Chapter Eighteen

Jasper

The day I saddled one of the horses to ride into town I heard my cell phone. The first message I'd received on it in months. Carlisle and Esme had tried to contact me but I ignored their messages, Rose's too, at Alice's insistence. Mind. I didn't feel like talking anyway, it would mean explanations and I wasn't ready for those just yet. I pulled it out and smiled at Alice's message,

"Don't do it."

Just three words but I turned back and leaving my horse at the rail sat on a bale of hay and replied to her message,

"How much longer Alice?"

I wasn't sure if she would answer me, she rarely did, but I waited and got a reply. Not the one I wanted but a reply never the less.

"Time passes and it gets closer."

It sounded like a proverb from a fortune cookie but it was all I was going to get so I put my phone away and after a short ride across the meadows I sat down on the porch steps watching the horizon. The clouds were building and I expected a storm soon so I pulled myself upright and checked the horses were securely stabled and the doors shut tight against the coming wind then sat down once more and watched as the clouds darkened and bulked up, towering above Houston like a horror film special effect. The temperature dropped suddenly and the wind whipped across the meadow slamming into anything in its path like a steam train.

The shutters on the house started to rattle as the rain came down in torrents, building into rivers of muddy water which flowed across the yard. Anything not nailed down was picked up by the strengthening wind and thrown around like a child with a temper tantrum and twice I was struck by flying timbers from the pile of unused wood stacked at the corner of the barn. I sat out the storm only moving as it blew itself out some hours later when I went into the stables and checked on the horses. They were skittish but unharmed so I went back outside to check the damage. The stables and barn were fine but the house had fared worse. Here were shingles missing from the porch roof and two shutters had come unlatched so glass and water lay on the wooden floor inside. I should have cleared up but I didn't have the will power. Instead I saddled one of the horses and rode out to the river not knowing why then sat on the bank, my arms curled around my chest. I felt weary and the pain was making it difficult to think and even worse, act. I took out my phone and called Alice but it went to voice mail,

"Alice I can't do this any longer. I'm going after Bella."

I hadn't even slipped it back in my pocket when it rang,

"Jazz, you stay where you are. It won't be much longer I promise. I know its hard for you but please."

"Alice its too hard. I don't understand why I have to stay here. Why I can't go and find her?"

"Do you want to be responsible for her death Jazz? The Volturi are snooping around, do you want to lead them to a human who is changing the way Bella is? You know what it will mean don't you?. You could draw attention to Bella. Is that really what you want?"

"Of course not but why are they here?"

"I'm not sure but I think it's a fishing expedition this time. I'm afraid they suspect the Cullens might be involved in something and if you appear they'll be looking at your actions too. You need to stay low."

"OK Alice, you win"

"Sorry Jazz, just hold on. Bye."

She was gone and I had even more reason to stay put but more reason to worry, if the Volturi were watching the Cullens it would only tale a slip by Edward or one of the others to send them sniffing around Bella and I would never see her again in all likelihood. I was pretty sure Aro's first instinct would be to kill her, he wouldn't want a slowly changing newborn around, not in the human world and she had no special gift that would interest him except for shielding her thoughts from Edward but that was hardly a must have gift even if he learned of it. No, in the hands of the Volturi Bella was a dead woman.

This thought made the band around my chest crush my ribs even harder and breathing was now a luxury I couldn't afford. It meant I couldn't smell anyone coming but then after all this time who would turn up at the ranch? The neighbours had been put off quickly when they found me very unfriendly. I went into town once and arranged for a standing delivery of food and hay for the horses and since then I hadn't left the ranch. The delivery guy left my supplies inside the ranch gates and I picked it up after dark carrying everything back on foot. The food went into a pit I dug and the hay, well the horses lived well but then they worked hard too as I rode miles every day just to pass the time. The farrier also visited from time to time to re shoe the horses but he was almost as taciturn as me so we got on well.

Thinking about that he was due to visit again in a couple of days so I'd better get the shingles and shutters fixed. Thinking about it was exhausting enough but I dragged myself to the barn and grabbed tools and wood before taking them back to the porch and setting to work. Lifting the old shutters down hurt and swinging a hammer was agony but I persevered and got the job done finding the energy to take the tools back but collapsing in the barn dragging myself to the straw bales to lean against. I didn't think Alice had any idea how bad I was. Finding my mate only to lose her for so long and knowing the Volturi were out there putting her in even more danger was quite literally killing me. The pain was so bad I was doubled up, unable to even clean out the stables that day. I stayed in the barn all night and only forced myself to my feet the next morning to feed and water the horses, after all they shouldn't suffer just because I was.

When the farrier drove up the following day he looked at me closely,

"Mr Whitlock you look like shit, you sure you're OK? I can get the Doc if you want."

I shook my head and mumbled something about flu before disappearing into the house shutting the door and sliding down the wall to sit behind it. He called out when he left and I managed a reply but the pain was now impairing my ability to talk and move. Surely it shouldn't be this bad, or maybe it was and that's why a mate often killed themselves after losing their partner. I could understand why, if there were no hope of getting better, only worse, death would seem preferable.