The Past. Before the Games
We were on the train. As home started slipping away, I couldn't help pressing my hands up against the window. Then the train began to fly and all the dark faces cotton-fields and shady trees got left behind us and vanished. I hadn't even seen my family, past the camera flashes–I already missed them so much it hurt, but I couldn't despair. I had to stay happy like Pa always said, if it could possibly be done.
My District Partner, Thresh, was still staring out the window at fallow fields. Mr Glick, the Escort, was reading some plastic thing with his legs crossed. The carriage was stuffed with cushions, carved oak and more mirrors than the whole District. But the silence was like all of us were already alone, in a silver dragon's stomach.
"Um, Thresh? Heya. I'm Rue Turner. Um, what do you like…?"
"Thinking. Quiet helps."
His voice was maybe as friendly as rock, but I forced a smile. He didn't even look, and I was ready to sing, scream or do anything, when our Mentors walked into the carriage.
Mr Chaff went straight for the drinks bar, while Mrs Seeder went to us. She was near-sixty, with light, olive-colour skin. She was smiling so nice I forgot to be afraid.
"Thresh. Rue. You 'll maybe feel better once you've ate. Yes, all that food is for you." There was a table between us covered in meat, fruit and strange squishy things but I just stared and fidgeted, afraid of the price any gift of the Capitol would surely have "You'll need to eat sometime, girl. Thresh?" My Partner finally looked away from the window.
"Ain't you gonna tell us how to win?" His voice was really so deep and rich with feeling, I almost wished he'd talk more.
"Well. Do you want to win the Hunger Games?" Mrs Seeder smiled again, not so nicely. Thresh nodded, like it was a good question. I was going to say I didn't understand, but then Mr Chaff was looming above me in a cloud of drunken breath.
"Don't trouble the kids with grown-up talk yet, Seeder. Now–ain't you a peach? Quite the sweet little lady, with a couple years. Real shame."
I was real scared. The moonshine back home was only good for killing feeling and thought when they hurt too much. I'd seen what drink did to ordinary folk, and this was a Victor. His one hand moved for my hair, I jerked back–
"Mr Chaff." Thresh stood up, muscles shifting like stones in a sack, "You bothering her."
"Sit down, boy. Have a drink, while you got the chance."
"It a sin to be drunk. Or didn't your Mamma teach you?"
"Alright. Don't have a drink." Chaff grinned, not with his eyes, "You can pray they finish you off quick, and the girl too, instead of putting on a show–"
It was all so fast, but Chaff was ready. He caught Thresh's fist, sunk a knee in his face, and wrapped his arm about Thresh's neck until he groaned.
"Surprised?" He grated in Thresh's ear, "Kid as big as you, bet you never had to even use your fists before. Reckon you'll be dead in the Bloodbath, before they can say 'dumb muscle'…."
"Stop it!" I cried out to Chaff, "We shouldn't fight each other!"
"'Shouldn't fight each other?'" Chaff laughed wildly, "Honey, this is the Hunger Games–"
Then Thresh roared out, surging up like a bronco from Ten. By pure strength he flung Chaff backward against the bar. The Victor's flailing arm knocked bottles to the floor. Then Thresh swung about, ready to beat Chaff to paste, until Mrs Seeder stepped between them.
"That's enough, boy!" I wouldn't have stood in Thresh's path myself, no more than the train's, but he stopped dead like her words were a whip.
"Huh." Chaff was really grinning now, "Reckon we'll get on fine kid."
"I'll take the cleaning bill from your stipend as usual, Chaff." Mr Glick grated. He hadn't even looked up at the fight, like it was nothing at all. It'd scared me awful–but it was nothing at all, compared to twenty-four kids fighting until one was left. How would I ever face that?
"I see at least your folks raised you proper," Seeder was telling Thresh.
"My Grandma, Mrs Seeder, but she sure did."
"I'm sorry. However, you ain't winning the Games if you ain't ready to strike a woman. There'll be fine blonde ladies from One. Killers that look like snivelling waifs. Little girls, sobbing how they don't want to die. You gotta be ready to kill them all, if you want to win. Every single one."
I burst into tears. I wanted Mama to hold me, tell me to be strong. But there was just Mrs Seeder, standing and watching me, not smiling.
"There'll be girls like this one," She whispered to Thresh, "Don't look away."
Thresh stared at me. Her stared back at Seeder, and very nearly struck her right then, only Chaff grabbed his arm.
"Cool it, kid," He hissed, "Seems you ain't such a Momma's boy, huh? Seems like you got some fight."
Thresh looked so bewildered and miserable then, I stopped crying. I walked over and stood between him and Seeder, glaring up at her cold, dark eyes. She smiled.
"Looks like both of them got some fight, Chaff."
"This is a test, ain't it?" all my fear was turning to fury, "You're both of you bullying us, seeing if we'll fight back. Seeing if trying to save our lives is even worth your bother. Well, you leave Thresh alone. We're going to survive these games, for District Eleven, and to show you we can. Because you ain't even Elevens no more, are you? You're Capitol folk."
Mr Glick gave a low whistle. I though Seeder would slap me, but she smiled instead, and knelt down. She put her hands on my shoulders.
"Chaff and me are Elevens, Rue, but we survived the Hunger Games. Not many Elevens have done that. In forty years I've seen Tributes that were strong, fast smart. But most of them were dead before they stepped off the platforms, because they didn't believe they could win. Sweating their lives out in the fields every day, getting beaten down and lashed, none of them learn anything but to suffer and lose, and bear it. They didn't none of them have the killer instinct."
"Reckon I could kill, I had to." Thresh muttered, glaring at Chaff.
"Ain't good enough. You can't just kill a few kids and die, you have to ready to kill all of them. You'll have to kill, betray and lie and throw out every hope of heaven, if you want to win the Hunger Games. You have to choose that, and do whatever it takes. If you don't want that–" Suddenly, her old, nice smile was back, "–then that's fine. We'll sit down and eat, and make your last week alive the best we can."
"Eat and drink, for tomorrow we die." Chaff offered. Tribute and Victor, it was obviously his only scripture.
"I'm not going to do anything bad, Mrs Seeder." I held my voice level, "But I'm going to survive."
"Can't survive unless you win, girl."
"That's my choice, Mrs Seeder. I'm going to survive. I'm going to do whatever it takes." I understood what Mama had told me now. For her sake, and everyone's, I had to do my best to get back alive. But for their sake and mine, and the Lord's, I had to keep hold of myself and do what was right.
Chaff just stared at me. Looking back, I think Thresh suddenly looked relaxed, like he'd decided what he'd do as well. Seeder smiled wryly.
"Okay. Let's eat, before we talk about how you'll survive. Sorry about all that, Rue."
"Don't bully next year's Tributes then." I wasn't forgiving that easy.
I ate so much I felt sick all that day, and wrapped up quite a lot in napkins for dinner. I noticed Seeder hardly ate anything. Thresh didn't have much appetite either. As we headed to our rooms, he told me he was sorry he'd lost it so bad.
"Never knew I could get so mad before. You shouldn't've had to see such things. I'm sorry."
I said it was fine. But really, I was scared to share a train with him, let alone the Arena.
–0–
I spent most of the Tribute parade up on my tiptoes with both eyes bugged out. I'd have felt funny waving or smiling at folks who'd come to see me die, though some of the Careers were doing that. But I couldn't help staring about with my mouth a little open.
I'd never seen colours anywhere like the ones that filled the stands, or such fine horses as pulled us down the street. I'd barely seen such a crowd of people except on Reaping Day, and never such a crowd that was grinning and whooping like mad folk. I'd never seen such buildings either, like glass mountains covered in fancy stonework or suchlike. Even the dress I got to wear after all the trouble of the Remake Centre felt smooth like silk. And it was a lovely blue like the sky, though I could barely see the Capitol's skies behind all the giant buildings.
The place smelt a bit like a factory exhaust as well, and there wasn't a tree or open space I could see, anywhere. Not a single flower. It was strange how the Capitol folk had money enough for anything, but didn't trouble to have anything living or lovely. More than that, the Capitol didn't have my family there. Nothing's so good in the world as being near to somebody you love.
More than anything in the Capitol, I wanted to see Katniss Everdeen. I'd watched the Twelve Reaping, where she'd volunteered for her little sister, started thinking she could maybe be a good person. But that was the first time I saw her for real. Stood straight up in her chariot, still and ready like a hawk. Then the blonde boy from Twelve took her hand, just like her boyfriend–his eyes looked so tender, I thought if he wasn't her boyfriend I'd eat a cottonbale. I was still staring at them both when the flames burst out their clothes, and I would've fallen off the chariot if Thresh hadn't caught me.
"Whoa! Um, thanks!"
He mumbled that it was nothing, as I realised how fast my heart was going, and what a big smile I had. Maybe Chaff had been a bit right, though my Pa had said it better. While I was still alive I'd keep on being happy, and drinking in every joyous or beautiful thing the Lord sent.