Disclaimer: I Do not own Glee or the characters used...
Quinn's POV
I can't believe what Rachel just told us about being so close to ending her life. It's like a punch in the gut. It makes me sick to think that we was part of the reason she was pushed to thinking that suicide was the answer.
My eyes burn with more tears as I look at how broken and scared Rachel looks sitting on Santana's lap. She's barely the shell of the girl we saw the first day of freshman year. I just really hope it's not to late to get that sweet, carefree, and strong girl back.
"Kiddo, do you still have thoughts about suicide?" Coach Sylvester asks walking towards the table. Rachel just nods looking down at her hands.
"Rachel, When was the last time you thought about suicide?" Blaine asks softly as him and Puck sit down beside Coach Sylvester.
I see Rachel's body tense at the question as she looks all around room trying to avoid eye contact with everyone. Slowly, I reach over and grab her hand lacing our fingers together trying to calm her down.
"Sweetie, it's okay. We're all just wanting to help, but for us to help we need to know everything." I tell her gently, looking into her beautiful brown eyes.
"Last night." She whispers looking away from me.
Last night? When last night? The looks on Santana and Brittany's faces tell me that they're wondering the same thing, because we was with Rachel almost the whole night.
"When?" I hear Brittany ask quietly.
"I wasn't going to do anything." Rachel says moving off of Santana's lap quickly before Santana could stop her. " The thought just crossed my mind."
"Baby girl, please tell us when you thought about that." Santana moves slowly toward Rachel who is leaning against the wall looking down at the ground.
"When I went upstairs after the Glee club got here." She whispers taking her right hand and trying to dig her nails into her wrist , before looking up at Santana then over to me. "I need to-"
She said trailing off as she stared back at us with pleading eyes. I look at Santana wondering if she knew what Rachel was talking about, she just shrugged a little and looked backed at the tiny diva.
"Sweetie, what do you need?" I ask taking a step towards the tiny diva.
"I need to. Please, let me." she sobs out digging her nails into her wrist more.
"Baby girl, tells us what your needing, because we have no idea." Santana says walking closer to her and grabbing her hands to stop her from digging nails into her wrist.
That's when I realize what she was wanting. I let out a little sob, before I move closer to Rachel.
"No, no, no, sweetie, We can't let you do that Rachel. You know that. Cutting is not the answer."
I hear gasps from others in room. This wasn't how we wanted to tell them.
"I need to. Please." Rachel cries louder.
"You don't need to, Baby girl." Santana whispers pulling Rachel to her and holding her close.
Rachel buries her face into Santana's neck cries. The sound is heartbreaking. I walk over and rub my hand up and down Rachel's back trying to calm her down. Finally after about ten minutes she starts to calm down. Every time she gets upset and starts to breakdown it scares me. I'm so afraid that one of these times we won't be able to calm her down.
"Rae, how about me and you go upstairs and watch a movie?" Brittany asks. "We can watch Funny Girl."
I look at Brittany and smile gratefully at her knowing the reason she suggested a movie was so Santana and I could talk to coach. Brittany smiles back before walking over to Rachel.
"Can we cuddle to?" Rachel ask quietly looking up at Brittany.
"Of course." Brittany smiles and gently takes Rachel's hand, leading her out of the kitchen.
After Brittany and Rachel leave, I look up at Santana. She looks so worried and scared. I know how she feels though because I feel the same. I grab her hand and squeeze it gently.
"Girls, sit down so we can talk. There's a lot we need to discuss." Coach says.
Santana nods and leads us over to the table. When we sit down I feel Santana squeeze my hand gently, before she starts to talk to the others at the table.
" Like Quinn stated moments ago, umm, Rachel has been cutting." Santana says quietly looking down at the table. " She's been doing it for a few months or a least that's what she told us. We found out about it last night at the Glee movie night."
"How did you girls find out about it?" Coach asks leaning against the table.
"Last night when we fist got here Rachel disappeared upstairs saying she had a phone call to make. After her being gone for a long time we got worried and decided to go look for her." I tell coach in a shaky voice as I think about how we found Rachel in the bathroom looking so small and lost as she sung. " We heard her in the bathroom crying and singing. So, we thought we would see if she was okay and that's when we saw the five deep cuts on her shoulder."
"Do you guys know if she cut anywhere else?" Coach asks.
"She told us she cuts on her shoulders and stomach, but we don't know if she has anymore fresh cuts or not." Santana answers quietly still looking down at the table. "We was afraid to ask her or to look, because we didn't want to upset her."
"Okay, you know I'm going to have you guys to check, because I doubt she'll let me or Shelby check. We need to know so we can make sure that if she does have anymore they're not infected. Does the cuts on her shoulder look infected?"
"No, they're just deep."
"I'm guessing that you guys got that locker that is setting in the living room so you could lock up the knives and stuff, right?"
"Yeah and we threw out all the razors we found in her room and bathroom." I tell coach looking up at her.
"Good, You girls done good. Now we need to talk about what we're going to do about getting her help and about her dads."
"Her dads?" Santana asks finally looking up at coach.
"Yes, her dads. I know about them leaving her here alone. That's why I was so glad Shelby finally came to me."
"How did you find out Coach?" I ask looking at her curiously.
" Well, I always suspected that her dads weren't around because not once did they ever come to any meetings or any Glee competitions. So, I started to pay more attention to her and how she acted when she was asked about her dads. She was very good at covering it up, but she slipped when I asked her for a least one of her dads work number, because the cell phone numbers she gave were not working. That was when I found out that Leroy Berry took a job in California and has been there for over a year." Coach says with a little smirk on her face as she looked at mine and Santana's shocked faces.
"How long have you known?" I ask.
"Not very long. After I found out I started to look into ways to get guardianship over Rachel, but I couldn't find anything. That's why I'm so glad Shelby called me, because now she can file for guardianship and Rachel can finish her high school career at McKinley."
"Rachel, won't want to stay with Shelby though." Santana says.
"I know, I already talk with Shelby about that and she's okay with Rachel living here. Shelby doesn't want to cause problems with Rachel or anyone. She just wants to help and to show that she wants in Rachel life."
"Okay." Santana says nodding her head. " Now what our we going to do about getting her help?"
Coach sighs and looks away from us. I get the feeling that what she's going to suggest is something me and Santana aren't going like to well. Santana looks over at me with a frown before she turns back to Coach.
"We're not going like what your going suggest are we?" Santana asks quietly.
"Probably not S, but you need to realize that everything that was told here tonight has brought me to the decision and it might be the only thing that will help at this point." Coach tells us softly as she turns back to look at us with caring eyes. " My brother in law works at a Psychiatric hospital called Fox Run in Saint Clairsville it specializes in cases like Rachel's."
"You want to send her away!" Santana yells slamming her hands down on the table. "How would that help? She would think we were abandoning her."
"Santana, I suggest you sit down right now." Coach tells Santana firmly.
"No, won't let you send her away!" Santana glares at Coach leaning against the table towards her.
"San, hun, Coach just wants to help. Calm down." I tell her gently as I grab her arm to try to get her to sit.
"Calm down? How could you even be okay with the fact that she wants to send Rachel away?" Santana grounds out looking furious at me. She rips her arm away from me. I gasp and try to hide the tears that are forming in my eyes. I know Santana is upset at what Coach suggested, but she doesn't have to act that way. I don't like the idea anymore than she does, but coach is right. It could be the only thing that helps now.
"That's enough! S! Sit your ass down now and shut up!" Coach yells loudly scaring everyone at the table. Santana deflates a little and sits down moving away from me. I let out a little sob and stand up walking over to the sink. Why can't Santana see that Coach is only trying to help and her acting like that is only going cause more problems?
"You okay Q?" I hear Puck ask me in a gently voice from beside me. I turn and look at him before I bury me face into his chest and finally let myself breakdown. Everything that's happened in the past few days have been emotional and tiresome. Santana acting the way she did was the final thing that put me over the edge. I've tried so hard to hold it all together and keep my emotions in check, but I just can't anymore.
"Shh, Q. It's okay. I got you. We're going to get Rachel some help and then everything will be okay." Puck whispers in my ear as he holds me close and rubs my back gently.
"I love her, Puck. So much. S and B do to.
"I know Q. I know. Now we need to go over and try to talk some sense into S."
I nod and wipe my eyes before smiling up at Puck. He really is a sweet guy. I'm so glad we can call him a friend. I hug him one last time before I walk back over to table where the other three were sitting. Santana looks at me, before she stands quickly and rushes over hugging me tightly.
"I'm sorry, babe. I just got so protective. I just don't want Rachel to think we've abandoned her." She mumbles against my neck as we hold each other.
"It's ok, hun. Come on, we need to finish talking to Coach." I smile at her and lead us back over to table.
"You okay?" Coach asks me.
"Yeah." I nod and give her a small smile.
" Now, I know you don't like the idea S, but she needs help." Coach tells Santana.
"I know and I want to help her, but is sending her away the only way to help?" Santana asks coach.
"Yes. Her being away from this town and the people will be better for her. She won't have to worry about kids from school seeing her go to therapy, and she'll be more likely to open up better being away from all of us."
"Open up better? Do you really think that she'll open up to people she don't know? Do you really think that? Because if you do your full of bullshit!" Santana yells slamming her hands down on the table. "She won't talk to them. She won't trust them!"
"And you think she trust you!" Puck yells back glaring and Santana.
"Both of you sit down!" Coach growls looking at both Santana and Puck.
"No! She needs to hear this. I'm sick of her acting like her, Quinn, and Brittany are the only ones who care and know what's best for Rachel." Puck still glares at Santana as he leans against the table to get closer to Santana.
" She'll trust the people in that hospital more then she'll trust you. Yeah, she told you why she's cut, for how long, and she also told you about her dad's and her mother, but she doesn't trust you. You can see it in her eyes every time she looks at you or any of us, expect for Blaine. She scared and afraid of us still. Why do you think she ran earlier at the park? In her mind she still thinks that all of this is some kind of sick prank or joke and it's all our faults that she does. We tore her down for almost three years and now all of sudden we find out her dark secret and we tell her we care. Everything she thought was her life has been nothing more then a lie and it kills me to think that she was close to ending her life, because of all of us and our stupid plans to push her away so she could go live her dream. Coach's idea of sending her away for help might be our only chance for her to get help. Why can't you see that? I know you don't want her to be away from you, San and I know you want to protect her from everything, but you can't protect her from herself. She needs help."
Santana lets out a sob as she drops back down into her seat. I reach over and grab her hand tightly as I blink away the tears that have formed in my eyes. He was right we could protect her from things and people only so much, but we couldn't protect her from herself.
"I know she needs help." Santana whispers. "I just don't want to lose her."
"S, why do you think you'll lose her if she's goes away to get help?" Coach asks reaching across the table and taking both mine and Santana's hand in hers.
"She's going hate us for sending her away. She'll think we don't want nothing to do with her." Santana looks down at the table trying to hold back the tears. I know she's afraid and I am to, but she needs to realize that we won't lose her over trying to get her help.
"Hon, I know your afraid of Rachel's reaction. I am to, but right now she needs help even if it means sending her away. She's not going hate us and we won't lose her. She maybe mad and upset with us but we won't lose her." I tell Santana leaning over and kissing her cheek gently.
"Sanny, Quinn is right we won't lose her. She loves us." I turn to see Brittany walking into the kitchen. "Sanny, she needs to go and get better. I don't like it when she cries or hurts herself."
I smile gently at Brittany as she sits down beside me. I wonder how much of the conversation she heard? Knowing Brittany she probably heard it all, she seems to always hear things that are important or seems to know when Santana needs to be talked down. Brittany is the only one who can really talk Santana down with out Santana getting mad, because I mean come on no one can get mad at Brittany.
"I don't like it when she cries either, Brit." Santana tells Brittany leaning up and smiling softly at her. " When will she be going to the hospital, Coach?"
"Well, I was thinking that I could go and talk to Shelby about it tomorrow after she gets done with her interview at the school. Plus, that will give you girls sometime to talk to Rachel about it before I do, because I know she'll probably listen to you guys better then me."
"Okay Coach we'll talk to her about it in the morning, because I really think she could use a rest. This past few days have taking a lot out of her."
"Your right, S. Well, girls I'm going go. I still have a few things to do before I go home. Puckerman and Blaine, are you two staying here tonight?" Coach asks looking at Puck and Blaine. They both nod as Coach stands up. "Okay, You have my number if you need me. I'll see you all tomorrow."
"Bye Coach." Everyone calls at her as walks out of the kitchen.
"Any ideas on how to tell Rachel?" I ask looking at everyone around the table. They all shake their heads no. "Me either."
"Maybe, it won't be as hard to tell her as we think. She knew that you two was going to discuss everything with your Coach, so maybe she realizes that your Coach is going to want to get her help." Blaine says looking up at me.
"I really hope your right, Blaine." I say looking at him with a sad smile.
"Me too." Blaine says as picks up a crayon and starts coloring with Brittany. Brittany squeals happily, causing everyone to laugh.
"Yay! Now I have someone to color with." Brittany smiles really big at Blaine. It makes me happy to see Brittany smiling, because in the last few days she's barely smiled or acted like her bubbly self.
"I'm going go check on Rachel." Santana says standing up and walking out of the kitchen.
"She's really upset about sending Rae away, huh?" Brittany asks quietly not even looking up from coloring.
"Yeah, she is sweetie. I am to, but I know Rachel needs to go and get help." I answer looking up at Puck, who gives me a sad smile before picking up a blue and purple crayon.
"Everything will work out, Q." Puck tells me handing me the purple crayon.
"I really hope so." I mumble taking the crayon and coloring with the others.
Santana's POV
I know that Coach is just wanting to help and that sending Rachel to that hospital is probably the best option, but it still worries me. I just don't want Rachel to hate us or think we're going to abandon her like her father's did.
Walking into Rachel's room I stop and smile at how adorable she looks laying there all curled up in the thick blanket. She looks so peaceful. It makes me just want to take her in my arms and hold her close and never let her go.
"Hey." Rachel says softly as she sits up and stretches.
"Hey, baby girl, I didn't wake up did I?" I ask quietly, walking over to the bed and sit down beside her. I smile down at her as she moves closer to me and cuddles against my chest.
"No." She wraps her arm around my waist and holds on to my shirt tightly.
"I woke up shortly after Brittany left the room. I just never got up, because I figured you guys were still talking to Coach Sylvester and I just really didn't want to be down when the boys and her found out about my cutting, because now their all going look at me different."
"No, they won't. They all just want to help you, Rach." I lean down and kiss the top of her head gently pulling her closer to me. I feel her smile against my chest.
"You know, if someone would have told me a few days ago that the big bad Santana Lopez was like a big teddy bear I would have probably laughed in their face." She giggles and looks up at me. I look down at her and huff playfully.
"I'm no teddy bear."
"Yes, you are."
"No."
"Yes."
"No." I move slightly and start to tickle her sides, causing her to squeal and giggle.
"Tana, stop." she laughs and tries to move away from me.
"Nope. Not to you agree that I'm no teddy bear." I roll on top of her so I can keep her in place.
"Tana, Please." She laughs harder and tries to push me away.
"Not till you say it."
"Okay, Okay! Your no teddy bear." She manages to get out in between laughs. I stop tickling her and move back a little so I can look down into her beautiful brown eyes. She smiles at me and leans up and kisses the tip of nose.
"Awww, look the badass Santana Lopez is blushing." I groan loudly and move away from Rachel when I hear Puck. Turning and looking at the bedroom door I see my two girlfriends and Blaine trying to hide their smiles, along with a smirking Puck.
"Shut it, Puckerman. I'm more badass then you'll ever be." I glare at him.
"Yeah right, Your just a big softy and your totally whipped." Puck says getting my two blonde girlfriends to laugh and agree.
"I'm not whipped, damn it!"
"Tana, language!" Rachel scolds me hitting my arm.
"Sorry." I mumble. She smiles at me and kisses my cheek.
"Where's Coach at?" Rachel asks moving so she could sit with her back against the headboard.
"She left a little bit ago." Puck answers walking over and picking up the TV remote to turn on the TV. Quinn, Brittany, and Blaine walk over and sit on the bed, Quinn sat down beside Rachel taking her hand and intertwining their fingers, Blaine sat Indian style beside Quinn, while Brittany crawled over me and sat between the tiny diva's legs leaning back on her causing the tiny diva to giggle. I look over and smile at them before turning towards Puck, who is standing in front of the TV flipping through the channels.
"Hey Puck, can you go downstairs and get a movie for us to watch?" I ask him sliding back and leaning against the headboard beside Rachel. I smile when I feel Rachel's fingers tracing little designs all over my arm as she lays her head on my shoulder.
"Anything?" Puck asks walking towards the door.
"No, horror." Quinn and Brittany say at the same time.
"Why not?" Puck pouts looking over at us. I look over at Quinn and Brittany and laugh, knowing they were thinking about how Rachel acted last night like I was.
"Let's just say that a certain someone in this room last night almost choked me to death, because they thought I was killer." I laugh a little bit louder when I see Rachel blush and try to hide her face.
" I said I was sorry." She mumbles.
"I'm just teasing you." I whisper and kiss her head gently.
"Okay, so no horror. How about action?" Puck asks.
"That's fine Noah. Fast Five and Battle: Los Angeles are over on my computer desk if you want to watch one of those." Rachel tells him pointing toward the desk.
"Sweet. Guys which one you want to watch?"
"Fast Five!" Everyone choruses.
Puck walks over and grabs the DVD and puts it in. He walks over and lays at the foot of the bed. Brittany puts her legs on his back and cuddles closer to Rachel. I hear Rachel sigh contently and smile as she reaches for my hand and laces or fingers together like Quinn done with her other hand. Looking down at her I smile lovingly and kiss the top of her head, before I look at everyone else on the bed. Everyone's eyes are glued to TV even though the movie just started and everyone is also kind of huddled together even though Rachel's bed is huge. It kind of feels like we're all just one big happy family, that thought alone makes me happy. The feeling just feels right, like this is how things are supposed to be. For the first time in the past few days it feels as if everything will be okay.