A/N: Christ, the last chapters have been way too short. I'll try to work each chapter through a bit more
from now.
Chapter 10: Hubris
It felt like flying.
Crashing through the world that I was master of. It wasn't hard to catch my own reflection in the lakes I sprinted by in my adrenaline-fueled insanity on the way to the city. Seattle. The real world.
I'd expected more of myself than the skinny, pale girl in unassuming clothing until I saw the look on my face. There wasn't really any word to describe the emotion in my eyes, at least not one I knew. A lust for power, happiness, relief - none of them really fit me. The yellow glare of my eyes and my predatory smile contrasted with the girly face I saw in the lake, in such a sick way I had to laugh. The ringing bell sound had vanished from my laugh, leaving only something infinitely more human, but chilling in its own way. A girl's laugh, tinged by the possession of power far beyond what she should even know of.
I could have spent hours observing myself, my every single incongruity and surreal detail. But I had no time. Every single moment could have been wasted by the time I reached Seattle.
As the steel-grey silhouette of the city grew closer, I slowed down and tried to get a hold on my mind. I had to seem normal. The thought of a potential reaction hadn't reached me until now.
What would people do if they knew one of the actual living dead was among them?
Would they hesitate with the stakes and shotguns just because the abomination had the body and voice of a beautiful girl, her lips spread in a serene smile even as her face was covered in blood? Blood. I hadn't thought of it until now. I froze halfway through a step.
Would I have to risk other people's lives just to survive? Maybe I shouldn't go. Maybe I could feed off animals the way I'd done in the past? Even as the thought went through my head, I realized the impossibility of the idea. Just the thought of blood had always tempted me, even with the bland taste of animal blood. I'd often tried to keep my hunger for the blood of animals so I'd never have to feed off a human, but now, the hunger had narrowed down.
Even the idea of animal blood, bland and flavorless except for the sickly tinge of salt and the warm, living feeling that reminded me of the life I'd stolen, created a dull, acidic ache of disgust in the back of my throat. I'd have to throw away a bit of my compassion for people I didn't know and wouldn't ever see again. The perfect feeling of happiness and fulfillment that had nested in my mind for a while had become marred by regret and a sense of helplessness.
But giving up now would just make everything worthless. If I let such feelings control me, I'd have let Aro's curse get to me. My hate against Aro, the filthy, conspiring monster that had landed me and my new family in this, let me amass the willpower to go forward again.
I wouldn't let that worm succeed. The hateful thoughts in my mind made me hesitate, but still, I put my foot to the ground again and kept walking.
Coming into Seattle felt just as relieving as I'd imagined. It was a living place, even at night.
As I walked through the grey early-autumn streets, keeping my hands in my pockets and looking downwards to hide my eyes, the few glances I managed to cast at the buildings told me that most of the buildings still pulsed with life during the night. Even though some places radiated body heat and loud music, some places
betrayed the calm the city seemed to try to hide. A few friends in a cramped studio apartment sharing a six-pack of beer, a young man and his girlfriend intertwined in a hotel room, leaning against the wall - all these dreamlike snapshots slowly made me smile again.
This place at night was exactly how I'd expected it. Even though the city was cold and grey, composed of concrete apartments, gaudily decorated storefronts and huge, soulless houses with windows that allowed every passersby to watch the family's daily charade of perfect prosperity, looking beyond the buildings showed something I'd never seen before.
People in a desolate city, making the best out of their lives in the warm corners they managed to carve out for themselves, even though the darkness was bound to get into their world someday.
As I checked into a cheap hotel for the day, smiling in a way that made the clerk feel smugly satisfied, I began to feel something akin to jealousy for the masses.