Part 1 of chapter 7
Rachel's POV
Once I cleaned up the stuff from the bathroom floor and changed my clothes, I sighed deeply leaning against the sink. I'm not going be able to hide this anymore. The look in Santana's eyes moments ago told me that, if I didn't tell everyone downstairs what was going on then she would. I wish I could hate her for it, but I can't. I know she just doing what she feels is the best ,even though I still don't think I have a problem.
"Rae?" I hear Brittany call out gently from the other side of the door.
I take one last look in the mirror before I go over and open the bathroom door. Brittany smiles at me and takes my hand leading me over to my bed where the other two girls sat.
"Baby girl, You know you have to tell everyone what's going on." Santana says gently looking into my eyes.
"I-I Know." my voice quivers slightly as I look down at my feet. " I just don't know how."
"Sweetie, we'll help you tell them if you want, okay?" Quinn reaches over and squeezes my hand gently.
"Okay." I nod my head still looking down at the ground. "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank us, sweetie." Quinn says softly before her and Brittany stand. " You ready to go?"
"I guess." I reply standing up with Santana.
Heading downstairs I couldn't help but to think about what Shelby was going tell me or about how everyone was going react to everything I was going to tell them.
"We still need to call and tell Kurt were not coming to the party later." I hear Brittany say once reach the bottom of the stairs.
"Party?" I ask quietly. What party was they talking about? It doesn't really surprise me that I knew nothing about the party though, No one ever invites me to anything unless they're made to.
"The Glee club party at Kurt's later tonight."
"O-Oh, I wasn't invited." I shrug my shoulders looking down when I feel the others stop and look at me.
"Rach-" Santana starts to say but was cut off by Puck yelling from the kitchen.
"What do you mean Blaine is Rachel's brother?"
"I have a brother." I hear myself whisper, looking up at the trio that were standing there looking as shocked as I felt.
I have a brother? I guess that does explain the connection and stuff I felt to him in the park. Though I'm not sure how to exactly take this information right now. I don't know if I should cry or be happy. All this stuff I'm finding out is beginning to become to much.
"Puckerman, Sit down!" coach yells loudly.
"Come on, Rach. Let's get in there before Puck gets killed." Santana says gently grabbing my hand leading me to the kitchen. My mind was fuzzy from what I just heard moments ago. These past few days have been like a soap opera or something, and I know it's only just begun.
I feel all eyes on me as I enter the kitchen behind Santana. Squeezing my hand gently Santana leads me over to the table. I sigh and sit down, not looking at anyone in the room. I couldn't. Not yet, anyways. My mind was still reeling with the fact that I had a brother and he was sitting two seats away from me.
"Rachel-" Shelby starts to say only to be cut off sharply by Santana.
"Let her talk first." Santana voice was demanding and harsh. I squeezed her hand and looked up at Shelby.
"He's my brother?" I ask quietly looking into the eyes that looked so much like mine.
"Yes." She replies with a small nod. I look down again before I turn to Blaine and look at him. Why didn't I see it earlier? He looks a lot like me. The only differences are he's taller and his eyes were a little bit darker then mine or Shelby's.
"Did you know? Did you know about me?" I ask him.
"I knew I had a older sister but I didn't know anything else, because every time I would ask mom would get really quiet and cry." He replies softly looking over at Shelby before looking back at me.
"How could you keep this from me? I had a right to know that I had a brother." I said lowly looking at the woman that was my birth mother. I wanted to hate her, but for some reason I couldn't.
"I was going to tell you the night we was supposed to meet." She says quietly as she stares into my eyes. I remember that night. She left me a note in my mailbox telling me to meet her at the park so we could talk, but she never showed. I waited for three hours in the cold. That night I hit rock bottom, everything that happened with my dads, my mother not showing up, kids at school, the insults, names, pranks, torture, pain, and hurt caused by so many hit a point to where I didn't just care anymore. That was the night I came home and stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom with pills in my hand, crying and shaking, about to end my life and all my pain, when the phone went off.
"I waited for three hours." I whisper feeling my eyes burn with tears. " Then I came home and I-" The words died on my lips once I realized what I was about to reveal.
"Rach? What was you going say?" Santana voice was filled with worry and concern.
I shook my head and tried to get up from the table only to be stopped by three pairs of arms.
"Rae, sit."
"Sweetie, just tell us what you was going say. All of us are on your side. We just want to help."
"Baby girl, Please."
I let out a loud sob and lean back in my chair closing my eyes. How do you tell the three girls your in love with that you stood with a handful of pills about to take your life and the only thing that stopped you was the answering machine going off with a message from your dads telling you that they was going to come visit for the weekend and you wanted to see them before you decided to end it all? Sure, they all knew that I thought about it. I told them yesterday, but they didn't know how close I came to it.
"How about we let Shelby tell Rachel everything she wanted to tell her, then you three can question Rachel about what she was going say." I looked at Coach gratefully that she stepped in, but I knew I was still going have to tell the trio later. They weren't going to forget about it. And by the look coach was giving me she wasn't going forget either.
"Fine." All three cheerios mumbled before letting my arms go.
"I never intended on not showing up that night, Rachel. I was actually getting ready to head to the park after practice, but I was stopped by William Schuester. I know your probably wondering what that has to do with anything and I'm going to explain it but I need you all to agree to something first. Everything that I say cannot and I repeat cannot leave this room. Okay?"
"Okay." Everyone choruses.
"Rachel, I want you to know that I never wanted to give you up, but I had to it was the only way I could insure that you would be safe. When I got pregnant with you I was mixed up with some really bad people. Your father was a very powerful and dangerous man, who was a crime boss in L.A.. I couldn't, no I wouldn't, have you grow up in that kind of environment, so I packed up and ran. At first I thought that if I ran and got far away from him that I wouldn't have anything to worry about and I could raise you myself. When I got settled into a small town in West Virginia. I found a wonderful job at the local café that was family run. They took me in like I was one of their own. It was the first time that I ever felt like I finally had a family who loved me and cared for me. Then I met this guy, he was so handsome and kind, he's name was Billy Gold. Everything was going great, I had boyfriend, a family that loved me and a nice house, but I should have saw it coming. Nothing good in my life ever lasted long. The last day I ever stayed in that little town was the one day that put it on the map. The morning of that day I had horrible feeling in my stomach that something was going to happen. I tried to shake it off but I couldn't so I went to see Billy hoping that it would ease the feeling I had. On my way there I saw him, your father, and I knew I had to get out of that town if I ever wanted you to have a life. So, I left for New York. Once, I got to New York I heard on the news about the small town and the horrible shooting that took place at the café I worked at. I hated myself for it, because it was my fault that everyone I grow to care about was killed by the monster that I once loved." Shelby paused and wiped the tears from her eyes before she looked up at me. I'm not sure what caused me to do it, but I stood up slowly and walked around the table and hugged her. At that moment I didn't know what else to do and hugging her felt right. She cried into my shoulder and held me tight. It was going take a lot for me and her to ever form an type of mother/ daughter relationship but I guess this was a start.
Pull back away from her slowly I smiled gently at her before I went and sat by trio again. When I sat down I felt Santana's hand squeeze my thigh lovingly and Brittany and Quinn's hands on my arm. I looked at each of them and smiled softly at them before turning my attention back to Shelby for her to continue.
"That's when I decided to give you up for adoption, because I knew that if I kept you that you would be danger and I wouldn't be able to protect you. Giving you up was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. After, I did my life hit rock bottom pretty much. I was a mess. Drinking, drugs, selling my body, everything and anything I could do to make me feel I done it, because the day I gave you up I lost all feeling. I was numb. When I got pregnant with Blaine a year later. I changed, I grow up finally and put my life back together. I changed my name to and went back to school got my teaching degree and moved to Westerville, Ohio. I was a sub for along time before I got offered the job to be director of Vocal Adrenaline and when I took it I never imaged that it would be the reason that I would find you, Rachel. The day I saw you in the auditorium, I was happy, because I thought I was finally going to be able to be in your life. The day we was supposed to meet, my past came back or well part of it did by the name of Billy Gold or should I say William Schuster. I wasn't the only one hiding from the people I left in L.A., William was to and he was the reason I was found in that little town. I'm not sure how he found out about you being my daughter or how he found out the reason why I was running for all those years, but he did and he was going use it against me anyway he could. Even if it meant taking you to your father. So, I had to make a deal with him that I would leave you alone and not contact you again. That's why I wrote that last letter telling you that I couldn't be your mother and that I didn't want you. Everything I wrote in that letter was a lie, Rachel. It was the only way to keep you safe or so I thought at the time."
"Wait so your telling us that Mr. Schue isn't who he says he is and that he was involved in some kind of mob?" Noah asks looking at Shelby like she was some crazy person.
"I know it sounds crazy."
"You think? It sounds like some crazy movie or something." Noah huffed still looking at Shelby.
"Puckerman, Be quiet." Coach glared at Noah. "Rachel, you okay?"
I couldn't move or talk all I could do was sit there. What was I supposed to say or think? My mother just told me that the one person who I thought was my teacher and Glee leader. Someone that I could trust wasn't who I thought they were. Not only that but I have little brother and my father is a crime boss in L.A., my life is starting to became more and more like a damn movie.
Shaking my head and standing up quickly, I walked over to the sink away from everyone. I just needed space to think. Everything was starting to became to much. My life went from me thinking that I had no one who cared to having everyone in this kitchen caring about me in someway. I'm not sure what Noah's story is yet, but I'm not planning on asking right now. I still need answers from Shelby. Answers about why she's doing this now. She had a whole year to do something and to fix the pain she caused. So, why now?
"Why now?" I hear my voice whisper shakily as I grip the sink tighter. " A whole year since I last heard anything from you. Why now, Shelby?"
"Last year I didn't think I could protect you from those people if William went to them, but now I know I can with Sue's help. Ever since I left you that last letter last year, I've been working on ways to make sure you was safe and to be able to be in your life. I came up with a way. The F.B.I. has been after the crime organization your father runs for years, but they had no way of getting information on them to make a solid case about any of the crimes they've been involved in. That's why I've decided to get someone's help to get a hold of the F.B.I. and give my testimony against them. I know I should have went to the cops or F.B.I a long time ago but I was so afraid to. I know what these people are capable of and I just didn't want them to find you and hurt you after I worked so hard to try to keep you safe, but I'm done with the running and hiding because I know now you'll be safer if I put them away. I just want to fix this between us, Rachel. I want to have my daughter in my life and for her to get to know her brother. Me going to the F.B.I. might be my only chance for that." Shelby says.
I can feel everyone's eyes on me as I stare out the window above the kitchen sink. I guess I can understand why she's going to the F.B.I. now, but she really should have done that seventeen years ago. I still have so many questions I want to ask, but I'm just not sure if I can deal with it right now.
"Rachel, I know all this is a lot to take in right now and that you probably have a lot of questions and I'll answers them all when your ready to ask. All I'm asking right now is for a chance to show you that I'm here to stay now and that I want to be in your life."
"One more chance, Shelby. That's all your going get because I'm not strong enough to handle anymore heartbreak from you." I tell her finally turning around to face her. " Please, don't make me regret this decision."
"Are you sure about this Rachel?" Santana asks looking over at me with questioning eyes.
"Everyone deserves a second chance." I tell her looking from her, to Quinn and to Brittany. Hoping they understand what I mean. I'm giving them all a second chance and I'm willing to give my mother one to. Even though my head is screaming at me not to give any of them a chance because all it's going to do is cause me pain and hurt, my heart is telling me to and for once I'm going to follow my heart.
"Okay." Santana says before looking at my mother and pointing a finger at her. "Just don't screw this up. She's a amazing, sweet and kind girl. Don't hurt her."
"I won't" Shelby tells her.
"Well, I say we take a break from this right now, because I need to get Shelby back home." Coach Sylvester said standing up from the table.
"It is getting kind of late and I do have that interview at the school tomorrow." Shelby says getting up from the table and walking over to where Blaine sat. "Blaine, are going to stay here for awhile?"
"Yeah, well if that's okay with Rachel." He says looking over me. I smile at him and nod. I'm glad he's going to stay and hang out, this will give me a chance to get to know him and spend time with him.
"I would like that." I tell him still smiling.
"Okay kiddo, I'm coming back after I drop her off so me and you can have a talk." Coach tells me looking into my eyes as she walks to the door. By the looking she's giving me I know that she's going to be asking about what my little breakdown was about earlier.
Nodding my head before I look down at the floor. I guess I should be glad that I'll only have to tell her, Noah, and Blaine, because I don't think I'm quite ready to tell Shelby yet.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Rachel. Here's my number if you need me or want to talk okay?" Shelby hands me a piece of paper with her number and touches my arms gently before following Coach. I pick up the piece of paper and look down at it before I fold it up and place it in top drawer of the counter.
"Rach, come and eat. You haven't ate all day." Santana says softly.
"Okay."
As I'm eating I feel everyone's eyes on me. Do I have something on my face or something? Before I can ask the trio and Noah's phones go off. They all look at the message, which I'm assuming it's from Kurt or someone from Glee about the party they were supposed to attend.
"You know you guys could go to the party. I'll be fine, I mean Blaine will be here." I tell them before I take another bite of my pizza.
"Rach, we don't want to go." Santana says as she types a reply to whoever texted her.
"Glee party's always suck." Puck comments grabbing another slice of pizza. "Plus, I want to hang out with my new bro."
"Bro?" I ask raising my eyebrow at him.
"Yep. You're my bro now. All I got to do now is teach you how to play Call of Duty and then teach you how to shotgun a beer."
"Puck, your not going teach her that." Quinn tells him sternly glaring at him.
"But-"
"No buts, Puck." Santana growled at him making him squirm in his chair, causing me to giggle.
"Fine." He pouts crossing his arms over his chest.
"Since he can't teach Rae can he teach me?" Brittany asks causing everyone but Quinn and Santana to laugh. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing, Brit. Just finish your food so we'll be ready to talk to coach when she gets back." Quinn tells her.
As everyone finishes they're pizza, I looked around the table at them. Noah and Blaine were talking about video games and cars, while Brittany was discussing ducks with Quinn and Santana. Watching all them interact made me smile. It was nice. For once I felt like I had friends and people who care about me. I just really hope this feeling of love and happiness last.
Santana's POV
When Puck and Blaine decided to go play Xbox I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk to Rachel about everything her mother told her and to ask about something she said earlier. Looking over at Quinn and Brittany, I could tell they were thinking the same thing.
"Go ahead and ask." Rachel whispers fiddling with the place mat on the table. " I know you guys want to."
"That obvious, huh?" I ask letting out a small chuckle.
"A little." She answers looking up at me with a little smirk.
I let out another chuckle and lean over and kiss her cheek gently, causing her to blush. She swatted at me and mumbled for me to be good. That caused the two blondes to giggle and smile at us. I kiss her cheek once more before I lean against table and tell her to explain about what she was going to say earlier.
"What are you talking about?" She asks playing dumb. I could tell she was because she was starting to squirm in her seat.
"Rachel." I say in a firm voice looking over at her. " You know what I'm talking about."
"No I-" she starts to says but I cut her off.
"Bull. Now tell us. Please, Rach."
She sighs and leans back against her chair closing her eyes. Why was she acting like this? Was what she going to say that bad? I can see Quinn and Brittany frowning slightly at the tiny diva, whose eyes were still closed.
"Rae?" Brittany says softly.
"I just don't know how to tell you guys this. I mean it's just something I'm sure that would be better left unsaid." Rachel whispers finally opening her eyes and looking at us. I could see tears starting to build up in her eyes and it caused my heart to ache.
"Just tell us, baby girl." I tell her pulling her into my lap and holding her tight.
Rachel takes a deep breath as Quinn and Brittany move to sit on each side of us.
"That night I was supposed to meet Shelby was the night that almost put me over the edge. Like I said earlier I waited for three hours for her to come, but she never did. For a spilt second I was worried that something might have happened or that she was hurt. My worry soon turned into anger then finally heartbreak. When I got home I went upstairs and laid on my bed just staring up at the ceiling thinking about my dads, Glee club, kids at school, and my mother. I kept asking myself over and over again, would any of them even care if I killed myself? Would they even bat a eyelash? Part of me thought maybe a least my dads would care, but then my mind kept playing the scene and conversation I had with them when they told me that they've decided to move to California and they left me the house. I cried and screamed for hours. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't hear me." She laughed humorlessly as she stared at the back door with a emotionlessly look on her face.
I heard a shuffling sound come from the kitchen entrance, looking over I could see Coach Sylvester, Blaine, and Puck standing there listening.
"All the voices in my head was screaming at me, telling me that I was worthless, no one in their right mind would care about me, and that I should do everyone a favor a kill myself. So, that's what I was going to do. I got up and wrote my last note before I walked into the bathroom. I grabbed the sleeping pills from my medicine cabinet. Standing in front of the mirror I poured a handful into my hand as I stared at my reflection. You know, the whole time I stood there looking at myself, I couldn't even recognize the girl staring back at me. It was like the girl I used to be didn't exist anymore and I was right. Rachel Berry didn't exist anymore, I was just the broken and hurt shell of who I used to be. The sad part is that I liked the new me, because the new me was so broken and hurt that nothing hurt anymore or least I thought it didn't. I was so close to ending it all when the phone rung. The message left on the answer machine was the only reason I stopped, because it was my dad's telling me they was going to come visit me for a few days." Her body started to shake with sobs. I wrapped my arms tighter around her holding her close.
Brittany and Quinn both had tears running down their cheeks as they watched the tiny diva shake in my arms. I felt my own tears run down my cheeks slowly as I cling to Rachel. Everything she just told us made it feel so real. I mean, we knew she had thoughts of suicide but we had no idea of how close she actually came to doing it. My head was spinning with thoughts and images of Rachel holding those sleeping pills in her hand. I can feel the bile in my throat burn and my stomach turn with fear as the scene plays out in my head. Our tiny diva was so close to ending it all, and that thought scares me shitless.