, I sure hope he doesn't worry about Mario too much. I know sometimes he worries about someone so much, he forgets to take care of himself!
(In the living room, Bowser and Kirby were also eating grilled cheese sandwiches. Bowser had given Mario a bowl of tomato soup, which proved to be quite delicious. Luigi already finished his dinner and was reading a very familiar story to Mario.)
Luigi: Mario says "You guys! We have to find Luigi!". Waluigi says "Find...Luigi?". Wario says "Dude, he drowned. You saw what happened. He was a goner." Mario says "I don't think so. I bet the waves took him to some island. Maybe even the one we were going to.".
(Daisy walked into the living room and tapped Luigi on the shoulder, but he didn't notice.)
Luigi: Mario looks around and saw something in the distance. Mario says "There's one to the south. Let's look for Luigi there. Wario, turn that way.". Wario says "You're not the boss."
Daisy: Um...Luigi?
Luigi: Mario says "Turn that way or I'll turn you into an icecube!". Waluigi says "Speaking of ice, how did you get ice breath?". Mario says "You mean Freeze Blaster? I've known that for about a month-
Bowser: Hey Luigi.
Luigi: What?
Bowser: I think Daisy's trying to get your attention.
Luigi: Oh. Hey Daisy. Sorry about that.
Daisy: Luigi! You're doing it again! You're so worried about Mario that you forgot about everything else...including yourself!
Luigi: Okay okay. I'm paying attention to you now.
Daisy: Just to keep you up to date, it is currently night and I am going to bed. By the way, Mario fell asleep.
(Luigi looked at Mario and saw that the sick sibling had dozed off.)
Luigi: Whoops. Heh heh. Sorry.
Daisy: Don't blame yourself. You're just trying to be a good little brother. There's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, good night, Luigi.
(Daisy gave Luigi a kiss on the cheek, then she headed upstairs.)
Luigi: Good night, Daisy...
(Luigi looked around and sighs.)
Luigi: Kirby.
Kirby: Yeah?
Luigi: Keep Daisy company.
Kirby: What? You mean-
Luigi: Yes. Go sleep with Daisy tonight.
Kirby: But what about Mario?
Luigi: Don't worry. I'll still be here.
Kirby: Oh okay. Good night.
(Kirby bounced up the stairs. The only ones in the living room now were Luigi, Bowser, and the sleeping Mario.)
Bowser: Well, Luigi. What are you going to do now?
Luigi: I'm going to stay awake and make sure Mario will be okay.
Bowser: Okay...WHAT!
Luigi: That's right. You heard me. I'm sitting down right here and I'm gonna make sure nothing happens to Mario.
(Luigi sat down on a chair next to Mario.)
Bowser: Dang Luigi. I think Daisy's right. You do worry too much. Don't you care about your own health and well-being?
(Luigi folds his arms.)
Luigi: I'm fine, Bowser. You just try and get some sleep.
Bowser: Oh. All right. Sorry to bother you. Good night.
(Roughly fifteen minutes later, Luigi sat in the living room...alone. Bowser fell asleep in a corner and Mario was sound asleep in bed. Mario wasn't snoring as loudly as usual. In fact, it was quiet...too quiet.)
Luigi: Believe me, Mario. I'm staying awake for you.
(Half an hour later...)
Luigi: Still awake...I'm still awake...
(And without realizing it, Luigi drifted into a deep sleep and began to have a dream...)
Luigi: Ah crap...not again.
(Luigi was in a dark mansion hallway. He had a flashlight in his hand and a vacuum cleaner on his back. He also had a confused look on his face.)
Luigi: Um...kay. There's lots of doors in this hallway and I currently have no key. What should I do in a case like this? Heh. I might as well try to open all the doors until I find one that isn't locked. The door to the right looks like a good place to start.
(Luigi went to open the door, but as soon as he turned the handle, the door flung open and flattened Luigi!)
Luigi: Ow! Dog...gone it!
(Some ghosts giggle. When Luigi was able to unflatten himself, he shook a fist in the air.)
Luigi: Screw you!
(Luigi began to make his way through the hall, checking all the doors. Soon, he came across a bunch of ghost mice. Luigi busted out the vacuum and started to suck them up.)
Luigi: Diiiiiiiiiie! Wait. They're already dead...DIIIIIIIIIIE!
(After sucking up a few ghost mice, Luigi got to the other side of the hall. He put the vacuum away and whipped out the flashlight.)
Luigi: Hey. I think I'm getting the hang of this. Eh...what was the vacuum called again?
(There was a beeping noise and Luigi pulled out something that looked like a GBC. Luigi pressed a button on it and the image of some crazy doctor guy appeared on the screen.)
E. Gadd (the crazy guy): It's called the Poltergust 3000, you idiot!
Luigi: Be quiet, you old fogey! I don't need you!
(Luigi hurled the Game Boy thingy at a door that was covered with steel thorns and it broke in half.)
Luigi: Good! Now that dumb faggot can't bug me again!
(Luigi tried to open the door closest to him. Luckily, it opened and he went in. Luigi looked around, seemingly puzzled.)
Luigi: Hmm...this must be the bathroom. There doesn't seem to be any ghosts in here though...
(Luigi didn't notice the fact that a white ghost appeared behind him and inched it's way closer and closer to him.)
Luigi: Maybe I have to shake the furniture in here. That shelf looks kinda su-
(Suddenly, the ghost grabbed both of Luigi's arms, leaving quite unprotected, then another ghost got Luigi's neck.)
Luigi: Ack! Nooooooooooo!
(Luigi jolted awake.)
Luigi: AAAAAHHHHH!
(Luigi pulled something off his neck so quickly that he fell out of his chair and landed on the floor. Luigi was stunned for a moment and when he regained his senses, he looked at what he thought was attacking him, realized his mistake, and put a hand over his racing heart.)
Luigi: Oh, lordy. It was just the stethoscope Kirby gave me earl air.
Mario: Yeah...cough...why don't you use it for once...cough cough.
Luigi: Huh? You're awake?
Mario: Cough...the way you scream, Weegie...cough cough...I'm surprised Bowser's still asleep...cough...
Luigi: I'm terribly sorry. I was trying to stay awake and I guess I fell asleep and had a nightmare.
Mario: Why are you staying awake...cough...
Luigi: To make sure you're A-OK. Why else?
Mario: Weegie...cough...you worry about yourself...cough cough...on second thought...cough...since you care about me so much...cough cough...you can put that damn stethoscope to some use...
(Luigi shrugs and sighs.)
Luigi: Nah...I don't wanna worry too much.
(Luigi tosses the stethoscope aside. It hit Bowser in the head, but he didn't seem to notice. Luigi sat down on the chair, folded his arms, and stared at the floor. Mario knew this wasn't the time to argue and he fell asleep.)
Luigi: Atta boy, Mario. Get some sleep.
(Half an hour later...)
Luigi: I'm still awake, bro. I'm still awake.
(And Luigi fell asleep again. When he opened his eyes, he saw he was in a cloudy place with lots of rainbows and stars.)
Luigi: Heeeeeyyyy...cooooool... I like this place.
(A little pink bear with a picture of a rainbow on its white tummy walked up to Luigi and tugged on his sleeve.)
Luigi: What do you want? Eeeeek! Yo-you're...ch...cha...che...
Cheer Bear: Hi! I'm Cheer Bear. Ya know...one of the Care Bears. Welcome to Care-A-Lot!
Luigi: I...um...uh...
CB: What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? You look like you need some cheering up.
(A mint-green lamb walked up to Luigi. She had a picture of a heart-shaped pillow on her tummy.)
CB: Perhaps Gentle Heart Lamb can help.
Gentle Heart Lamb: Is there something to want to talk to us about?
Luigi: Now that I think about it, I really like you Care Bears and Care Bear Cousins. I really do. It's just my friends make fun of me because of it.
GHL: Well isn't that just a bunch of bull shit.
Luigi?
CB: What the hell is wrong with your friends!
Luigi: I don't know!
CB: Screw those dumbasses!
GHL: Yeah! Just fucking leave them!
Luigi: I can't very well leave my brother.
CB: I see...
Luigi: Hey, where's Bedtime Bear? He's the coolest!
GHL: Bedtime Bear, huh? He's over there.
(Gentle Heart Lamb points to the left. There was a napping blue bear with a moon in its tummy.)
Luigi: He looks so...huggable!
(Luigi ran over to the snoozing bear, picked him up and started to hug him and hug him and hug him some more, then suddenly... Luigi woke up and saw that he was hugging Mario, who didn't seem very happy about the idea.)
Mario: Hey Weegie...cough...what are ya doing!
Luigi: Huh? Oh my God!
(Luigi let go.)
Luigi: I'm so sorry, Mario! I don't know what came over me!
Mario: Cough...that's okay. I know you're...cough cough...worried about me. I don't mind being hugged...cough. But next time, don't squeeze so hard, okay? Cough...
Luigi: Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Now close your eyes and get some sleep. Good night.
(Half an hour later, Mario fell asleep.)
Luigi: I am NOT making the same mistake three times!
(Luigi got his CD player and SM64 CD.)
Luigi: I'll listen to this entire thing if that's what it takes to keep me awake!
(And it seemed to work...for awhile. While listening to Piranha's Lullaby, Luigi accidentally hit the repeat button so the same hypnotic song played over and over. Luigi, of coarse, fell asleep once again. Little did he know that he'll have an enjoyable dream this time. When Luigi opened his eyes, he saw he was in a town that looked like a mini Las Vegas.)
Luigi: Oooookay...where am I now?
(Luigi looked around and saw a huge neon sign that said GREEDVILLE.)
Luigi: This ought to be interesting!
(Luigi walked to the center of town and saw a big statue of Wario. There was a button on the base. Luigi pressed it and it started to sing.)
statue: Waaaaar-eeeeeeeee-ooooooooooh! Wario Wario Wario! Waaariiiooooo! Cough...hack...wheeze...
Luigi: What the?
(Then, Wario himself showed up.)
Wario: Wellllllcome toooo my town! Elegant...lovely...ain't it? C'mon! Time's a wastin'! Blah blah blah...
Luigi: Hmm...
(Luigi pokes Wario's belly.)
Wario: What do I look like! Some kind of button!
Luigi: Hee hee hee...
(Poke!)
Wario: What do I look like! Some kind of button!
Luigi: Hee hee hee...
(Poke!)
Wario: What do I look like! Some kind of button!
Luigi: Hee hee hee...
(Repeat about 20 more times...)
Wario: STOP DOING THAT ALREADY!
Luigi: Okay. Let's see what this town has to offer.
(Luigi saw a purple building with a sign that said WARIO MART.)
Luigi: I wonder what kind of junk is in there...
(Luigi went inside the Wario Mart, then Wario ran in and whipped out a microphone.)
Wario: Is this thing on? Oh! Heh heh. Attention Wario Mart shoppers! Everything we have is top quality merchandise! The best! Yooooou can trust meeeee!
Luigi: No. I don't trust you!
Wario: Shut up and look around!
Luigi: This stuff doesn't look like "top quality merchandise" to me...
Wario: What does this look like! Mario's Mini Mart! Hurry up! By the way, you're gonna need Wario Bucks if you wanna buy anything.
Luigi: I never said I was buy any of this junk.
Wario: Oy...window shoppers...BAH!
Luigi: Ah, shut up!
(Wario points a finger at Luigi.)
Wario: You...are trying...my patience...
Luigi: Shut your cakehole before I kick ya squah' in th' nuts!
Wario: I've got other b-
(Punt!)
Wario: Oooooh...cleanup in aisle 3...uggghhhhh...
(Wario fell to the ground and covered his nads. Luigi laughed to himself and went outside. He looked around and went next door to Wario's Arcade.)
Luigi: Let's see what kind of entertainment I can find in here.
(Luigi went inside Wario's Arcade, but before he could look at the games, Wario ran in.)
Wario: Step right up! Sure, you're old enough, but are you booooold enough to enter Wario's amazing arcade!
Luigi: What a stupid question! Of coarse I'm bold enough!
Wario: Just pick a game, you turd!
(Luigi looked at the three available games. There was Dunk Tank, which looked with the well known hit-the-target-with-a-ball-to-drop-someone-in- the-water type of game. Second, there was Crazy Caps, which has three of Wario's hats and a coin. Lastly, there was Grab Bag, which was the classic crane game.)
Luigi: I'll start with a game of Crazy Caps.
Wario: Excellent choice, dude! Step right this way!
(Wario went behind the counter for Crazy Cap and showed Luigi the coin.)
Wario: All right. I'm sure you can figure this out. I put the coin under one of the hats and I shuffle them around. All you have to do is guess which hat the coin is under.
Luigi: Okie dokie.
(Wario put the coin under a hat and started to shuffle them around.)
Wario: I'm-a so cool! Heeeeey! Okay. Pick a hat.
Luigi: The one in the middle if you don't mind.
(Wario lifted the hat and...lo and behold! There's the coin!
Wario: C'mon! Double or nothing! That's my only offer!
Luigi: Okay.
(Wario put the coin under a different hat and shuffled them around.)
Wario: I'm-a so cool. Heeeeey! All right. Take your pick.
Luigi: That one.
(Wario lifted the hat Luigi pointed at...and there's the coin again!)
Wario: C'mon! Double or nothing! That's my only offer!
(A few minutes later...)
Luigi: I just won ten times in a row! I want my 512 coins!
Wario: C'mon! Double or nothing! That's my only offer!
(Wario did the same old thing again.)
Wario: I'm-a so cool. Heeeeey. Okay now. Pick the one you want.
Luigi: The one to your right.
(Wario lifted the hat...but there's no coin! Wario lifted the hat in the middle and the coin was there.)
Wario: Ha ha! I didn't think you were as smart as me!
Luigi: Drat!
Wario: Thank you for playing! Here's 10 Wario Bucks! Aren't I generous? (quickly) Now go buy something from my store!
(Wario holds out a dollar bill with his face on it. Luigi takes it and shrugs.)
Luigi: Now I'll play Dunk Tank.
Wario: No problem, bub!
(Wario went behind the counter for Dunk Tank and got on a platform above a tank of water.)
Wario: Your goal is to use that slingshot thingy to hit the target with balls. Simple!
Luigi: Fair enough...
(Luigi shoots, but misses.)
Wario: Your aim's not so good! Heh heh HEH heh heh!
(Luigi takes another shot and missed.)
Wario: You're no Randy Johnson!
Luigi: Who in the world is Randy Johnson?
Wario: I dunno. I just thought that sounded cool.
(Luigi makes another unsuccessful shot.)
Wario: You missed me! You missed me! Please do not kiss me! Heh heh heh...
Luigi: I'm gonna...wait a sec. Did you say do NOT kiss you?
Wario: That's what I said all right!
Luigi: Well, maybe you're not as stupid as I thought...
(Twenty missed shots later...)
Wario: Your aim's not so good! Heh heh HEH heh heh!
Luigi: Shut UP!
Wario: You missed me! You mi-
(Ping! Luigi hit the target dead center. The platform Wario was on fell out from under him and he fell in the water. Wario climbed out, gave Luigi a dirty look, then handed him another bill.)
Wario: Well, here's 10 Wario Bucks for being lucky...
(Luigi took the money.)
Wario: Now how about Grab Bag, huh? I can't bug you there!
Luigi: Okay!
(The two go over to the crane game-like Grab Bag.)
Wario: This is so easy, even a complete retard like Peach can figure it out. You simply use the arrow keys to move the crane and the red button to drop it.
Luigi: Heh. Okay.
(Luigi hit a few buttons and positioned the crane over a very fine looking prize, a diamond, and hit the red button.)
Luigi: Yeah! I just got a di- Ack! It fell!
Wario: Oooooh...whoops! Too bad!
Luigi: Ah crap.
Wario: Hoo boy...you didn't get anything! I'll give you one more try...
Luigi: All right then.
(This time, Luigi tries to grab a little ghost thingy with a key for a nose. However, he missed and got a smelly old sock instead.)
Wario: Oooo...oh so nice! What a great prize! I bet Maaaaaarioooo would really like it too!
(Luigi looked at the prize he got and burst out laughing. His laughter quickly ended when he felt a heavy hand slap his left cheek. Luigi opened his eyes and saw Mario glaring at him.)
Mario: Cough cough...it's okay that you stay awake tonight...cough...but keep laughing like that and you'll wake up everyone in the house! Cough cough...
Luigi: ...Did you just hit me?
Mario: Cough...yeah.
Luigi: For being sick, you sure do hit pretty hard.
(Mario was quiet for a minute.)
Mario: Just remember what I said. Cough...
Luigi: In fact, you know what? Screw it. I'm not gonna try to stay awake anymore. I think it's giving me nightmares.
(Before Mario could say a word, Luigi snuggled up with him and fell asleep...)