"Aires is an empath?" Arcturus asked shocked. Regulus couldn't keep a coherent thought. "What's an empath?" Lily asked baffled by the ending of the previous chapter. A note fell on top of her red head. You'll find out later was all it said. "Who would like to read next?" Xenophilius asked in his oddly dreamy tone. "Can I?" Barty asked. Xenophilius slid the book down the table to him. He picked up the book.

Chapter 4. No One's Letters

"These chapter titles are cryptic as hell." James grumbled. "Yep." Sirius whined.

The boys finished their longest punishment when school was done.

"Do I even want to know how long it was?" Shizuka asked. A note drifted into her hands Nope. Was all it said.

Summer just started and Dudley already broke most of his birthday presents.

"You must be joking." Abarax said shocked. "Summer just started and most of his apparently expensive presents are broken." "Lovely in laws Evans." Barty said to look at the angry red head.

And the only time Harry saw him on the racing bike he ran over Mrs. Figg who was going down the street with her crutches.

"Lily your nephew is a menace." Alice said. Lily scowled, but had to swallow this bitter truth.

Harry was glad it was summer but unfortunately

"Now what?" Dorea asked unhappily

Dudley's Gang of Morons (as Aries calls them)

Many laughs bubbled from the group.

visited every day. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm and Gordon were all pretty dumb and bigger than Harry, but since Dudley was by far the fattest and stupidest of them all he automatically was the leader.

The laughs got louder and more hysterical.

They tried Harry hunting a couple of times but Aries and Leo would fight back with insults, pranks and a few well aimed punches and all three of them were very fast runners.

"At least there's that." Septimus said with a nod. "But they shouldn't be fighting." Lily admonished. Moody leveled her with a look. "Well lassie, sorry to disappoint you, but a total end to all fights of any kind will be impossible." He growled. "How so?" She asked tartly. "Because we are people with our own minds and opinions and not everyone will agree with every single person out there in the world." He barked.

Harry was still giggling about the time Piers got the closest to stealing a kiss from Aries,

"WHAT?" Regulus cried out. Barty laughed as he read ahead. "What?" Sirius asked.

and Aries kneed him in the groin calling him a leech

A round of laughter ladies and gentlemen.

before going back to read The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien to Leo and Harry in the backyard.

"I like that book." Ted said.

Harry, Aries and Leo often spent their time out of the house wandering around having fun, away from "The morons who all share half a brain" as Leo put it.

Many cheered and laughed.

Even better was a tiny ray of hope when the next school year comes around.

"Oh! They'll be going to Hogwarts!" Dorea said happily.

They'll be going to Stonewall High, a public school

"No they won't." Dorea muttered

away from the "Blithering Idiot Quintet" (Aries).

Everyone laughed again. "Aires is pretty funny." James said wiping a tear away. "He's a lot like Reg." Sirius said. "usually he can show he has a sense of humor since it isn't proper." Barty added. Arcturus looked at his youngest grandson. What in Merlin's name happened at 12 Grimmauld place?

Dudley thought this was funny.

"Why?" Nymphadora asked.

"I heard they stuff people's heads down the toilets there. Wanna practice?" He asked nastily.

"On you?" Regulus asked just as nastily as Snape.

"No thanks, the toilet might get sick. It never had anything as gross as your head down it before." Harry said.

Everyone was laughing hard. "Just like his dad!" Charlus cheered after catching his breath. James smiled proudly.

"We need that toilet, why would we place it under such inhumane torture?" Leo asked with a mock look of worried confusion.

The laughter returned with a vengeance. "That's my boy!" Sirius said happily. Shizuka was still giggling. Remus looked at the both of them. "So he has Sirius' brains and humor. Shi-chan's temper and aura reading." He said. "Pretty good combo."

"I don't know you guys, he might just want to bathe? Ever think of that." Aries jabbed dryly.

Barty stopped reading and looked at his friend. "That was all you Regulus." He said with a grin.

Harry and Leo ran off before he could figure out what they just said,

"It'll take years for him to figure it out." Arcturus said.

and Aries just casually strolled by, thinking by the time Dudley figures it out he'll be working at Grunnings snacking on a greasy fried bun.

Septimus looked at Arcturus. "He really did get the Black family humor." He said good naturedly with a smile.

Dudley will be going to Smelting

"That sounds like some load of rotten fish." Sirius said wrinkling his nose. "Fitting for those who probably go there." Regulus said with a nod of his head. "What people who would be outsmarted by a rotten fish?" Sirius asked with a smirk on his lips. "I was going to say invertebrate but I believe your right as well." Regulus said. Barty looked incredulously at the brothers and back to the book. "Holy shit that was creepy." Was all he said. "What do you mean Barty?" Lucius asked.

("It sounds like some rotten fish brains."

"Okay." Sirius said awkwardly.

"Well Leo who do you think go there?"

"Kinda." Regulus said just as awkwardly.

"People that could lose a game of chess to a trout?"

"I actually thought of that." Sirius said with wide eyes.

"I was going to say sea slug, but that works too.")

"I actually imagined a slug when I said it." Regulus said shocked. "This just keeps getting creepy." Remus said. "I think it's sweet." Xenophilius said distantly.

a private school Vernon went to.

"He's doomed." Many decided.

One day in July Aunt Petunia and Dudley went to London to buy his new school uniform. Aries and Leo absolutely loved it when they saw it after returning from Mrs. Figgs

"If they love it, it is hideous." Liliana said.

who was nicer and gave them expired chocolate cake.

Remus looked like a kicked puppy at those words. "Blasphemy!" He howled in pain. "Remus, chill." Sirius said. "But-but –the chocolate!" Remus whined. Shizuka pulled out a Japanese candy bar out of her magically insulated pocket and gave it to Remus. Remus accepted it bashfully before taking a bite of it. She chuckled and petted his head. Sirius pouted. "Oh, you overgrown puppy." She said before kissing his cheek, causing a goofy smile to spread. James meanwhile was miming a gag.

That evening Dudley paraded around the living room, proudly modeling his new uniform. The boys' uniform had maroon tailcoats,

It started with a few snorts and snickers.

orange knickerbockers,

which grew louder and louder

and straw boater hats.

Until the dam broke and a full bellyaching laugh ensued. McGonagall couldn't stop chuckling. "Albus has a robe with those colors." She said when she collected herself.

Harry kept his laugh in and felt some ribs break from the effort.

His parents did not follow their son's example.

Aries and Leo held nothing back.

As did everyone else in the Room of Requirement.

They laughed so hard they couldn't breathe and had tears in their eyes. "S-someo-ahahah-one w-was c-color blind!" Leo managed to gasp out between laughs. "H-he ha-ahahaha-ad t-too much to drink!" Aries chocked out. The Dursleys ignored them and gushed at Dudley.

"Evans, your in-laws have issues." Sirius said jokingly only to be met with a glare.

Harry was pretty sure Dudley looked like a pig in a wig at some circus show as Aunt Petunia mentioned that her Ickle Duddleykins was all grown up and how proud Uncle Vernon felt.

"I have nothing to say." James said, but he was losing the fight to keep the smile off his face.

The next morning Harry, Leo and Aries were greeted by a foul stench

"The Dursley men?" Septimus asked, to the surprise of many.

that they found came from a bucket full of grey water and what looked to be bits of elephant skin in it.

"What fresh hell is that?" Sirius asked. "The Dursley family brains." Regulus said scrunching up his nose.

"What awful thing did she cook?" Leo whispered frantically.

"OH COME ON!" James exasperated. This was happening a lot lately.

"The missing brains of her husband and son." Aries deadpanned,

"Like father like son." Narcissa said with a small smile. Barty read ahead and choked on several laughs that threatened to come out. "What is it Barty?" Bellatrix asked. "Reg, you aren't going to like this." He said holding chuckles at bay.

scrunching his nose like the kitten they found in the park

Regulus threw his head back and put his hands over his eyes. "WHY?" was all he asked.

(when Leo said this he was hit upside the head).

"OI!" Sirius said. Regulus was in the same position. "Deserved that." He mumbled.

"What is this?" Harry asked causing her to purse her lips, like every time he "dared" to ask a question. "Your new school uniforms." She said tartly.

"I feel a sudden love for Hogwarts robes." Alice said said. "At least they're not as wet." James said sarcastically.

Harry looked at the bucket. "Oh, I didn't realize it would be this wet." Harry said sarcastically getting a giggle out of Aries and Leo.

James puffed up proudly.

"Don't be stupid." She snapped, much to Aries and Leo's ire.

"Your son's the stupid one." Dorea and Liliana said in unison. They stared at each other in shock for a bit before Barty continued.

"I've dyed some of Dudley's old clothes. It'll look just like everyone else's when I've finished."

"Riiiiiggghhht." James drawled in disbelief. Liliana didn't say anything, but the look onher face said it all.

Harry didn't think so but kept his mouth shut. Leo wondered if she was as blind as her son is stupid and fat.

That got the laughs flowing.

Aries was frowning trying to figure out how to resize and restyle these things and how much he could get done before school started.

Regulus was frowning. His son shouldn't worry about those things. He should be worried about Hogwarts, Quidditch, and doing homework. Not having to raise two other boys his age.

When the male Dursleys came in their noses scrunched up

"I highly doubt it was as cute as Aires' was." Sirius snickered. "Shut up!" Regulus said icily.

("Not as cute as Aries' though."

"See Leo agrees with me."

"Shut up." "What it's true." "Stop moving your mouth and making those noises." "You know you love me Rees." "I disown you Lee."

"No offense but your sons are acting like idiots." Liliana said.

"Your both being idiots.")

She blinked. "Finally he takes after me!" she said cheerfully.

at the smell of the new uniforms. Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as per his normal morning routine.

"Who cares?"

Dudley was banging his Smelting stick that he carried around everywhere on the kitchen table demanding for bacon.

"Does everywhere include the bathroom?" Sirius asked turning slightly green. Many stopped to look at him. The overall reaction was 'Ewww.'

"Please tell me he didn't take that to the bathroom with him." Leo pleaded. When his cousin and honorary brother didn't tell him 'no' all three held their plates and ate, not wanting to catch anything from Dudley's bodily fluids.

"Smart thinking boys." Andromeda said nodding her head. "It's not like he's diseased or anything." Lily grumbled. "Still highly unsanitary and a possible health hazard."

When the mailman dropped the mail onto the doormat Uncle Vernon told Dudley to go get the mail.

Sirius looked panicked. "THE END IS NEAR!" He wailed, flailing his arms uselessly.

"Make Harry get it." Dudley countered. "Get the mail Harry." He said reading page two.

Shizuka patted his head. "There there, the world is in order." She cooed.

"Make Dudley get it." Harry said wanting to eat breakfast.

The Potters were cheering for him.

"Poke him with your Smelting stick Dudley."

"EW." "I'd rather have troll snot on my wand than be touched by Dudley fluid." "Idiots."

Vernon said not even looking up from the paper. Harry dodged Dudley's swing, and passed his plate to Leo.

Sirius nodded sagely. "Save the food."

There were only five things today. A post card from Vernon's sister, a bill, and letters for Harry, Leo and Aries.

"Hogwarts letters!" many rejoiced.

Harry had never gotten a letter before.

His family wilted.

Aries and Leo lived with him, he had no other family, and Aries was the only one who went to the library, so Harry never got any notes to return books. And yet here was Harry's first letter.

"Mr. H. Potter

The Cupboard under the Stairs

Many heads turned to McGonagall. "It's a self-writing quill." She said ashamed. Moody elbowed her gently. "Maybe you should watch it now. It'll help get kids out of unsavory homes." He growled.

4 Privet Drive

Little Whinging

Surrey" in green ink. There was no stamp, and the envelope was thick and heavy and yellowed. On the back was a purple wax seal with a large H surrounded by a badger, a raven, a snake, and a lion.

"Same as ours." Was the general consensus.

"Hurry up boy! What are you doing, checking for letter bombs?" Uncle Vernon asked chuckling at his own joke.

The Marauders looked personally offended. "Blasphemy!" "Sacrilege!" "Desecration!" "You three are idiots." Bellatrix said simply.

Aries turned to Leo "If that's a joke I'm the Queen of New Zealand." He told Leo. Leo gave a mock bow, balancing his and Harry's breakfast. "My Queen." Leo said with a snigger.

More laughter ensued.

Harry came back with the mail and distributed it. He sat down and slowly opened his letter.

"Why slowly?" "I guess he wanted to savor it." "The only thing that should be savored is chocolate."

While Uncle Vernon was going through the mail like a pig uprooting grass,

"Nice simile." "Didn't know you knew that word." "Shizuuu."

Aires and Leo picked up their letters too. Aires and Leo mentally cheered at hearing that Aunt Marge got food poisoning from a whelk.

"Yeesh."

Then Pork-for brains-Jr. had to say they got letters.

Laughter yet again. "Who dubbed him that?" Barty asked. Aires was all that was written on the parchment shaped like a butterfly that landed on Regulus' nose.

Pork-for-brains-Sr. ripped their letters out of their hands.

"OI!"

"Those are ours!" Leo yelled. "Who would want to write to you lot?" Uncle Vernon sneered. When he got a better look at the letters he started to choke on air, calling for his wife. "Oh, Goodness, Vernon- Vernon!" She cried overdramatically.

James repeatedly hit his forehead. "What are you doing mate?" "Bad mental images." "EW!"

"What are we going to do Vernon?!" She cried hysterically. "Give me back my letter." Aires said icily. "I want to see them!" Dudely cried hitting his father in the head with his Smelting stick.

"THEY LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT!?"

"Those belong to us." Leo said heatedly. "This is a nightmare Petu-""WE WANT OUR LETTERS!" Harry bellowed and Leo could feel static in the air.

Remus and Sirius looked at James fearfully. "Why did he have to have your temper?" They asked lacking their Gryffindor courage.

"GET OUT!" Uncle Vernon yelled tossing Harry and Dudley out by the scruffs of their necks.

"Huh, didn't think that possible." "HANDS OFF MY SON!"

Aunt Petunia shoved Aries and Leo out with her boney hands.

The Black family had dark looks on their faces.

Aries and Leo scared Dudley away with swift glares.

Those not directly of the Black family knew the porker's fear.

Harry listened at the crack at the bottom of the door. Leo got on Harry's back and listened from the top of the door. Aires put his ear against the door straining his hearing.

"Didn't we do that once?" "Yeah, third year, teacher's lounge." "BOYS!" "Oh come on!"

"Vernon, the address" Aunt Petunia began nervously "how could they possibly know where they sleep?" Aries thought he heard her nervousness.

"Empath." Someone coughed.

"Should we write back and tell them to-" "No we simply do nothing. They'll give up eventually." Vernon said more confidently than Aries thought he would feel.

"Huh, he does have a spine." "Yes, buried under all that fat."

"Tuoba ginni'kat yeth er'a tahaw?" Harry asked. "Wonnok tonnod i." Aries said. "Shh!" Leo hushed.

"Still need to figure that one out." Lily said to herself.

"But Vernon-" "I won't have any of this in my house Petunia. We agreed we'd stamp it out no matter what remember!" Uncle Vernon snarled.

At the words 'stamp out' there was an explosion of unsuppressed magic. If Vernon Dursley were in the room he'd be reduced to a shadow on the wall and a smoldering pile of ick.

"Og Sottel!" Aries said as he heard Uncle Vernon's footsteps get louder. They vaulted out of the way and escaped without a trace.

"Marauders in the making." James said proudly, deaf to McGonagall's hard-to-miss anguish.

When Uncle Vernon came home he visited the boys in their cupboard for the first time. Ever.

"Why?"

"What are you doing here?" Leo asked.

Moody nodded

"Where are our letters?" Harry asked.

Again.

"Who wrote to us?" Aires asked.

And again.

"Those letters were sent to you by mistake, and I burned them." He said simply.

"WHAT!?"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Leo yelled. "There wasn't a mistake; it had our cupboard on it." Harry said. "You just broke the law, genius." Aries muttered. "SILENCE!" Uncle Vernon bellowed causing several spiders to land in his hair.

"Hope they bite him." "I don't think the venom can work through all that fat in his head."

"Er—yes boys, about this cupboard" He said with a forced smile, that Aries hoped hurt "Petunia and I have been thinking you have gotten too big for it."

"They shouldn't have been in there at all!" Augusta screeched.

Aries raised an eyebrow, kindness and Dursley mix like oil and water.

Moody nodded again. Good instincts he thought.

"We decided to move you boys into Dudley's second bedroom."

"SECOND BEDROOM!"

"Why?" Harry asked. "What's the catch?" Leo asked. "What are you scheming?" Aries asked.

"Boys show promise as Aurors." Moody said gruffly.

"Don't ask questions!" he snapped. "Take your things upstairs now!"

It was a quick move since each boy only had enough personal belongings for one trip.

Dejected looks spread from one to another like a plague.

It was a four bedroom house. One taken by the Mr. and Mrs., one for Diddy the Dimwit,

A couple bitter chuckles.

one for guests(usually Aunt Marge), and a storage room for prince moron's (mostly broken) hoarded junk.

The chuckles got a bit lighter.

After setting their things away, Harry sat on the bed as Leo and Aries examined all the junk for salvageable things.

Moody nodded again.

"Here's the month old camera." Leo said picking it up in one hand. He used the other to pick up the toy it collected dust on. "Isn't this the tank Dumbo drove over the neighbor's dog's tail?" He asked. Harry nodded.

"A menace I say, A menace." "You would know Black." "Shut up Snape."

"I found Dunderhead's first TV." Aires said looking at the hole Dudley kicked in it when his favorite program was cancelled.

"I have no words."

They found three large bent bird cages that used to hold Dudley's parrots before he sat on them.

"Why?" "I don't think we want to know."

"Didn't he trade those birds for an air rifle?" Leo asked. Aires smirked. "They didn't like being cooped up so they managed to fly away before they got to their new home." He said.

"Aww."many women cooed.

The books were untouched.

"Of course." Lucius drawled with a roll of his eyes.

"What a waste, fine literature left to collect dust." Aires said with fake sorrow.

Sirius faked a cough. "Nerd."

"We'll Dudley can barely write his own name, maybe they hoped he would grow half a brain." Leo added. "I thought it was a third of a brain." Harry added. They all held their serious demeanor for a minute before bursting into hearty laughs.

The Room lasted 3.58 seconds.

It got worse when they heard Dudley whine to his parents. "I need that room. Make them get out." But the room was still theirs.

"Better late than never I suppose." Abarax muttered.

Harry's only complaint right now was not getting his letter.

Many sighed sorrowfully at his misfortune.

The next morning at breakfast, everything was quiet. "You find more cheer in a graveyard." Aires muttered.

"Delightful." Xenophilius said dreamily. Many gave him various looks.

Dudley was in shock that he didn't get his room back. He was like a gelatinous tornado.

"Pleasant." Ted said sarcastically

He hit his father with his Smelting stick, kicked his mother, threw up, shrieked, and threw his tortoise (named Mr. Turtle) through the green house roof, but no second bedroom for Dudley.

"I am speechless."

When the mail came in, Uncle Vernon made Dudley get it.

"He doesn't want them to get their letters." Charlus muttered darkly.

"Either he's being nice, or he doesn't want us to get our letters." Harry said to a half-awake Leo.

Charlus smiled at his grandson.

Dudley banged his Smelting stick around the hallway as he said this so the Dursley's didn't hear him. "There's three more! Mr. H. Potter, Mr. A. Black and Mr. L. Black, smallest bedroom 4 Privet Drive- "

"Didn't he want to read them?" "Yes." "Then why the bloody hell is he yelling it?" "Moron, remember?"

Aires and Leo leapt out of their seats and ran.

Sirius and Regulus cheered for their sons.

Uncle Vernon gave a strangled cry as he went running down the hallway Harry hot on his heels.

The Potter family cheered him in.

Leo wrestled the letters away from Dudley and gave them to Aires.

"WOOHOO!" Sirius cheered.

But before Aires could take off, Uncle Vernon was grappling him for the letters.

Regulus started scowling.

Harry grabbed Uncle Vernon by the neck from behind, trying to get Aires free.

James and Dorea were cheering him on, while Liliana and Charlus hoped Harry was ok. Regulus crossed his fingers hoping his son got the letters.

After their confusing brawl, Uncle Vernon managed to get the letters.

The Room was filled with disappointed sighs and boos.

"I want" Harry started to say, but Uncle Vernon just ripped the letters up in front of his eyes.

"That's just cruel." Liliana snapped.

He sent Harry, Leo and Aires to their new room, he even sent Dudley away.

"He's serious then." "No, I'm-" " " Sirius pouted at Remus.

Harry came up with a plan.

"YES." James yelled.

The alarm clock Leo repaired read six o'clock.

"Wonder how he did that?" Lily asked. "Probably got that from his dad." Shizuka said. James nodded. "Padfoot's really good at building and fixing things." He said remembering a few gadgets and gizmos he was working on.

Harry slithered out

Liliana giggled a bit. James looked at her, "He gets that from you." He said. "You know you love it." She countered. "Indeed I do." He said with a warm grin. Lily seethed with envy. If he likes her so much then what have the last few years trying to date me been about? Unless…

from Leo and Aires cuddling sleep,

Their fathers spluttered. "Paddy is a cuddler." Remus said. James nodded. "Regulus does that too." Barty said, interrupting himself. Regulus glared at his friend. "I think it's sweet." Shizuka said, hugging Sirius.

and silently sneaked down stairs.

The Mauraders nodded and McGonagall groaned.

He was going to wait for the mail man, get their letters and surprise Ree and Lee when he got back up stairs.

James nodded. "Simple, but it could work." "Not bad for eleven." Sirius added.

He jumped up when he stepped on what should have been the door mat.

"What is it?" Dorea asked. Everyone was curious when Barty kept laughing.

Instead, he stepped on Uncle Vernon's flabby face.

And the laughter returned.

Harry felt pretty stupid when he saw his Uncle's sleeping bag, knowing he outsmarted Harry.

James' head hang lowly. "Cheer up mate." Sirius said from his seat. "You learn from your mistakes." Remus added wisely.

He yelled at Harry and ordered him to make him a cup of tea.

The light and laughter started to dim.

Harry made his tea, after a healthy dose of spit went into the cup.

"ATTA BOY HARRY!" James cheered happily. "Didn't you do that too?" Remus asked his friend the stag. "Yep, at Dad's meeting." He said. "You WHAT?" His parents asked shocked. "C'mon, it was Mr. Crouch." He turned to Barty Crouch Jr. "No offense but your dad's an arse." He said hastily. Barty shrugged. "None taken, he's not much of a dad, anyway." Barty said ignoring the stares.

When he got back Uncle Vernon had already ripped up the letters.

Grumbling, glares and threats, oh my!

Uncle Vernon took the day off and nailed the mail slot closed.

"I'll find other ways." McGonagall said sternly. Dorea, Augusta, Charlus, Moody, Abarax, and Septimus nodded in agreement. "I believe you confessed almost getting into Ravenclaw." Charlus added.

He was explaining his plan to Aunt Petunia, who doubted him.

"Tuney has a good understanding of how the magical world works." Lily said.

"Oh, those people aren't right in the head. They're not normal like us." Uncle Vernon said while hammering a nail in with a piece of fruit cake Aunt Petunia brought him.

"Please tell me you made that up." Ted said in disbelief. Barty showed him the line. "Good Godric, he lost his mind!" Ted exclaimed.

"Should I be concerned were stuck indoors with an insane fatso?" Leo asked looking at Harry and Aires.

"Yes, you should." His parents said nervously.

"I'm more concerned that the fruit cake actually worked." Aries said.

Regulus laughed hard. "You promised to forget that!" Sirius yelled, face turning red. "S-Sirius tried baking a cake, but it was hard enough to put a hole in the ceiling!" He said quickly. "Why were you baking a cake?" Dorea asked. Sirius shuffled awkwardly in his seat. "I heard people at school say how tasty their mum or gran's sweets were and wanted to try making stuff." He said looking at the wall. Shizuka cuddled him. "I'll bake you my best cakes and snakes." She said nuzzling his shoulder.

"Think Dudley will eat it?" Harry asked. "He'll eat anything." Both Black cousins said in unison.

That got everyone laughing again.

On Friday, at least a dozen letters for each of them wormed their way through the windows and door cracks.

"Yes!" Remus cheered.

Only to be destroyed with Uncle Vernon's fireplace.

"Aw." Nymphadora said sadly.

Then a dozen were hidden in their eggs.

The studennts looked at their Transfiguration teacher in awe or shock. She just shrugged at their looks, and ,otioned for Barty to continue.

Only to be mulched by Aunt Petunia's food processor. "She's going to make another fruit cake." Leo said ominously.

You guessed it more laughter folks.

"Who on earth wants to talk to you lot this badly?" Dudley asked in amazement. "Decent human beings?" Leo supplied. "People with actual functioning brains?" Aires asked.

More laughter. "Both are accurate." Andromeda said.

On Sunday, Uncle Vernon looked sickly happy after jumping at small noises (caused by the Black cousins)

"Nice." James said.

and would hum Tip Toe Through the Tulips.

"He go coo-coo." Nymphadora babbled (she's two), causing many laughs, giggles and snorts.

"No mail on Sunday!" He cheered while putting orange marmalade on the sports section of the paper.

"Dora called it." Ted said taking his daughter from his wife.

"No damn mail-" when a letter hit him square in his mustached face.

"Bull's eye!" The Mauraders cheered.

Letters whizzed and flew out of the chimney.

"Catch 'em!" "Wow."

Harry tried jumping for one, but couldn't get a hold of one since Uncle Vernon kept trying to stop him.

"OI!"

"Stop them!" Uncle Vernon ordered.

"They have a chance if he's the leader." Moody said.

Leo grabbed handfuls of them and kept dodging Dudley's failed tackles.

"GO LEO!" Sirius cheered, standing in his seat like it was a quidditch game.

Aires grabbed several letters and hid them in his baggy clothes while outrunning Aunt Petunia.

Regulus looked hopeful.

Aires and Leo did some feints and sprints which caused Dudley and Aunt Petunia to crash into each other.

Laughter and giggles. "I would so pay to see this happening." James said.

He seized Harry by the waist and threw him into the hallway.

"WATCH IT!"

Aires and Leo sprinted to Harry.

"I hope they still have their letters." Alice said.

When Aunt Petunia and Dudley came back, protecting themselves from the letters, Uncle Vernon started to pull out his own mustache whiskers.

"Coo-coo indeed." McGonagall said.

"That does it! We're going away! We leave in five minutes so start packing!" He ordered. He looked so dangerous without half his moustache nobody argued with him.

"More like stupid." Septimus said.

Although Leo let a bark like laugh out while packing.

"Just like Sirius." Liliana said.

He laughed harder when Uncle Vernon hit Dudley upside the head for trying to pack a TV, computer and VCR in his sports bag. "Dummy's finally getting what he deserves." Leo snickered.

More laughter, with Sirius' bark like laugh the loudest.

They drove and drove and drove without a break or food.

"I hope they're ok." Alice said nervously.

With each new street Uncle Vernon grew more paranoid and crazy.

"Uh-oh." Nymphadora babbled (I know little of two year old speech patterns [-.-]˚).

When night fell, Dudley was complaining how this was the worst day of his life. No TV, or computer games, or any of his favorite snacks.

"You spoilt brat." Regulus said darkly.

"Shut up!" Aires snapped at him not able to take his whining.

"Thank you." Regulus said. Barty looked at his friend. "Mate your talking to a book." The icy glare Regulus sent him was good motivation to get back to reading.

They spent the night at a dim and grim hotel on the outskirts of the big city.

Insert winces.

Harry, Aires and Leo shared a bed in a room with Dudley who kept whining. They huddled together under the musty sheets.

Women cooed at how cute that must look, while the men felt a small amount of humor to this.

Leo and Harry convinced Aires to sing to them ("Damn your puppy and doe eyes!").

Remus groaned. "These two gits do it too." He said pointing to his two best friends.

Aires cleared his throat and started to sing.

"Didn't get that from me." Regulus said. "I believe the last three generations of Black are tone deaf." Arcturus said. Those directly of the Black family and their spouses nodded.

Cold as the northern winds

In December mornings,

Cold is the cry that rings

From this far distant shore.

Winter has come too late

Too close beside me.

How can I chase away

All these fears deep inside?

I'll wait the signs to come.

I'll find a way

I will wait the time to come.

I'll find a way home.

My light shall be the moon

And my path - the ocean.

My guide the morning star

As I sail home to you.

I'll wait the signs to come.

I'll find a way

I will wait the time to come.

I'll find a way home.

My light shall be the moon

And my path - the ocean.

My guide the morning star

As I sail home to you.

Who then can warm my soul?

Who can quell my passion?

Out of these dreams - a boat

I will sail home to you.

"What song was that?" Lily asked. A note shaped like a canary perched itself on the table before unfolding. Exile by Enya.

The song put Harry, Leo, and Aires to sleep, but it gave Dudley a fitful night of sleep.

"It was rather sad." Narcissa said nervously.

They ate cold tomatoes from a can and some stale cornflakes for breakfast.

"THAT'S NOT A BREAKFAST!" "Calm yourself Padfoot."

They had just finished eating that miserable breakfast when the owner of the hotel came to their table. "Scuse me, but which of you are Mr. H Potter, A. Black, and L. Black? I have 'bout a hundred letters each." She said holding three large stacks of letters.

Frank whistled. "Professor, you sure are persistent."

When Harry began to reach for a letter Uncle Vernon slapped his hand away. The lady stared.

"WHY?"

Aries could tell she was deciding whether or not he was a kidnapper.

"I hope she called the authorities." Augusta said sternly.

In the end Uncle Vernon took the letters from them.

"Damn."

Even Aunt Petunia was nearing the end of her threshold because she actually asked to go back home. Her suggestion fell on deaf ears.

"Nice catch." Liliana said facetiously.

It would seem that Uncle Vernon had finally lost whatever was left of his sanity.

"He had some to begin with?" Abarax asked.

They spent an hour out in the forest. Aires's ghost story about a rich family getting cursed by angering a ghost didn't help either.

"That's something you would do." Barty said to his friend. Regulus pointedly ignored the stares he got.

"Life's not exciting without a few scares, and Dudley deserves some misery." He whispered to them.

The Marauders nodded.

Although when he told the story, Leo saw a silver mist next to Aires.

Regulus looked a bit nervous. Shizuka looked contemplatively at the ceiling. "I wonder who that is?" she asked aloud. Many just shrugged.

Not that he told anyone.

"Of course." Shizuka said dryly.

This cycle of stopping and a ghost story, continued for

Barty stopped and looked at his friend "Mate your son is creepy." Regulus looked offended. "Here this." Barty said.

the next plowed field (the ghost was a cannibalistic farmer who was forced to eat his fat son during a blizzard),

"That'll scare Dudley." The Mauraders said grimly. Sirius looked at Regulus. "He got that from you." He said solemnly. "Really?" Alice asked. "Gave me a nightmare when we had to stay home alone." Sirius said unashamedly.

halfway across a suspension bridge (woman jumped because of her guilt as her son was a failure),

"He would make a terrible enemy, considering his empathy skills." Moody growled. Many nodded.

and on top of a multilevel parking lot (faulty drill went straight through a man, and he was buried in one of the concrete pillars).

"Every one of those is a Dursley nightmare." Lucius said.

"Daddy's gone mad hasn't he?" Dudley asked terrified by Aires' stories.

Several people snorted.

"Gone?" Leo asked "I thought he already was."

And several people laughed.

It started to rain down hard on the car.

"I like the rain" Xenophilius said "it just washes it away." He ended in an airy voice.

Leo and Harry fell asleep, lulled by the rain.

"James used to fall asleep when it rained." Dorea gushed. "Mum!" Her son whined.

Dudley sniffled. "Today's Monday." He told his mother, who was actually asleep. "The Great Humberto's on. I wanna stay at a place with a TV." He whined.

"Would you like some cheese with that whine?" Remus asked.

Aires had a gleam in his dark eyes. Since Harry's birthday was tomorrow, he'll make sure Dudley leaves them alone.

"Oooh! Do we get to hear one of his stories?" Alice asked excitedly. Barty read ahead. "Looks like it. What's a TV?" He asked. "It's short for television, it's a box that displays images like a wizarding photograph but it has sound." Lily answered promptly.

"The man entered the hotel soaking wet from the storm." Aires began in an icy voice.

"Reg does the same thing." Sirius piped in before being shushed.

"He walked to the front desk, the old uneven floorboards creaking and moaning. 'May I stay the night?' he asked feeling the cold seep in from his clothes to his very bones." He smirked at the fearful look growing on Dudley's face.

Most would have snorted or snarked, but they wanted to know how Aires story went.

"The old man at the front desk looked at him with a sagging face. He shifted a door key to the man with a shaking, bony hand. The man walked to his room and took a hot bath. When he was warm he sat on the bed and turned on the TV. On the TV was a man on a bed, watching TV. Behind the man was a cloaked figure, holding a knife, crusted with dried blood." Aires felt Dudley's fear rise.

A few other participants felt fearful or anxious.

"A knock came from the door. 'Yes?' the man asked from his seat on the bed. 'Sir, I just wanted to let you know.' A wheezy voice said from the other side of the door. 'Let me know what?' The man asked." Aires paused for a moment. "Let him know what?" Dudley asked shaking the whole car with his fear. Aires looked Dudley in the eye. "'Sir, our TV is broken.'" Aires ended with a dead voice.

"That was actually creepy." Lily said in shock.

"Goodnight." He said before turning to face the window.

A couple weak chuckles escaped braver souls. "After all that he just says 'Good night'?" Frank asked in surprise.

Aires and Leo woke up first. Leo barely held his laughter in at what he did to Dudley before going to bed.

"Mini-Sirius." James and Remus said in unison.

When Harry woke up they wished him a Happy Early Birthday.

"AWW! How sweet!" Many of the women cooed. Most men rolled their eyes.

Aires wanted to give Harry a present, but he used most of his money to buy Harry and Leo "emergency rations" for when they got stuck in the cupboard.

All happiness and mirth was snuffed out like a candle.

Last year, the Dursleys gave him a coat hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.

"Ick." Many expressed if it wasn't anger, sorrow or guilt.

Leo used those to make a lampshade for their cupboard light bulb.

Sirius blinked. "Huh." Was all he said.

Aires hemmed a shirt to fit Harry that year.

Surprisingly James looked at Regulus. "Your son's a great kid." He added to his thank you. Regulus nodded through his shock.

Uncle Vernon came back all giddy at the news of a storm with a long and thin package which he refused to tell Aunt Petunia about.

"That's very worrying." Many adults said.

The "perfect place" he was so happy about was a lonely shack, on a crumbling island, in the middle of a freezing grey sea.

Liliana nervously bit her lip. Shizuka held Sirius' hand tightly. Regulus picked up a cushion and had a death grip on it. James looked ready to buck. Sirius looked grim.

Leo wasn't so sure who scared him more, the old man missing several teeth who lent them his rickety old boat, or the obviously insane Vernon Dursley.

"THE INSANE ONE OF COURSE!" Bellatrix exclaimed scaring many.

The boat ride was cold and miserable.

Worry permeated through the group.

Aires turned to Harry and Leo. "I don't know why Dudley's unhappy" he whispered "with all the blubber on him the cold shouldn't bug him as much."

Many chuckles broke through the gloom's stronghold over the crowd.

The inside smelled strongly of seaweed,

"Seaweed's pretty tasty." Shizuka said simply. "Whatever you say sweetheart." Sirius said, not daring to voice his opinion on it.

and the bitter wind whistled through the gaps in the walls.

"I hope they stay warm and dry." Andromeda said worriedly.

The fireplace was damp and lacked fire wood.

"Of course." Many people exasperated at the boys' bad luck.

What Leo complained the most about was the so called rations. "How are we supposed to live off of a bag of potato chips and a banana?" He questioned angrily.

"THAT'S A SNACK!" Sirius bellowed angrily.

Aires thought to himself that this is the only thing he and Dudley would ever agree on.

Sirius looked horrified. "The horror!" he exclaimed overdramatically.

Everyone ate in silence. Except for Aires.

Regulus looked worried. "Why?" Barty's eyebrows reached his hairline.

He gave his banana to Harry and his chips to Leo.

Regulus looked at the book with wide eyes. Many looked nervous.

"You guys take it." He told them.

"But you need to eat something!" His father exclaimed in concern.

Leo and Harry protested.

People silently hoped Aires had to eat his own portion.

"I'm not hungry and you guys are." He said stubbornly. He was hungry but the bruises on his ribs hurt when he ate.

Many people winced at that, Regulus' was the worst. "Forgot about that." Frank muttered.

They reluctantly ate his portion.

Regulus sighed dejectedly as his head met the table.

Uncle Vernon was using the chip bags as kindling for a fire, smiling nastily about how their letters would make a good fire.

Many people wanted to hex the cruel muggle known as Vernon Dursley, but had to be placated with target dummies with his fat face on it.

They found three moldy blankets for the night. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia got the only bedroom in the house. "Hope you get bedbugs." Leo muttered darkly.

His dad's muttering was worse but the words "fire, elephant, and newt" could be caught by those near him.

Dudley got the couch which looked like moths had feasted on it.

"Hope it breaks." James said darkly.

Aires found them the softest bit of floor to sleep on. They huddled together for warmth.

Many witches and wizards there got teary eyed.

Leo drew a cake in the dirt that said Happy Birthday Harry on it, with eleven candles with drawn flames.

His parents looked sad.

"Make a wish Harry." Leo said.

Sirius and Shizuka felt a mutual love of their son grow three times it's size.

Harry blew out his candles when he saw the time on Dudley's wrist watch as he snored and snorted on the couch.

Lilana was crying, and James wiped her tears away, both unaware of Lily Evans' swift look at them.

Leo heard a rock crumble into the sea.

"Please be ok." Sirius begged the book in the young Slytherin's hands.

Something outside creaked, causing Leo to shift ready to move quickly.

"Onegai." Please. Shizuka asked mimicking her future husbands plea.

Harry was imagining the Dursley's entire house full of letters when they got back.

"Happy thoughts." Dorea sniffed.

When Harry told them this Aires remembered something. "Oh, Harry I completely forgot"

"Aires must have their letters!" Alice cried joyfully, causing Regulus to shoot up from his depressed head-desk.

he said as he silently blamed his hunger.

And he resumed his previous position.

But before Aires could speak a thundering BOOM shook the shack.

And he was upright again. "What the hell was THAT!?" James asked nervously.

"Someone's at the door…" Leo whispered.

"Oh." Remus started, looking worried and scared.

"My." Sirius continued sporting a look of fear.

"Godric." James finished with a terrified look on his face.