CHAPTER 8

Konan sighed as she pushed open the door to her apartment and stepped inside. The air was warm and permeated with the scent of disuse. Closing and securing the lock on the door, she removed her shoes at the entrance and crossed to place her belongings onto the armchair in her living room. She then proceeded to open the windows, welcoming the cool breeze as it chased the staleness from the room.

Omoi had returned to pick up her and Karui and drive her home from the hospital. Karui had agreed to stay with her to keep her company, but Konan had declined, stating that she had just wanted to be alone. She noted the worry in Karui's amber eyes as they sat in the backseat of Omoi's car outside of her apartment, and assured her that she'd be fine, that she was just tired and wanted to sleep a spell.

Karui hadn't wanted to force her company on her friend and relented. She settled for walking Konan to her front door instead, and promised to call her later that evening, should she want to cry, scream, rant and rave, vent, whatever, but they both knew that wasn't Konan's nature and shared a quiet laugh before Karui left.

Now, standing in the solitude of her apartment, Konan wondered if it had been such a good idea to send Karui away after all, as her company definitely would have been a more welcomed alternative to the memories that began to bombard her as she walked through her apartment. There had been the books she read aloud to Nagato while his head cradled in her lap in the living room, the meals they shared in the kitchen, the sensual showers they took together in the bathroom, their lovemaking in the bedroom. It seemed every room held some anecdote of their time together, and Konan wasn't sure how she was going be able to function, how she was going to be able to progress beyond the current state of turmoil that was her life, with images of Nagato resurfacing at every turn.

The long, hot shower had proved therapeutic as she emerged from the bathroom later. Not only had it divested her of the smell and feel of the hospital, but it also helped to ease her tension to the point where all that had remained were her thoughts that swarmed in her head as she lay on her back. She was unaware of time as it gradually burned away to the early evening.

Konan thought about fate, and the belief that one could shape it, like a malleable lump of clay, to manipulate it into what one willed. She decided it was too precarious an ideal in which to place one's faith. Because if the current situation with Nagato was teaching her anything, it was that one didn't always get what he wanted, regardless how much he strove to attain it. Hadn't that been the case with her? Hadn't she labored beneath some hopeful ideal that if she held out long enough that her relationship with Nagato would eventually evolve into what she'd always fantasized it to be? And what was the result? She turned onto her side to gaze at the rainfall outside her window. If such was truly the reality, then man was more masochistic than he was given credit for, because it was truly a siege of self-inflicted misery to pine and hope and strive for something, or someone, that wasn't destined for him after all. Just like Nagato obviously wasn't destined for her.

And what had that meant? That she was considering the possibility of raising the child alone? It was a thought she'd contemplated all night in the hospital, and though she hadn't been particularly afraid of the possibility, she hadn't welcomed it, either. Konan curled into a fetal position as she drew a shaky breath. She was no different than the many millions of other women in the world who dreamed of settling down with the right guy and starting a family. But in light of all that was happening now, what other option was she left with? It was time she realistically assessed her situation, cut her losses, and truly moved on with her life. Besides, she had no intentions of making Nagato feel trapped or obligated to do anything he wanted to do.

Such were her thoughts that she voiced to Karui when, true to her word, she had called Konan to check on her later.

"Karui, would you be afraid to raise a child alone?" She asked after she pulled herself into a sitting position on the side of her bed. "You know, as a single mother?"

"Don't go there, Konan," Karui countered on the other end of the phone with a shake of her head. "It's just too damned early to start thinking like that."

"And when is the right time, Karui?" Konan asked. "Personally, I think the timing couldn't be better."

"Look," Karui reasoned, "all I'm saying is Nagato has a say in this, too. He is the father."

Konan sighed heavily. "He's the father, he's the father," she repeated sarcastically. "Apparently you feel the need to remind me," she said, remembering Karui had said the very same thing earlier at the hospital, as if she'd forgotten. As if she could ever forget. "Whose side are you on anyways?" She asked at the risk of sounding childish. And perhaps it was childish, but every time she heard Karui mention Nagato being the father, she couldn't help but feel she was somehow siding with him.

"It's not about taking sides," Karui explained. "Oh, trust me when I say I could drop-kick Nagato's ass right about now for what he's done, so don't think I'm taking his side. I just think you should really think things through before you go off on some hasty-assed tangent and start denying Nagato the right to be in his child's life. And though I wouldn't know, I'm sure being a single mother isn't a walk in the damned park."

"Well, I'm not the first woman to raise a child singlehandedly, and I definitely won't be the last." Her eyes narrowed. "And who said anything about me denying Nagato his child?"

"Because I know you, Konan, and whenever a situation gets to be too much for you to handle, you retreat. You'll hole yourself up in your own little world and try to carry on like nothing happened. Only in this case, you'll retreat with the baby, and you know it."

Konan took a deep sigh. She could feel herself bristling at Karui's words. Though she'd hated to hear them, she knew on some level that Karui was right. Yes, this situation was a bit too much to handle, but damn it! What was she supposed to do?

"What in the hell has been going through your mind over there?" Karui thought aloud and sucked her tongue. "I knew I shouldn't have left you by your damned self, because you're talking crazy talk, you know that?" Karui sighed. "Okay, listen, I have something important to handle tomorrow. I'll call you back afterward, alright? Just try to get some rest."

When the call was concluded, Konan returned her cell phone to its charger on her nightstand before standing and padding into the kitchen. Her appetite had increased since her nausea had subsided, and she hadn't felt as tired since the first of the iron supplements she took that morning. Even her dizziness had passed. She set about preparing a small salad for herself into which she emptied a can of drained tuna, and stepped out onto the small enclosed patio off her living room where she sat with her feet tucked beneath her on a patio chair and silently munched.

Konan knew Karui meant well, but felt that she simply hadn't understood. And why was she suddenly at fault for deciding to move on with her life? The decision hadn't been off the cuff. It had been one Nagato himself had made when he started seeing – no, impregnated - Ino. She realized that now.

Konan cast a glance over her shoulder and back into her apartment. She forked a heaping of tuna salad into her mouth as she weighed various factors. She was financially stable. Sure, being an elementary school art teacher hadn't afforded her a lavish salary or lifestyle, but she made a comfortable living. She always made sure to live within her means and never splurged unnecessarily. Her apartment was big enough for her and the baby, and she had her savings to rely on as well. She nodded. She would make it work. Regardless of what role Nagato would decide to play, to what extent he would be involved in the baby's life, she had to focus on her baby. She was going to be a mother, she thought, and a feeling of protectiveness surged warmly through her body.

Omoi's eyes darted a glance to Karui next to him before returning to focus on the road as he drove to a local restaurant they had decided to dine at that night. "How is she?" he asked.

Karui sighed. She returned her cell phone to her purse. "I can't say I honestly know. I mean, she's physically fine, but…" Her voice trailed off as she thought. "For starters, she's already pondering raising the child alone." She shook her head. "She hasn't even talked to Nagato yet, and she's already thinking about raising the child alone."

Omoi steered the car into the parking lot of a restaurant they frequented, angling it into a parking lane before shutting off the engine. "We just have to be patient with her. She's been through a lot these past few days. As a result, she's scared and feels the need to brace herself for whatever outcome."

Karui sat back as she stared at Omoi with a raised brow. "There's a bit of a self-help guru in you after all, huh?" She teased and leaned to peck a kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah, well, right now I'm going to help this self to some food," he returned as he released his seat belt and exited the car. He then walked around the car to hold the door open for a laughing Karui. They halted their conversation until after they were seated at their table and their orders were taken.

"But seriously," Karui continued, "I really don't know what the hell Nagato was thinking by getting involved with that florist." She sucked her tongue with derision.

"Hold on, no so fast," Omoi cautioned. "You can't blame all of this on Nagato. Konan's a big girl." He shrugged. "She knew what she was getting herself into." His eyes were cool as they locked with Karui's own fiery stare. He knew Karui was protective where Konan was concerned, but fair was fair. Honestly, he would rather they not be involved in the situation as it involved Nagato and Konan, and was for Nagato and Konan to figure out for themselves, but knew that as long as Karui was friends with Konan, that wouldn't be the case. Then again, he supposed that was what he loved about Karui. He knew her concern and desire to protect her loved ones stemmed from someplace wholesome and genuine, and it made her all the more beautiful to him.

Karui's eyes softened. She knew Omoi was right, and that Nagato couldn't be expected to shoulder the blame. And yes, Konan had known what she was getting herself involved with. Nevertheless, she still couldn't help but think the majority of the blame rested with Nagato. Why had he agreed to get involved with Konan if he knew he hadn't been ready to commit? But that was the nature of an open relationship, wasn't it? There rules were there were no rules, and to agree to such an arrangement meant to accept the possibility of getting hurt.

Karui sighed. Though Omoi would never say it, she could see it in his eyes that he disliked spending their time together discussing others' problems, or matters that didn't concern them in general. She decided to ditch any more talk of all things Nagato and Konan for the rest of the night. She didn't want to spoil their time together, either, especially when he looked as handsome as he did, dressed in a white, short-sleeved tee that hugged his upper torso and emphasized his muscular physique, highlighted his brown skin tone by matching his short and spiky hair, and tucked into the waistband of a pair of slacks.

Besides, she would address the situation tomorrow when she had a word with Ino. It was then she would be able to assess the matter herself, and get an upfront idea of who it was Konan was dealing with.

Evening had already descended when Nagato finally left the office and headed home. He'd sent Shiho home earlier that day with orders to take the rest of the day off, and tomorrow as well. Since he had her rearrange all his meetings, there really had been little for her to do, and he couldn't justify having her around the office.

She had eyed him with concern before finally leaving. He smiled wryly when she beheld the empty beer cans that still littered his desk and reminded him to call for a cab in the event he hadn't been able to drive himself home. He assured his dubious assistant he'd been sober, citing his need to get some work done himself, and it hadn't been a lie. He realized he'd still yet to take a look at the blueprints for the restoration project that had been sent him by Ame officials and figured he'd do it all home, burn the midnight oil if he had to. Besides, he figured he had to get used to Konan's lingering presence, to work around it, and had decided there had been no better substitute than work to help him achieve the goal.

He cleared the beer cans away into the small garbage can next to his desk, knowing that the evening cleaning crew would properly dispose of them. His hand hovered over the origami booties that lay open on his desk that he assumed had been placed there by Shiho. He hadn't touched them the whole night they sat there, and he'd just stared at them, recalling over and over the humiliating way he'd been turned away at the hospital.

He sighed as he grabbed the box anyway and took it with him, along with the blueprints he returned to the tube carrier that he slung over his shoulder along with his guitar case. During his drive home, he caved in to an impulse and drove by Konan's apartment, slowing his vehicle as he neared. There was an alley located across the street from her apartment, and he decided to park there, backing in so as to give him a clear, frontal view of her balcony. He was aware what he was doing was considered stalking, and that it was illegal, but he figured he had no choice. The damned woman wouldn't see him. He'd even tried calling, but she'd blocked his number from his cell as well. His teeth gritted in anger. She was angry, he got that, but what had she sought she sought to gain by shunning him? She had to know how foolish she was behaving. She was carrying his child, for crying out loud! At some point, they were eventually going to have to deal with one another to properly discuss the baby.

He was at least thankful that the rain hadn't been too hard, and his pulse quickened as a light shined from the window of her apartment. The living room, he pinpointed, and waited. Then he noticed the sliding glass door of her balcony opening and she appeared with a bowl in her hand. Her figure was silhouetted against the backdrop of the light. Nagato watched as she gripped the back of a patio chair and pulled it further against the wall and away from the rain, and sat in it with her feet tucked beneath her. She appeared to be deep in thought as she chewed. Nagato wondered if she thought of him as much as he thought of her, but figured if she had, the thoughts definitely weren't pleasant.

He was unaware of how long he'd been parked there, how long he'd been watching her, when his cell phone rang again. He knew who it was without checking. Ino. She'd been calling incessantly since the incident at his office, only he hadn't wanted to speak with her, which he knew wasn't a good idea. He knew he ought to keep the lines of communication open with her, but decided he didn't want to converse with her any further until she underwent the paternity test, which she had yet to do. Shiho had assured him she had made the necessary arrangements with the local paternity center, and had even double checked to find out what the delay was, only to learn that it had been Miss Yamanaka herself who had failed to show for the procedure. Nagato had hoped they could resolve the manner quietly, without involving the courts. And though his patience wore thin, he held firm to his stance to forego any further communication until the results of the paternity tests were conclusive.

His face violently angled to the left when a hand suddenly rapped against his window. He lowered the window to extend a few large bills to a homeless man in the rain. He watched as the man flashed a wide, toothless grin before disappearing back down the alley, gripping the blanket that had become soaked by the very rain that it had probably been intended to protect him from. Nagato sighed as he rolled the window back up. He really should be heading home. He'd promised himself to have a look at the blueprints, and it was getting late anyways. He continued to watch Konan on the balcony until she finally rose to retreat back into her apartment before revving his car to leave.

This is ridiculous, he thought, making up his mind to return to her apartment first thing in the morning. Come hell or high water, she was going to see him.