Finally, the hour passed, and I was seated on the plane. I immediately settled back and pretended to go to sleep so no one would bother me. I had thought that my unrelenting scowl would discourage any conversation, but I had the misfortune to be seated next to a woman who found me attractive in spite of the look on my face.

Mmm, he's hot, she mused. Even when he looks so … dangerous. That's kind of a turn on. I wonder if …

I turned away from her, hoping she would take the hint. She fantasized for a while, but the man on the other side of her proved to be more responsive to her charms, and she eventually lost interest in me, lucky for her.

Settling back in the plane, with twenty-plus hours of flying in front of me, gave me nothing but time to think. And I didn't want that.

The question still rang in my head, unanswered. Why? Why had Bella killed herself? Why would she even think of doing something like that? Was it suicide? Maybe Rosalie had been mistaken, and she had tripped and fell. That would not be out of character for her.

But Rosalie had said Bella had thrown herself of the cliff. That didn't imply it was an accident, but a deliberate act.

I could see her before me, her heart-shaped features twisted in anguish, her beautiful brown hair rustled by the wind, her eyes filled with despair, launching herself over the edge of the cliff and plummeting into the water below …

What could have caused it? It was clear from what Rosalie had said that Charlie was okay. Had she had a fight with him? Or, as I had thought earlier, had someone broken her heart? I couldn't imagine Bella would want to kill herself over something like that. Even when I had left her, I had known that she would grieve over my loss for a while. Of course she would. She had loved me. Grieving for a lost love was a human thing to do. But she would have recovered within a few weeks, or a couple of months at the most, and gone on with her life. So she should know that she could get over this kind of thing. Why kill herself?

Suddenly an agonizing thought occurred to me. Had she gotten over me? Was I the reason she had done this? Could it be possible that, for every second I was in agony since leaving her side, she had been experiencing the same thing?

No, I couldn't believe that. I was a vampire. I was an unchanging creature, carved in stone. My feelings for her were cemented into the deepest core of my being. She was human, and a teenager, at that. How many teenage minds had I heard? I knew that their feelings, although they might be extreme, were usually quickly overcome. I had known that Bella was more constant than most, but she was still human: a creature who could grow and change, and recover from loss. And she was so responsible. No matter what pain she was in, I couldn't imagine that she would cause Charlie more pain by ending her own life.

But she had.

It was difficult to keep up the charade of playing human. I tried to remember to fidget every so often, so the humans wouldn't think I was something other than one of them, although I wondered why I was bothering to keep it up. Did it matter if I was discovered, when I was planning to have my life end so soon? But I knew it could cause trouble for others of our kind, particularly my family, if I was too obvious in a place like this. Better to wait and hope that Aro would be obliging and end my life himself. It would be quicker that way.

I thought of what I knew about the Volturi. I had gleaned a good deal from Carlisle's memories of them. Aro was their leader, and Carlisle had genuinely liked him, although he had been wary of him. Aro was cunning, and his favor could turn to antipathy in a second. He liked only what amused him and what he found useful. He had been fascinated by Carlisle's resolve never to harm a human, and had tried regularly to tempt him to break his commitment to abstinence. He had even had one of his minions deliver a profusely bleeding body to Carlisle's office at one stage, just to see what he would do.

I had seen that event in Carlisle's memory. I still didn't know how the vampire who'd taken him to Carlisle had managed to carry out his mission without draining the human himself. Carlisle, although tempted by the blood, had stopped breathing and run from the room before he could do anything.

The other vampires around were not so controlled, of course. By the time Carlisle returned one of the others had begged Aro's permission to drain the corpse before the blood became too cool, and Carlisle, who had hunted to make sure he was as sated as possible (he wasn't quite as controlled back then as he was now), cleaned up the remaining blood, and tried to look amused when Aro laughed it off with him.

Caius was the second of the three who ruled our world. He was far more open about his sadism than Aro. Carlisle had been pleasant and courteous to Caius, but had never liked him. He had frequently been absent during Carlisle's tenure with the Volturi, as several hunting parties were active during this time, controlling insurrection in the vampire world, and he would go to witness the destruction of some groups merely for the pleasure of seeing them die. I knew that Caius was the most likely to enjoy my death, and would probably be my best ally in securing it.

Marcus was the third member of the Volturi, and I had no idea how he would view my request. I felt sure he would empathize; after all, he had lost his own love long ago, and Carlisle had seen how miserable he was without her. Carlisle hadn't understood why he hadn't tried suicide himself – he seemed to have no desire to live – but perhaps the urge for power overrode the desire for death. I wouldn't know unless I had the opportunity to hear his thoughts, although I didn't intend to spend too long puzzling over it. I wanted to be dead before then.

Aro's and Caius' wives were not likely to have any input into the decision over my death – I might not even get to see them – so I did not waste much time thinking about them. They were devoted to their husbands, Carlisle had noticed, and that was all. Of the members of the guard, Carlisle had only met a few, as the majority – the powerful twins Jane and Alec amongst them – had been out for his three decades with the Volturi, slaughtering covens who were using their newborn armies indiscreetly. Of course, Carlisle had heard what Jane and Alec could do, so there would be no surprises for me there: Jane could burn people where they stood and Alec could take all their senses away. Most of the others in the guard did not have talents that interested me a great deal, although I hoped their general bloodthirstiness and the enjoyment I was sure they felt in their work – especially when it came to killing others of their kind – would mean they sided with me.

Not that it would make any difference what members of the guard thought. Aro, Caius and Marcus would decide my fate – and, ultimately, it would probably only be Aro's decision. I tried to think of what I could do to turn him against me so that he would accede to my request. But, maybe that wouldn't be necessary. He might kill me if I asked nicely.

Finally, the plane landed in Florence. I wasted no time in making my way to my hire car, and before long I was racing along the roads towards Volterra. I took care to keep track of any law enforcement around that might crack down on my speeding. I didn't want to be delayed by any mortals today.

As I drove, my thoughts were with Bella, and I cringed as I thought of the pain she must have been in. But surely not. Rosalie must have been mistaken! She couldn't have killed herself intentionally. It had to have been an accident.

But the more I thought about it, the more I could only conclude that, if it had been suicide, I was the reason for it. The guilt that filled me upon this realization was insurmountable. I still found it hard to believe that I was the reason she had done it, but could she have really have formed another attachment in seven months that would have driven her to suicide? Could there be anyone but me that was, ultimately, responsible for her death?

There it was again – the thing that had always been my deepest fear. The belief that my presence in her life would cause her death. And it seemed that it had been the cause. Even removing myself had not been enough to protect her from me. My evil presence haunted her no matter how far from her I fled. There was no other conclusion I could reach. Bella was dead because of me. The memory of the monster had been enough to do the job.