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Chapter Four: For A Few Pounds

"Oh my god!"

The scream passed underneath Jane's skin – ran icily through her veins – and made her heart freeze for seconds she judged way too long to her own taste before she managed to react and rush to the first floor to rescue Maura from whatever had happened to her.

Bedroom: empty. Closet: empty (yet her wife rarely screamed when in there unless she came to face for the extra synthetic fabric Jane had dared to bring in). Yoga room: empty.

Nobody either in the guest room.

Bathroom, then. You're not a detective by accident, obviously. Smarty. Worried by the silence that was now following the scream, the Italian rushed in only to be stopped by Maura's hand. Up in the air.

"Don't walk in." Drama queen voice: activated.

Yet as Jane scanned the small room, she realized that everything seemed into place. And not a single drop of blood either. Then what was going on? Apart from Maura standing on a scale.

Nah. That couldn't be it... Could it? Oh yes, it can be. Oh yes.

Verification in five, four, three, two... "What's happening? Why did you scream?"

Maura snapped her head and stared at her wife coldly. Jane made an instinct step backwards and took a deep breath. She had never seen the honey blonde so angry. Or panicked. Maybe this was actually panic in her eyes.

"Three pounds. I put on three pounds."

And... Bingo. If I were you, I wouldn't roll my eyes, Riz'. This is one delicate situation to handle. Do not make any joke. Carefully – sweetly – Jane approached her wife and patted her back with a gesture she assumed to be comforting. "Honey... It's... You knew it had chances to happen – because of the injections – we were told about it."

Maura rolled her eyes in defeat and pouted. "I was hoping that..." Sob. "That if I kept a very healthy diet then it wouldn't happened. Three pounds... Three pounds, Jane. And I am not... I'm not done with the hormonal injections yet." Sob. "You have married a whale-to-be."

In spite of her efforts, the brunette couldn't but chuckle at the comment. Bad move. Maura's eyes widened as she gasped in horror.

Fists clenched. "This is not funny! How dare you?" The sobs turned into uncontrollable tears.

Red alert: on.

"You are super fit, Maur'... And to be honest, even if you put on five tons then you'd still be the most beautiful woman on Earth."

The comment made the two of them blush. Timidly, Maura smiled and shrugged. "I wish you could get hives too when lying so I can spot it more easily." Of course, she didn't mean it and was simply teasing Jane. Her remark got its little effect.

And a kiss.

"I am being an ass, I am sorry."

Maura's crude vocabulary surprised the Italian who let a smirk play on her lips. She grabbed her wife's hand to drag her out of the bathroom. It was a nice evening – rather quiet – after a stressing day at the BPD. All she wanted was to cuddle on the couch while watching a movie on television. Yet seeing the latest events, she could say goodbye to Mad Max. Maura wasn't feeling fine so she had the right to choose the program.

"You are not being an ass; as much as I love it when you go all sassy like that. You are going through a lot, psychologically and biologically. It's only fair." And frustrating. She would not say it but Jane felt helpless. Pointless. Disarmed. She assisted to Maura's ups and downs and all she could do was opening her arms to her. Nothing else. The blonde wasn't being whiny. She was just affected by a cocktail of hormones to a high dose and that wasn't easy.

They went back downstairs hand in hand without saying a word. As Maura shyly settled on the couch, Jane headed straight to the kitchen to prepare them two Coco-Loco. The evening was such that they both obviously needed it.

"Susie and I go to the game, tomorrow. You're sure you don't want to come?"

Maura nodded. She was glad to see that Jane had somewhat hit it off with the criminalist since that evening when they both had found had that they had a lot in common. Yet she wasn't feeling fine. Too tired for an evening out. "No... I will stay here and enjoy a warm bath while sipping on a glass of wine. Which reminds me that we need to buy some more bottles... My parents will never accept to drink the cheap ones we have left."

Jane made a face but remained silent.

She hadn't forgotten about the upcoming visit of the ones who were now her in-laws. It was even more stressing than any case she had worked on so far. It was not that she did not like them but Maura's parents were intimidating. Way too much.

"And tomorrow we have lunch with Lisa and Guadalupe..."

Guadalupe. They hadn't seen her since forever. And she is pregnant. It worked out for her. What if it doesn't work out for you? Maura swallowed hard and bit her lower lip with anxiety. There was a parallel between Jane and her and Lisa and Guadalupe. It was undeniable. Since Punta Cana, she had followed – with amusement – how her couple and theirs had taken a similar – and sweet – path. If Jane and she had got married first, Lisa and Guadalupe would become parents before them. It was not a contest – she was even happy for them – but what if their parallel stopped there? What if the insemination didn't work?

What if, what if, what if. Only what ifs in her head.

"Why are you growling like a beast?" Coco-Loco in hand, Jane made it to the living-room and smiled at her wife; her curiosity piqued.

Maura blushed – accepted the glass – and mumbled away a vague excuse. There was no point in making official the storm of thoughts happening in her head right now.

"Never mind... And thank you for the cocktail. I hope you went strong on the rum. I wouldn't mind emptying the whole bottle right now."

"Elephant Man?"

Maura frowned, confused by her wife's question. "And then you tell me these three pounds are nothing!"

This time, Jane rolled her eyes. "The hell? Would you just drink and stay quiet? I was talking about the program. Elephant Man is aired on television tonight. Would you like watching it? Or not?"

Oh. "Err... Yes, that would be nice. It is a good one." Guiltily, Maura looked down at her cocktail and shook her head. This was not her day. Not at all. "I am sorry, Jane. Really..."

The brunette shrugged. "Lisa and Guadalupe will meet us at the BPD tomorrow... How about that French bistro you like so much?"

Maura smiled enthusiastically but gasped within a second. Jane frowned, unsure whether she was supposed to ask.

"What...?"

The blonde shrugged and furiously began to sip on her cocktail. "If Guadalupe hasn't put on weight, I swear I will take it bad."

Jane sighed, rolled her eyes. Pause. As the movie began, she bent over and tried to take Maura's glass. "Come on, give me that."

The honey blonde shook her head and clutched to her drink; eyes wide opened in shock. "Why would I do that? I am not drunk! Leave this... Glass! It is mine!"

"Then stop focusing on extra pounds. It's a cocktail you're having. Do you want to know the amount of calories that's in it? Nah?" Maura shook her head. "Yep, I knew it. So now let's watch the other freak on tv."

"He was not a freak. Would you like people to say that about you if you had... I don't know... An extra tiptoe?"

Jane made a face and shuddered but before Maura's glare, she didn't insist and hid herself behind her cocktail. "There's too much rum in these, no?"

"There is never too much rum in a cocktail. Absolutely never. These are yummy, Jane. You should be a bartender."

"The worst of all is that ma' would like it better than me being a cop, actually... I'm your personal bartender. You want a cocktail, I prepare it. For you and nobody else."

Maura smiled - passed an arm around her wife's neck to bring her closer - and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. "You are the sweetest person I have ever met, Jane."

The Italian nodded unconvincingly before straightening up on the couch. "Yeah well... Don't say that to everyone. There's no way the guys at the BPD think I'm Carebear and all. Just... Sip your cocktal and enjoy the freak-who-is-not-really-a-freak."

The honey blonde obliged. "Really yummy... In spite of the calories."