A routine quickly settled inside the Castle household as Kate got more and more comfortable moving around on her own. Castle busied himself with writing whenever Kate was asleep while Lanie came by everyday to help the woman with shower and much needed distraction from going crazy. Esposito and Ryan stopped by daily as well, discussing Beckett's case as well as the others the guys had been assigned to.

By the end of the fourth day, however, the detective was already getting antsy to get back to work. She thought of her apartment and as much as she wanted to go back to it as well, part of her wasn't in any hurry to leave Castle's loft.

As she sat on the loft's couch that night, Castle's Kindle on her lap, Kate pondered her options. After that first night, when Castle had confessed his love for her again, things had cooled down between them and she wasn't sure why.

Maybe he was trying to give her some space so she wouldn't feel overcrowded or trapped but if it was the case, it wasn't working. Kate was becoming more restless as the days went by because she felt like the moments they had shared before had simply vanished into thin air, bringing her insecurities back to the surface. She couldn't help but wonder if she had done something wrong.

Kate glanced at her partner, who was sitting on the other side of the couch busy flipping through channels, and sighed. Maybe he would be better if she went back to her apartment, that way it would be easier to go back to their previous relationship. Except she couldn't go back to that. She didn't want to. She had been through enough and she had certainly not went through months of emotionally draining therapy to have it throw it all away now. "Castle?"

"Yes?" Castle grinned as he looked at her but frowned at the thoughtful features staring back at him. "What's wrong, are you okay? Are you in pain?" He quickly dropped the tv remote, letting the tv on a random documentary as he slid closer to her. "What is it?"

"You."

"Me?" Castle repeated dumbly, confused. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, you did nothing. Just...never mind." Beckett grumbled and lowered her eyes to her lap. This had been a wrong idea. She'd talk to Lanie and move back to her apartment in the morning and if the M.E. put up a fight, she could always ask her father to spend a few days with her.

Castle stared at the woman next to him, dumbfounded. One minute they were watching tv and now Kate was annoyed with him, and the man had the feeling that if it wasn't for her sore back, she would already have bolted. He had noticed a change in her over the last few days, and he wasn't sure what it was. He thought that maybe he was overcrowding her so he tried to give her more space, but the more space he gave her, the more awkward it got between them.

The way the detective had just withdrawn into herself confirmed the writer's concerns. Something did happen and now Beckett was looking for a way out. Castle sighed as he ran a hand in his hair, frustrated of always having to walk on egg shells because he had no idea what could send the woman running. He thought they were making progress but maybe he had been wrong.

"I don't know what this is, Kate," he gestured between them, "but I'd love for you to explain it to me. I thought we were better but right now you're shutting me out again and I won't let that happen again."

"It's not- I...could you turn the tv off or mute it or something, it's giving me a headache." Kate asked tersely as she closed her eyes, her anxiety level rising when she realized they were going to have the talk.

Castle didn't say a word and reached blindly to grab the remote, thankful for the brief distraction. His fingers searched quickly for the mute button but slipped and instead turned it up abruptly, startling the both of them. "I'm sorry, wrong button. I- Kate?"

The writer's insides turned to ice at the wide eyes and the strain suddenly contorting the detective's features, recognizing the panic attack Kate had suffered at the precinct weeks ago. His eyes went to the tv and he cursed, quickly turning it off. He had stopped on a documentary on wars, with real footage and re-enactments. Shit.

"Kate? Kate please, look at me. Listen to me, you're safe okay, it was just the tv and nothing else." Castle spoke calmly, the gunshots and screams still echoing between them. Castle's whole body tensed but he forced himself to relax, knowing a single movement could be enough to set her off.

Castle had spent quite some time reading about PTSD, its effects and how to deal with people suffering from it so he'd be ready if it ever happened to Kate again but, now that it did, he struggled with what to do.

The good thing was that Kate still hadn't moved from her spot, at least for now. Her fingers were digging painfully into her thighs and her whole body was rigid, her breathing ragged. "Kate, sweetie look at me, okay? You're with me, at my loft, and you are safe. It was only the television, you're safe."

"What's going on, I heard-"

"Don't. Stay where you are, Alexis, and don't make any noise or sudden movement." Castle ushered just loud enough so his daughter could hear him. Kate had tensed even more when she heard the teenager's voice and her terrified eyes were now scanning the room, seemingly looking for an escape.

"What's going-"

"Shh." Alexis hissed and silenced her grandmother when she joined her. "Something's wrong with Kate."

Martha frowned as she watched the scene before them. Her son looked scared even if he wasn't showing it but she couldn't see Kate's face. "Oh God."

"What?"

Martha shook her head to the girl and pursed her lips, her eyes staring anxiously at the scene playing in front of them.

"Take deep breaths, Katherine. One at a time, come on you can do it. Breath in, breath out. In, out. That's is, you're doing good. Okay, once more. Breath in, breath out. In-"

Kate heard a voice and, while what she could understand of it was mumbling soothing words to her, most of what she could make out were distorted, foreign sounds. The gunshots from the documentary, that had triggered the panic attack, were no longer in her mind, having been replaced by the cacophony of screams from the day she was shot.

Her sight was blurred and all she could see was a bright, blue sky, fuzzy forms hovering over her and bright blue eyes, while the panicked thumping of her frantic heart was drowning every other sound around her until she caught two words. 'Breathe, Kate.'

She took one, shaky breath and swayed when black spots danced before her eyes. She should probably try and breathe more often, she thought hazily, flinching when a hand was suddenly on her arm. She recoiled until she was free again, and she closed her eyes tightly as she tried breathing again but her back muscles were so tight she couldn't do much better than short gasps.

After what felt like hours, her mind finally registered the absence of noise, giving her a few precious seconds to regroup. Kate brought her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes, wincing when she tried to move her sprained wrist. The unusual pain somewhat snapped her out of catatonia and she took a sudden, much deeper breath. Her ribs cried their protest but she ignored them, the need to clear her head being more important.

Castle watched her closely and let out a faint sigh of relief when Kate's shoulders began to slump forward. "Alexis? Could you please bring a glass of water? Try to make as little noise as possible."

The teenager nodded quickly and tip-toed to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and a glass as quietly as she could. "Do you want the glass too, or just the bottle?"

"The bottle." Castle decided, thinking it might not be such a good idea to have breakable glass around the detective yet. He watched his daughter open it before giving it to him, and his eyes took on a sad expression as the redhead's hand slightly shook. "Thank you, sweetie."

Excruciatingly slow Castle slid closer to Kate, waiting every few seconds to see if panic would spike up again but, after a minute, he was finally close enough so their knees were touching lightly. He kept talking to her, whispering anything that ran through his mind but cautious to always keep his voice low and calm.

Her eyes were closed when Castle softly brought a hand up to cup her jaw, letting his thumb stroke the bone structure a few seconds to give her time to adapt before raising the bottle of water to her lips.

Kate was slowly coming back from her breakdown when the feel of plastic on her lips brought back the memory of when she had first woke up from surgery after being shot.

Memories of foreign hands pushing a cold plastic cup against her lips as she regained consciousness, only to find her body to be non-responding and in agonizing pain sent Kate gasping for breath and she raised her hand, needing to get away from whoever wanted to get their hands on her.

Castle wasn't holding the bottle steadily and, surprised by the sudden movement, dropped it when Kate's hand knocked it over, spilling its content on them but mostly all over the detective. The cold water being splashed on her had the effect of a cold shower for Kate and she choked on the liquid she had been about to swallow, sending her into a coughing fit.

The physical shock seemed to have helped her regaining some focus, her eyes becoming slightly more aware of her surroundings so Castle took the situation to his advantage. "Kate, it's okay, it's me, Castle. We're at my loft, remember? You're safe here."

Castle held his breath when confused and pained sienna eyes were on him, actually seeing him for the first time in the last five minutes. He saw the horror flicker in the detective's eyes when she became lucid enough to realize what had happened, tears suddenly filling her eyes. "I..."

"Shhhh, I've got you, Kate, I've got you, you're safe."

The tears finally fell, Kate's body collapsing as the adrenaline from the panic attack fleeted and left the woman exhausted. She flinched when Castle wrapped his arms around her but didn't shy away, instead melting into his chest as she cried, releasing the stress, sleepless nights and nightmares that had been plaguing her ever since the shooting.

The next time Kate opened her eyes it took her a moment to get her bearings straight as she looked around the room in confusion. The drapes had been drawn so the bedroom was dark, and she noted with surprise that it was close to eleven in the morning.

Pushing herself up she winced when her ribs and back felt stiff and sore, but she ignored them until her back was resting against the headboard. Her sight still felt blurry and she had a pounding headache but she couldn't exactly place why. "Castle?"

The footsteps that were suddenly coming her way were smaller, and before she knew it Martha peeked inside the room and walked her way to the bed. "Good morning, dear."

"Hi, Martha." Kate paled and found herself unable to hold the woman's kind gaze as last night's meltdown came back to her. She thought Martha was going to leave to get Castle but instead she was startled when a slender hand came to rest over her covered knee. "How are you feeling this morning?"

Kate was about to say 'fine' but she wouldn't dare lie to Rick's mother. Not with the way the elder woman was scrutinizing her, silently daring her to lie to her face. The action made Kate chucked which turned Martha's inquisitive gaze into a curious one.

"I'm sorry, it's just...the way you're staring at me? It reminds me of when my mom and I used to have a staring contest until I'd cave and confess to whatever stupidity I had done." Kate explained with a sad smile. There was a squeeze of her knee and a set of warm blue eyes on her when she forced herself to glance back up. "I will take it as a compliment, darling."

Kate nodded, feeling awkward and shy all of a sudden. "It was. Listen, Martha-"

"Kate, dear, if what you're about to say is in any way related to what happened last night, there is nothing to talk about. Well, there is but not in the way you think there is."

"Last night?" Kate asked in confusion, her mind still hazy about what had triggered her panic attack the night before. "How long was I out?"

"What do you remember, exactly?"

Kate thought for a moment, her brows burrowing as she struggled to remember. "We were watching tv, I think I was reading and then things got...loud and hazy. Cast- Rick and I needed to talk but I don't think we did. I was too busy freaking out."

Martha frowned and, on an impulse, dropped her shoes and went to sit next to the detective. She felt Kate tensed but Martha didn't act on it, instead taking her hand with a firm grip. "Katherine, don't even think of apologizing, do you hear me?" The woman knew she was right when Kate closed her mouth and looked embarrassed, "We all know you are going through a rough time and it is most likely that it is going to get even worse before it starts getting better. What's happening now, this is the worst part. You're struggling with work, the nightmares; you're still healing from last summer and now this. I know you're a strong and independent woman, Kate, but you don't have to do this alone, we're all here for you. And tell me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling that you are struggling as well to find a way to reveal your feelings for my son."

Kate stared in shock at the woman before she exhaled slowly. "You sound like my shrink."

If Martha was surprised to hear about the girl being in therapy, she didn't let it show. That she didn't deny having feelings for the writer was proof enough of her attachment to him. "I'm going to take this as a compliment as well."

Kate let out a small grin but refrained from rolling her eyes. "Ahh, we have a smile!"

Martha's presence felt good, better than Kate would have ever thought. The detective let herself relax against the headboard and felt herself dozing again when the woman's voice pulled her back from slumber. "Mmm, what?"

"I asked if you were hungry, or thirsty? Richard should be back soon but I can whip something up for you if you'd like." Martha repeated gently as she pushed a stray lock of hair behind Kate's ear, smiling gently and ready to be of any help.

Kate shook her head, the movement reminded not so gently that she still had a headache that was threatening to develop into a full blown migraine. "Could I have some aspirin? I have a headache."

"Oh, yes, um...I think so but I should call Richard to make sure, or I could call the pharmacy. Unless you know if there are any specific restrictions with the other medication you're taking? Do you remember Richard giving you a sleeping pill last night?"

The stupor on the detective's face was enough of an answer. The headache and the groggy feeling were making more sense for Kate now though. "Um. I don't know, I only took them once and I didn't like them. Maybe I could call Lanie, she'd know."

"Lanie would know what?" Castle asked as he appeared in the doorway, his coat still buttoned up.

"Kate wanted to know if she could take something for her headache since she took the other medication last night." Martha piped up helpfully as she stood up. "Now that my son is here I'll leave you two alone. Don't forget about our talk, dear."

"No, ma'am."

"What was that all about? What talk?" Castle inquired as he shed his coat and dropped it on a chair before sitting on the bed. "Good morning."

Kate bit her lip as her fingers fiddled nervously with the sheets. "'Morning. Or afternoon or whatever."

Castle's sheepish smile was adorable in its own way, but Kate wasn't going to say that out loud. "I'm sorry, but you were still a nerve wreck and you were exhausted, Lanie said it was the best thing to do."

"Lanie?"

"She is the one who knows the most about your treatment, Kate. And she's your best friend, she already knows about last time. Don't you want to know what was going on if something was wrong with your best friend?"

Kate still stared at him, visibly upset so Castle sat closer and wrapped her hand in his. "I know you're a private person, Kate, but sometimes the best way to keep things private is by letting people in."

Kate huffed and shifted her legs under the blankets, baffled. "What does that even means?"

"I'll let you figure out for yourself. Now, Lanie said you could have ibuprofen if you needed to. Still up to it?" He demanded her, producing a small bottle of Advil from his pocket..

"Please. Rick?"

Castle snapped her attention back to the detective at her use of his first name. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No, I don't."

"Castle-"

"No," The man argued back as he popped two pills from the bottle and held a glass of water for her, letting her the time she needed to see it and hold it herself before taking the painkillers and draining the glass slowly. "If you think I am letting you apologize for what you are going through, you are sadly mistaken."

"What if it happens again, huh? What if Alexis is there next time, what if-"

"Katherine Beckett, this isn't up for discussion. I don't know when you'll get in that thick head of yours that I am not the only one in this family to care about you, my mother and Alexis do too. Alexis was there last night and yes, she is upset, but not because she got scare for her safety, but for yours. She's upset because she had no idea you were still hurting so much. So I'm telling you for what I'm hoping is going to be the last time, that not only you are stuck with me, but with the whole Rodgers-Castle household as well."

Tears had sprung in Kate's eyes when he had mentioned Alexis seeing her in such a vulnerable state. She wasn't used to let people in when she couldn't even control herself, emotionally or physically and even with having started to let Castle in, Kate found it difficult to share the most personal details of her life with others.

Looking down at herself to avoid Castle's compassionate eyes, Kate frowned as she stared at the grey sweatshirt she was wearing, knowing it wasn't what she had been wearing last night. She raised curious eyes to the man, who was watching her steadily. "You spilled water all over yourself so after you calmed down we came back into the bedroom, I helped you change and gave you a sleeping pill, which you took willingly, I never would've forced you."

Kate nodded and bit her lip as her fingers fussed with the shirt's hem.

Castle watched as the woman struggled with that new piece of information, unsure of how she would take it even if she didn't seem to mind the night before. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered a moment later as she met his eyes. "It's not like you didn't help before. It's fine, Castle, I'm just..."

"I know."

The silence that settled in the room was heavy, but not awkward. Castle let Kate a moment to gather herself before he stood and gestured at the door. "Are you hungry? I'll even make coffee if you want. Decaf though."

Kate grinned tearily at the writer's attempt at lighten up the mood, but the detective had something else in mind. Her episode the night before had put an extra strain on her battered body and she was seconds away from throwing herself off the bed to get some sort of relief. "Hey, Rick?"

"Yes?"

"Does your offer of giving me a massage still stands?"

Happy sunday everyone! Ok, that one was really angsty but progress is being made, and fun and fluffy moments are fast approaching. Not sure yet if the massage scene will be written or not...if anyone's interested, let me know!