Disclaimer: I own only my own thoughts and words. Suzanne Collins owns the HG and all the characters she so wonderfully created.
Chapter 7
Posy is fast asleep in my arms, her bare feet dangling over as I walk back to our house in the Seam. Bare feet. Madge Undersee had noticed my bare feet tonight. I don't know why I cared but I did. I really hated knowing that she'd noticed. Thanks to Prim, I was forced to sit next to the princess all night. And I don't care what Prim said, that dessert was clearly a gift that originated with Madge. My family does not need charity, especially from the mayors freaking daughter. Everything about that girl irks me to no end. And then of course there's the viewing itself which was no picnic. Katniss was holding hands with Peeta Mellark the whole time! Holding his hand as if they were friends. As if they were some kind of couple. As far as I knew, they didn't even know each other. Katniss was not an affectionate person. She didn't go around clutching hands with guys, much less a guy she didn't even really know. Again, this it's uncertain why this bothers me. Katniss isn't my girlfriend. She isn't mine. And I don't necessarily feel jealous even. Not sure what I feel about her. Protectiveness is the only reason I can think of that makes any kind of sense in my head.
I tuck Posy into the bed she shares with my mother and make sure Vick and Rory climb into theirs as well. I'm exhausted and I want nothing more than to climb into my own bed but I have to much on my mind for sleeping. I head off into the main room, the only other room of our house, which serves as a kitchen and a living room. My mother is sitting at our table folding the laundry the boys pulled from the line before dinner. That woman works so hard. Too hard.
"We're gonna have to get Vick a new pair of shoes Ma. The old ones won't hold more than another couple days."
"I know. I spoke to a few people this evening, letting them know I was looking to take in extra work if anyone needed anything. No definite leads though." She says through a yawn.
"I'm going to ask around next time I go to the Hob, see if anybody has any odd jobs I could do." I tell her.
"Gale, we will figure it out. We always do." She says trying to reassure me though I can see the doubt in her face.
"I'm going out for a walk. Gotta clear my head a little, don't wait up okay?" I tell her as I head out the front door. I glance back and see her nod in understanding. She was a good mom. Never pushy, hardworking, good about letting me have my space when I needed it.
My original destination is the woods but as I'm reaching the perimeter fence I remember that I don't have any shoes on. Damn shoes. I kick the dirt with my feet in frustration and slam my hands against the fence. Time for plan b I guess. The meadow would be my next best spot I guess. It's closer to the actual town than I prefer to be but I can't think of another option for me and my bare stupid feet. I just need to clear my head. And I need to be alone to do that. I reach the meadow and walk to the far edge of it, closest to the fence in hopes of getting as close to privacy as possible. The last thing I need is a Peacekeeper seeing me in the meadow and questioning me over nothing. Thankfully, the town seems quiet and empty tonight. I lay down and rest my arms back behind my head. The night air is so much cooler than the dry heat we've been having during the daytime. The grass feels nice and cool beneath my feet. My bare feet. I guess maybe it's a good thing I don't have any shoes on since this feels much more relaxing at the moment than hiking through the woods. The moon is nearly full so it seems brighter than usual. Still not bright or anything but it does cast a soft glow over the grass of the meadow. The grass is nearly knee deep though where I'm laying so I know I'm concealed from view.
As my mind begins to try and sort out the troubles that filled it today I allow my eyelids to close. Katniss is where my mind wanders first and I guess that's as good a place to start as any. She'd looked amazing tonight. When I first saw her chariot, I thought for just an instant that something had just gone terribly wrong. My heart had caught in my throat and all I could think was how she was going to die before she ever even had a chance to fight. Thankfully, I realized rather quickly that the fames were just some sort of fake fire. It was the first time I'd ever seen her with make up on. She looked beautiful but I wasn't sure I liked it on her. Somehow it seemed to take away the "her" in her. Like she wasn't Katniss anymore. My Katniss did not wear make up. My Katniss? Had I really just called her that to myself? Yes but I don't think I mean it in the way it sounds. My Katniss also did not go for PDA. What the hell were they holding hands for anyway? None of the other tributes have ever held hands. You are not team mates, you are competitors. In a week's time she will have to kill him. Why on earth would she be affectionate with him now? She's being so stupid. She needs to wall herself off, not let anyone in. It will be so much easier to take their lives that way. She spends her normal everyday life walling people off from her so why should the games make her change her ways? Normally, outside of me and Madge, Katniss kept to herself and her family.
Madge. She was Katniss's friend I guess. I never understood why. They have absolutely nothing in common with each other. Katniss is like me. She knows what it's like to struggle, to have to provide for a family. Madge on the other hand doesn't know anything about survival. She gets whatever she wants whereas we barely even get what we need. Screw getting what you want. I'd never once gotten something I wanted. It's been so long since I even thought about wanting something. My brain doesn't even know how to do that anymore. But now that madge is on my mind I might as well try to figure why I let her get under my skin so badly. She's never been of mind to me before so I don't know what's changed. I have always just been indifferent to her, her being the mayor's daughter and all. She is always smiling and being happy. Guess it's easy to be happy when your life is exactly what you want it to be. Hmmm, maybe I am simply jealous of the hand that fate dealt her when she was born into wealth and I was born into a life of starvation and constant struggle. Maybe it wasn't her that actually bothered me but rather her life. Her ever pleasant, smile filled life. I bet she never has to figure out where her next pair of shoes comes from. Bet she's never gone barefoot a day in her life. I decide to just avoid communicating with her. I just need to go back to being indifferent to her. To not thinking about her one way or another. I still can't explain why I was embarrassed to have her see me barefoot though. I wasn't barefoot when anyone else noticed or asked about it.
I push the thought of her from my mind and decide to think about the shoe problem. Tomorrow is Saturday so I can spend extra time in the woods, checking my snares maybe do a little shooting. If I get a big enough haul from all of that I might have enough to trade at the Hob for some second hand shoes and feed my family too. For a moment I feel calm, thinking I've got it under control then I remember I have to get enough of a haul to feed Mrs. Everdeen and Prim too. There's no way that's gonna happen. Just isn't possible. What if I can't get hired for any odd jobs and can't earn the money for the shoes? Ugh! My hands cover my face in frustration. How in the hell am I going to do this? How am I going to feed and provide for 7 people all by myself?
I decide to lay in the meadow a bit longer. The cool night air and the soft grass is the only luxury I can afford myself at the moment. After awhile I feel myself begin to drift off but I'm to exhausted to care. I just want to lay here a little while longer.