Disclaimer- I don't own Negima.
You sad little failures of reviewers don't really deserve another chapter (except you, Alexander, whose real account name I have not yet memorized), but I'm giving you one anyway. For readers of Donec, the Eva chapter is taking forever, but I am working on it! :)
Enjoy! :)
"Story, story, story, story!" chanted Konoka.
"Yes, I'll tell one," said Al, a little surprised. "No need to get worked up."
"Does it upset your delicate nerves?" sneered Chisame.
"Yes," replied Al, effectively shutting her up.
Asuna pounded the table. "Shut up and start talking!"
"I'm not sure how to do that."
She blushed. "You know what I mean! Get to the story!"
"Yes, yes...I was in the American west, back in the days of the gold rush, shortly after the Civil War. Mining towns were popping up everywhere, and I decided to visit some Native Americans I had not seen for some time, so I was heading West..."
"Young ma'am? Young ma'am?" called the deep male voice.
Al was on his way to the Oregon Territory, hoping he could get there in a few weeks, when he was unexpectedly hailed down by a male voice.
"Excuse me?" answered Al politely.
"What's a young lady like yourself doing out in the wilderness like this?" asked a robust, manly voice. Albireo resisted the urge to scratch his chest, an urge that always surfaced when someone mistook him for a woman. It was borne out of the belief that, if the human who thought he was a woman saw his chest hair, they would be completely convinced otherwise. Albireo had no rival when it came to chest hair...or any kind of bodily hair. He wished it wasn't true, but those "blessed" with immortality must bear some curse, and Al personally believed his price to pay was an incredibly gross amount of body hair.
Al turned and saw a large man with a thick, curled mustache leering at him. He wore the decorated uniform of a military official, and Al wondered how many times a day the man had to clean it to keep the Western dust off it.
"Yes," replied Al, slightly testily. "I'm in somewhat of a hurry, so if you could please state your business?"
His deep voice resonated in his chest, but the military man looked only slightly surprised. This made Al wonder what kind of woman this poor man was accustomed to.
"This is a scary place for a young lady like yourself to be."
Al swore inwardly at his habit of riding sidesaddle. Riding normally was a literally a pain in the ass, especially when you literally had a pained ass- Al was coming from a brothel in Independence, Missouri.
"Why?" He let his voice rise slightly, if only to sound slightly more like a woman's. "I don't like your attitude. Woman are as good as men."
"Yes, until they get eaten by a bear out in the West." He rode alongside Al and held out his hand, which Al reluctantly shook. Again, this man wasn't surprised at Al's large, calloused hands.
"That's sexist." he muttered half-heartedly. He wasn't really interested in protesting women's rights, but he did believe in equality.
"George Armstrong Custer, at your service." said the mustached man, and Al immediately knew who he was.
"Al Imma."
"Is that short for Angelica?"
"No."
"Alberta?"
"No."
"Aloise?"
"Sadly, no. I don't think you're going to guess it."
"Alexandria?"
He didn't betray a hint of emotion. "No. It's short for Jane."
"What? Jane?"
"Yes."
"I give up. Why don't you put on some real clothes and come with me to town? I can get you a good meal and bed for the night."
"Is there something wrong with my clothing?" he protested, his voice growing more feminine by the word. He was wearing the bearskin of a bear he'd killed himself. He hadn't really wanted to, but the bear was absurdly angry and Native Americans were as adept at peer pressure as anyone.
"It doesn't suit a lady as yourself."
"I'll decide what suits me." replied Al snippily, but he followed Custer to the town. He wasn't one to turn down a free meal.
Just as they rode into town another group of horsemen rode alongside them.
"Colonel!" gasped one of the men. "We have a problem! Bandits are robbing a nearby wagon train!"
Custer roared in rage. "I will attack! Come, men, we will-"
"Perhaps this job is better suited to a woman," interrupted Al sweetly. "I'll be back presently."
And he rode off, urging his horse quietly to speed up. He galloped to catch up with the bandits, and when he did, he promptly whooped their asses without even using a weapon, knocking every one of them out with a well-placed hand strike. It was unbearably easy, and Custer rode up just as Al was finishing up.
"You...did it?" he asked in shock.
"Yes. I'm quite a strong woman."
"I would have to agree and insist you accompany me to dinner tonight, Miss Jane. I might almost say you have a knack for calming calamity."
"If you so wish it, I will. But not out of affection for you, out of the palate of my stomach, understand?" he said honestly.
Custer had the audacity to look offended. "Do you really think that little of me?"
"What have you done to prove otherwise? In my world you need to prove your worth. A military uniform does not make a man."
"I like my girl with a little spunk," winked Custer.
"Is that what you told your wife when you married her?" asked Al, smiling.
Custer looked understandably shocked, but recovered quickly. "Is that what you heard? So you do know me."
"I'm the kind of woman who can be won over by good food, George, so get your ass to it."
The dinner was surprisingly good, and Al tipped the hassled and harassed waitresses generously, with struck Custer as odd, he was sure. He ignored Custer's mindless chatter for the most part, occasionally injecting with a meaningless eloquent statement. Custer probably thought he was being ladylike, although Al was really just being bored.
Finally, at the end of the dinner, Custer insisted that he pay for Al's room, although he was perfectly capable of paying for it himself and honestly would rather he was still on his horse heading west.
He walked Al to his room, who was getting the uncomfortable feeling that Custer was going to expect something out of this night. True to his gut, Custer followed him in, shutting the door with a leer.
"Look, Colonel Custer, I-"
"You can call me General," smirked Custer, winding his way around Al.
"No, I can call you dead," growled Al. "I suggest you get off me."
Custer toyed with the buttons on Al's shirt. "I can show you a night of calamity, Jane."
"I'd rather you-would you please stop?"
Custer let his hand slip down to Al's ass, which Al did have to admit was rather ample.
Custer ripped off Al's shipped, revealing a hard, flat chest covered in thick, blue chest hair.
"Unless you swing a completely different way," grinned Albireo, putting his hands in his pockets and letting his voice return to its natural gravelly tones. "I'd suggest you drop this silly notion of 'having your way' with me. Really, what would your wife say, you stupid brute?"
"Y-You're a man?" stuttered Custer.
"Yes, and a rather annoyed one. When a woman says stop, you stop." Al put a hand to his chest, mocking Custer in the most ladylike way. "Really, how like a military man. So violent," he drawled. "Be glad I'm not cutting off your balls. Go home and have sex with your wife."
He pulled his shirt back up and left the room, his mind lost in thought. He really did need to get out to the Indians...although...he did rather like the moniker Calamity Jane. He might use that again sometime.
"You look like a girl," said Chisame flatly, slamming her hands on the table.
Al looked up from his tea, mildly startled. "Yes, I'm aware."
"Androgyny isn't fair to the rest of us cosplayers."
"What?"
"You look like a girl! Do you know how many hikiko mori would die for that? Nerdy men and women all over the globe would swoon over you, and you don't even realize your potential!"
"...I'm...sorry?"
"I'm going to make you cosplay," growled Chisame threateningly. "Whether you like it or not."
"That sounds...worrying."
"It should!"
"I didn't say I wouldn't do it." smirked Al.
"Good! ...Wait, what?"
"I've dressed up as a woman numerous times in my life, more than once for an extended period of time."
"Name one," challenged Chisame.
"I spent twelve years as a nun in what is now Austria," replied Al seriously. "I was never found out. There's a statue of me there if you're ever in the area."
Chisame literally face-palmed at the ludicrous reality that was Albireo Imma's past.
"Who's Calamity Jane?" asked Asuna bluntly.
"An American folk hero," answered Konoka. "She fought with Custer and-oh, that was you?"
Al smiled. "I never fought with Custer, but yes. I took that name for several years and fought in many fire-fights. It was great fun."
"You were a cowboy?" said Asuna in disbelief.
"Not in the strictest sense of the word, no, but I get your drift..." sniffed Al. "I'm surprised you knew who Calamity Jane was, Konoka-chan."
"Me too," chirped Konoka. "We all surprise ourselves sometimes, right?"
Al smiled earnestly. "Very true. See you tomorrow?"
They all nodded.
"You bet your ass," muttered Chisame.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing!" sang Chisame, hurrying out with the others.
Al was glad to have his trio of teenagers, he really was.
Rarrr. Reviews are love. :)