I was taken back out to the saccharine reception area, where Felix left me with the smile that was a partial snarl.

He wouldn't be much competition, he was thinking as he walked away. Although it looks like he wouldn't want to put up much of a fight, anyway.

Felix was guessing the likely outcome. He had seen, as had every other member of the guard, that I would not be thwarted from obtaining what I wanted. It was Aro who was being stubborn, Aro, who never let himself be thwarted in anything.

The most frustrating thing about my wait was that I could listen in on every word and thought between the Volturi as they discussed my request. Aro was reluctant to kill me. Marcus was undecided; part of him wanted to give me what I wanted, because he understood the reason for it, and part of it wanted to withhold it because it was something he was unable to achieve. And Caius was happy to see anyone die, especially a vampire who "wasted" his affection on a mere human.

But Aro found something else more wasteful, and that was my talent. Even though I could give him little more than he already had, he was reluctant to let it go, even as Caius expressed his willingness to be obliging.

"Brother, I must object," Aro told him when he touched Caius' hand and saw what he was thinking. "Surely you must see the potential in young Edward." The difficulty only lies in making him see things my way …

"Forgive me if I fail to see that potential," Caius responded sourly. "You can already read minds quite adequately yourself." Can't Aro see the boy will be unmoving? And he's a disgrace to us!

"Yes, but not so conveniently," Aro replied with sorrow. "And how could I disappoint my dear friend Carlisle by taking his life away?"

I gritted my teeth. I didn't know why Aro had even bothered to say that. Caius was sure that Carlisle's feelings were not Aro's primary concern, and, although I was sure Aro knew I was listening in, I also knew what was in Aro's mind, and it was not thoughts of Carlisle's disappointment. Who was he trying to impress? Maybe the desire to deceive was so ingrained in him it had become a reflex.

At Aro's request, Marcus held out his hand to give his opinion. He was thinking similarly to Caius. The boy will not be moved, he thought. It seems pointless to try and dissuade him.

Aro nodded, mentally wincing at the memory of his sister, the lover that Marcus grieved so desperately.

But the final decision was still Aro's. "My brothers," he told them chidingly. "I cannot agree to kill Edward. It would be wasteful, to see his talent thrown away like that, when he is such a capable and earnest young man. He would do great credit to the guard."

"Aro, how can you possibly believe that he would be willing to accept your offer?" Caius spat. "You don't have to be a mind reader to see how stubborn the boy is!"

"Nevertheless, I intend to give him a chance," Aro decided. "I will not destroy such a promising talent."

I narrowly avoided taking out the chair I was standing next to in the waiting room. Aro's words and thoughts filled me with rage and despair. There would be no easy way out for me. I would not be able to keep respecting Carlisle and get what I wanted. But there was no chance in hell I was spending another twenty-four hours on this planet when Bella was already gone.

Felix summoned me back a short while later. I could barely stand following him to the library, where the Volturi and their minions sat around, keeping court and dispensing their will on their helpless subjects.

Everyone in the room knew the moment they saw my face that there would be trouble. I was trying to decide if I should just attack Felix, or perhaps Aro himself, but I decided to give persuasion another try. Perhaps when Aro realized that I didn't give a damn about joining his precious guard he would give in.

The guard tensed at the sight of my glare, and all their thoughts were wary. Only Aro, while noticing how much I was scowling, maintained any pretense of civility.

"Ah, Edward!" he began, welcoming me with his customary manner, "I can see by your countenance that you were using your remarkable talent to eavesdrop just now. A hard habit to break, is it not?"

I managed to hold myself in place as he thought about the many times I had eavesdropped on Bella through the thoughts of others, but the only thing that stopped me was imagining taking Aro's head between my hands and ripping it off.

Seeing that I was not about to answer, Aro continued. "But I'm afraid that we cannot accede to your request. We cannot find it within ourselves to end your life without any disobedience on your part. That would be against everything we stand for."

"I seriously doubt that," I snarled.

Aro held on to his benign expression, but only just. Be careful, Edward, he thought, before he went on. "However, we would like to offer you the honor of becoming one of our guard. We would be more than happy to welcome you into our ranks."

The guards themselves didn't agree.

I don't want the fool here, thought Jane. Better that he does die.

He's hardly necessary, Alex noted dismissively.

The others, too, did not care for my presence, but most were not overly concerned. They were sure I would not accept.

They were right. I turned back to Aro, done with pleasantries. "I would rather spend eternity burning in hell than ever consider joining your crew of misfits," I declared, looking around at the guard.

As I had suspected, snarls erupted from every side. Aro, while tensing in his thoughts, kept his outward demeanor relaxed, and indicated for calm. But he was watching me carefully.

"We will not kill you without reason," he informed me. "It is against our law."

Like that was going to stop me. "Then I will break it." And with that, I turned and marched from the room.

I couldn't stay in the reception area. I bolted through it so quickly that Gianna only felt the breeze. I didn't even bother with the elevator, but found a window and shimmied down the side of the building. I thought that might attract some attention, but night had fallen, and it was dark on that side of the building, so no one saw me.

I began running so quickly that no human could have seen me if they'd tried, although they felt something brush past them. I didn't stop until I was outside Volterra and then I sat under a tree in the dark.

I couldn't stand it. All I could see was Bella leaping from the cliff. All I could see was her tortured face. All I could see was how white she had looked when I had left her in the forest. How could I have run away from her? If I hadn't done that, she would likely still be in my arms right now! I longed to hold her, to feel her warm body next to mine, to smell her scent and feel it burn me, the burn that meant that she was still alive.

I would never feel it again.

And now the only chance I had at joining her in death had been snatched from me. I cursed again the monster that I was, that denied me even the possibility of an easy death to join the woman I loved – although I had no doubt that I would be forever barred from the eternal rest that she had gained. I didn't care. I wanted oblivion, if that's all I could have. And if hell was my destination, didn't I deserve to be there, after all I had done?

Fortunately, there was another course of action open to me. While the Volturi may have refused to destroy me at my request, they would have to do it if I broke their laws. We will not kill you without reason, Aro had said. If a reason was what he wanted, then I would give him one.

So it remained only to decide how I would break the law. I had to reveal myself – or all of us – to the humans in some way. What would be the best way to flout the Volturi?

Would I go and punch through a wall where everyone could see it? I imagined that. There was still plenty of activity in the city at this time of night. It would not take much to show the humans how inhuman I was. My eyes alighted on a parking lot. Perhaps I could go and juggle a few vehicles. That should create quite a stir.

Could I call the press and invite them to the occasion? Tell them I was going to reveal a deep secret about Volterra. Then, when they came, I would pick up their vehicles and throw them down the street, in full view of the camera. But then, that one could cause trouble to many vampires, and probably would affect my family. That was not a great course of action, I decided.

I began to roam throughout the city, trying to find the best, the most spectacular way of breaking the law. Perhaps I would smash the fountain in the city square. Or scale the wall to take out the clock that hung there. I could pull it off with my bare hands.

But, as I considered all these things, another idea came to mind. An answer so perfect that I knew at once it was what I should do. A dark smile spread across my face. What was the Volturi's greatest rule, when it came to Volterra? No hunting within its walls. It was a brilliant solution. I would go hunting.

My conscience immediately began to prick me. I had sworn I would never take another human life again, certainly not to satisfy my thirst. But the depression I had experienced when I had lived this lifestyle previously would not long be endured this time. I would be dead very soon after. And I did not believe, as Carlisle did, that refusing to hunt would make any difference to my eternal destination. If there was an afterlife for me, it would be hell no matter what I killed to satisfy my thirst.

Of course, I would not kill an innocent person. Not a woman or a child. I knew that the Volturi's presence kept the level of crime low in Volterra, but that didn't mean all its residents were law abiding citizens, either.

I continued to walk, scanning every mind I encountered. Did Volterra have an underworld? Was there a dark quarter of the city, where evil happened? Apart from the Volturi, that is.

It was well into the night now, but there was still activity in the streets. I continued to search for evil in someone. Many of them were petty and shallow, but that wasn't enough for me. I needed more.

I found someone eventually. It was a man who was inhabiting a tavern with an acquaintance. He was large and thick set; a brute in everyone's estimation. He was visiting the city and had already been through several women, but he was thinking of the ones he had left at home. The wife he abused. The daughter he molested regularly He was consumed with sex in all its forms.

He was only here for a few nights, but that made no difference to me. As long as I killed him here, the Volturi would have no choice but to take me down.

He was enjoying his drinking, so I wasn't sure how long it would take before he left to go back to where he was staying, and if he would go alone. While his companion was no saint, I didn't need to take more than one human to hell with me. I settled into a dark corner opposite the tavern and waited.

I couldn't help thinking of Carlisle. What I was about to do would disappoint him greatly. I could only hope it would never get back to him. I didn't like to think of Esme finding out, either. I had tried not to think of her at all during my headlong dash to end my life. I knew that she would mourn my loss for centuries, but even that couldn't make me change my course.

I wondered what Alice was doing. I hoped she had decided not to try and stop me. It had occurred to me that she might show up, perhaps with Emmett and Jasper, to drag me away from Volterra before I could complete my mission here. I hoped that she would see that the future remained the same, regardless of what she did. I would find some way of ending my life, no matter how hard they tried to prevent it.

It was another hour or two before my victim decided to make his way home. I had been keeping tabs on the Volturi to see if they were watching me. They were. Felix and Demetri had been sent to keep watch. Demetri, their master tracker, was a logical choice. It wasn't difficult for him to find me. It would not take long for them to take me into custody after I killed the man. Perhaps they would even kill me on the spot. So much the better.

My victim started his journey home in the company of his acquaintance, but I knew they would have to part ways soon. I could see it now in their minds. There were several dark streets he would have to pass after that before he made it home. It should be easy for me to take him.

I thought again of Carlisle, and his disappointment should he ever know what I was about to do. But I knew that, even if he did find out, he would still love me. He would understand my pain. He would know why I sought death so desperately. I wondered if he would think that this last act of mine would rule me out of whatever heaven he believed we had access to. Probably. No matter. I didn't believe that was a possibility for me. That was only a possibility for someone like Bella.

Bella …

A feeling of horror came over me. Bella had killed herself. Wasn't it commonly believed that those who committed suicide did not go to heaven?

Surely that couldn't be so. There was no deity who would keep someone as good as Bella out of heaven, could they, no matter how her life had ended? Did I really believe it was possible for Bella to have ended up in hell?

No. I was certain it wouldn't be the case. Besides, hadn't I been the one to cause her death? If I had never entered her life, she wouldn't have decided to end it. Surely God would know that it was my fault she was dead, not her own, and spare her from such a fate. He was merciful. That's what Carlisle had always said. Carlisle believed that, even though I had killed, if I turned away from that life and never lived it again, heaven could be mine, no matter how many people had died in my rebellious years.

Of course, I was about to throw that all away by killing someone.

So then, if I did pursue this course of action and kill this man, it would mean I was barred from heaven. It hadn't mattered before. But now my thinking changed. Did I believe, even slightly, that it was possible for me to get there? No. Not at all.

But …

What if Carlisle was right? What if I could go to heaven? What if Bella was there, and, the moment I left this life, she would be in my arms again? I could feel her there … But no, I didn't believe all that. Or would Bella be in hell with me, because she had killed herself? I didn't believe that was possible either.

But what if we could both be heaven together …?

My victim left his friend at a corner and continued on home alone, right past where I was waiting for him. I let him pass. The desire to kill had fled. Although I didn't really believe Carlisle, I was not willing to jeopardize a possible future in heaven with Bella, no matter how unlikely it was.

So I needed another plan. One that would mean I broke the Volturi's law, but not God's if I could avoid it. That would be difficult. Throwing cars around would damage private property and could hurt someone. That was out. Vandalizing property in the city wasn't a good thing either. What could I do? Every suggestion I could think of involved doing something that would hurt someone or damage something.

As I was considering this, I became aware of a conversation by two locals who were making their way home after an evening out.

"No clouds to be seen, that's good," said the younger one. Rain tomorrow would bring bad luck on the city.

"I told you it would be fine," his companion chided him. "Didn't you see the sunset tonight? There will be no rain to spoil the day tomorrow."

Tomorrow?

"Lucia was planning to buy capes for us all," the first said. "Her nieces are spending the day with us, and we have some vampire fangs for all of them." They love St Marcus Day.

St Marcus Day …

I realized that I'd heard this before. Many minds around me had been talking about the St Marcus Day celebrations tomorrow. But I hadn't been intending to live to see the sun rise, so I had overlooked it.

Now, a plan formed in my mind. I knew how I could end my life without harming anyone. The Volturi would brook no interruption to the St Marcus Day festival.

The festival was in celebration of the famous St Marcus, who had, so legend said, driven vampires from the city of Volterra fifteen hundred years ago. What none of the locals realized was that Marcus was still alive – or existing, at any rate – within the city itself, feasting on the blood of humans every fortnight or so in his position as one of the leaders of the Volturi.

The whole festival was a joke. The humans had no idea that the saint they venerated was a despised, monstrous vampire himself. But the Volturi loved the festival, so Carlisle had told me, because of the way it concealed the truth from humans, while perpetuating the vampire myths that humans readily believed – especially the one that suggested a human could kill a vampire. The Volturi had no problem with humans thinking vampires were weak. They delighted in any lie that kept humans from knowing the truth about us.

So what would the Volturi do if a vampire revealed his lack of humanity at the St Marcus Day celebrations? They would be furious, of course. It wouldn't matter what I did – if I demonstrated that I was not human, they would have no choice but to destroy me, and quickly.

That made the solution quite simple.

I made my way to the square where the primary celebrations would be held. Some setting up had already been done, but I was sure the majority had been left until the morning.

As I looked around, I became conscious of Felix and Demetri. They were watching me from some distance away. Out of earshot, at least for a normal vampire. They had forgotten I could read their minds, or perhaps they were just underestimating my ability.

Felix was frowning. The thought of me disrupting the coming festival had only just occurred to them while they watched me look around the square.

He wouldn't … "You don't think he'd do something on St Marcus Day?" He turned to Demetri.

Demetri was frowning now also. "If he does, we must make sure we stop him." We might need help to make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

"Perhaps we should act now," Felix suggested, leaning forward. He was eager for an excuse to kill me.

Demetri put a hand on his arm. "You know our instructions. We must make sure he breaks the law first. Aro will not allow us to destroy him unless he does." That plan could backfire. If only we could take care of this now.

"Then we should tell Aro what he is likely to do," Felix said. "It's risky, if he intends to do something in the midst of tomorrow's crowd."

Demetri pulled out his cell phone and updated Aro on what I was doing. Aro was still close enough for me to hear his thoughts, and he was concerned when Demetri told him what they thought I might be planning.

He wouldn't dare … Aro thought in fury. "Are you sure?"

"No," Demetri admitted. "We thought he was going to kill a human earlier." That would have been easier to cover up …

That plan pleased Aro more than the idea of disrupting the festival. "Make sure you continue to follow him," he instructed. "Once the celebration starts I will send more of the guard out to make sure that he does not get too far. But you must not take him into custody unless he breaks the law. Then bring him to me."

Aro finished the call, frustrated at the trouble I was causing him. And he was no fool. He had seen every thought in my head, and he knew what I was likely to be doing right now.

Take care, Edward, he cautioned me in his thoughts. Don't push me too far.

I smiled grimly. He should have thought of that earlier.

Never mind. I wouldn't do anything too dreadful. I was determined not to harm a human, but equally determined to prove I was inhuman. And doing that was easy.

The square was open to the sun. There were few areas where it was shielded, and only a few alleys and buildings where there would be anything like shade. Revealing my monstrous nature would not require a monstrous act. I would simply stroll out into the square in full view of the humans. The minute they saw how my skin reacted to the sunlight the Volturi's guard would take me away to be executed.

The celebrations would last most of the day, but I now reviewed the schedule I had seen in some of the humans' heads earlier. The main parade would take place in the middle of the day, culminating in a mighty gathering in this very square. The sun would be at its highest point at that time, blazing down on the people. It was perfect.

So tomorrow, at precisely midday, I would take off my shirt and walk in the square amongst the humans, and I would finally end this useless, wasteful existence I had endured for so long.