I rejoined Emmett and Rosalie, and we drove away from the Swan house, but I only waited until we were out of sight of any humans before I spoke. "Pull over. I'm getting out."

"You're not coming home?" Emmett was disappointed. "Come on, we want to hear what went down."

"Alice can tell you that," I reminded him. "And Victoria is here and hunting Bella. I'm not leaving her alone."

Emmett's eyes lit up. "Victoria's back?" Cool! I thought I'd missed all the fun in Volterra, but now it looks like there might be some here!

That'll make him happy, Rosalie thought sarcastically. She didn't need to read Emmett's mind to know what he was thinking, but she was trying to control any anger she felt at me for causing this situation. That was something new. I wondered how long it would last.

I leapt out of the car and disappeared into the nearby forest as they drove off, heading straight back to Bella's house. I hid in the forest behind their house; an unfortunate place for me to stay, as it was where I had stood the last time I was with Bella in Forks, and it was a painful memory.

However, I was in two minds about entering, especially while Charlie was home and awake. While I knew perfectly well that I could go in without him or anyone else seeing me, there was a reluctance. He was her father. I could feel the concern and relief at his daughter's return emanating from him. I wanted to give him some time to be with her without my presence, even though she was sleeping. It would be easy enough for me to guard the house from out here.

While standing there I noticed something else around me. The smell of werewolf. The wolves had been very active around Bella's house. I was relieved to discover that there was no trace of Victoria or any unfamiliar vampire nearby. But the wolves themselves were a concern, especially one in particular.

I had seen Jacob Black in Alice's mind. He had grown huge since the last time we had met, at the Prom last year. And now he was a werewolf. I sighed. Trust Bella to awake the primeval nature of the Quileutes with her presence. Her tendency to attract danger had attracted plenty, even after the vampires had left … well, most of the vampires, anyway.

So Jacob Black was a werewolf. But what else was he? What was he to Bella?

I had heard what Charlie had said about him. He had made Bella better. Certainly, he had kept her safe, so he deserved my thanks for that, but I couldn't deny I was jealous. There was a niggling doubt in my mind that Bella's hesitancy to touch me on the way home was because of her feelings for him. Perhaps she had moved on.

But could it really be so? The Bella who had had lain in my arms during the plane flight looked more content than the Bella in Alice's memory. Whatever the reason for her hesitation, I was sure she still loved me. The only question was if it would be enough for her to forgive me for deserting her.

And, if she did forgive me, what then?

I knew I could never leave Bella again. I had been on the verge of returning anyway; it was simply too painful for me to be from her side. So, if she allowed me back into her life, what happened next?

I hoped our time in Volterra had made her realize how stupid it was to desire this life. She might be willing to become a vampire if Alice suggested it, but if I told Alice to butt out – and I wasn't sure she'd be confident enough of success to do it, anyway – perhaps Bella would be happy to leave it at that. I hoped that would be all it took to end Alice's vision of Bella's transformation.

So I would stay with Bella, and I would stay with her throughout her human life, as I had originally intended. It was no more ideal now than it had been then. She would never be able to enjoy a full relationship with me. As much as I wanted her, and I knew she had wanted me too, it was too dangerous to take our physical relationship where I wished it could go. I was too strong. I would kill her. So she would never have that fulfillment in her life.

She would never have children. Even if I had been able to make love to her, there would be no child to come from it – Carlisle's research into our physiognomy had confirmed that. Not that I wanted her to have a child of mine – I shuddered at the thought of what she would endure with a vampire child inside her – so she would miss out on parenthood, too.

It grieved me to take all this from her, but it seemed she couldn't live without me any more than I could live without her. I knew that my years with her would be fleeting, but they would have to be enough.

But Bella was still human. More constant than most humans, admittedly, but able to change. While she wanted me now, would I be enough – especially in this half-fulfilled relationship – in twenty years time? Would she want children then? Would she want the intimacy that could come from a sexual relationship? Could I stand in her way if that was what she wanted?

No, I couldn't. I wasn't sure if she ever would change, but it was human to do so, therefore it was possible she might.

I would explain everything to her. I would beg for her forgiveness. I would tell her what I had decided, and I would make it clear that she was free to walk away at any time, if that's what she wanted. It would kill me to allow that, but hopefully, if she made the decision, I would be able to abide by it.

And, as always, I would end my life when hers ended.

Working through these things helped me pass the three long hours I waited outside, all the time arguing with myself about whether I should go in. Respect for Charlie began losing out, especially as I heard a low cry from Bella's room. Charlie heard it too, and I caught a flash from him of many times he had attended Bella when she'd had nightmares during my absence, because of my absence. I heard him running up the stairs to check on her.

I could only see her dimly through his eyes, and although she was twitching, she was still asleep. She settled a little at the sound of Charlie's voice, and he left her, but it was the last straw for me.

I shimmied up the wall of her house to her window, relieved to discover that the window still opened quietly and smoothly. I wondered for a moment if someone else had been using it during my absence, but drove those thoughts from my mind as I saw Bella lying in her bed. Again she was moving restlessly, and I saw her shudder. Her hand reached out. "Edward," she whispered.

I shut the window and lowered myself onto the bed, gathering her into my arms. I heaved a sigh of relief as I did so. It was beautiful to be here again, with Bella so close to me, feeling her scent assault me and knowing that she was alive. Feeling her warmth against my skin.

Of course, I worried about how she would react to my presence when she awoke. Would she welcome me or kick me out? Would I have to beg? I would be more than happy to do so for as long as she wanted me to.

But if she had moved on …

I tried not to think about that. It helped that, at the moment I reached for her, she snuggled up to me, much as she had before.

"Edward," she whispered again.

"I'm here, love," I told her.

I cradled her sleeping form for hours, well into the night. The only time I left her side was when Charlie came to check on her. I darted into the closet and waited until he had gone, then came out and resumed my place beside her. She always welcomed me back with a sigh of my name.

She was not always quiet, though. It was clear she was having nightmares – about the Volturi, I hoped, not about me. Each time she grew restless, I held her closer and kissed her forehead or her hair, and she grew calm again.

I wondered what she would say to Charlie about a reason for her absence. I wracked my brains for a suitable excuse, but I could think of nothing. Why would she have disappeared with no contact with her father for three whole days? It was out of character for her, and I couldn't think of anything that Charlie would buy.

Finally, at about one in the morning, her breathing patterns changed. She began to grimace, as she usually did before she awoke. I kissed her gently on the forehead, hoping to ease her back to consciousness, and, after a few moments, she sighed and opened her eyes.

Her eyes met mine and widened in shock. "Oh!" she said, before throwing her hands over her eyes and turning away.

That wasn't a promising start.

She turned back a moment later, and gaped at me in astonishment, as if she was shocked that I was still there.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked. Maybe she was upset I was here. Maybe she would ask me to leave. I steeled myself.

But she just looked at me wordlessly for a while, as if trying to work out what I was. My heart sank.

Then she blinked and groaned. "Oh, crap."

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She frowned at me, her eyebrows pulling together as she thought about something. And here I was, back to the old frustration of needing to know what was going on in her head. Never had it been more important than at this moment.

"I'm dead, right?" she asked me. "I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

Did she think she was in hell? That would explain why she was so upset. "You're not dead."

"Then why am I not waking up?"

"You are awake, Bella."

She shook her head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake …"

I flinched at the sound of his name, stated so casually amongst those she loved most. Would there still be a place for me in her heart after what I had done? "I can see why you confuse me with a nightmare, but I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

She screwed up her nose. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed. Had she finally realized I had no eternal destination?

She blinked again, and frowned once more, before turning away from me to the window for a moment. Then I felt her blush heat the air, and she cocked her head. "Did all that really happen then?"

"That depends," I replied, trying to smile. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," she said as she considered that. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes. Was she even aware of what she was saying? "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent." I didn't want to make my apologies if I couldn't be sure she would comprehend them.

"I'm not tired anymore," she said, her voice becoming stronger. She looked at her clock. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

She stretched and groaned. "Charlie?"

"Sleeping," I confirmed. "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came through the window … But, still, the intent was clear." I tried to make my words sound light, but they were morose. I wondered if Bella would agree with her father's decision.

It didn't take long for me to find out. Bella's expression became outraged. "Charlie banned you from the house?"

Again, I tried to smile, but it was harder this time. "Did you expect anything else?"

Bella's gaze was furious for a moment, but, as usual, anger did not possess her for long. She looked down and began fiddling with her quilt.

I was worried at her silence. She looked uncomfortable. Was she about to hurl accusations at me? I knew it would trouble her to do so, but I deserved her condemnation.

Then she glanced up. "What's the story?"

"What do you mean?" Did she want to know why I had left when it was obvious I still loved her?

"What am I telling Charlie?" she went on. "What's my excuse for disappearing for … how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days," I told her. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

She groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I suggested. She was the most inventive of the family.

Bella nodded, and seemed relieved. But then she looked down again at the quilt, before glancing up hesitantly. I wondered what was on her mind. Fortunately, she did not keep me in suspense for too long.

"So," she said, "what have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

Her question was uttered casually, but there was an undercurrent of what sounded like desperation. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but it worried me. Nor did I want to tell her that, when I hadn't been curled up in a ball trying to live with the pain of being apart from her, I had been miles away hunting the very vampire who had been here, threatening to kill her. "Nothing terribly exciting."

She nodded as if I had confirmed something. "Of course not."

Had she realized what an abysmal failure I was? Not just at tracking, but at loving her and taking care of her, and for leaving her in the pit of misery she had fallen into on my departure. "Why are you making that face?"

"Well …" She pondered my question for a moment. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

She still believed she was dreaming? That could account for why she wasn't yelling at me.

But she needed to know that this was real. I had to apologize to her, to tell her how sorry I was for hurting her so much. And anyway, it was probably about time I came clean on my failure to kill Victoria. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she sniffed. Then she thought for a moment. "Maybe," she conceded. "If you tell me."

I didn't really want to tell her, so I hedged. "I was … hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" she scoffed. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

It wouldn't work; I had to come clean. But I felt so guilty about not only leaving her, but failing to erase the danger Victoria posed. No, for failing to recognize how great that danger even was! "I wasn't hunting for food … I was actually trying my hand at … tracking. I'm not very good at it."

That caught her interest. "What were you tracking?"

Still I hedged. "Nothing of consequence."

"I don't understand."

Now I was confusing her. That wouldn't help her to believe that this was real. And I couldn't wait any longer. I needed to confess, to tell her what a worthless, useless failure I was, and how I had let her down in every way and hurt her so much in the process.

"I – I owe you an apology. No, of course, I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought that it was safe for you here. So safe."

As I spoke the words, I wondered why I had ever believed them. Since when had Bella been safe anywhere?

"I had no idea that Victoria –" I had to hold in a snarl as I said her name, "– would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James' thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now – she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that that's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself –" I shuddered. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for –"

"Stop," she put in suddenly. Her eyes closed and an agonized look crossed her face. I froze. This was it, I was sure. This was when she would accuse me, tell me I had hurt her. Or, even worse, tell me she had moved on, and I had to let her go …

I didn't know how I would survive if she said that, but I knew I would have to try. It would be the best thing for her.

She drew her breath, and, with great difficulty, began to speak.

"Edward, this has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this … this guilt … rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your … your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and –"

At first her words filled me with dismay, as it sounded like she was dismissing me from her life, but, as she continued, I suddenly realized that her words, although they sounded dispassionate, were not that way because she didn't care for me. It was because she thought I had only gone to Volterra because I felt guilty that I hadn't swooped in to save her.

Couldn't she remember what I had always told her? Surely she knew this world had no meaning for me if she wasn't in it!

"Isabella Marie Swan," I said, trying to keep my temper under control, "do you really believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?"

She blinked at me, confused. "Didn't you?"

Could she really doubt that too? "Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

Her eyebrows pulled together. "Then … what are you saying? I don't understand."

I repressed a sigh. She really didn't understand. How could I make her see?

I tried to speak calmly. "Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead. Even if I'd had no hand in your death." I shuddered involuntarily at the thought that I had nearly caused it. "Even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?

"The odds … the odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

I shook my head, and tried to decipher the expression on Bella's face. She didn't look any less confused than she had before. "But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?"

What did that mean? "Excuse me?"

"So what if I was dead?"

I gaped at her. How many times had I said it? How many more times would I have to say it? I couldn't exist without her! She was my whole life! "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember everything that you told me," she retorted, her face twisting in pain.

A memory crept to the forefront of my mind. Bella, standing still and white in the forest, accepting the fact that I didn't want her anymore without a fight.

Her lip began to tremble, and I feared that she might cry. I reached out and brushed it with my finger, feeling her softness and warmth, as I realized what she meant. I had noticed the accent on her words: she remembered everything I had told her. I had told her that I didn't want her, and she believed me, even now.

I reminded myself of how fragile she was, and made my reply as gentle as possible. Her belief in this lie was probably a result of the pain I had caused her. My fault, not hers. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension. I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a word where you don't exist."

The fog didn't clear from her expression. "I am … confused."

She still didn't believe me. Maybe it was difficult for her to understand how well some people could lie, when she couldn't do so herself.

"I'm a good liar, Bella," I explained. "I have to be."

Her face went white and she took a deep breath. I could have sworn she was preparing for a death blow. I put my hand on her shoulder, hoping my touch would reassure her. I shook gently; it burned me to see her in so much pain. "Let me finish!" I pleaded. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." It hurt to remember that moment. "That was … excruciating."

She didn't move or speak, nor did her expression change. I hoped she was listening.

"When we were in the forest," I continued, "when I was telling you goodbye … You weren't going to let go. I could see that. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," she whispered, unmoving.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do!" I couldn't help but let some of my own pain and frustration leak into my voice. "I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

And finally, I could ask the question that had tortured me for seven months. "But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!"

She didn't respond in any way. I gave her another gentle shake, hoping that some response would come. I needed one. "Bella, really, what were you thinking?"

A moment later her face crumpled and tears began to streak down her cheeks. "I knew it," she sobbed. "I knew I was dreaming."

Why was it so difficult for her to see that I loved her? "You're impossible." I tried to laugh, although nothing about this was funny. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

Her shoulders stayed dropped, and tears continued to fall from her eyes. It seemed she couldn't accept what I was saying.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I asked. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

She shrugged a little. "It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that."

I knew she wouldn't listen if I told her that she had that the wrong way around. It had never been amazing that the monster would love someone so pure and good, but that she would return his love.

I looked at her face, the tears still falling from her eyes. Did she still think she was dreaming? Was this why she couldn't accept my love was real? I had to make her see. I had to make her realize that both were real. She was awake and I loved her. I would always love her.

Bella's lips had been calling to me ever since she had found me in Volterra, but the time had not been right. Now I had confessed, and I believed that she still cared for me. I could wait no longer.

"I'll prove you're awake," I assured her, taking her face in my hands.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then shuddered and opened them again. "Please don't."

I gave her a cautious look. "Why not?"

"When I wake up," she began, but then changed tack when she saw I was about to object. "Okay, forget that one – when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

She looked down, the tears on her face shining in the moonlight. Why was she trying to keep me at arm's length? Was it because the pain I had inflicted on her was too great for her to risk her heart on me again, or because of someone else?

I tried to put my feelings into words. "Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so … hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be … quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"

I waited in anguish for her answer.

She gazed back at me, her face troubled, and at first I feared the worst.

But then she asked, "What kind of idiotic question is that?"

One that needed answering. "Just answer it. Please."

I could hardly stand the suspense, especially as her face became frustrated, but she surprised me. With a spark in her eyes, she finally replied, "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you – and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Relief coursed through me, and I knew there was no need to hold back anymore. "That's all I needed to hear."

With that, I brought her mouth to mine, feeling once more the softness and warmth of her skin on my lips. I noticed with relief how little her scent bothered me – no venom in my mouth, no tensing of my muscles to remind me of what I was. I tried to keep in mind that I needed to be gentle, but, as she responded to my touch, it was difficult not to strain her body to mine, and feel all the silky softness of her form in line with my marble frame. She pulled me closer and explored my face with her hands. I ran my fingers over her beautiful features and wiped the traces of tears from her cheeks.

"Bella," I whispered, "Bella, my love. Bella …"

It wasn't long before she was running out of air, so I released her and laid my head against her heart, listening to it slow. It was such a relief to hear it, to know that she was alive. I would do my utmost to keep it beating for as long as possible. I would never, ever leave her side again.

Did she realize that? Had I gotten through to her? Not from what I had heard; she had said when you leave … She seemed convinced that I intended to go sometime. Did she still not believe what I said?

"By the way," I told her, "I'm not leaving you."

She made no reply, but I heard her breath hitch. I lifted my head to look at her. Her eyes were wary; she didn't believe me, that much was clear.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," I assured her. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted … what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to say – thank heaven for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered, and I could hear the pain in her voice.

I started to get angry. "Do you think I'm lying to you now?"

I watched as she thought through her answer. "No – not lying. You could mean it … now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I winced at that. I had told her before that I would stay with her – although it had always been on the condition that it was the best thing for her. And I had used that condition to leave her.

"It isn't as if you hadn't through the first decision through, is it?" she surmised. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

She thought I was so strong. Strong enough to live without her, if that's what it took. I had thought I could manage it too, although I had never thought it would be easy.

But Bella didn't know how close it had been … "I'm not as strong as you give me credit for. Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

I was prepared to fall on my knees before her at her command, but she only frowned at me. "Be serious, please."

"Oh I am." I was getting angry again. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I waited until I was sure her tired eyes were focused on mine, then I began.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason … And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

I could see the longing in her eyes warring with her detachment. She wanted to believe me, but she was scared to, I thought.

She looked away from the intensity of my gaze. "Your eyes will adjust."

"That's just the problem – they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

I laughed darkly. Like anything could distract me from her. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the … the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone – like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny."

"Funny?"

"I meant strange," she explained. "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She drew in a deep breath, as if to illustrate the difference. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

I brought her body close to mine again, laying my ear on her chest. I breathed in her scent and listened to the steady thump of her heart. I felt her – still hesitant – lower her head to mine and lay her cheek on my hair. She was drawing in my scent as well. I couldn't help but feel she was drawing it in to memorize it. I sighed. She still doubted me.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction, then?" she asked.

"No. That was never a distraction. It was an obligation." I wanted her to know this now. To have more proof that my thoughts were never away from her, even while I was gone.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with …" I paused in frustration as Bella gasped. How would she feel about my revelation, especially since I had failed so abysmally? "Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil – and really she came here. I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears –"

"You were hunting Victoria?" Bella shrieked. We both paused for a moment as we heard the abrupt end of Charlie's snore. He was almost pulled out of the hazy dream I could see surrounding him, but fortunately, he fell back under its spell and the snore resumed.

"Not well," I admitted. "But I'll do better this time." I had formed my resolve as soon as we had escaped the Volturi. "She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

Bella looked at me in fury. "That is … out of the question."

I frowned. I didn't understand why she would forbid me to kill Victoria. Did she think she would just go away? If Victoria was hellbent on avenging James' death, she wasn't going to stop. Maybe Bella didn't realize how far a vampire would take this kind of thing. "It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after –"

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" she put in, and I could hear desperation in her voice. She wanted me to stay. My frozen heart would have skipped a beat if it could. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

But I wasn't going to let this go. I couldn't. Victoria would not give up. And it wasn't going to cause me a moment's regret to end her life, not after what she'd done. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria is going to die," I snarled. "Soon."

"Let's not be hasty," she said quickly. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

I was unhappy that she had mentioned him, but at least she recognized that he was a danger. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

Bella snorted at my words. "I wasn't talking about Jacob. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

So if it wasn't Victoria or the wolves … "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?" I was sure I knew the answer.

"How about the second greatest?" she qualified, after a moment's hesitation.

I frowned. I had thought we were talking about the Volturi, but what would rank as a higher threat than them?

Bella lowered her head and her voice. "There are others who are coming to look for me."

So it was the Volturi she was thinking of. But … "The Volturi are only the second greatest?"

"You don't seem that upset about it."

I wasn't as concerned as she, that was certain, but I knew the Volturi better than she did, and I also had a plan for keeping them away from her.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through," I told her, trying to keep my voice light. "Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again."

Bella started at my words, and, much to my surprise, tears appeared her eyes again.

I hurried to reassure her. "You don't have to be afraid. I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here," she replied in a broken voice.

I took her face in my hands and held her gaze in mine. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said thirty," she whispered, tears falling from her eyes. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

She still wanted that, after all she'd seen in Volterra? I felt like I should be angry with her, but,as I looked at her heartbroken face, my anger melted away. She was convinced, for some reason, that my unwillingness to turn her was a sign I was intending to leave.

I tried to answer softly as I explained. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really …" she began, before cutting herself off. She cast down her eyes, although I could see the pain in them.

"Yes?" I prompted.

Raising her eyes to mine again, she spoke, "But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?"

I took her face in my hands again and kissed away her tears. She did not yet understand the depth of my love for her. I had to explain it right this time. "That doesn't mean anything to me. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world."

But that was the case for me, a vampire, who could not change, but, as I had realized earlier, it wouldn't necessarily always be the case for her. I had to let her know that she was free.

"Of course …" I continued, unable to keep from wincing at the thought of being apart from her again, "if you outgrew me – if you wanted something more – I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

She looked at me incredulously. Did she think it would be easy for me to walk way? Heaven forbid!

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she added in a low voice.

Of course I had. "I'll follow after as soon as I can."

She scowled at me. "That is seriously … sick."

No it wasn't. Or, if it was, it was an unfortunate side effect of our very unnatural relationship. As much as I loved her, as much as she loved me, vampires and humans were not meant to relate this way. What else could I do? "Bella, it's the only right way left –"

"Let's just back up for a minute," she put in, her voice growing angry. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm thirty," she spat, "do you really think they'll forget?"

"No, they won't forget. But …"

"But?"

I grinned at her in triumph. "I have a few plans."

She didn't look relieved or even happy. She looked furious. "And these plans, these plans all center around me staying human."

We were back to square one. I'd thought that seeing forty or so humans sacrificed to the thirst of our rulers would have gone some way to extinguishing this desire. Apparently not.

"Naturally," I replied. I was not going to bend on this.

Bella and I glared at each other for a long moment, before she sat up and pushed me away from her.

I tried not to let the rejection sting me. If she sent me away because of this, it was her decision, and I had to abide by it. "Do you want me to leave?"

She looked at me for a moment before replying, "No. I'm leaving."

"Where are you going?"

I watched her as she fumbled around in the dark, narrowing her eyes as she tried to find something. Her shoes, probably. Or her car keys? Was the truck still going? "I'm going to your house."

I ground my teeth. I'd started to think she might do that.

I picked up her shoes and considered hiding them, but I knew I wouldn't be able to keep her away forever.

"Here are your shoes," I said, handing them over. "How do you plan to get there?"

"My truck." She had already found the keys.

"That will probably wake Charlie." I doubted he could sleep through the deafening roar of its engine.

She sighed. "I know. But honestly, I'll be ground for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None," I assured her. "He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I said, but I was pretty sure there was no hope of that.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home."

With that, she turned and headed for the door.

I couldn't stop myself from blocking her. She looked at me for a moment, then turned her gaze to the window! I couldn't believe it when she went and leaned out, as if trying to judge if she could jump down.

I sighed. There was no way I was going to let her see Alice alone. Who knew what would happen? "Okay. I'll give you a ride."

She didn't look concerned. "Either way. But you probably should be there, too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want the chance to air your views."

I did not like the sound of that. "My views on which subject?"

She did not flinch from my angry glare, but stared back, hands on hips. "This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

Something as stupid? That was a matter of opinion! "A say in what?"

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."