Pandemonium: Chapter 17
I assume we all know the disclaimer (and its various forms) by this point. But incase you for some reason don't, again most stuff belongs to CC; some stuff belongs to other people (like Oscar Wilde from the last chapter); other stuff is entirely my own (it is an AU after all).

It was cold. The cell was dark and it was cold. It smelled of fish.

From deep within (was it the recesses of his mind or somewhere outside, he couldn't tell) there was a laugh. Not the light chortle or snigger of someone enjoying a terrible joke; not the full throated laugh of someone thoroughly happy with an event; it was more like a dark scoff accompanied by a thick aspiration, the laugh of someone thoroughly satisfied with the current case of schadenfreude.

It sounded like Valentine Morgenstern's laugh.

Although he couldn't see him he knew he was there. Somewhere in the cell, somewhere in the dark those beady eyes were looking back at him, staring at him, goading him, reminding him of the truth.

From somewhere closer this time, the laugh returned.

The cold had returned, and whipped around him, sending shivers down his spine. The wind was whispering things; it was whispering the names of those who were dead, and each name was blamed upon him. He was the bringer of death, the bringer of the darkness, and the bringer of the cold. Unworthy to rule; unworthy to live.

He wanted to scream but he couldn't. His voice was lost to the cold and the dark.

The wind began to howl and the darkness pressed colder. Valentine's laugh got louder and louder and louder.

Out of nowhere something struck him. He began to feel something warm trickling from his skull. He was lying on the cold hard ground. His eyes began to close.

Alec screamed.

"It was just a nightmare," he told himself.

His room was dark and cold, outside a tempest raged on, the wind screamed through his open window as sheets of rain attacked the ground. The world was violent; it was a sure sign of someone, or something's displeasure. The doubts in his mind, the doubts that had started from the very first kiss had returned.

"How," he asked himself, "could something be so wrong, yet so right?"

No answer came to mind.

The trappings of his fate, the horrors of his mind, and the anger of his soul returned to him in that instance. He was reminded of his duty; he was reminded that his position was tenuous, but more importantly was entirely of duties. His life was not his own to live. His life had, and would forever be, dedicated to service. He had to serve; he had to honor his family, the Lightwood name; he had to serve Idris and her people, for it was by their grace he was in this room; he had to serve the world, to make the inevitability of progress work for humanity, not against it. These were his duties, and not a single one of them mentioned love, or personal satisfaction. His life was not his own, and he knew that.

Yet, somewhere in his mind a face appeared. The face of Magnus Bane. A face that told him of life worth living; a face reminding him of dreams from time gone by. Such was a life, lived in love and happiness; lived long and prosperously; lived with Magnus Bane.

The predicament overwhelmed him. How could he make a choice between such opposites? Was there no middle path? And why, most importantly, could he not make the choice? That, in his mind, was his true failure: the inability to choose. Living two separate and opposite lives was not living at all. It was dividing the self and dividing the soul into two. It was untenable, yet the only reconciliation that he could receive. He would have to choose. He would have to decide. This weakness could not go on for much longer.

The tempest of the world outside started to slow; the wind returned to a whisper; the rain daintily fell upon the ground giving it much needed moisture.

The tempest of his mind raged on; the wind, screaming in opposite directions, demanding that he choose; the rain cascaded, flooding his mind with reminders of his weakness and his ineptness.

Alec needed respite. He needed the calming touch that brought the tempest of the mind to heel. He needed Magnus. He needed the one thing he knew he couldn't have; the one thing he mustn't seek out.

Alec dressed quickly and moved to the antechamber, where to his surprise he found Jace sitting there, evidently on guard duty.

"Are you alright?" Jace asked.

Alec barely nodded, and instead slumped over to the couch where he promptly sat down.

"I'll take that as a no then," said Jace, "well what's bothering you? Did Magnus say something, because I can break his neck for you if you want."

Alec was too distracted to answer, and just continued to stare at nothing in particular.

"Do you plan on talking to me or staring at nothing for the entire morning?"

"Huh?" Alec responded, "Oh, sorry I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"You wouldn't really care."

"Try me."

Alec sighed, and then spoke slowly, "I'm having thoughts, about this whole thing with Magnus. I'm starting to think that it's a bad idea. I have duties to my family, to Idris, to the world, and I can't just throw that all away for Magnus, for love. But at the same time, don't I deserve to be happy, because that's what he makes me, happy. The worst thing is that I can't even choose. I'm too weak to just simply decide which one I need to pick. The longer I stay in middle, the longer I waver, the worse it gets, the more dangerous it gets, and just because I'm indecisive and weak."

Jace looked at him pensively for a second. Then took a breath and responded with some surprising alacrity, "I can't decide for you. Nobody can decide for you. I can't even tell you which one is better. The only thing I can do is commiserate with you. You may not realize it, but I'm in a similar situation. I realized last night, despite what Clary said, and I know she means well, that I love her-unconditionally. But I can't just do that. I have my duties, to you and to Idris. Do I just throw it all away for her? She probably doesn't even love me. I'm probably just an infatuation, yet another plaything for her in a long line, but still I feel like I could throw it all away. I can't tell you what to do; nobody can, but I can only offer this much advise: take your time; rushing this decision will only make you regret taking the road not taken for the rest of your life."

Alec stared at Jace for a second. It was surprising to see so much wisdom from someone whose main words involved witticisms and sarcasm. Still it was a very refreshing to hear. The tempest within may not have been tamed, but it was beginning to slow down.

Alec was about to say something when he was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Carstairs, who said he came bearing a note from Magnus. The note read:

My Dearest Alexander,
 The dearth of your touch last night was an alarming cause of sadness for me. I know we cannot see each other today (yet another cause of sadness for me), but I have had an idea. There is a place I'd like to go with you, away from the palace, in the City of Bones. Meet me at yesterday's location promptly at 8:00. Tell Izzy to dress you well, but also to make sure you can move. I await the sight of your beauty in the evening.
Love,
M.B.

Alec delicately folded the note and put it aside. He would keep it for the remainder of the day.

The day hadn't passed quickly enough. The good news was that he and Clary were on basic speaking terms again, though she entirely avoided the fact that she was supposed to by spying on him; instead, they worked on plans for his ascension ball with Izzy. As it, rather unsurprisingly, turned out, Alec was completely useless when it came to planning anything. In Alec's opinion, it would have been easier to not have the ball altogether. Of course that idea was entirely preposterous, so the ball was happening, and it was happening under the direction of Clary and Izzy whose taste-Alec desperately hoped-wasn't too crazy. The fact of the matter really was though, that Alec had spent the majority of the day rereading Magnus' note. Alec had all kinds of questions, especially regarding the secret place in the City of Bones. Even though he was the prince, he couldn't just go out with Magnus like that. If someone saw him, he was doomed. Nonetheless, by 6PM his worries had melted away, and Izzy had come rather promptly to dress him well, but maintain his motility.

Her first order of business, naturally, was to decide that every piece of attire he owned was entirely unworthy of the occasion.

"Do you even know what this is for?" He asked.

Izzy just gave him a sly grin.

Alec begged, "Tell me what this is, please!"

"And ruin the surprise? Never!"

Resigned to a surprise that he didn't want, Alec tried a dozen outfits. The thirteenth outfit as it turned out was "just perfect!" according to Izzy. Alec was surprised to see how formally he was dressed.

He was wearing a well fitted pair of black slacks-they were perhaps a little too well fitted for his taste-a deep blue shirt that brought out his eyes, his black dinner jacket, and a formal white bow tie. His shoes were a brightly polished black, and his hair had been tamed into looking more human than beast, but barely so. Upon seeing him, Izzy cooed, "You're going to knock him off his feet."

Alec blushed at the thought of Magnus off his feet, because that would imply him lying down, and well there were many things to be done whilst lying down.

Realizing that this endeavor of finding the perfect outfit had taken the better part of two hours, Alec rushed down to their secret meeting spot. Naturally, Magnus was late; he always needed to make an entrance.

When Magnus arrived five minutes later, it was Alec who almost fell to the floor. Magnus looked gorgeous; he was dressed amazingly in similar black slacks (though his were just tight enough to give a good view of everything), he had on a dinner jacket and underneath it a tight fitting green shirt that brought out his eyes. He too wore a white bow tie. His hair was spiked in just the perfect way, and his eyes were only lightly outlined to make his eyes shine beautifully in his face. For once though, Magnus had conservatively applied the glitter; with just enough falling on his jacket, he looked like night sky.

As soon as Alec regained his ability to think and move, he rushed over and kissed Magnus passionately. His lips tasted deliciously of strawberries, and were so soft it was almost too much for him to keep on kissing. Alec wanted to take all those clothes off and kiss other places, but Magnus held him back with a gleam in his eyes that said "later."

In that moment, Magnus pulled out two masks, one for him and one for Alec. They would be going to a masquerade.

Alec burned red with embarrassment: he couldn't dance.

Too ashamed to tell Magnus the truth though, Alec followed him to the City of Bones where they promptly went underground and found themselves in a large beautifully decorated room. There was a marble dance floor surrounded by large round tables and small two person tables all around. Waiters flittered around in their white tailcoats bringing drinks to the guests.

Magnus dragged Alec to a little table for just the two of them close to the floor. As the band started to play a surly waltz, Magnus rolled his eyes and ordered a bottle of fine Chardonnay for them, despite Alec's extreme protests. Despite the terrible sounding music, people had started moving towards the dance floor. It was then that Alec noticed why it was hidden in such a sordid place: the couples that danced were same-sex; the women danced with women and the men danced with men.

He also knew now, why they all wore masks; they needed to conceal their identities. Alec was surprised to see their numbers. He couldn't have fathomed that there were more people like him out there.

It was then that Alec was most keenly aware of his inability to dance, and so with all the confidence in him he told Magnus, "I can't dance."

Magnus simply chuckled and said, "Then today, I teach you." With that he quickly disappeared in the direction of the band, where he whispered with the conductor and gesticulated wildly, indicating some sort of argument. When Magnus returned, he had a sly smile on his face, meaning that he won. The surly waltz finally came to an end, and someone stepped up. The band began to play sharp notes accompanied by the guitar.

Magnus forced Alec out of his seat and on to his dance floor. He quickly took hold of him as the gentleman who stood at the front of the band began to sing to the syncopated beats, "When the marimba rhythms starts to play..."

Magnus held Alec tightly as they first began to sway slowly. Then, as the music and the beat made Alec loosen up, he began to sway a little more adventurously, giving more space to allow for some fancy footwork from Magnus. Before he knew it he was matching Magnus step for step, becoming the envy of many a couple on the dance floor. Unfortunately, the song came to an end, and the gentleman was excused by another.

The music softened, while the singer began to melodiously and beautifully sing "...It's going to be so easy for us to fall in love..." Magnus brought Alec in close to him, and slowly they began a slow romantic dance. This, compared to the last dance, was rather nice n' easy. Their movements fell into rhythm again as they moved in sync gently folding into the other's arms. By the time the song came to an end, they were extremely close; so much so that Alec gave a Magnus a light peck on the lips before pulling back a bit and turning red.

A third singer appeared, a man of darker complexion, his voice was velvety as he sang to the soft backdrop of bass and light cymbals that "L is for the way you look at me..."

This time it was Alec who pulled Magnus closer, taking the lead in the slow, but romantic dance. As the dance picked up energy, he began to sway Magnus around, even trying to twirl him a bit. When the song ended on a resounding major chord, Magnus was ensconced in Alec's arms. He quietly whispered in Alec's ear "I L-O-V-E you."

Alec's only response was yet another peck on the lips.

The singer changed yet again, but this time a woman of darker complexion. This time, with thicker orchestration-including some strings-the band began to play a ballad that pulled at Alec's heartstrings. In one of the most languid yet luscious voices Alec had ever heard, the singer began to say "...my love has come along; my lonely days are over..."

Magnus pulled Alec in ever so closely and began to do the sweetest slow dance they had for that entire night. Alec had never felt more comfortable and sure of himself in that moment. At last, he had found a place where he belonged. Sadly, the song ended before he had a chance to truly dance with Magnus, and in that moment they returned to their seats for some food.

The music continued to play, but they just sat there eating the delicious food together, enjoying the other's company. The physical closeness after a day apart was refreshing, but also extremely tantalizing. Eventually-they didn't know when, for they had both lost track of time in that place-they left the City of Bones and made their way to Magnus' place.

They began to kiss passionately at his doorstep, and then quickly moved inside. Once inside, they immediately discarded the masks and began to kiss more passionately. Magnus pushed Alec up against the wall and claimed his mouth as his own with passion and desire. In such close quarters Alec noticed, not for the first time, just how aroused Magnus was. The part that made Alec shiver the most was the pressure of Magnus' arousal on his own, causing him to emit a low moan. Magnus replied with a deep growl as he began to move down towards Alec's neck, slowly undoing the bow tie's knot. Magnus quickly dispensed with their dinner jackets, and unbuttoned the first two buttons of Alec's shirt, taking the time to kiss him slowly all over his lower neck, chest, and his prominent collarbones.

Alec kissed Magnus on the lips and turned him over to the wall. Magnus simply moaned and allowed Alec to claim his mouth, knowing that it was Alec's turn. With much less gentleness and care, Alec ripped open Magnus' shirt and dispensed with it entirely. Then he took the time to kiss every available part of Magnus' body, from the soft inner skin in the hollow of his neck, to the rough patch of hair just below his navel. Magnus shuddered each time Alec lightly kissed any part of his skin. Magnus moaned loudly and breathed heavily, grasping his hands through Alec's hair as Alec gently nibbled various parts of his skin, leaving tiny marks that marked Magnus as his own.

It was too much for Magnus. With a growl, he removed the rest of Alec's shirt, picked him up and gently threw him onto his bed. Magnus climbed on top of Alec and began to kiss him passionately all over his body, nibbling everywhere so that Alec's chest and stomach were ubiquitously marked by human teeth. His mouth moved down to Alec's trousers which, in their tightness, clearly showed his arousal. Magnus looked up at Alec. Green met blue, but the blue were worried. Magnus sighed softly and said, "that isn't the only thing we can do," gesticulating with his hand. Realizing what Magnus was implying, Alec's eyes lit up, and Magnus put on a sly smile.

Magnus moved his lips down to Alec's waist where his trousers were constricting the one thing Magnus wanted most at that moment. Rather deftly with his teeth, Magnus unbuttoned Alec's trousers and pulled them down with his underwear exposing Alec's erect penis. Magnus gasped in all of Alec's phallic glory. From all the outlines he had seen he knew it was large, but this couldn't compare to the beauty of what he saw. Never before had Magnus seen such an elegant body part; engorged with blood and stiff as a spear, it was the embodiment of masculinity. The fact that it was surrounded by tufts of dark hair only made Magnus desire it more.

Suddenly, Magnus felt Alec's hand on his own, slowly guiding it to his penis. There, their hands slowly covered it. To Magnus' surprise it was both hard and soft to the touch. Alec let go gently as Magnus began to move slowly up and down the shaft at first. It wasn't long before Alec began to moan deeply and his breathing became increasingly ragged. Eventually, Magnus moved his hand faster up and down the shaft, eliciting more ragged breathing and moaning from Magnus. Between moans and ragged breaths Alec said, "Magnus, I'm going to- I'm going to-" Magnus hushed him and began to move even more vigorously. Before Alec could say another word, he shouted with pleasure "MAGNUS!" and with that released himself everywhere, spewing semen all over Magnus' now stilled hand.

Alec turned a bright shade of pink, he was so embarrassed that his semen now covered Magnus' hand in its entirety. But to his surprise Magnus lifted his hand to his mouth, and slowly licked every last milliliter off his hand, seemingly enjoying every drop. Alec stared at Magnus with wide eyes; he never imagined that someone would do something like that. Magnus just smiled and said, "I couldn't resist tasting you. By the way, you taste delicious."

It took Alec only a moment to recover and realize that Magnus was still extremely aroused. It would be shamefully unfair for Magnus to remain in such a state, especially for him to remain clothed in such a state, Alec thought, and so he picked himself up and threw Magnus down onto the bed with the intentions of returning the favor.

Alec began by deftly and quickly removing the remainder of Magnus' clothing. He too was astonished by the beauty of Magnus' erect penis. An extremely large and shapely object, it begged to be touched. Alec, unwilling to see anything beg for too long obliged most willingly. He began at first by slowly rubbing the base of the shaft up and down, and listening to Magnus moan. All at once an idea happened upon Alec. Though he was entirely without experience, he decided to kiss the tip, to lick it every so lightly. That resulted in Magnus moaning his name loudly and shuddering with pleasure. Knowing that this was giving Magnus immense pleasure confirmed Alec's thoughts; he began to slowly lick and kiss the tip while still slowly but firmly rubbing the base. Then he opened his mouth ever so slightly and enveloped the tip in his lips and sucked a little. Startled by the immense pleasure of the feeling, Magnus gasped loudly. Seeing Magnus' reaction to that, Alec began to put Magnus' penis deeper in his mouth sucking and licking on the way down. Once he was in a comfortable position, Alec began to bob his head up and down Alec's shaft rather slowly, and then gaining speed. Magnus was moaning loudly, shivering with pleasure, and running his fingers delicately through Alec's hair, sometimes tugging ever so gently. As Alec picked up his pace, Magnus started to moan loudly, he began to exclaim "Al-Ale-Alec-ALEXANDER!" and with a powerful spasm, he expelled all his semen in Alec's mouth.

Alec wholeheartedly swallowed everything, giving Magnus a sly wink as he said, "You don't taste so bad yourself."

With that Magnus grabbed Alec into his arms and wrapped him in the blankets whispering, "You're going nowhere tonight."

Eventually their breaths normalized and their heart rates slowed. Then, with the sound of each other's hearts next to their own, they slowly fell asleep in each other's arms.