74th Hunger Games: Day Nine

The hole in Katniss's back bled like a stinking river. Rolling that dead Career off her, I fumbled for bandages in his pack. Tried to bind them round her, but they just got soaked in red, along with both my hands. I tied another dressing over it, and another.

"Stop it, Rue." Katniss grasped my wrist, "No good." There was blood on her lips, as she slumped to the ground. I seized her hand in mine, eyes wild.

"No, Katniss! What do I do? Don't leave me alone."

"Just stay with me…like this." A weak grin, "I got the supplies."

"I heard." I squeezed with bloody hands, sobs breaking my face apart. "I'm so sorry, Katniss..."

"Don't. Prim…no, Rue. You have to win. Stay hidden–"

"I can't! What about that boy you like? He's hurt. I'll find him, protect him, for you–"

"No. Only one winner, Rue. Look after yourself. Peeta…oh Peeta."

"Katniss don't cry! You're strong, you don't cry!"

"Yeah. Had to be strong, for Prim. Even for mother. Hunting, haggling, raging at everyone…I did whatever I could do. Can't do it now." Tears ran down Katniss' whitening face, "Oh, Prim, what'll you do? Peeta…Rue, I'm sorry…"

"Shh. They're safe, Katniss. And you'll be…"

I stopped, swallowed miserably. Then I looked in her dark eyes and began to sing. It was an old lullaby Mama would sing to us when we all went hungry to bed.

"Hush little baby, do not cry,

You know your Mama was born to die.

All my trials, Lord, soon be over.

All my trials, Lord, soon be over…"

"Lord…?" Katniss murmured. I gripped her hand, and sang through the tears.

"The river of Jordan is muddy and cold,

Well, it chills the body, but not the soul.

All my trials, Lord, soon be over…

The river of Jordan is raging and wide,

But I'll see you again on the other side.

All my trials, Lord, soon be over…

Too late, my dear sister.

Too late, but…never mind.

All my trials, Lord, soon be over.

All my trials, Lord, soon be over…"

The tears stopped as she died, and a little smile broke through. Her trials on earth were over forever–but I know she didn't care one bit about her own troubles. Just about the ones she left behind. Whether I lived or I died, my trials wouldn't last so long. She smiled for that; it was the only comfort I had in the world.

Trees loomed round me like towers of shadow, impossible to climb, as I squeezed her hand again. I had to get up, protect Peeta, stay alive, Katniss had told me to, died so I could live–but I couldn't do it. She'd been my hope through all the loneliness of the Games, my sister and more than a friend. I was too tired to move from her side, too scared to face any more horrors alone. I was going to stay alone by Katniss' body, until she came back to me or I went where she was.

The Past. Reaping Day.

Near to everyone in District 11 was pouring into the square in their Sunday best. I was old enough for Pa not to hold my hand all the way, in my opinion. But he just wouldn't let go. He was wearing his old dark suit that had got too small. Mama had her best autumn red dress; her dark face was worn raw, but she still looked tough. Among all the parent leading their children to the Reaping, a fair number were white and dark-skinned, like mine. Holly was wearing my old yellow dress; I had a lovely white dress with red print carnations.

"Sis, if you do get picked, what happens–?"

"Shush, Pet. I won't." Two names in hundreds of thousands (I'd got just one single Tesserae, for the new baby). Not point in worrying, whatever happened.

"Jim, spit." My brother duly spat on a hankie for Mama to scrub his face, "How do you get dirty so quick? What would everybody have thought?"

"Good morning, Mister and Missus Turner. And good morning to you, little Rue."

"Morning, Rue Turner! Nice dress you've got there."

I smiled back at all the folk passing by and greeting us. Since I would signal quitting time from the highest apple tree, with amy little whistle my Mockingjay friends carried all over the fields, I guess folk were often pleased to see me. Or maybe just giving a real happy smile whenever you can does a lot for everyone's spirits. Though it's really a little enough thing.

"Hey, Rue!" My best friend Jess nervously hugged me. Pa finally let go of me, as I hugged him goodbye. Then we went to line up, got our fingers pricked, and milled through the crowd of girls in faded dresses to the standing area.

"Well…this is a bit exciting." My friend Ginny; blonde and not real bright, "If you win the games, there's a huge prize. I don't know...but if I did volunteer, and, and win, we could get better medicine for Grandpa. Fix the leaks in our roof..."

"And if you asked out Gus Adams, he'd surely say yes," I whispered; she squealed in delight, "Of course, no one would be pleased if you volunteered to get killed." Ginny buttoned up, suitably chastised.

"Maybe I'll volunteer this year." It was Wilma, an older girl stood aside from us, "Arena can't be worse than here."

Wilma's right eye was grey, the brow above squashed in. Her father had done that; he was a no-good drunk who got drunk enough one day to boast about being a rat for them–a spy who turns in thieves and slack workers. Just after that, Wilma's dad got found accidently drowned one morning in a shallow brook. But no one ever spoke to Wilma or her Mama. Rats are the lowest scum in District 11, and their families get treated the same.

I strode over to Wilma, and put my arms round her waist, "Don't talk that way. Your Mama would be sad if you weren't there, and so would I. Don't talk about volunteering." I threw an arm round Jess's shoulders as well, and glanced back at the others, "Come on, girls. If we've got to stand together, let's stand together."

In a cloud of fine dust from the square, all us packed ourselves into the space for twelve year old girls–every year's Reaping heralds a general plague of measles and hair-nits. I caught sight of Billy Joe in his section, and tried to catch his eye, but he was staring straight ahead. I realised I was actually pretty tense.

On the stage before the vast crowd stood Mr Glick from the Capitol. For all that, he was a tubby old man of sixty, with a whitewashed face, and plucked eyebrows. He looked like he hated doing his job, so I thought he couldn't be that bad. Behind him on the wooden stage were Mr Chaff, Mrs Seeder and Mr Bunker, who's nearly eighty; he'd quietly fallen asleep. The Mayor had finished reading the Treaty of Treason. It would be over soon.

"Alright, let's get this over with." Mr Glick scrabbled round the girls' Reaping Ball, squinted at the name. "Rue Turner."

The girls around me fell away so sudden, I could barely keep on my feet. Just stumble out, stare up at that stage.–I was falling and I didn't know how to stop.

"Come on, girl! Get up here." Peacekeepers started coming from all round the square. I dashed up to the stage, and stood shivering in my cotton sunfrock with red print carnations. "Any volunteers?"

Ten thousand folk stood before the stage, staring up at me. I stared back, and not one met my eyes. Jess, Wilma and Ginny almost did, but they broke off in time, gazing off into thin air in agony. The only sound was my baby sister crying.

I kept staring with wide eyes, trying to make them see, I didn't understand. It was two names, I shouldn't have come out, I didn't want to go, there had to be someone...

"Not anyone?" Mr Glick and I might've been alone in the square, "Come, come, no one to take the place of this child? I'm shocked!"

Mr Glick was grinning sourly. I realised then, he didn't hate his job. He hated us, the poor and classless District he'd worked with for fifteen years. He wanted to make my District ashamed, for letting me go without sending another child to her death.

I glared at my friends then, to tell them not to volunteer and give in to his mocking. They were children too, with sweethearts, and families...

I finally looked at my family. The baby was howling. Mama was shushing Pet as she asked again, what did it mean? Pa had his eyes closed, praying to God for someone to volunteer.

"No volunteer. What a shame." Mr Glick sauntered to the boys' names, picked without ceremony, "Thresh Robinson."

A huge boy walked up to the stage, slowly, but heading straight there. Hard, silent eyes, built like an oak tree. Now, the crowd broke into whispers. Maybe this boy could win District 11 a happy year. Maybe God had sent the boy Tribute this year, to make up for the horrible experience they'd had with the girl…

(I could understand them not volunteering. In the Games last year, a sixteen-year old girl from District 11 had gone through something unmentionable that a twelve-year old wasn't in so much danger of)

"That's it then. Odds in your favour etcetera, now shake hands, get inside." Mr Glick had already minced off the stage as Thresh stuck out his paw; he almost blocked out the sun for me. I carefully put my hand in his, took it back quick. The Mayor shook Thresh's hand as well; he wouldn't look at my face.

–0–

Then the Peacekeepers did come for me. I shook like a captured bird as they hustled me into the Justice Building, a wooden room with old chairs and barred windows. It was ten minutes before they let my family pour in.

"Rue, what's going to happen to you?" Pet almost moaned. Holly, who was older, just held me. Jim and Albert stared at me. Mama and Papa weren't crying; they just looked solemn and strong because they had to. like I had to smile for Pet, like I wasn't scared or sad one bit.

"Pet, honey…I'm going away for a while, to the Capitol. You're going to see me on Tee-Vee, with all the Tee-Vee people, and I'll try to come back, soon as I can…"

"No!" Pet threw her skinny arms around Holly and me.

"Sis!" Jim got out, "We don't want you to go."

"I'm sorry, but I've got to. The Capitol…I'm sorry." I tried to print their dear faces on my mind; tried to keep my voice level and strong, "Holly, you help Mama look after the others, until I come back. Jim, you'll have to help her…be strong, ok? All of you be good to Mama and Pa." heads bobbed on a sea of tears."Holly...don't go stealing food like I was always doing, or something bad'll happen to you like this..." I couldn't talk any more, I could barely smile. I hoped Holly could see how sorry I was for stealing, for going against my own folks and giving them grief. But I didn't think she'd keep from stealing food if Pet and the baby needed it. There's just no hope for any of us.

Mama gave us another minute to hold each other. Then she gave the baby to Holly, knelt on the floor in her best red dress and put her hands on my shoulders.. Her worn, dark face looked angry.

"Ma, I'm sorry, I–"

"Rue, stealing or anything, you know we forgive you!" Pa burst out. Mama gave him a quick look, and he fell silent.

"Rue…your father and I did our best to raise you right. We want you to come home to us, very much. But, if the Capitol people tell you that doing anything disgraceful, or plain wrong, will help you survive, don't mind them. Don't trust those godless folk from other Districts, or even that Thresh, I'm sure they'll do anything to save themselves. If someone's going to hurt you, then run and hide as well as you can. Don't try to fight or hurt anyone. Understood?"

"But, what if…they attack me first, or…?"

"You're not listening, girl! If you hide away until everyone else is gone, you could win, and come home safe. But if you forget what's right or wrong, and lose your soul, that's worse than being dead." I must've looked terribly scared, "Oh, Rue. Me and your father will love you, whatever happens."

We hugged quickly, broke away. Pa held my hand, and told me, stay safe; all he could manage. The Peacekeeper on the door rapped out time.

"Pa, I love you, and everybody! Tell Jess, Ginny all my friends, I don't blame them not volunteering. I love them too, they deserve better. Tell them I want to see them one more time–"

"No more visitors!" The guard barked, "Your escort wants to set off early. All of you, get out!"

There was a chaos of wailing, stretching arms and curse-words before three Peacekeepers hauled my family out of the room, slammed and locked the door. Maybe my friends tried to come to me, but none got through. I had a long fifteen minutes curled up on the floor of that cage, before they marched me out and put me on the train.

It was loneliness that was the shock. All the folk who'd shown their care for me every day had been stripped away that second, like losing my own skin. Or if all the pressure of air in that baking little room had drained out into nothing.

That huge boy Thresh would have to kill me to see his family ever again. He'd looked on me with the same closed-up face as everybody in the District when I stood on that stage. All my life, they'd only given me smiles. Now I'd never have a smile from them again. I'd said I'd see my family again, but I'd lied. the longing for them was like barbed wire in my chest, but it wouldn't go away, I'd never see them again before I was dead. I had to go away, and run, hide, die like this alone, without another smile of love again, because there was nothing in the Games but death.

The Present: 74th Hunger Games: Day Nine

I knelt beside Katniss for at least an hour. I'd never see her smile again, but I wouldn't look away from her face, and see the boy that I'd stabbed to death for killing her. She was gone, my family lost, I felt like God Himself was lost, it was so hard for me to pray. No one left I could hope or fight for. No one to help me...

The click made my head flick about, fast as any bird. A little silver container with a parachute had just dropped onto a rock. Distractedly, I reached out and pulled the packet open.

It was bread, warm under my fingers. The type we have at home. I wolfed it down in hunger and it warmed my insides. My family weren't gone, nor was District 11. I'd forgotten they were watching and caring for me, waiting for me to come home–or maybe just keep living, for them. I felt just about alive enough to go on moving.

I shut Katniss's eyes, and found a spring of rosemary to put in her clasped hands. They I knelt and prayed, quiet as I could.

"Dear Lord, thank you I was friends with Katniss. Please help me stay alive now. Please keep Katniss safe in your heaven. Look after her sister and Mama, please. And please protect Peeta, so he can win these Games and go home to them. In Jesus name, Amen"

I gathered all the packs and weapons, and one more little thing, then scurried away. The body pick-up hovercraft roared in behind me with its lights. I knew what I had to do. I had to find Thresh.