Disclaimer: I own only my own thoughts and words. Suzann Collins gets all the credit for HG and the characters she so wonderfully created.
Chapter 4
Most of the morning I am able to busy myself with schoolwork and such but in just a few moments the bell will ring signaling lunchtime and I/m just not sure what to do with myself. I fidget in my seat, waiting on the bell. Once it sounds, I walk as slowly as I possibly can towards the cafeteria. Katniss and I usually sat alone. On occasion we may be joined by one of my "merchant" friends but that was a rarity. And somehow always more awkward than it should be. Maintaining my illusion that all is right in my world, I proceed confidently to my usual lunch table and focus only on my food. Mabel has packed another of my favorites. A chef salad with crusty breadsticks. Seeing this meal makes me smile. That Mabel, in all her quiet and understated ways, knew exactly how to make me happy.
As I'm eating I unwittingly eavesdrop on the conversation behind me. Once I hear the topic, I can't help but purposefully continue to listen.
"Well, all I know is those two have been sneaking off into the woods for years together. They're always together."
"But I've never seen them hold hands or kiss. And He's always flirting with whatever girls are around."
"Maybe they have some sort of secret relationship and she lets him talk to other girls to cover it up."
"All I know is if someone as gorgeous as him wanted me to be his secret girlfriend, I'd say yes in a heartbeat!"
"Well, hey, now that she's out of the picture maybe you can make your move and be her replacement!"
As I'm listening, I know they're discussing Katniss and Gale Hawthorne though they never say their names. I can't see who's doing the talking without turning around and I don't want them to know I was listening so I don't look back. But my mind does start to wonder about the same topic. Katniss and Gale. It's true, they are always together and they leave the fence to hunt together all the time. I don't know if they are romantically involved. Katniss and I never talked about Gale or even boys in general really. Just wasn't our kind of topic. I've wondered about them before but always convinced myself they weren't really a couple. Katniss didn't seem the couple type. And I know she didn't have much desire, at least not currently, to fall in love and get married. And yes, Gale was often seen around school and town playing it up for all the girls who vied for his attentions. But he certainly wasn't in any real relationship that I'd ever seen or heard of. He was gorgeous; I'll give them that. With his tall and lean yet muscular build and those grey Seam eyes that held such mystery. Though we were both close with Katniss it was obviously in very different ways, whether they be a couple or not. Sometimes, he'd be with her when she would come to sell me whatever berries they found in the woods. He always kind of hung back and let her handle the transaction though, never spoke to me really. I was okay with that though. If a guy who was that attractive spoke to me in any real context I'd likely blush and probably stumble over my own words. Boys certainly didn't speak to me.
"I heard that he didn't even go to say goodbye to her before she left."
"Oh my gosh! That's awful!"
"I know! I looked for him today but he isn't here. Must have skipped or something."
Suddenly I'm green with envy, wishing I could've skipped school today. I haven't missed a day of school in all my life. Ever. I never seemed to get sick and I never had the guts to outright skip school. My father would kill me. And I figure if the Peacekeepers knew I'd skipped, they'd notify my father without hesitation. And he would give me the lecture on how important my role was. That I was to be a rule follower, an example of what the Capitol expects of the Panem Citizens. And skipping school, while truly no great crime, would inevitably tarnish my perfect illusion. Can't have that, now can we?
"Well, I'm going to try and get a seat near him at the viewing tonight. He can't skip that!"
They mean the mandatory viewing in the square. The one where the tributes are presented from each of the 12 districts. I'm both looking forward to and dreading it at the same time. Sure, I want to get a glimpse of Katniss, and Peeta too for that matter, but I do not like thinking of WHY I'll be getting a glimpse of them. I'd rather they just be here, safe and sound in District 12 instead of being prepped for slaughter. Slaughtered. My friend was about to be slaughtered. And I was going to have to watch it and pretend to be in favor of it. I feel tears brimming my eyes, threatening to spill down my cheeks at any moment. The weight of all this sits heavy on my shoulders again making my chest tight and breathing difficult. I try calming myself in my head. Telling myself that it's going to be okay. But at the same time in my head I hear the "real me" shouting back at the "illusion me" that things were most certainly NOT going to be okay. A lone tear manages to slip down my face and I quickly wipe it away, hopeful that nobody noticed. No such luck.
"Madge! Are you okay?" Tatum O'Neely asks as she rushes over to my table.
"Oh, I'm fine Tatum, thanks for asking! I just got carried away while eating my lunch and ended up biting my tongue something terrible!" I laugh, touching my hand up to the side of my mouth in reply to her concern, trying to be convincing.
"Oh well I'm glad that's all it was. I was afraid you were upset over your friend being reaped." She replies, seeming to believe my fib.
"I do miss Katniss's company but how exciting is it that she gets to go to the capitol? I'm looking forward to seeing what the stylists have done with her at the viewing this evening. Maybe I'll see you there." I say sweetly as I gather my things from the table and head off in the direction of my next class, hoping she won't follow and continue this conversation.
"Yes, maybe I'll see you there!" She calls after me, thankfully not following me. I most certainly will not be looking to see her there. I do not have any intentions of continuing this conversation.
I survive the rest of the afternoon somehow and when the dismissal bell sounds I quickly gather my things and head off in the direction of my house. It's only 3pm and the mandatory viewing isn't for several hours so I've got plenty of time on my hands. It isn't to terribly hot out so I head straight around the side of the house with intentions of relaxing with a good book on the porch swing. Mabel must have seen me coming around the side of the house because she's waiting on the back steps with a list in her hands.
"Your father called and he's invited the families of the tributes over for dinner this evening before the viewing. Could you please go over to the market to pick up a few items I'll need for the dessert?" She asks as she trades me the grocery list for the book bag in my hands.
"Yes, mam. I'll go right now."
I honestly don't want to go back into town. But if Mabel has asked me to do something I know she must be very busy because she rarely lets me lift a finger to help her. I can't say that I'm looking forward to having the Everdeens and the Mellarks over for dinner either.
I quickly purchase the things from Mabel's list and exit the market, grateful I haven't had to stop and chat with anyone yet. As I round the corner, not paying attention as I should, I bump into someone, knocking the bag of groceries from my hands, spilling them onto the gravel.
"I'm so sorry!" I say as I look up to see whom I've just crashed into.
Gale Hawthorne. And he doesn't seem happy with me.
"Geez Undersee, can't you watch where you're going" He scowls as he stoops down to help me pick up my groceries.
"I said I was sorry. And thank you, but I can pick this up myself. I don't need your help." I reply a little on the defensive side since he seems to think I bumped into him on purpose.
"Whatever." He shrugs and resumes walking towards the Seam.
As he does though, I swear I hear him mumble something about "freaking dessert". I'm confused and think I must have misunderstood him. He was mumbling after all.