Pandemonium: Chapter 18
As I'm sure you're aware at this point, none of this belongs to me. It belongs to CC. Yeah. Duh.

Alec awoke with a start. It was still dark outside and Magnus snored adorably next to him. Then the events of the previous night hit him.

The tempest of the mind blew with the rage of a typhoon. His actions the previous night were more than just out of character; they threatened his very existence. He needed to return immediately, yet at the same time he had no desire to leave the warm ensconce of Magnus' bed, where he felt not only comfortable and relaxed, but also at home. Such conflicting feelings; such different choices. One thing was certain though: he hadn't make his choice any easier. In fact, it was only more difficult now.

Knowing that his absence would be noted if he wasn't in his own bed in the morning, Alec quietly got out of bed and dressed. In order to assuage his guilt for leaving Magnus' bed in such a perfunctory manner, he scribbled a quick note:

Magnus,
Terribly sorry I have to leave before the morning, but my absence would be noted. See you in the afternoon.
With Love,
Alec

The terseness of the note disappointed Alec. He didn't have the same was with words that Magnus had, and he didn't have the time to come up with something worth saying.

By the time he made his way back to his rooms in the palace-thankfully somewhat undetected-it was 4 in the morning; he wouldn't be getting any more sleep. He was surprised, again, to find Jace pacing up and down in the antechamber. The look of anxiety on his face confused Alec yet again.

"Where have you been?" Jace asked with snark.

Too tired to reply in kind Alec quietly muttered, "Out with Magnus."

"Oh and is that why your clothes are completely rumpled, your hair is a disaster, your body covered in that horrid glitter, and your scent strongly that of sandalwood?"

Alec glared at Jace and said, through his teeth, "What Magnus and I do with our time is none of your concern."

"Considering that it's my job to protect you," Jace said with some anger, "it actually is; I need to know if he's hurting you in any way."

Alec turned to him and spat, "Magnus would never hurt me-ever. That's not as much as I can say for your beloved, Clary!"

Jace's face paled as he turned away. Alec had struck just the right place. Jace began to move to the door.

"Wait," Alec said, "I didn't mean it like that; it's just..."

"But that's exactly how you meant it; Clary betrayed you-she betrayed all of us. You don't understand what it's like to be in love with someone who's betrayed everyone you know. I just-"

Alec ran over and embraced Jace, for it was the right thing to do. "Sometimes," he said, "you cannot help who you fall in love with; you must let your heart guide you to what is there. I had no right to insult Clary-or by extension you-in that way. For that I apologize."

Jace simply nodded silently in agreement.

From there the morning was rather uneventful until Alec had a meeting with both Izzy and Clary.

They entered the room with a large stack papers that Alec eyed warily.

"What are those for?" he asked cautiously.

"We need to start planning your Ascension Ball with some more seriousness; it's now two weeks away," replied Clary.

"WHAT!?" shouted Alec, "two weeks? Since when? It was two months away!"

"The old hag changed the date," replied Izzy rather sourly. "If we don't get things done today, it's going to be a disaster."

Alec slammed his hand into his forehead. The Ball required an immense amount of planning, something he didn't think he could do.

"So," Clary said picking up a long list, "we need a theme, a guest list, a menu, decorations, entertainment, outfits, servants, and most importantly, your speech."

"My what?" asked Alec, rather incredulously.

"Your speech, stupid," answered Izzy. "You know, the one the crown prince delivers at his Ascension Ball basically outlining his duties, his royal theory, and all that boring stuff. Haven't you been working on it with Carstairs all this time?"

"No...not really," he softly replied.

"What have you been doing then?" Izzy asked.

"S-s-s-spending time with M-m-magnus." he mumbled.

Izzy rolled here eyes. Then, rather authoritatively, she said, "No more wasting time with Magnus. From now on this ball is your main priority! So, what's your theme!"

Alec sat there and thought pensively for some time. Eventually a light came to his eyes as he said, "The different Cities of Alicante! Each city is separate in its own way, yet they are all connected together in that grand way that makes them one great place. That's my theme."

"Hmph, maybe you're not that stupid after all," Izzy said.

Clary's eyes were wide with excitement. "That's perfect! I can work with that wonderfully. All the decorations and everything will make this amazing."

Izzy rolled here eyes again. "Great, now you need to go see Carstairs and work on that speech of yours. Then you need to go talk to Simon and Magnus-AT THE SAME TIME-so that you can work on a guest list, and don't you dare see Magnus alone till this list is done! After that talk to Jace about security, and then come back to us with some thoughts on the menu, though I think my palate is better suited to deciding food than yours."

Alec almost died of laughter in that moment. "You've got to be kidding me! Your palate? I think I'll talk to the chef myself, and maybe take Clary's opinion."

Izzy simply huffed in anger.

Alec decided that it was best for him to start working on the speech, but before he could leave the room Clary took him aside and said, "When you see Jace, please give him this." It was a letter, tightly folded and sealed with just his first name on it.

"Of course," he said, noticing the red around Clary's eyes and the sad look on her face.

The meeting with Carstairs was long and arduous. Alec hated the idea of giving a speech in front of all of those people, but he had to, and Carstairs was doing a good job helping him.

The meeting with Jace was much more eventful.

At first it had gone on rather simply; they discussed the basic security measures needed for the ball. As he was about to leave, Alec remembered the letter that Clary had given him. He handed it to Jace who immediately opened it; then things became very interesting.

Silently, Jace ripped the letter to shreds and threw it on the floor in rage. He began to angrily pace the room, fuming.

Meekly, Alec asked, "What-what happened?"

"She says we cant be together because she's 'dangerous' and it's not 'fair to me' and a whole other lot of bullshit. You know; I actually thought she loved me! Instead it's just not working out for her so she breaks up with me. I-I-I" Jace begins to break, "I-I-I want to hate her, but I just can't because-because I love her."

Alec was entirely unsure of what to do in that situation; he had never felt the need to empathize in such a way. Carefully, he did the only logical thing he could think about-hugging Jace. During the hug he made a particular point to ignore the fact that their bodies were pressed together in a certain way. Instead he did his best to work on helping heal his friend. Still rather unsure of what to say, Alec simply told him that it would all be alright, and that when he saw Clary later he would discuss the issue at hand with her.

Jace broke off the embrace, but thanked him quietly. He sat there morose looking for quite some time before Alec pointed out, "It might serve you well to take the rest of the evening off. Let your head cool, and I'll let you know what happens after."

Alec left the room and quickly moved on to confront Clary.

He barged into the meeting room in a fulminous rage, almost knocking Simon who was on his way out.

Clary simply looked at him. Her eyes made direct contact with his; what Alec saw though, weren't the cruel eyes of a heartless individual or monster; they were deep orbs, red around the edges, filled with the deepest of sorrows. Far within them was the grief that defined humanity; the grief of a heart torn in two. Alec's thunderous anger disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Somewhere in himself, he understood Clary's decision and choice. It was a choice that he had tried to make, a choice that he still considered making.

They sat. Clary took a deep breath, and began:

"I do not begin to presume the anguish that he is feeling right now, nor do I wish to presume that he understands my action. I simply would like to make something known to him: I am weak. It is this weakness that makes me take this action. It is too dangerous for him to be associated with someone so weak. I do this not for hatred or for ambivalence or even for cruelty, but for love. Love desires that we take the difficult actions in life, and this is one such. Everything will be better if we were not together, that has been made amply clear to me. I beseech you to make this clear to him, to tell him that I do love him, but that there is only so much that love can do when all the forces of the universe conspire against it."

With that, she swiftly got up, covered her face, and ran out of the room to avoid being seen whilst sobbing.

Izzy, who had been sitting there the entire time, looked dumbfounded. She looked at Alec and asked, "Did she and Jace..."

Alec only nodded in affirmation. She quickly got up and ran out of the room in the direction of Clary.

A wave of tiredness came over Alec. His eyelids began to droop considerably and his concentration waned significantly. He carefully trudged up the steps leading to his rooms, and promptly collapsed on his bed. Then the nightmare started:

It was light; not the natural warm light of the sun, but a harsh white light, something so unnatural it burned Alec's eyes. The light was accompanied by that laugh, that horrid deep throaty laugh. Alec shuddered with fear. He dreamed of the light going out. The darkness was much better. He was invisible in the darkness, he could hide from the light, from himself.

Evidently those thoughts were comical to the stranger, the chortling stranger.

The white light intensified, and brought with it an immense heat. A heat so powerful and ferocious that Alec began to perspire profusely. His eyes began to sting from the heat, and his vision slowly dissipated till all he could see was white.

Everything around him was white. His very core began to burn in the power of such a white light, and all around him the same laughter echoed. What schadenfreude possessed this creature is unknown, but the laughter only grew louder as the light grew whiter and more intense. The burning sensation had reached Alec's heart.

He was completely beholden to the light. It showed him as he was and burned him for it. The light encapsulated him in its heat. Alec began to burn brightly. He was ensconced, unable to escape the power. His soul was burning, and voice was laughing. The voice kept on laughing. It never stopped laughing.

I stopped and took a breath. The Professor just stared at me. I was about to ask him something when he said, "Take a break, friend. You do not look well."

He was right. I was sweating as if I were in a sauna. I went to the restroom where I noticed how pallid my skin had become.

I had to finish soon.

My calculations were wrong. It was happening faster than I imagined. I have to get the letter ready. I have to prepare myself. I have to tell him the truth. But I cannot. Not yet. The truth would destroy me, as it destroy's me now. The truth is killing me, but it takes its time. Telling him would kill me now, and end the story here. He must know. They must know the truth.

I sat back down at the table. In front of me was a glass of water; he had taken the liberty of trying to assist me. As if water, the all purifying substance, could ever purify me of my putrid pestilence.

I needed to finish, and I needed to finish soon. I took a large gulp of water, not that it helped, and pointed to the pen. We had to continue.