Just to let everyone know I have started school so my updates will be slower then they have in the past. And a shot our to my reviewers, you guys rock! Keep it up. lol

~Chapter Nineteen~

~Kendall's POV~

I was woken the next morning, by Gracie poking me in the back.

"Daddy, get up."

I rolled over and looked at her.

"What's wrong Princess?"

"Where's Mommy?" She climbed up on the bed and I pulled her onto my lap. "Daddy, where's Mommy."

"She had to leave early to help Grandma with something."

"She didn't leave?" She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"No Baby, she'd never leave you. She loves you too much."

"Really?"

"Of course." I kissed her forehead. "Why don't you get dressed and we'll go see her okay?"

"Okay Daddy."

She slid off the bed and ran out of the room. I picked up my phone and sent my Mom a text letting her know we were on our way over.

I hated myself for lying to Gracie, but it was better than telling her the truth, because I have no idea why Jade ran.

When I was dressed I went looking for Gracie, she was still in her room playing with Fluffy Marshmallow.

"You guys ready to go?"

She nodded and stood up. She hooked Fluffy Marshmallow's leash on her.

Gracie was silent the whole way to my parents house. I knew she would be until she saw Jade.

When we got to my parent's house and as soon as Gracie was out of the car, she ran up to the house and let herself in. I shook my head and got out of the car. I grabbed Fluffy Marshmallow before I headed into the house myself.

Mom and Gracie were in the kitchen. I could tell that it was taking all my Mom could do to keep Gracie from going up stairs.

"I'm gonna go wake Jade up."

"I wanna see Mommy."

"I know you do Baby, but let me go get her up first okay?"

"Fine." She pouted and took Fluffy Marshmallow from me.

I kissed the top of her head and then headed upstairs.

I stopped in front of my room and took a deep breath. I knocked on the door.

"Go away Kendall."

"Come on Jade, open the door."

"Go away Kendall."

"This is my room, I do know how to open the door from out here."

She didn't say anything. I just rolled my eyes and unlocked my bedroom door. Jade was sitting on the bed glaring at me. I walked over and sat next to her on the bed.

"So wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Then why the hell did you just take off."

She just shrugged.

"Gracie woke me up this morning on the verge of tears because she couldn't find you." She didn't even look up at me. "She was so worried that you had taken off on her."

"I'd never leave her."

"But you did."

"I just needed to get my head on straight." She looked up at me. "Where is she now?"

"Down stairs waiting for you."

"Oh."

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on."

"I don't know why I lost it last night."

"I have a hard time believing that Jade."

"I don't care if you believe me or not." She stood up and glared at me. "I really don't know what set me off last night."

"Why won't you talk to me Jade? I though you really wanted us to work."

"I do."

"Then talk to me. How can I help you if you won't talk to me?"

"What the Hell do you want from me Kendall?" She threw her hands up in the air. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to trust me, is that too much to ask for? Don't you understand how I love you?" I stood up and faced her. "Damnit Jade, why can't you let me in?"

"I don't know how to."

"Yes you do." I pulled her into me and hugged her to my chest. "I wish you'd open up to me all the way. I know you've opened up to me more than anyone else, but I wish you'd let me all the way in."

She pulled away from me and wiped her eyes.

"I should go see Gracie."

I didn't say anything as she walked past me and out of my room. I ran my fingers through my hair and sat on the edge of my bed. Well that hadn't gone like I had thought it would have.

This whole thing with Jade giving me an inch then stepping back three, is really starting to piss me off. Maybe she wasn't as ready as she said she was to jump back into this.

God was I that much of a fool to think that this was going to work between us? If she doesn't open up to me, I don't know if we can make this work. I hate feeling like I don't even know my own wife anymore.

"Knock, knock." I looked up to see Mom standing in my doorway.

"Hey." I patted the bed next to me. "What's up?"

"You okay?"

"I just have this feeling that she's lying to me."

"Why would she lie to you?"

I just shrugged. "She's pulling away from me, but at the same time trying to tell me everything is okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too, I really thought we were ready to move past this and really be a family now."

"What set her off again?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. "She won't tell me."

"Maybe you guys just need some alone time?"

"Gracie won't be leaving her side anytime soon. She woke up freaking out this morning because Jade wasn't there." I looked at her. "I had to lie to her to get her to calm down."

"What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I just can't pretend that everything is okay when it's not. And I have no idea how to fix this when she won't even talk to me."

"I'm sorry."

"Why won't she talk to me?"

"She could be afraid you won't love her anymore when you find out about her past." She shrugged. "Maybe she's ashamed of it and doesn't want you to know."

"I thought I knew all there was to know?"

"We all have our secrets. You know Jade didn't have an easy childhood, and you know what happened with her ex, but there are things that she hasn't told you."

"Why? I thought she trusted me."

"It isn't a lack of trust Kendall, it was never that. She was just afraid you wouldn't look at her the same."

"I just don't understand."

"I know you don't, it's hard to explain how she's feeling. All you can do is love her and be there for her."

"For how much longer though? I don't know if I can keep doing this. I love her and Gracie so much they are my whole world, but I can't keep pretending."

"Just do what you can."

~Jade's POV~

When I got down stairs Gracie was sitting on the living room floor, holding Fluffy Marshmallow on her lap. I walked over and sat next to them.

"Where were you Mommy? You promised you'd always be there when I woke up."

"I know, I'm sorry Sweetheart." I pulled her onto my lap and kissed the top of her head.

"Did you and Daddy get into another fight?"

"No Sweetie."

"Then why did you leave?"

"I don't know."

"I love you Mommy."

"And I love you." I hugged her to me. "I love you so much. Never doubt that."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there this morning Baby."

"Don't do it again Mommy."

"I won't." I kissed the top of her head. "I never meant to scare you."

"I know."

"What would I do without you Love Bug?"

"You'd be sane." She giggled.

"You always know how to make me feel better."

"That's my job."

"You do it very well."

"Hi Daddy."

I looked over at Kendall and I could tell that if I didn't tell him what was going on soon, that I would really lose him for good. I just don't know if I could tell him. But if I wanted to save my marriage, I was going to have to.

"What are my two favorite ladies up to?"

"Waiting for you Daddy."

"Really? What for?" Kendall walked over and sat on the other side of me.

"I love you Daddy."

"Love you too, Princess."

"So what are we doing today?"

"What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know. I just wanna hang out with you and Mommy."

Kendall looked at me over Gracie's head. I just looked away.

"Can we go to the beach?"

"That's sounds like a great plan." I smiled at Gracie.

"Breakfast is ready, if you guys are going stay." Kathy said.

"Gracie, go with Grandma."

"Okay Mommy."

Gracie stood up and walked over to Kathy and took her hand.

Kendall and I just sat there.

"I don't think you're ready for me to move back in."

I just looked at my hands and at my ring.

"Okay."

"I'm not giving up on us, Jade, I just think it would be better if I didn't move back in, right now."

"No need to explain, I understand." I stood up. "I'm gonna go change, I'll be down in a few."

I didn't wait for him to say anything, I just took off up the stairs. After I shut the door, I leaned on it and let the tears fall down my face. I knew it, I was losing him and it was no one but my own fault.

"Jade." Kathy knocked on the door.

I stood up and opened the door for her. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, while she shut the door behind her.

"You okay?"

"You don't have to be nice to me, I know you must hate me right now."

"Oh Honey, I don't hate you." She sat next to me. "I can understand where you're coming from."

"He hates me." I wiped my eyes. "I'm losing him and I can't blame anyone but myself. I was never the girl that needed a man in my life, but I can't breathe at the thought of losing him."

"You need to talk to him. He's pulling away because that's what he thinks you want." She patted my knee. "He would do anything to make you happy. You know that."

"But that's not what I want."

"Then you need to tell him that."

"I don't know why, but I'm so afraid." I looked at her.

"So is he." She stood up. "But nothing is going to change if you don't swallow that fear."

"Thank you."

"You make my son happy."

I just nodded as she walked out of the room.

Maybe if I had a Mom like her when I was growing up, I wouldn't be so fucked up. God knows how fucked up I was.

My phone ringing brought me out of my thought. I picked it up off Kendall's bed side table. It was Logan.

"Hey Logan."

"Where is everyone, I got up and everyone was gone."

"We're at Kendall's parents' house."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah everything is fine."

"Ya know how you can tell when I'm lying, I can tell when you're lying to me." I laughed. "So tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing. We're taking Gracie to the beach, wanna join us?"

"Sure sounds like fun. I'll invite the others."

"Thank Logie."

"When you're ready to talk I'll be here."

"You have your own problems to worry about."

"I'm taking Allie to dinner tomorrow night and I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

"Still?"

"I love her more than anything in the world, so yes I still plan on asking the woman of my dreams to marry me."

"Good for you Logan, I'm really happy for the two of you."

"Thanks Jade, that means a lot coming from you."

"Anything for you Logan." I smiled to myself. "But look I need to go, I should go back downstairs before Gracie thinks I left."

"Okay, I'll see you in a little while." He hung up.

I got up and changed my clothes before headed back down stairs.

After a long day at the beach and after Gracie went to sleep, Kendall and I were just sitting on opposite sides of the couch. Kendall wouldn't even look at me.

"Is this what we've come too?"

"What do you want to hear me say Kendall?"

"I just want you to let me in, Jade. Is that too much to ask for?"

"I'm just scared."

"Of what?"

"Of losing you."

"I'm not going anywhere." He moved closer to me and cupped my face. "Whatever is making you pull away from me, is it really worth the heartache."

"I just don't know."

"It can't be that bad, Jade."

I looked down at my lap.

"Whatever it is Jade, it won't scare me away."

I looked up and searched his eyes. He was telling the truth, but I was so afraid. But not telling him, I really would lose him for good.

"You can tell me Jade, whatever it is. I won't be going anywhere, I promise."

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