CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ino knew it was nothing but guilt that had caused her to react the way she had with Shikamaru in her shop a few nights ago, and why she had imagined seeing Nagato instead. She simply felt guilty for what she'd done by sleeping with Nagato while carrying Shikamaru's child. Since then, she wrestled with the decision as to whether or not she should be upfront and confess to Shikamaru her infidelity, to take responsibility for her wrongdoing. After all, he should know, shouldn't he? Or maybe not? Perhaps this was simply one of those 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him' moments, and she should just vow to take the truth of her indiscretion with her to her grave, except the remorse she felt kept gnawing at her conscience something fierce. Damn it!

Her guilt aside, the past few days had been pure bliss, Ino reflected. She was so happy that she and Shikamaru had reconciled that she'd felt as if she practically floated about the shop. Even Hinata had commented on how much happier she seemed! And she was happy, because it truly felt as if everything was coming together, as if the pieces of a puzzle were finally falling into place. So why couldn't she allow herself this respite and just bask in her elation?

Because it wasn't fair, that's why. It wasn't fair to Shikamaru, who was working so hard to reclaim her trust, to prove he was earnest in his sentiments about making their relationship work and raise their child together as a real family. Though she appreciated his labor, had considered it heartfelt, she couldn't assuage her guilt that it had been her – not him – that had bedded another, and therefore grappled with the sole question that clouded her mind.

Could Shikamaru trust her?

Ino's sigh was rife with exasperation as she absently stabbed at her salad with a fork. Shikamaru had come to pick her up from her shop after it had closed. Along the way, he steered his car into a local restaurant where he treated her to dinner. Ino had initially dismissed the prospect of food, but settled for the salad anyways due to Shikamaru's insistence that she at least eat something. He also mentioned he'd something important to ask her, to which she heaved a slight shrug. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she was sure she wouldn't make for an attentive conversationalist that evening.

Shikamaru shook his head when the waiter set Ino's salad before her. It looked odd juxtaposed against the hearty steak he ordered. He ultimately sighed with displeasure when he offered a portion of his meal to Ino which she declined again with a shake of her head.

"You know, I'm no expert but I'm sure the term 'eating for two' implies the act of actually eating," he stated in a deadpan tone of voice as he set about slicing into his steak. He understood how important Ino's body image was to her, and though he'd learned to be accepting of her idiosyncrasies, he would draw the line where the health of their child was concerned. Somehow dieting while pregnant didn't sound very healthy.

A corner of Ino's mouth lifted as she watched Shikamaru shovel a meat-laden fork into his mouth. "I'm fine, just tired," she stated and lifted a hand to tuck a thin lock of hair behind her ear. "How about I make up for it when you make me breakfast tomorrow morning?" She asked with what she hoped was a teasing lilt to her voice.

Shikamaru's chocolate gaze was full of concern as it leveled on her. "We can leave now if you'd like. I can have everything wrapped to go," he stated as his eyes briefly skimmed over the food before returning to her face, but Ino had declined again. He sighed.

He noticed the strained look on her face, and knew something was bothering her. Ever since she came back from Ame, she'd been acting strangely. Sure, she seemed happy enough since they'd reconciled, but there had been an underlying agitation about her countenance that belied the seemingly happy façade she erected. His gaze eventually returned to his meal as he wondered what it was that bothered her, but decided he wouldn't force the issue. He was confident that if he allowed her the space and time she needed, she would eventually tell him when she was ready.

It was early evening when their dinner was concluded and they exited the restaurant. Shikamaru gripped Ino's hand as he led her to his SUV where he gently guided her into the passenger seat before coming around to slide behind the wheel. Ino was silent as she settled against the seat, and Shikamaru proceeded upon the familiar route to one of the many public parks located within the vicinity of Konoha. She was grateful when he let the windows down. Resting a crooked elbow on the arm rest, she inclined her face to the wind and invited its coolness against her skin as it whipped tendrils of her hair into her face. The soothing feel still hadn't managed to alleviate the tension she felt as her conscience continued to war with its decision as to whether or not she should tell Shikamaru about Nagato.

Having arrived, Shikamaru parked before coming round to the passenger's side where he reclaimed Ino's hand in his own and escorted her from his vehicle. They were both silent with their thoughts as they turned and proceeded along the sidewalk that meandered through a maze of trees and meticulously manicured, grassy spaces; Ino as she agonized over how she would disclose her indiscretion and Shikamaru as he deliberated over how he would broach his proposal, for it had been the reason why he wanted to see her this evening, the important something he'd mentioned wanting to ask her.

He was deep in thought as he lowered his head, his free hand now thrust into a pocket of his vest that was part of his uniform. He sighed nervously as he fingered the velvety exterior of the small ring box there.

He resisted the urge to lift a hand and scratch the back of his head. He'd been anxious all week and mentally reviewed numerous times how he would propose. He'd never been the overly romantic type, and to employ all the popular antics associated with proposals would not only be trite but wholly not … him. But Ino had always been a stickler for all things romantic. He stifled a sigh. It really was all such a bother, but figured he could step outside of his comfort zone this once and allow her this. It was a one-time event that he wanted to make special for her, or at least as special as he was able to.

Dotted along the sides of the sidewalk were park benches that sat beneath outdoor lamp posts that currently burned, but there was one bench in particular that stood out. Just ahead in the outward-jutting curve of the sidewalk lay a large garden enclosed within a low, wrought-iron barrier. It was this particular part of the park that had been Ino's favorite, and it was upon the bench before it that Shikamaru now guided her toward with a hand upon her elbow.

The breeze had picked up considerably as they sat and gazed over the sea of delicate, multi-colored flowers that softly swayed to and fro beneath the gentle pressure of the wind. Shikamaru slouched low on the bench next to her, folding his arms behind his head and stretching his legs out before him.

"Not everyone gets to reach their goals in life, so I consider myself fortunate," he started lazily.

"How do you mean?" Ino asked as she leaned her head back and inhaled the perfume of the flowers that carried upon the breeze.

Shikamaru shrugged. His eyes assumed a far off gaze as he spoke. "It was during our last year at the academy, just before we graduated, when I remember sensei asking all the students to one by one state our future plans. It was so annoying, but some of the other students had some pretty lofty ambitions, but not me." A corner of his mouth lifted wryly as he reminisced. "I've always considered myself a rather simple man," he explained, "and my needs aren't many. I had already known from early on what I wanted to do with my life. I figured I'd follow in my dad's footsteps and make the squad and eventually settle down once I found the right woman, you know –"

"Ah," Ino chimed as she cut Shikamaru off mid sentence. "Let's see if I remember," she mused with a squint. "Have a couple kids, preferably a boy and a girl, raise them with your wife, grow old, and die." She lifted her brows before angling her gaze towards him. "Did I get it right?" She softly chuckled when he finally gave in to his urge after all to scratch the back of his head.

"Seems you know me so well after all," he drawled and chuckled despite himself. "But that's the beauty of a long-term relationship, I suppose. You learn everything there is to know about one another."

Ino sighed with guilt-laden irritation. "That's because it's like you said. You're not a complicated man, Shikamaru," she stated softly and returned her gaze to the garden before her.

Shikamaru truly was a 'what you see is what you get' kind of guy. Though a man of few words, when he did speak his speech was measured and unhurried. She knew many thought him rather lazy, but she'd known better. His character was such that his good opinion and loyalty were not easily bestowed, but once gained, the recipient could count on them to never waver in the face of even the harshest of adversities.

But what about now? Ino thought against the nauseating unease in the pit of her stomach. For the most part, Shikamaru had been loyal to her, but she couldn't help think he would immediately cease to be once he found out the truth about what had transpired between herself and Nagato. Her thoughts were interrupted when he spoke.

"Well, imagine my fortune," he stated.

Ino scoffed softly. "Well, don't count your luck too soon. I'm still lacking in the cooking department," she stated. Not to mention the loyalty department as well, she thought and stifled a whimper in her throat.

She started when Shikamaru shifted his weight from the bench next to her to kneel upon one knee on the sidewalk before her. She watched with heightened curiosity as he briefly dipped a hand into a pocket of his vest and extracted a black velvet ring box. Her gasp was audible as her heart began to beat at a rapid staccato. Had he been about to do what she thought he was? Her fears were confirmed when he next spoke again.

"I always said I would only do this once in my life," he began with a thoughtful expression as he held the small box up before her. "And quite frankly, there's no one else I'd rather do this with." His eyes lifted to bore into her intently, his gaze unwavering.

"Ino," he asked in a voice that dipped an octave lower, "will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Ino was sure the world had begun spinning, so light-headed she felt. One hand rose to press against her heaving chest as Shikamaru slowly opened the box to reveal a simple, thin white gold band topped by a single diamond. The simplistic design rendered the ring absolutely beautiful to Ino, and her voice caught in her throat as she beheld the jewelry with wide eyes. She was speechless as she watched in a daze as Shikamaru gently eased the ring from the box. He then grasped her now trembling left hand and proceeded to slip it onto her ring finger.

One corner of Shikamaru's mouth lifted in amusement as he noted the shock on Ino's face. Surely she'd had some idea, some inkling of a clue that he'd soon propose to her? After all, they had reconciled and with the baby on the way, it had seemed the right thing to do, the next natural step to take. And he had meant what he had said about her being the only one he wanted to take this step with. Despite her penchant for odd dietary habits, despite her tendency to nag, even despite the fact she really wasn't the best cook, he loved her, and it really had been that simple.

It was with some effort that Ino finally found her voice, and even then it managed to come in fragmented phrases.

"Sh-Shikamaru," she started breathlessly. "I don't…" Her voice trailed away as she shook her head. "I d-don't know what to say," she stammered.

Shikamaru shifted in his crouched position. "Well," he started with a sigh, "if those chick flicks you enjoy so much are any indication, I think this is the part where you say yes and throw your arms around me and scream with joy," he pointed out in his flat baritone.

Ino had known Shikamaru well enough to know that he was teasing her, and the smile she offered had failed to reach her eyes. She continued to gaze at the ring on her trembling hand and marveled at the way the small diamond managed to catch and reflect the light of the moon. Her shoulders slumped wearily as she lapsed into a brooding silence.

The motion hadn't gone unnoticed by Shikamaru as he edged closer to her. "Ino," he stated with concern. "What's wrong?" His eyes glanced at the ring before returning to her face. "Is it the ring? Because if it's not to your liking, then –"

"N-no, Shikamaru," Ino assured with a shake of her head, "the ring is…" She sniffed as tears pricked the backs of her lids. "It's perfect." And so are you, she thought, and couldn't help but feel that it was her that had been less than perfect, her that had been the one with the defect.

Oh, God, why did she ever make that horrible mistake with Nagato? What she wouldn't give right then and there to take it all back, to wipe that night from her deeds. But there was no going back, was there? And how was she going to tell Shikamaru? Because she had to tell him, she realized. His proposal rendered the truth paramount. It was the only way to make sense of what she knew she had to do next. She struggled to inhale against a huge ball of emotion pitted within her chest and tightly clasped her hands together in her lap. "But…" She lowered her gaze to the ring on her finger. "I c-can't… accept." She made to slip the ring from her finger but was halted by Shikamaru's own hands. She risked a glance at him only to find him boring into her with his eyes; eyes that, though she couldn't detect in the progression of the evening, she knew had darkened into inky black pools. "I'm so sorry," she pleaded in a whisper.

She pressed her eyes shut against Shikamaru's audible, sharp intake of breath, and remained still as she awaited his response, heard his even breathing. Surprisingly, Shikamaru's voice had been concerned, and not angry, when he spoke.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on with you? I mean, you haven't really been yourself since you got from Ame." He watched as Ino whimpered and her head dipped back in frustration. What had happened to upset her so? He lifted a hand and slipped it around her neck where he buried it in the hair at her nape and began to move his fingers in gentle circles. Or perhaps he'd been wrong to assume she wanted to get married the way he had?

Ino's eyes brimmed with the love she felt for Shikamaru as she gazed at him, and knew she had to tell him. She couldn't possibly proceed with him, with their family, without doing so. She hadn't the ability to harbor such a secret as it would continue to eat away at her from the inside. She sighed. But how? How did one break such news? And what would his response be? She sobbed. The chips would truly have to fall where they may, and she would have no choice but to deal with the outcome, whatever it was.

"I don't…" She started, but her voice caught in her throat. She sighed and tried again. "I don't know how to tell you," she softly admitted with a shake of her head. "I did something so terrible, Shikamaru, that…" Her voice shook and trailed away.

"What could you have possibly done that you can't tell me?" He asked. When Ino didn't respond, his eyes lowered to her hands before he scooped them in his own. He was thoughtful for a moment before he spoke again. "You know, I walked out on you when I decided I was too damned scared to accept what we had together," he began. "Our love, our child…" He shook his head. "And when I finally came to my senses, it was to find you still there, willing to pick up where we left off." He shrugged. "Now, perhaps it's my turn to return the favor." He watched as Ino frowned questioningly. "The favor of forgiveness," he stated as if reading her mind.

Forgiveness, Ino thought as sheaverted her gaze. She took a deep breath and swallowed. "When you left…" She shook her head as she searched for the right words. "I promise you there are no words to describe the pain I felt. I was so hurt and scared, and I… I felt so alone that I…"

Ino's voice trembled so badly as she spoke that she paused. Her eyes immediately turned to find Shikamaru intently regarding her, his eyes silently urging her on to continue.

"I-I was working a shift at the bar that night w-when it happened… when I m-met someone," she stated in a voice so low that Shikamaru almost had to strain to hear.

And what of it? Shikamaru wondered with a shrug. "This person, this someone, was it a man?"

Ino nodded.

"Okay," he nodded. "Did he hurt you?" Though he asked gently, there was no mistaking the protective urgency that laced his speech as his hand continued to massage at the base of her head. "It's alright, Ino. You know you can tell me," he added quickly when she began to squirm.

"No, Shikamaru, it wasn't… it wasn't anything like that."

"Then what was it?" He asked, and an odd sensation began to burn in the pit of his stomach. He had a strange feeling he wasn't going to like where this was headed. Even his breathing had become shallow, but he forced himself to remain calm, to wait until she had finished what it was she had to say.

A long silence stretched before Ino spoke again. The wind continued to blow, a caress as gentle as the caress of Shikamaru's hand at the base of her neck. Ino's eyes briefly skittered to the garden. She silently prayed for strength.

"It was only one night, Shikamaru, and I promise it meant absolutely nothing," she blurted, and gasped when Shikamaru instantly withdrew his hand from her as if he'd been stung. In one fluid motion, he was instantly on his feet and quickly retreated a few steps. His eyes never left Ino where she sat helplessly.

Shikamaru lifted a hand to the back of his neck as he struggled to process what Ino had just told him. He'd wanted to believe he had misunderstood her, but knew the futility of that as he'd heard her clearly. He shifted his weight as he returned his hands to the pockets of his pants, his eyes downcast. Who in the hell was this… this man? And just when in the hell was this supposed to have happened? She'd only just returned from Ame this week, had only been gone for a few days on business, and…

His eyes lifted to pin Ino beneath their gaze. "Who is he?" He demanded.

"Umm, I… I don't know," Ino replied, to which Shikamaru's eyes narrowed.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" He asked in an eerily calm voice. She didn't know? Surely she didn't think he was stupid enough to believe she had just slept with a random man without any clue as to who the hell he was!

"N-no, that's not what I meant. H-he's from Ame –"

"Does he currently live there?"

"Yes –"

"And how long have you been seeing him?"

"Wait, w-what?" Ino's eyes blinked as she lifted her gaze to Shikamaru. "No, you don't understand –"

"Then make it to where I do, Ino, because right now none of this is making any damned sense to me." He could feel his body tense where he stood. He struggled to rein his mounting anger. There was no way Ino had been seeing anyone else while involved with him. He'd have known. So who the hell was this mystery man from Ame, and how had she become involved with him? How long had she been involved with him? Another thought struck him and rocked him where he stood.

"And the baby?" He swallowed hard. "Is it mine?"

"Of course it's yours, Shikamaru," Ino suddenly declared testily.

There was a tense moment of silence as they gazed at one another, Ino with a tear-streaked face as looked up at him from the bench, and Shikamaru with a stony expression as he stood before her, regarding her from beneath his lowered head.

"Tell me everything from the beginning," he commanded in a tone that brooked no room for debate.

Ino's eyes squeezed shut. She heaved a couple deep breaths as she re-opened her eyes to focus on the ring on her finger as she spoke. She'd come this far, she thought, and knew there had been no turning back. So she proceeded to tell him everything, as he'd demanded, from the beginning: how she had met Nagato in the bar that night, how she had followed him back to his room, even all that had transpired during her brief visit to Ame.

It was surprisingly easier than she thought it would be as she relayed everything to him, the manner in which the words just seemed to spill forth with the utmost of ease. Yet, the effect was two-fold. On one hand, she remained resolute in her decision that he should know, and had felt relieved to finally give voice to the truth that he deserved. On the other hand, the more she spoke, the deeper she knew she drove the wedge between herself and Shikamaru, and it wasn't until she finished speaking and lifted her gaze to meet his that her fears were confirmed.

It was as if a shade had been drawn behind his eyes. His gaze was dull and lifeless, like the light had gone out of him. And that's when she knew. The breach she had created was made insurmountable, the damage utterly and completely irreparable.

Neither was aware how long they continued that way, but it was Shikamaru who broke the spell as she shook his head.

"Shikamaru –," Ino began, but was cut off when Shikamaru jerked his head to redirect his gaze in another direction.

Of all the things he had wondered were bothering Ino, of all the possibilities he had factored, neither would have come close to this, her revelation of her infidelity with another man, and all while carrying his child. White hot anger laced through him with lightning speed, and he knew it was all he would be able to do to leave. He no longer trusted his ability to continue to remain as calm.

"This can't…" No, he corrected himself. "We can't happen. Not now, not ever. You understand that don't you?"

Ino's eyes drifted closed as she nodded. She understood. She understood, and she'd been ready to accept the consequences, even if it meant losing Shikamaru and her chance at happiness with him and their baby. It was what she deserved. She knew that now.

"I have to go," she heard him state, and she nodded as he began to frown.

"It's okay," she assured, as if reading his mind. "I can see myself home." She knew he needed to be alone now, to process everything that had transpired this evening. She lowered her gaze so she wouldn't have to see him leave, and gave in her tears at the sound of his footsteps as he spun on his heel and proceeded back to his truck, and quite possibly out of her life for good.