BEFORE WE BEGIN: I'm sorry about the eye thing, it was waaaaaaaaay late when I wrote it and I wasnlt thinking. THAT IS ALL. Thank you for reading ^_^

Zack bent over Cloud, kissing his forehead, then peeled himself off of him, both wincing as the dried semen was ripped off, taking some skin with it.

"Ouch." Cloud murmured. Zack bent over him, kissing his stomach where the cum had stuck, putting some Cure into the kiss. "Better?"

"Yeah."

Zack looked mischievously up at Cloud. "I know how we can get that off."

"Oh really?"

"Mm-hmm." Zack's eyes flicked to the bathroom. Both grinned.

"Mom... I've got something to tell you."

His mom glanced at him over the shifter of the car. "What's up, baby?"

"Uh... I'm... I'm... Gay." He said the last word very quietly, expecting anger or something. He was caught off-guard by the nonchalance with which she answered.

"Okay."

"... What? Just... Okay? No denials or... Anything? Just... Okay?"

"What, you think I didn't know?" His mother looked offended. "Of course you're gay. I mean, heh, just look at you, with your dirty hair, hardly bathing, trying to appear tough. You were so concerned with fitting in, you didn't realize that no one cared. We all knew. Your teachers, classmates, friends, the PTA, our neighbors... You name it, they knew. We were just waiting for you to do it yourself. We didn't want to scare you."

"Even... Even... My girlfriend?" Cloud asked, shocked.

"Who, Tifa? Of course. She figured it out after you didn't try to fuck her on the second date."

"Mom!"

"What? She's been dating secretly for years now."

"... Wow. I... Really didn't expect that." Cloud was truly shocked, and slightly offended.

His cell phone chose that moment to ring. Cloud took out the cell phone numbly, glanced at the caller ID, almost put it back away, then realized that he did, indeed, know someone named Zack. He freaked out, almost dropping the phone in his excitement as he tried to open it.

"Who's that, your boyfriend?"

Cloud flipped open the phone, glancing at his mom. "Uh, actually, yeah... H-hello?" He asked into the phone.

"Uh, hi, Cloud?"

Cloud swallowed convulsively, trying to calm his nerves. His mother was staring at him, open-mouthed. "Yeah?" He put the phone to his shoulder for a moment. "Stop it! You're making me nervous!" He hissed at his mother. She quickly redirected her gaze to the road.

"It's Zack. I was just wondering... You're gonna be living at the dorms, right?"

"Uh... Yeah."

"Cool... Uh... I can help you... Uh... Move in. If you want," he added hastily.

"Yeah. Sure... Uh, hold on a sec." he put the phone to his shoulder, turning to his mom. "When does the semester start?"

"Monday. Why?"

"When am I moving into the dorms?"

"Friday... Why?"

Cloud waved a hand at his mom, "tell you in a sec," and turned back to the phone. "Uh... I'm moving in Friday. The semester starts Monday," he added.

"Cool... Uh... What's your last name again?"

"S-Strife."

"Strife, Strife... Ah, here it is. Building 3, Floor 2, Dorm B1. Alright. I'll... see you Friday."

"Kay. Bye."

"Bye."

His mother turned to him as he hung up. "Well, that wasn't the most awkward conversation in the history of the telephone."

Cloud looked at her, then began to chuckle, and eventually laughed along with her. "So what's up? What was the call about?" His mom asked once they were finished.

"Uh... He's gonna help me move in." Cloud smiled shyly.

"Very awesome. How'd you meet?"

"Uh... he was a speaker at the tour thing." Cloud blushed a little as he thought of his initial reaction to the sight of Zack's perfect, impeccable body.

"You mean, like, the tour guide?" His mom looked extremely disappointed.

"Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww never never never ee-hee-heeewwwwwwwwwww..."

Cloud's mother looked at him, surprised at the reaction her simple comment had elicited. "Um... So... Who is he?"

Cloud stopped his tirade of disgust and broke into a huge smile at the thought of his mother's reaction to his next statement. "He's a SOLDIER."

As expected, his mother freaked out, letting go of the wheel so the car swerved into oncoming traffic. There were a few moments of sheer horror and panic before she grabbed the wheel again and regained control of the car, cutting back across to the cruising lane of the highway. "Wow, Cloud. That is awesome. That is so cool. I am officially jealous of your looks... And your good luck."

"Uh... Thanks?"

His mother didn't seem to notice the question in his voice. "You know what? We're taking you shopping. First of all, you need new clothes." She raised one finger to signify the first thing on their shopping list.

"But there's a uniform..."

"You think you're gonna wanna wear a uniform the entire time you're in Midgar?" She looked at his dismayed face. "Second," she raised another finger, "You need good soap. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash. All three. No objections. Third," her ring finger, "You need condoms and lube."

Cloud's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, his eyelid twitching spasmodically as he stared in horror at his... No. Not his mother. This was something else. Some... Demon or something, that looked like his mother. His mother was... not this. This... This thing needed to be destroyed. Cloud needed to call a priest and get him to exorcise this demon. It needed to be destroyed by the power of God. Or Grayskull. Yeah, maybe He-Man would be better than a priest. What Cloud needed was a really big sword... Another one, that is.

"What? I'm just tellin' it like it is. If you're gonna have sex, you need condoms. Sex plus condoms equals good. One plus one equals two. That easy. And since... neither of you has a... You know... You need lube. To... Slide."

"Okay."

She looked at him. Just trust me, Cloud. Okay? I know what you're going through, trust me. Okay?"

Cloud's eyelid twitched one last time, and he said, "Okay."

AUTHOR'S (NOT QUITE SO) MEANINGLESS RAMBLE

Hello again. Again, I gotta say, thanks for reading. I know I should have some self-control for this, but that's just how life works. You win some, you lose some. These chapters will be coming out spasmodically, so don't expect one every day. Check back a lot though, you never know when I'll put one out... Truth be told, neither do I ^_^... oh, and I guess this is a bit meaningless, but again, that's the way the pizza crumbles ^_^ so yeah thanks for reading and until next time... Stay Tuned For More News From Midgar. This is CloudLoverXXX reporting out from Venus, and I'll be glad to see your 3-page reports in by the end of the day. Thank you and good night.

PS: Same thing for drawings sorry ^_^